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In the Name of God بسم الله
Jannat786

How do I regain patience and hope?

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Assalamalykum,

I don’t know if it’s possible that Allah can dislike a person since we’ve been told that Allah loves us even more than our mothers but recently I read somewhere that:


Hazrat Ibrahīm ((عليه السلام).) said, “O worshipper! when Allah holds a creature dear He delays the acceptance of his prayers so that he may continue to plead and supplicate Him. On the other hand when He dislikes a person He answers his prayers immediately or creates hopelessness in his heart so that he would stop praying.”

And I feel like the latter is happening with me. I’ve become so hopeless that I start wondering what’s the point of praying when my prayers are never answered. I hate feeling this way because I feel like Allah dislikes me that’s why I have this feeling in my heart and I’d honestly rather have none of my prayers answered but I can’t bear the thought of Allah disliking me. Yet it’s a vicious cycle, I pray, none of my prayers get accepted and I feel like He’s not even listening. For the past 2-3 years my life has been going downhill and I’ve taken everything positively up till now, I’ve said Alhamdulillah every time something bad happened or a prayer went unanswered just telling myself that Allah knows best and maybe this is better for me but I’m so so tired now. I can’t keep up anymore and I’ve run out of positivity and patience. I used to pray Namaz e Shab almost every day and nowadays I can’t even find the will to wake up for Fajr. I know that at the end of your patience Allah brings relief and I’m really burnt out now but there’s no end in sight. 

I’ve tried every amaal, namaaz, dua, you name it. I’ve cried and cried and asked for forgiveness for years now yet I feel helpless. 

I was clinging on to the fact that I was patient and was able to see the silver lining in everything but even that’s gone now and I just pray nowadays that Allah forgives all my sins and takes my life because I really can’t take this constant helplessness and worsening of my life. 

If any of this suggests that Allah is angry with me or dislikes me then please please help me and tell me how I can change that, I just don’t  want to lose patience and hope. 

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Wa alaykum salaam,

What guarantee do you have that your prayers are not being answered? Look at it this way, perhaps once you prayed to be protected from all harm and anything that would you take you away from Allah. Now currently you pray for thing x. However, your initial prayer was answered by Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and the thing x you are praying for will cause you the harm you had sought protection against. 

It is one of our duties/obligations about Allah to have husn dhan about His (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) actions towards us. This is one of the core elements of our relationship with Him, so we should see our duas and prayers as a means of communicating our limited hopes based on our limited knowledge about this world and the hereafter, but have hope and husn dhan about Him responding to our prayers as per His unlimited knowledge and unlimited mercy towards us.

May Allah grant you that which will bring you eternal happiness, and make you content and pleased with His (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will.

Edited by habib e najjaar

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3 minutes ago, habib e najjaar said:

Wa alaykum salaam,

What guarantee do you have that your prayers are not being answered? Look at it this way, perhaps once you prayed to be protected from all harm and anything that would you take you away from Allah. Now currently you pray for thing x. However, your initial prayer was answered by Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and the thing x you are praying for will cause you the harm you had sought protection against. 

It is one of our duties/obligations about Allah to have husn dhan about His (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) actions towards us. This is one of the core elements of our relationship with Him, so we should see our duas and prayers as a means of communicating our limited hopes based on our limited knowledge about this world and the hereafter, but have hope and husn dhan about Him responding to our prayers as per His unlimited knowledge and unlimited mercy towards us.

May Allah grant you that which will bring you eternal happiness, and make you content and pleased with His (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will.

That’s what I have been thinking this entire time that I’m being protected from something harmful and that maybe I’m asking for something that’s not good for me but it’s got to the point where I feel like just nothing is answered and I no longer feel optimistic. I’ve been optimistic and patient for so long but now I’m so tired I just don’t have it in me anymore. Surely all the optimism and patience should amount to something? I mean some things I ask for are not even related to the dunya, sometimes I ask for more strength to pray and to be able to wake up early so I can pray tahajjud regularly or sometimes I ask that I can create and maintain a connection with the Imam of our time. I know we have to struggle and work hard for these things and I do struggle and work hard, I make time and do everything possible to win the pleasure of Allah to get closer to Him and the Imam but I feel like I’m pushed away instead. 

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Dear sister, why do you expect that specific prayers of yours must be answered in a specific way and timeline as proof that Allah has answered you or loves you? Is this then not expectation based on a sense of entitlement to certain favours? Was one who was born with defective limbs less deserving of the mercy of Allah? Is one who goes through a terrible phase in their life e.g loss of wealth, children, honour etc necessarily being punished by Allah? 

