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In the Name of God بسم الله

Do Muslim men like the “thrill of the chase”?

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Salam gents, 

In your experience meeting and getting to know women (for marriage of course), do you like women to be less forward and more mysterious, playing hard to get? 

I’m pretty up front with guys and openly show that I’m interested but perhaps I should hold back a little. What do you think? 

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Salam sistaaa,

Ok so I’m going to give you the straight up truth & spill out all our secrets to you. Btw I’m 24 years old & I live in the West so I can give you solid advice.

Firstly, based off experience, we tend to like the girl wayyy more & want her wayyy more when she’s not all over us. So don’t show complete interest right away & don’t throw yourself at the man.

Absolutely yes be mysterious, yes play the chase game, yes play a little bit hard to get. But don’t over-do it. Don’t play toooo hard to get because eventually a guy will just lose interest and it becomes a turn off & his attraction decreases.

Find the right balance of playing hard to get/being mysterious, but don’t be all over him & don’t throw yourself at him. Be precious with your words. Don’t get all lovey dovey with him calling him ‘babe’ & ‘baby’ right away. Take your sweeeet time. 

Believe me, I’ve experienced all kinds girls who play hard to get, & those who just show all the attention right away.

To me, it’s less fun when she’s into you right away. I like the mystery part of her. I like it when she makes me work for it. You gotta be like that because it allows attraction to build & build. 

If you know she’s into you right away, its honestly kinda boring. I’m not saying all guys are like this, but trust me, you want to take your time & play the mystery game.

Throw subtle hints that you’re interested, but keep him guessing a bit & be mysterious. Don’t let your butterfly feelings take over you & start throwing yourself at him with all that attention, get him to work for it & be mysterious. 

It’s more precious to a guy when a girl is a bit hard to get because it shows she’s not that easy.

You want the diamond that is rare & harder to get. Not the diamond that everyone else has & is easy to get. Because it just makes it all that more special :)

I hope this helps. Salam & good luck !

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Guest timewaste!Monad

me me meem meememem memememem!

there is no correct answer. Be who you are and with that you may find what you seek. Sure there is an art to (play) being cautious or to be chased, but generally its the childlike minds who play games. Decide whether you are a child or an adult.

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9 minutes ago, Guest timewaste!Monad said:

me me meem meememem memememem!

there is no correct answer. Be who you are and with that you may find what you seek. Sure there is an art to (play) being cautious or to be chased, but generally its the childlike minds who play games. Decide whether you are a child or an adult.

I also happen to agree with this answer as well. To each their own. Everyone is different. 

But I just find that the excitement in me decreases when she's all over me so quickly & so easily. You gotta find the right balance. 

Edited by RepentantServant
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3 hours ago, HopefulBeliever said:

Salam gents, 

In your experience meeting and getting to know women (for marriage of course), do you like women to be less forward and more mysterious, playing hard to get? 

I’m pretty up front with guys and openly show that I’m interested but perhaps I should hold back a little. What do you think? 

If you're crushing on someone, don't play mind games. Healthy relationships aren't built on gaining emotional power over people by not texting them back and playing hard to get. The longer you talk and build a relationship with someone the larger the expectations for a text reply are. I've never understood girls who play hard to get, it just doesn't make sense when looking a relationship... 

If a girl tried played hard to get with me I'd just think she wasn't interested in having a relationship and I would literally leave her... 

But the most important thing is to just take your time and don't rush anything, everything will happen overtime slowly. 

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15 hours ago, HopefulBeliever said:

Salam gents, 

In your experience meeting and getting to know women (for marriage of course), do you like women to be less forward and more mysterious, playing hard to get? 

I’m pretty up front with guys and openly show that I’m interested but perhaps I should hold back a little. What do you think? 

Hmmm, what if a guy is shy? Or thinks that a female shall be allowed to choose for herself and he does not believe in telling a girl just because he want a girl that really needs him ?

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17 hours ago, HopefulBeliever said:

Salam gents, 

In your experience meeting and getting to know women (for marriage of course), do you like women to be less forward and more mysterious, playing hard to get? 

I’m pretty up front with guys and openly show that I’m interested but perhaps I should hold back a little. What do you think? 

