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Ihaveforgotten

I have forgotten about God

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:cry: I have completely forgotten about God. I've been in so deep with sins... every time I try to come back to the straight path, it feels nearly impossible and utterly hopeless.

I have forgotten so much, and I need to somehow relearn it all, but I'm also busy with finals (especially since I have been seriously procrastinating)

It all just feels like such a monumental ask. I am overwhelmed and stressed, so I just keep sinning to heal the pain [I don't even understand what spirituality is anymore (I just can't grasp it), so I do not have this beneficial coping strategy at my disposal], instead of being productive, but it obviously just makes things worse... and I don't feel like I can stop this brutal cycle.

How do I know God again? How do I regain the will to do good and to practice my Deen?

Any tips on how to maintain & strengthen my belief in tawhid? It is disappearing at an alarming rate... simply through negligence of worship. What's worse is that I don't even know how I got on this path... I can't remember, but I know it's been a long time coming. I kept sinning and repenting, but my repentance became increasingly less sincere, out of delusion -- knowing that I'm doing bad things, but not grasping the weight/consequence.

Any tips on how to maintain my beliefs and practices for future reference (so I don't keep falling onto this bad path)?

I am bewildered. I go throughout my days without thinking about God. It's insanity.

I always think that I might be able to start the next day fresh, but I can never even muster up the courage to think about God or stand in Salah (the former is mostly due to difficulty and indifference, and the latter is mostly due to embarrassment and hopelessness). I have occasionally tried watching sermons (on arrogance, for example) but it hasn't worked.

JazakAllah + Wasalam

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5 hours ago, Ihaveforgotten said:

:cry: I have completely forgotten about God. I've been in so deep with sins... every time I try to come back to the straight path, it feels nearly impossible and utterly hopeless.

Salamun Alaykum,

congratulations, welcome to the human condition.  You aren’t special in being this way.

 

5 hours ago, Ihaveforgotten said:

I have forgotten so much, and I need to somehow relearn it all, but I'm also busy with finals (especially since I have been seriously procrastinating)

Welcome to being a human —-. Part of which is to be forgetful and ignorant.  

5 hours ago, Ihaveforgotten said:

It all just feels like such a monumental ask. I am overwhelmed and stressed, so I just keep sinning to heal the pain [I don't even understand what spirituality is anymore (I just can't grasp it), so I do not have this beneficial coping strategy at my disposal], instead of being productive, but it obviously just makes things worse... and I don't feel like I can stop this brutal cycle.

Right.  You are escaping from something. You are avoiding to face something something.  You have diagnosed yourself pretty well.  You are pretty intelligent mashallah.  

5 hours ago, Ihaveforgotten said:

How do I know God again? How do I regain the will to do good and to practice my Deen?

You obviously know that you shouldn’t be committing any sin.  So I am not going to waste my time telling you what you already know.  Try this:

Realize that you are weak and pray to God and remember Him even while committing those sins your nafs enjoys to commit.  I am not telling you to commit sins.  I am saying that since you have the impulse to commit those sins and since you probably won’t stop committing those sins permanently, next time you find yourself being so tempted to commit the sin, just remember God and pray to God to empower you through Him.  And keep seeing your weakness and His Power even while approaching the sin, while doing the sin, and after doing the sin.

 

and then tell me what happens.  
 

 

5 hours ago, Ihaveforgotten said:



Any tips on how to maintain & strengthen my belief in tawhid? It is disappearing at an alarming rate... simply through negligence of worship. What's worse is that I don't even know how I got on this path... I can't remember, but I know it's been a long time coming. I kept sinning and repenting, but my repentance became increasingly less sincere, out of delusion -- knowing that I'm doing bad things, but not grasping the weight/consequence.

Any tips on how to maintain my beliefs and practices for future reference (so I don't keep falling onto this bad path)?

I am bewildered. I go throughout my days without thinking about God. It's insanity.

I always think that I might be able to start the next day fresh, but I can never even muster up the courage to think about God or stand in Salah (the former is mostly due to difficulty and indifference, and the latter is mostly due to embarrassment and hopelessness). I have occasionally tried watching sermons (on arrogance, for example) but it hasn't worked.

JazakAllah + Wasalam

 

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7 hours ago, Ihaveforgotten said:

:cry: I have completely forgotten about God. I've been in so deep with sins... every time I try to come back to the straight path, it feels nearly impossible and utterly hopeless.

I have forgotten so much, and I need to somehow relearn it all, but I'm also busy with finals (especially since I have been seriously procrastinating)

It all just feels like such a monumental ask. I am overwhelmed and stressed, so I just keep sinning to heal the pain [I don't even understand what spirituality is anymore (I just can't grasp it), so I do not have this beneficial coping strategy at my disposal], instead of being productive, but it obviously just makes things worse... and I don't feel like I can stop this brutal cycle.

