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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Gaius I. Caesar

[SERIOUS] I had a talk with my mother and now, I'm feeling conflicted and lost.

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5 hours ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

@rkazmi33 Also, anyone who marries  me with the mindset that they are doing me a favor does not truly love me and I will never accept such a marriage, even if they were disabled.

Yeah exactly, you don't want someone to feel sorry for you. Marriage isn't an act of charity. Unfortunately some people head into marriage with this attitude. Some people feel this sense of superiority and marry the other person as if they're doing them a favour. 

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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2 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Yeah exactly, you don't want someone to feel sorry for you. Marriage isn't an act of charity. Unfortunately some people head into marriage with this attitude. Some people feel this sense of superiority and marry the other person as if they're doing them a favour. 

^Such people are toxic and usually abusers. 

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16 hours ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

^Such people are toxic and usually abusers. 

This superiority could be in the form of so many things. Some people think that they're super good looking or how their degree makes them superior. 

I feel as if some parents instil this arrogance in their children's head that they're superior to those Muslims living in the East. I've observed a lot of parents make remarks such as "every girl will want you if you live in Australia, US etc. 

Many people even end up marrying their cousins and feel like they're doing an act of charity. It's wrong because you should truly love the other person. It's when you genuinely want that person in your life. Obviously this is one example.

Even when it comes to marrying reverts, we shouldn't feel as if we're superior than them. Many converts may even come across as if they are the ones in "need". They really want to marry someone who can teach them Islam etc. Also, how it's more difficult for them to find a spouse compared to a born Muslim. In my opinion, it just makes born Muslims feel that they're the ones in control and are doing reverts a favour. This is another example.

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@Gaius I. Caesar you have a great personality and are intelligent and interesting. I think if you keep your eyes open and interact with people in your community you will find someone who you will be happy to marry. 

But you're young. Don't rush it, don't worry about it. 

Right now the bigger issue is feeling comfortable at home. 

Do you have to use rooms upstairs? Is there a way that the house can be modified so that you are more independent? For example, as my stepfather has aged, climbing stairs has become difficult for him, so they modified a main floor guest room to have a full bathroom, and equipped it with sofa and TV. Can a room in your mother's house be repurposed to meet your needs? And even if it can, would it be better for you? 

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11 hours ago, notme said:

But you're young. Don't rush it, don't worry about it.

I'm almost 30, I will be in three to four years. I don't see how that's young.

11 hours ago, notme said:

Do you have to use rooms upstairs? Is there a way that the house can be modified so that you are more independent? For example, as my stepfather has aged, climbing stairs has become difficult for him, so they modified a main floor guest room to have a full bathroom, and equipped it with sofa and TV. Can a room in your mother's house be repurposed to meet your needs? And even if it can, would it be better for you? 

No, that's exactly what I would need though. Can't really modify anything because it's a rented house. And yes, I use the rooms upstairs a lot.

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15 minutes ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

I'm almost 30, I will be in three to four years. I don't see how that's young.

Apologies. That seems young to me, but point taken. When I was in my late 20s I didn't feel young. 

Duas that a solution becomes available, whether it is you moving out, moving the whole family into a different rented house, hiring an in-home assistant, or something else that I haven't thought of; whatever meets your needs for peace and stability. 

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On 12/4/2019 at 3:08 AM, shadow_of_light said:

By the way, maybe this narration makes you feel better: I saw a narration which says that when Imam Mahdi appears, all blind or disabled people will be healed. 

I have studied a lot about the signs of appearance, estimates, numbers, calculations,...it seems that it will happen in a very very near future. So be hopeful!

In sha Allah

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