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In the Name of God بسم الله
Vindemiatrix

So I asked a Marj'a a question about marriage.

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Q: Does marriage become obligatory if not being married causes unmarried people to commit sins such as masturbation?

A: As per the given situation, it is obligatory.

 

So what? Marriage is obligatory for me and the rest of the males now? 

Edited by Vindemiatrix

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1 hour ago, Vindemiatrix said:

Q: Does marriage become obligatory if not being married causes unmarried people to commit sins such as masturbation?

A: As per the given situation, it is obligatory.

 

So what? Marriage is obligatory for me and the rest of the males now? 

Yes it is and have always been wajib in such situations. Even it is wajib to move to Islamic country if currently living in west is causing sinful life. 

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2 hours ago, AkhiraisReal said:

Which marja did you ask? Did you met in person 

Imam Khamenei, and I asked on the website it's a reliable service... 

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2 hours ago, Abu Nur said:

Yes it is and have always been wajib in such situations.

That's interesting, so what should someone do if they couldn't get married even if it's wajib? 

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1 minute ago, Vindemiatrix said:

That's interesting, so what should someone do if they couldn't get married even if it's wajib? 

most of the time, couldn't get married means there are priorities that are higher than getting married. Or, being picky for marriage.

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7 hours ago, Vindemiatrix said:

A: As per the given situation, it is obligatory.

Marriage could be either temporary (Muta'a) or permanent. In other words, if you can't marry permanently, due to your circumstances, then it's obligatory (wajib) upon you to marry temporarily (Muta'a). 

According to this marja'a.

If you can't do either, fast, while you pursue marriage. Sexual urges and needs, like hunger, don't go away by ignoring them. 

Edited by SoRoUsH

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7 hours ago, Vindemiatrix said:

so what should someone do if they couldn't get married even if it's wajib? 

If you can't get married, it means you have to become like a celibate - I.e., one who does not engage in any sexual activity at all - whether halal or haram. 

Celibacy itself is discouraged in Islam but those who cannot get married are required to be like celibates - I.e., complete abstinence from all sexual activities as long as they are unmarried. 

The Prophet (s) himself said : Celibacy of Islam is Fasting. 

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10 hours ago, Vindemiatrix said:

Q: Does marriage become obligatory if not being married causes unmarried people to commit sins such as masturbation?

A: As per the given situation, it is obligatory.

 

So what? Marriage is obligatory for me and the rest of the males now? 

Well even if you don't marry right now, start the process of getting to know a girl. It's always good to start early and not leave it to last minute.

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10 hours ago, 000 said:

most of the time, couldn't get married means there are priorities that are higher than getting married. Or, being picky for marriage.

Most, but not all. Many times people cannot get married and their reasons are very genuine.

Suppose an unmarried man has fear of falling into sin, and marriage has become wajib on him - but he lives in a single room which he shares with 3-4 other men. He has no finances to buy or rent a house for himself. In this case, he really can't get married until he can find a place where he can keep his wife privately. 

Another example would be a person who is in jail and has fear of masturbation and understands marriage is wajib on him - but can't get married because he is imprisoned. 

Another example would be a boy who is only 15-16 years old and fears masturbation, and strongly wishes to get married, but his parents and society will not help him to get married maybe for the next decade or even more. 

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Can anyone verify if these claims are true? 

I'm quoting "Guest been there too" from December 23, 2019

 

Quote

Advice for men only:

Every now and then your testicles will ache and swell. This sounds crazy but putting ice on it will reduce like 95% of the pain. If you want to just wait it out, keep in mind it lasts for an hour or two. 

Down the line you're going to be cursed with urinary constipation. It goes away by itself after a month or two but when you do have it, pouring warm water over your penis helps.

Don't be alarmed by seeing semen in your urine.

 

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9 hours ago, Liggel said:

Most, but not all. Many times people cannot get married and their reasons are very genuine.

Suppose an unmarried man has fear of falling into sin, and marriage has become wajib on him - but he lives in a single room which he shares with 3-4 other men. He has no finances to buy or rent a house for himself. In this case, he really can't get married until he can find a place where he can keep his wife privately. 