How do I know God again? How do I regain the will to do good and to practice my Deen?

Any tips on how to maintain & strengthen my belief in tawhid? It is disappearing at an alarming rate... simply through negligence of worship. What's worse is that I don't even know how I got on this path... I can't remember, but I know it's been a long time coming. I kept sinning and repenting, but my repentance became increasingly less sincere, out of delusion -- knowing that I'm doing bad things, but not grasping the weight/consequence.

Any tips on how to maintain my beliefs and practices for future reference (so I don't keep falling onto this bad path)?

I am bewildered. I go throughout my days without thinking about God. It's insanity.

I always think that I might be able to start the next day fresh, but I can never even muster up the courage to think about God or stand in Salah (the former is mostly due to difficulty and indifference, and the latter is mostly due to embarrassment and hopelessness). I have occasionally tried watching sermons (on arrogance, for example) but it hasn't worked.

JazakAllah + Wasalam

Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) have invite you and you have already accept His Invite by wanting to return to Him (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and become better. Repent by remember Him often and pray. Insha'Allah you will start to feel in your heart the dislike of sinning and the love of doing good for His sake.

O He who has mercy upon him toward whom the servants show no mercy!
O He who disappoints not those who implore Him!
O He who looks not down upon those who have need of Him!
O He who comes close to him who comes close to Him!
O He who invites to Himself him who turns his back on Him!
O He who changes not favour and rushes not to vengeance!

O He who causes the good deed to bear fruit so that He may make it grow,
and overlooks the evil deed so that He may efface it!
Hopes turn back with needs fulfilled short of the extent of Thy generosity, 

- Imam Zainul Abideen (عليه السلام) from supplication of friday.

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Firstly, try to tackle each sin on it's own. If there a certain sin you keep committing a sin over and over again, then seek a solution. Don't always blame your lack of faith. Even in our duas, we're told that we may slip at times due to being blinded by excessive lust etc. It's got nothing to do with your iman. You still believe Allah and all the fundamentals of faith. Sins just clog our thinking and that's a worldly consequence. The light of Allah is still shining but you've placed a curtain in front of you.

Let me tell you a secret - get up for fajr an hour before. You need to have a 'want' which you already have. If you really want to gain the pleasure of Allah, then work for it, even if it means sleeping an hour early just so you're fresh for fajr.

Focus a lot on repentance. Repent, even if you stand before Allah with a heart corrupted by sins. When you become older  this task becomes more difficult.

 

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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Allah is the Most merciful and Most forgiving. No matter how much you have sinned, as long as you're sincere in asking forgiveness and not going back to it, Allah will forgive you. 

:bismillah:

 قُلْ يَٰعِبَادِىَ ٱلَّذِينَ أَسْرَفُوا۟ عَلَىٰٓ أَنفُسِهِمْ لَا تَقْنَطُوا۟ مِن رَّحْمَةِ ٱللَّهِ ۚ إِنَّ ٱللَّهَ يَغْفِرُ ٱلذُّنُوبَ جَمِيعًا ۚ إِنَّهُۥ هُوَ ٱلْغَفُورُ ٱلرَّحِيمُ ﴿٥٣

Say, "O My servants who have transgressed against themselves [by sinning], do not despair of the mercy of Allah . Indeed, Allah forgives all sins. Indeed, it is He who is the Forgiving, the Merciful."

AZumar 39-53

The more you keep Allah on your mind and on your tongue through constant remembrance of Allah and Istighfaar/Salawat, he will give you strength and help with increasing your self discipline. 

 

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You may be waist-deep in sin, but the doors to redemption are always open till the moment you die. To be hopeless of God's mercy, in itself is a sin because only God decides whether you can be forgiven or not. When it comes to faith, request for mercy and move on, do not waste your present potential by being blurred with the sins of yesterday. It's the devil's way of telling you, "forget it, you're going to hell anyways, so enjoy this life while it lasts".

Baby-steps, you don't have to begin practicing Islam 100% from day one, integrate it into your life-style to the best of your abilities until it becomes second-nature. 

 

 

Imam Ali Ibn Abi Taleb quotes, "A man's worth is in what he inspires to become." 

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On 12/9/2019 at 5:33 PM, Ihaveforgotten said:

I have completely forgotten about God.

You may think you have forgotten about Him, but trust me He never forgot you nor stopped his immeasurable love for you.

On 12/9/2019 at 5:33 PM, Ihaveforgotten said:

I've been in so deep with sins... every time I try to come back to the straight path, it feels nearly impossible and utterly hopeless.

Don't worry about that. You are on the same path as many of us. I, for one, always stray from my path. Its not hopeless, nor is it impossible for us to return to the correct Islamic path. Its not that hard, nor is there any reason for you to feel bad. Always remember that He is always waiting for you to return so he can welcome you back with open arms. You can doubt many things in life, but you can never doubt the love that Allah holds for you. Immeasurable.