Just be upfront. No need for a show or playing. Islamic concept of marriage is simple.

There is a higher rate of divorce. I believe our over complication of marriage has contributed to it. 

 

Edited by Warilla
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I read a quote somewhere that a prostitute gives men access to her body but she never gives anyone access to her feelings. Prostitutes have the ability to attract men and make them go crazy. Shy girls are never "all over a man", it's just they are honest and naive and men can tell when a girl is in love. I believe you can easily tell how much a person is attracted to you, unless that person is a liar and why would you want to marry a liar? 

When people are young, they are more capable of love, as they go through heart breaks and relationships, they learn to guard their heart. But young people make great life partners because they are willing to give more. If someone cannot appreciate this and thinks of this as desperation, it's their loss. 

OP! You wouldn't want to marry a guy who likes the "thrill of chase" and likes playing games, he would make a terrible husband. 

Edited by rkazmi33
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  • 1 year later...
  • Advanced Member
On 1/3/2020 at 1:59 PM, RepentantServant said:

Salam sistaaa,

Ok so I’m going to give you the straight up truth & spill out all our secrets to you. Btw I’m 24 years old & I live in the West so I can give you solid advice.

Firstly, based off experience, we tend to like the girl wayyy more & want her wayyy more when she’s not all over us. So don’t show complete interest right away & don’t throw yourself at the man.

Absolutely yes be mysterious, yes play the chase game, yes play a little bit hard to get. But don’t over-do it. Don’t play toooo hard to get because eventually a guy will just lose interest and it becomes a turn off & his attraction decreases.

Find the right balance of playing hard to get/being mysterious, but don’t be all over him & don’t throw yourself at him. Be precious with your words. Don’t get all lovey dovey with him calling him ‘babe’ & ‘baby’ right away. Take your sweeeet time. 

Believe me, I’ve experienced all kinds girls who play hard to get, & those who just show all the attention right away.

To me, it’s less fun when she’s into you right away. I like the mystery part of her. I like it when she makes me work for it. You gotta be like that because it allows attraction to build & build. 

If you know she’s into you right away, its honestly kinda boring. I’m not saying all guys are like this, but trust me, you want to take your time & play the mystery game.

Throw subtle hints that you’re interested, but keep him guessing a bit & be mysterious. Don’t let your butterfly feelings take over you & start throwing yourself at him with all that attention, get him to work for it & be mysterious. 

It’s more precious to a guy when a girl is a bit hard to get because it shows she’s not that easy.

You want the diamond that is rare & harder to get. Not the diamond that everyone else has & is easy to get. Because it just makes it all that more special :)

I hope this helps. Salam & good luck !

Brother RepentantServant, you don’t sound repentant at all here. 

The advice brother gave is perfect for a repeat dater or a person interested in having as many opposite gender friends as they can get. 

This is not what a observant, good Muslim man or woman should live though. 

A right Muslim man or woman would seek out a halal partner for taking themselves closer to God, by choosing a right partner who improves their deen in unison, even if it’s for timed marriage, and not for the sake of the thrill of getting him or her. 

Sister OP, as long as you are being upfront, with Islamic Akhlaq and Islamic gender distances intact, then you are just fine. Of course don’t sound desperate because more than neediness, it shows the person’s lack of faith in what Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has apportioned for him or her from the halal joy of companionship.

Also don’t play shy; haya (lose translation modesty) that is integral part of Islam is not showing off the shyness, it’s a truthful act of being modest in front of the opposite gender until that person becomes your spouse. 

More educated members here could enlighten you more, but let’s never approve of the western dating concepts and ways of going about them, that almost always lead to Zina.

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On 1/3/2020 at 1:59 PM, RepentantServant said:

Salam sistaaa,

Ok so I’m going to give you the straight up truth & spill out all our secrets to you. Btw I’m 24 years old & I live in the West so I can give you solid advice.

Firstly, based off experience, we tend to like the girl wayyy more & want her wayyy more when she’s not all over us. So don’t show complete interest right away & don’t throw yourself at the man.

Absolutely yes be mysterious, yes play the chase game, yes play a little bit hard to get. But don’t over-do it. Don’t play toooo hard to get because eventually a guy will just lose interest and it becomes a turn off & his attraction decreases.