Another example would be a person who is in jail and has fear of masturbation and understands marriage is wajib on him - but can't get married because he is imprisoned. 

Another example would be a boy who is only 15-16 years old and fears masturbation, and strongly wishes to get married, but his parents and society will not help him to get married maybe for the next decade or even more. 

For me, when something called "Wajib" in Fiqh, it really means that it should be on really high priority among any other things, for there is actually no absolute wajib if you think about it.
After that wajib thing placed on high priority, logically, one would strive for it. And then we have tool as a coping mechanism that's called praying.

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7 hours ago, Vindemiatrix said:

@Liggel @SoRoUsH @Mahdavist

OK so since a few people said fasting I'm going to try that... 

So I'll try to continuously fast for as long as possible... 

 

The maximum number of fasting that is recommended, outside of the month of Ramadhan, is every other day. 

In addition to fasting regularly, pursue the following:

1. Marriage (temporary or permanent)

2. Positive, constructive, and useful activities or hobbies, such as reading, fitness, sports, and etc. 

Always remember, "An idle mind is the devil's playground." Keep yourself busy, but don't exhaust yourself.

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On 1/12/2020 at 6:11 AM, Abu Nur said:

Yes it is and have always been wajib in such situations. Even it is wajib to move to Islamic country if currently living in west is causing sinful life. 

There is no such thing as an “Islamic country” except in name.  In reality, the sins that inflict people in the West are also  There in the so called “Islamic countries”. I am specifically talking about the sins the OP has in mind.  In fact I believe there is a shift that is currently happening where the West will eventually, inshallah, turn into what was once the East.  So, just stay seated for inshallah very soon the “Sun” will rise from the West.  

Getting permanently married is an excellent way to greatly subdue ones passions by channeling it in the appropriate manner.  But, this is all a psychological maze and the map out of it is the internalizing of the Testimony of Divine Oneness (laa ilaha ilallah).

mistakes and sins will happen because they are very necessary in getting to know more about who you are and who you are not.  

 

Edited by eThErEaL

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On 1/13/2020 at 9:55 AM, eThErEaL said:

There is no such thing as an “Islamic country” except in name.  In reality, the sins that inflict people in the West are also  There in the so called “Islamic countries”. I am specifically talking about the sins the OP has in mind.  In fact I believe there is a shift that is currently happening where the West will eventually, inshallah, turn into what was once the East.  So, just stay seated for inshallah very soon the “Sun” will rise from the West.  

Getting permanently married is an excellent way to greatly subdue ones passions by channeling it in the appropriate manner.  But, this is all a psychological maze and the map out of it is the internalizing of the Testimony of Divine Oneness (laa ilaha ilallah).

mistakes and sins will happen because they are very necessary in getting to know more about who you are and who you are not. 

True only in name. What I mean by moving to Islamic country is to move to Islamic environment that will help the person to attach more to light, if currently he lives in darkness. It is possible that that either does not help him of course. 

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On 1/12/2020 at 3:04 PM, Vindemiatrix said:

Q: Does marriage become obligatory if not being married causes unmarried people to commit sins such as masturbation?

A: As per the given situation, it is obligatory.

 

So what? Marriage is obligatory for me and the rest of the males now? 

You asked a question like this :furious:

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On 1/12/2020 at 8:17 AM, Vindemiatrix said:

That's interesting, so what should someone do if they couldn't get married even if it's wajib? 

The requirement is to try to keep oneself pure and free from haram acts if you are truly in a situation where you ‘cannot’ get married. 

Its amazing how many ppl tell themselves they ‘cannot’ Get married when they haven’t seriously tried. I’m not referring to OP, just speaking in general terms. 

