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In the Name of God بسم الله
Guest YAM

Sisters, how did you meet your Husband?

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Guest YAM

Salaams,

To all the ladies in this group, I am seeking advice on how to find the right partner. I am 21 years old and feel emotionally/mentally/physically ready to get married. I have been on ShiaMatch for about half a year now but to no avail. Perhaps, I have been too nitpicky in the past with requests I've received. I don't know too many young men from the mosque due to segregation ofc and whilst I've been actively involved in my university's Shia chapter, I have not clicked with anyone. I am in the Toronto area and have seen some matchmaking events but they are geared mainly towards 25-30 plus, I can't help but feel a little hopeless so if any of you have advice or stories to share of how you met your SO, they would be much appreciated.

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Hello friend!

I met my husband at our university. I wasn't actually seeking a relationship, but focusing on knowing God more deeply. During the springtime one night in 2013, God gave me a dream about who I was going to marry. At first, I did not accept this information to be true simply because I was afraid of a relationship. However, this man became my best friend and we got married in 2015 : )

What draws you to get married?

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It took me about ten years to find him. TEN YEARS. I was enrolled in every website imaginable. It was always a battle of two different types of men I wanted in my head: the religious type  who worked for his community and “the ambitious man  who is religious and loves to travel.” Anyway it was hard searching for such men. There were so many guys who pretended to be the type I wanted. They pretended to be the scholar type while they drank a margarita in their hand. They pretended to be the  successful man who was learnt in religion  and wanted to travel but in reality that’s all they cared about was making money. It was never the combination I wanted. Never. I lost all hope and desire. I felt like I must’ve interviewed and dated a million men in my life and swiped left or hit the block.  And this was a span of ten years or more. YAM I felt so hopeless and  began doubting am not good enough.Not to mention I was not getting support from family or friends.I was stuck in a community that had no Shia what’s so ever. I even traveled to different states- it was depression.  People on those marriage websites are  not always the best of character. There’s so many manipulative men with unresolved aggression issues that try to prey on women. Anyway I tried the entire “working on myself thing” and “self love” philosophy and I felt NOTHING changed at all in finding someone  and I was at my BEST self . The problem I was still relying on those match making websites. I got over 500 and more likes  on these websites yet to here was no one I clicked with. NOT A SINGLE SOUL. Sure some  we became good friends but no one I’d want to marry. With no Shia community nearby and getting fed up invitations to fly, I  deactivated the apps.  Many time passed and one day I got bored and downloaded a chat app.  through this  not well known app I made a friend who in return introduced me to their friends.  And that’s how I finally met him.

He might not be wealthy, but he is wealthy is his  akhlaq, in his trust, in his smiles, in his duties, and mostly in his religion. His presence makes me happy and serene. He makes my life richer more than any millionaire . 

InShAllah you will be married  soon to the one that you love and is good for you. 

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Guest YAM

Thanks so much for the responses!

@naseemjoon That sounds so sweet, it’s amazing how you had a premonition of sorts. Congrats to you on marrying your best friend!


In response to your question about motives for marriage, I feel like I am ready to build a life with a partner where we can be share our happiness and sorrows with each other and be a source of comfort for each other. I’d like to have a lifelong best friend by my side where we can grow together spiritually, intellectually and physically. Also, to have someone with whom you can share a physical bond would be wonderful as well. We often hear brothers wanting to be with someone and women of course are not immune to these  wishes either. 
 

@Lebanese Princess Wow that must have been extremely difficult, I’m so happy to hear that your husband was worth the wait. That gives me a lot of faith because I was beginning to feel a little dejected so it’s nice to hear that others have also undergone a similar struggle and Alhumdulillah have come out successful. And I hear what you’re saying about meeting/conversing with multiple men but not feeling the compatibility is there. I have spoken to a few men on email and chat and one in person now but nothing has be feeling certain that this is the person I’d like to spend my life with.

Any advice on how I can find the right person or what mentality I should have in attempting to find a spouse?

 Wishing both of you boundless love and happiness in your marriages <3 

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