On 12/9/2019 at 5:33 PM, Ihaveforgotten said:

I have forgotten so much, and I need to somehow relearn it all

Again, you're not the only one in that boat. All of us could do with some lessons on Islam to remind us of the things that we have forgotten. There is nothing that was forgotten, that can not be re-learned when one has the intention to do so.

On 12/9/2019 at 5:33 PM, Ihaveforgotten said:

It all just feels like such a monumental ask. I am overwhelmed and stressed, so I just keep sinning to heal the pain [I don't even understand what spirituality is anymore (I just can't grasp it), so I do not have this beneficial coping strategy at my disposal], instead of being productive, but it obviously just makes things worse... and I don't feel like I can stop this brutal cycle.

Believe me, its not as monumental as you may be thinking it is. Its quite simpler than you may realize. 

In life, we have many things that we can control, but we fail to take into account the things that we can NOT control. There are many things out there that have a major impact on us regardless of how much we want to avoid them. That's the nature of the world, nothing we can do about it. Its when we realize that we can not change the things we can not control and realize the impact that they had on us, we begin to realize that the majority of things we blame ourselves for are in reality the things that we are blameless on. 

On 12/9/2019 at 5:33 PM, Ihaveforgotten said:

How do I know God again?

To know him again? You never stopped knowing him. You may think that you have lost your connection to Him, but in all honesty He never left your side. He was always there with you taking steps to make you realize what's happened and giving you opportunities to return to Him. His mercy and love for you is on a scale that can not be measured, regardless of whatever may have transpired in your life. 

On 12/9/2019 at 5:33 PM, Ihaveforgotten said:

How do I regain the will to do good and to practice my Deen?

Very easily. All you have to do is to consciously choose to avoid the things which you know are haram, and to consciously choose to embrace the things which are halal. Worry not about what you did in the past, Allah in his infinite mercy and justice will determine what was a valid sin vs. what was forgivable. Only He can decide what is forgiven. Don't let other laymen tell you otherwise. His justice and mercy are known only unto himself and He will decide.

On 12/9/2019 at 5:33 PM, Ihaveforgotten said:

Any tips on how to maintain my beliefs and practices for future reference (so I don't keep falling onto this bad path)?

Open up the Qur'an and browse through it. Let the pages reach out to you on their own. Let the mercy of that book slowly in due process touch you on the inside and you will begin your journey back. Also, remember the Ahle Bayt (عليه السلام) and look up what they preached and espoused. Hold to the Qur'an and the Ahle Bayt (عليه السلام) and you will find the peace that you are searching for internally.

On 12/9/2019 at 5:33 PM, Ihaveforgotten said:

I am bewildered. I go throughout my days without thinking about God. It's insanity

You're bearing down on yourself a bit more harder than you deserve to. Who in the world is sinless and has not strayed away from what is righteous and fallen into that which is to be avoided. I most certainly have done that in my life, and will do so in the future. However, to stay true to the belief that Allah has not only informed us what we are to avoid, what we are to embrace, but in his endless mercy on us he has allowed us to beg forgiveness for whatever misdeeds we committed, either knowlingly or unknowingly. To despair that you have lost his love and mercy is the truest waste of time. He never left your side, nor did his love for you cease. He's waiting for you to call to him so he can reply. 

On 12/9/2019 at 5:33 PM, Ihaveforgotten said:

I always think that I might be able to start the next day fresh, but I can never even muster up the courage to think about God or stand in Salah (the former is mostly due to difficulty and indifference, and the latter is mostly due to embarrassment and hopelessness). I have occasionally tried watching sermons (on arrogance, for example) but it hasn't worked.

It will happen. Like I said you are placing too much blame on yourself and it is causing you to falter in your return to Him. No one is infallible other than the 12th Imam (عليه السلام), so why are you blaming yourself excessively for the sins that the rest of the world chooses to indulge in. Keep in mind the fact that you chose to make this post here is the clearest sign that deep in your heart you want this to happen. You have the desire and the intention and that's the key. All journeys begin with a single step and you have already taken that step. The rest of us may have begun that same journey, but trust me none of us have reached our destination yet. Take peace in the fact that you're already on the road to finding your inner peace and that the journey has already begun because you chose to.

Take peace in that you are not alone on this. He is always with and he is continuously placing in front of you the means to return to the righteousness that you seek. We may not always see the obvious in front of us, but that doesn't negate the fact that it is there. Be patient, remember the journey is a lifelong process and it will only end when we leave this world for the hereafter. Take solace in the fact that Allah has always been with you, always is with you and will always remain with you regardless of whatever steps you take in life. He will always be placing the means to find the righteous path in front of you while offering you the means of repentance to ask forgiveness for that which you regret and His justice will deem worthy of forgiveness.

Hang in there buddy, its going to be fine.

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