If we claim to be patient, then we must be patient. Period. Not patient for 8 months now give me what I want already.

Seek solace and lessons in the lives and words of the Ahlul Bayt (عليه السلام).

From dua Abu Hamza Thumali:

O my Master, perhaps You have pushed me away from Your door!

سَيِّدِي لَعَلَّكَ عَنْ بَابِكَ طَرَدْتَنِي

And You have dismissed me from Your service!

وَعَنْ خِدْمَتِكَ نَحَّيْتَنِي

Or, perhaps, You have noticed that I belittled the duties that You have made incumbent upon me, and You thus set me aside!

أَوْ لَعَلَّكَ رَأَيْتَنِي مُسْتَخِفّاً بِحَقِّكَ فَأَقْصَيْتَنِي

Or, perhaps, You have seen me turning away from You and thus You have turned away from me

أَوْ لَعَلَّكَ رَأَيْتَنِي مُعْرِضاً عَنْكَ فَقَلَيْتَنِي

Or, perhaps, You have found me in the manner of the liars and thus You have rejected me

أَوْ لَعَلَّكَ وَجَدْتَنِي فِي مَقَامِ الْكَاذِبِينَ فَرَفَضْتَنِي

Or, perhaps, You have observed me showing no gratitude for Your graces and thus You have deprived me of them

أَوْ لَعَلَّكَ رَأَيْتَنِي غَيْرَ شَاكِرٍ لِنَعْمَائِكَ فَحَرَمْتَنِي

Or, perhaps, You have not found me in the sessions of the scholars and thus You have let me down

أَوْ لَعَلَّكَ فَقَدْتَنِي مِنْ مَجَالِسِ الْعُلَمَاءِ فَخَذَلْتَنِي

Or, perhaps, You have seen me among the inattentive ones and thus You have made me despair of Your mercy

أَوْ لَعَلَّكَ رَأَيْتَنِي فِي الْغَافِلِينَ فَمِنْ رَحْمَتِكَ آيَسْتَنِي

Or, perhaps, You have found me fond of the sessions of the wrongdoers and thus You have referred me to them

أَوْ لَعَلَّكَ رَأَيْتَنِي آلِفَ مَجَالِسِ الْبَطَّالِينَ فَبَيْنِي وَبَيْنَهُمْ خَلَّيْتَنِي

Or, perhaps, You have not willed to hear my prayers and thus You have kept me away from You

أَوْ لَعَلَّكَ لَمْ تُحِبَّ أَنْ تَسْمَعَ دُعَائِي فَبَاعَدْتَنِي

Or, perhaps, You have punished me for my offenses and sins

أَوْ لَعَلَّكَ بِجُرْمِي وَجَرِيرَتِي كَافَيْتَنِي

Or, perhaps, You have penalized me for my shamelessness

أَوْ لَعَلَّكَ بِقِلَّةِ حَيَائِي مِنْكَ جَازَيْتَنِي

If You forgive me, O Lord, then You have occasionally forgiven the sinners like me

فَإنْ عَفَوْتَ يَا رَبِّ فَطَالَمَا عَفَوْتَ عَنِ الْمُذْنِبِينَ قَبْلِي

Because Your compassion, O my Lord, is too great to be compared to the punishment of the negligent

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59 minutes ago, Jannat786 said:

Assalamalykum,

I don’t know if it’s possible that Allah can dislike a person since we’ve been told that Allah loves us even more than our mothers but recently I read somewhere that:


Hazrat Ibrahīm ((عليه السلام).) said, “O worshipper! when Allah holds a creature dear He delays the acceptance of his prayers so that he may continue to plead and supplicate Him. On the other hand when He dislikes a person He answers his prayers immediately or creates hopelessness in his heart so that he would stop praying.”

And I feel like the latter is happening with me. I’ve become so hopeless that I start wondering what’s the point of praying when my prayers are never answered. I hate feeling this way because I feel like Allah dislikes me that’s why I have this feeling in my heart and I’d honestly rather have none of my prayers answered but I can’t bear the thought of Allah disliking me. Yet it’s a vicious cycle, I pray, none of my prayers get accepted and I feel like He’s not even listening. For the past 2-3 years my life has been going downhill and I’ve taken everything positively up till now, I’ve said Alhamdulillah every time something bad happened or a prayer went unanswered just telling myself that Allah knows best and maybe this is better for me but I’m so so tired now. I can’t keep up anymore and I’ve run out of positivity and patience. I used to pray Namaz e Shab almost every day and nowadays I can’t even find the will to wake up for Fajr. I know that at the end of your patience Allah brings relief and I’m really burnt out now but there’s no end in sight. 

