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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Contradictory views about marriage?

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Salam, 

So after the discussion I had with brother @Mahdavist in the following thread, I feel there is some contradiction about when we should a person get married.

We all know Islam encourages early marriage/nikkah. There are certain duties which are obligatory upon the man after marriage, namely providing basic life needs e.g place to live, food, clothing etc. Our maraja are very clear about this with little or no difference between them. 

As an example here is the ruling by Ayatullah Sistani, 

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The husband is obliged to provide his wife with food, clothing and housing in conformity with her social status and dignity; dignity meaning the same level of life that she had before marriage. 

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According to Islam providing for the expenses of the family, including the expenses of his spouse, is a husband’s duty. A man must finance all his partner’s expenses, even if she is wealthier than he. The necessity of nafaqah is one of the certain commandments of Islam. It is the right of a wife. If a husband does not pay it, it remains a debt upon him and must be paid on demand. 

On the other hand we have Qur'an verses and narrations like these:

And marry those among you who are single and those who are fit among your male slaves and your female slaves; if they are needy, Allah will make them free from want out of His grace; and Allah is Ample-giving, Knowing.” (24:32)

I have read other traditions where Prophet(صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) encouraged some very poor men to marry(I will quote them if I can find them, but I think all of us must have heard some of them) . I think the message being conveyed there was even those who feel they would not be able to bear the expenses of family are urged to repose faith in Allah, as He is the Giver of Sustenance (Rizq), and go for an early marriage.

So going by the rulings one shouldn't think of getting married if one cannot afford the living expenses but Quranic verses and narrations say otherwise. 

Thoughts?

 

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Walaikum as salam, thanks for opening this topic. My suggestion basically was that people who want to get married (in some cases they have already identified a potential life partner with mutual consent) but feel that they have to wait several years before they can cover the living expenses associated with married life should in fact consider having the nikah anyway to make their relationship legitimate while continuing to live in the same manner (for example students could still live in their own homes or still be financially supported by whoever is currently supporting them).

This message is not just for the couple but also for their parents. If one of our children wanted to marry at a young age, would we penalize them by removing the support and facilities that they would have received should they have remained unmarried?

Wallahu a'lam 

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One of the reasons why we have such high rates of divorce is the fact that people are jumping into marriage before being emotionally stable enough or understanding of, and being prepared for the huge responsibilities that come with married life.

Often times, these marriages are driven by desire over much else and once the novelty wears out, the cracks become apparent and the lack of a foundation becomes much more evident. 

Parents supporting financially can be a great thing, but if the two can't look beyond their desires, what are the chances of them being able to build and nurture a strong foundation for the long and difficult journey ahead? 

I don't wish to generalise and claim all students who want to get married early fall within that bracket, I do however feel this to be a very common scenario. 

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38 minutes ago, Moalfas said:

jumping into marriage before being emotionally stable enough or understanding of, and being prepared for the huge responsibilities that come with married life.

like having enough money to make the marriage work

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Living expenses are forever increasing, no one will ever be completely financially stable anymore. I remember when I was in secondary school and my teacher said to the class:

"You will be lucky if you manage to buy a house when you're older, most of you will only be able to rent for your entire lives."

Words from another teacher:

"In ten years from now I'll be relaxing on a beach as for you lot, you'll be in great difficulty [financial burden and strain]" 

From here it looks like they weren't even joking.. 

These days in most families both parents have to work and even with that they can only support 1 or 2 children, the future looks bleak for my people. And who knows when people like me will be in a financial situation to marry, maybe I'll never get to that position, I don't know... 

Whatever happens I hope I get compensation in the afterlife... :confused:

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8 minutes ago, Ali~J said:

maybe I'll never get to that position, I don't know... 

Always have hope in the mercy of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) He finds ways from beyond our wildest imagination. Wealth doesn't matter,it's a trial anyway.

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My issue with the whole idea of getting married early is the fact that young people now are not as mature as young people before (not talking about 10-20 years before; more like 100s of years ago). My only worry is the divorce rates and how this would affect people's view on marriage. The more failed marriages we see, the more people will run away from it; which means an increase of haram activities.

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31 minutes ago, Ibn Al-Shahid said:

The more failed marriages we see, the more people will run away from it; which means an increase of haram activities.

I had a university teacher from Palestine who told us in his first (and my last) lecture that he apostated because when he went for Hajj he prayed for something nice but instead he got a kidney stone when he returned. Therefore people might embrace their destinies much quicker when married, especially if they face the hardships of marriage and if they are told its almost a religious obligation. Because whats a kidney stone compared to a wife.

Just thinking out loud.

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7 hours ago, Ali~J said:

Living expenses are forever increasing, no one will ever be completely financially stable anymore. I remember when I was in secondary school and my teacher said to the class:

"You will be lucky if you manage to buy a house when you're older, most of you will only be able to rent for your entire lives."

When the Oil Crisis hoax began in 1973, this was said then. Then we had the stagflation of the 70s.

The Federal Reserve has this 2% Annual lnflation target, which like its critics say, is for the benefit of Wall Street. lnflation destroys old people. l shopped again today, and saw stuff l paid 5 cents for in 1972 now costing $1. In another store, this cheese l used to buy in the 90s for 76 cents is now anywhere from $3.77 (on sale) to $4.77. Bread was 4/$1 or on day-old sale of 5/$1 in 1980 is now about $2 per loaf.(So l go to a bread shop and buy the 2-day-old)

When l taught school in the 1980s, l use to tell the high schoolers that their biggest enemy in Life is the Federal Reserve. One boy l saw again about ten years ago told me he not only remembered this, but gave examples of why he knew it to be true -and he had gotten back from Afghanistan or lraq.

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