That being said, I do believe that being single is a way of God testing our patience, because he has promised to fulfill our needs and answer our prayers. How we choose to deal with the test is the key. Agree w above posts about focusing on other activities to stay distracted 

Edited by Love4the14

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On 1/15/2020 at 5:05 AM, Love4the14 said:

being single is a way of God testing our patience

Agree. While Islam strongly encourages early marriages and is against delaying them, many times the delay may be from Allah and not by the man's own choice. So, the unmarried should consider themselves honoured and blessed and be immensely thankful to Allah that He has considered them worthy of being tested for high levels of sexual patience and that too for prolonged periods. Sexual desire is a natural human instinct and can't be suppressed- but for practical purposes, an unmarried person is required to act as if this urge does not even exist in him. Just like a little child doesn't act in any sexual way, unmarried people are also required to act like children, despite having sexual desire - they must not do any act of sexual nature at all. This is immense level of patience that Islam gives men the opportunity to show before they can get married. 

Edited by Liggel

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On 1/21/2020 at 10:04 PM, Liggel said:

So, the unmarried should consider themselves honoured and blessed and be immensely thankful to Allah that He has considered them worthy of being tested

Exactly!! This thought is the only thing that gets me through sometimes lol. Suppressing the desires is only one part of it, it’s also patience in loneliness and in not being able to begin a family and just that general feeling of when is it going to be my turn already.... you single people feel me right....

ok, done complaining :)

 

 

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People should also keep in mind, rushing into a marriage to "deal" with controllable urges (yes, controllable. Perhaps tougher for some to control, but controllable nonetheless) can lead one to open a door of experience in one aspect which he was previously only craving but had never experienced, and then God forbid end up in divorce, where he would be in the same cycle of avoiding sin, which would now be that much tougher after having experienced ease. I am all for one getting permanently married as soon as they are financially, mentally, physically and socially capable of it, but one should not rush into it in the name of controlling urges, as they may end up in a much worse situation than they currently are. And getting married for the main aim of solving urges will lead to great disappointment, and often injustice to the other party involved. One should get married for the sake of getting closer to Allah, and consider the relief from some urges a side benefit, not the ultimate reason for entering a marriage. This is what will enable one to keep their marriage even when their partner is no longer as attractive as they were on their wedding night, or 15 times more exhausted and cranky than when they got married because of dealing with the other products of marriage such as children, increased responsibilities etc. Going in purely to "deal with" urges will keep one forever looking for a way to deal with urges. Like all other worldly lusts, they can never be completely satisfied or people who engage in multiple physical relations with multiple partners would be "satiated", instead their thirst and dissatisfaction increases like one who has tried to quench their thirst with sea water.

wabillahi tawfeeq

Edited by habib e najjaar

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4 hours ago, habib e najjaar said:

Perhaps tougher for some to control, but controllable nonetheless) can lead one to open a door of experience in one aspect which he was previously only craving but had never experienced, and then God forbid end up in divorce, where he would be in the same cycle of avoiding sin, which would now be that much tougher after having experienced ease.

I disagree with this part. I am divorced and living a single life after divorce is much easier. Despite reading and watching horror stories of marriage, I still had some fantascies about marriage. Getting married ended all my fantascies. Women constantly get attention from na-mehram men and while my family treated me and protected me like a child before marriage, now I am just a divorced woman to them. A failure and a burden, so their behavior keeps me from going to LaLa land, when I get attention from na mehram men. I remember that I am miserable because of one marriage, I will never enter that hell again. So, it's much easier for divorced people to remain single. 

Edited by rkazmi33

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57 minutes ago, rkazmi33 said:

I disagree with this part. I am divorced and living a single life after divorce is much easier. Despite reading and watching horror stories of marriage, I still had some fantascies about marriage. Getting married ended all my fantascies. Women constantly get attention from na-mehram men and while my family treated me and protected me like a child before marriage, now I am just a divorced woman to them. A failure and a burden, so their behavior keeps me from going to LaLa land, when I get attention from na mehram men. I remember that I am miserable because of one marriage, I will never enter that hell again. So, it's much easier for divorced people to remain single. 

Note the gender used, and the specific topic being discussed. As for being traumatized by marriage, that is another topic. 

May Allah grant you ease in your situation and grant you a righteous, compatible spouse.

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