Find the right balance of playing hard to get/being mysterious, but don’t be all over him & don’t throw yourself at him. Be precious with your words. Don’t get all lovey dovey with him calling him ‘babe’ & ‘baby’ right away. Take your sweeeet time. 

Believe me, I’ve experienced all kinds girls who play hard to get, & those who just show all the attention right away.

To me, it’s less fun when she’s into you right away. I like the mystery part of her. I like it when she makes me work for it. You gotta be like that because it allows attraction to build & build. 

If you know she’s into you right away, its honestly kinda boring. I’m not saying all guys are like this, but trust me, you want to take your time & play the mystery game.

Throw subtle hints that you’re interested, but keep him guessing a bit & be mysterious. Don’t let your butterfly feelings take over you & start throwing yourself at him with all that attention, get him to work for it & be mysterious. 

It’s more precious to a guy when a girl is a bit hard to get because it shows she’s not that easy.

You want the diamond that is rare & harder to get. Not the diamond that everyone else has & is easy to get. Because it just makes it all that more special :)

I hope this helps. Salam & good luck !

As a 24 year old male living in the west struggling to get married, that is terrible advice to give any muslim, its really really hard to meet or know any muslim woman looking to get married, just to greet them and literally get the ball rolling let alone playing mind games.

I could not disagree with this advice any more. Please do not give that advice to anyone 

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I've never been in a relationship, but I have lived in the West my whole life.  Here are my thoughts.

Both men and women like what they can't have.  I think men certainly, on average, tend to appreciate the chase a little bit.  It's not so much the "chase," of someone playing hard to get, it's the romance of trying to woo them, trying to make yourself more attractive to someone else.  When I see a pretty girl, I know I'm not going to approach, I know I'm not going to go out with her, even if she approaches me, but I still will stand up a little taller and puff out my chest a little bit.  It's basic human instinct.

That being said, I'm currently in a search for a spouse, and out of no where this non-muslim white girl saw my profile and messaged me.  And I told her it probably wouldn't be a good match, because I'm Muslim, this, that, etc.  But she was like "that's ok, how about we just talk a bit," and I was like "sure, why not."  And I gotta say, I still don't think it'll be a good match, but I'm having a hard time stopping talking with her, because she's the first person that has shown so much forward interest in me.  She has complemented me on my looks, she has been very honest and open about her thoughts and feelings, and it is a little endearing.  She's shown some interest in compromises with Islamic requirements.

Being a pretty good looking guy, I think most Muslim women refrain from complimenting men on their looks up front because it's almost taboo to even notice such things (or so we're taught).  And they may be afraid that doing so will make them look like a non-pious woman, or someone who has chased after men for their looks before.  I mean, I have a hard time telling a Muslim girl I'm talking to that they're attractive.  

Many of us that grew up very religious, and stayed that way through school (no dating, no boyfriends), do not know how to flirt in an Islamically acceptable manner.  But that is what our mind craves is flirtation.  That is what the media has taught is to expect when looking for a spouse.  I think in the next 20-30 years we're going to see a big shift in how young Muslims get married and find their spouse.

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3 hours ago, coldcow said:

 

  But that is what our mind craves is flirtation.  That is what the media has taught is to expect when looking for a spouse.  I think in the next 20-30 years we're going to see a big shift in how young Muslims get married and find their spouse.

Look how well that has gone for societies that live up to the TV standards of relationships. 

I think as Muslims we really need to stop the unjustified self loathing towards modest approaches to marital relationships and the over rating of the media version of love and romance.

As those changes happen over the next 20 to 30 years, I do hope that we will not consider Islamic modesty a vice as we are being slowly conditioned towards this train of thought.

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On 1/3/2020 at 2:15 PM, HopefulBeliever said:

In your experience meeting and getting to know women (for marriage of course), do you like women to be less forward and more mysterious, playing hard to get? 

Nope, as a Muslim man, I would be upset at a woman playing this game, start to resent her and think she is wasting my time being "mysterious" and playing hard to get. I am an adult and I expect to be treated like one. I don't have the time or patience for it, I want love and communication from anyone willing to do nikah or mutah with me. Also, I agree with @Mzwakhe, Islam is not a game.

Edited by Gaius I. Caesar
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