I’ve tried every amaal, namaaz, dua, you name it. I’ve cried and cried and asked for forgiveness for years now yet I feel helpless. 

I was clinging on to the fact that I was patient and was able to see the silver lining in everything but even that’s gone now and I just pray nowadays that Allah forgives all my sins and takes my life because I really can’t take this constant helplessness and worsening of my life. 

If any of this suggests that Allah is angry with me or dislikes me then please please help me and tell me how I can change that, I just don’t  want to lose patience and hope. 

Sometimes I wonder if my prayers are answered as well. If there is a consistent situation that I want to change though, I tend to sit down, write down a clear plan for change, and I take steps to work through that plan.

I could pray night and day for God to grant me a new job or to fix a relationship or to fix my car etc. But ultimately, along with prayers, I'll make a plan to update my resume or to make plans with that person I want to fix my relationship with, or I'll work overtime to fix my car etc.

It's easier to see change when you make a clear plan to produce that change. And you can pray for wisdom and guidance moving forward.

Edited by iCenozoic

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@Jannat786

(Inshallah I can write a more detailed post later)

I don't know what things are you asking for, I am sure they must be halal wishes or needs. I also prayed for something for years and it didn't happen which used to disturb me like maybe it's disturbing you now. So after some reflection I decided that maybe the thing isn't good for me or maybe just not meant for me so then I asked Allah to take away from me the desire of things that aren't meant for me and help me in submitting to what He has planned for me.

 I have been very calm and peaceful since then. I do still pray for those things because I am never going to give up hope but I no longer get distressed when Allah doesn't grant my wishes. Instead, I think of it as Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) giving me another opportunity to get closer to Him by happily submitting to His will. 

Try this and Inshallah it will work for you too. 

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Quote

If any of this suggests that Allah is angry with me or dislikes me then please please help me and tell me how I can change that, I just don’t  want to lose patience and hope. 

No, it is not about Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is angry at you. It is because sometimes when we want something we start to do all these extra dua's, prayers only to gain something to ourselves when they are meant for expressing thankfulness and praise for the Most High and Merciful. It is better for you to develop good characters and purify your heart and ask Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) help to do so, you will see wonders that you could not expect to receive such a things, better than what we ask and wish. With Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is best rewards.

Edited by Abu Nur

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salam alykum wrwb

Surely hated adversity has final objectives in which it will inevitably end, so the one who has an intellect should try to sleep over it until this happens, for surely any attempt to stop it before it has come to an end will only intensify that hated adversity even more. 

https://www.al-Islam.org/articles/various-sayings-Imam-Ali-ibn-abi-talib

Whenever you're in need pray & He gives His flavours and blessings.

Sometimes you find requests are not immediately granted. Do not be disappointed.

Fulfilment of desires rests with the true purpose or intention of the prayer.

More often fulfilment is delayed because the merciful Lord wants to bestow upon you suitable rewards.

In the meantime bear patiently hardships, believing sincerely in His help. You will get better favours, because unknowingly, you may ask for things which are harmful to you.

Many of your requests, if granted, may bring eternal damnation. So @ times, withholding fulfilment is a blessing in disguise.

Imam Ali(عليه السلام)

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وَلَا تَهِنُوا وَلَا تَحْزَنُوا وَأَنْتُمُ الْأَعْلَوْنَ إِنْ كُنْتُمْ مُؤْمِنِينَ {139}

[Shakir 3:139] And be not infirm, and be not grieving, and you shall have the upper hand if you are believers.

 

Salam,

Ask Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to make us be on the siratulmustaqeem all the time, regardless of the conditions that are facing now and future.  As if the hereafter is few feet right in front of our walking direction toward HIM (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). 

Even if we are a king, billionaire, scientist, minister, poor, ordinary person, working man, student ... if we are not on the right path, we have no future.

Have connection with Allahbswt and Ahlul Bayt, make good intention, try hard and tawakkal on the results of our endeavors while on we live in this world.

Wallahualam.

 

Edited by layman

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