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In the Name of God بسم الله
Natsu

What makes a relationship haram

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I have a girlfriend,and when we started getting into a relationship we used to touch and hold each other,until one day I felt really weird and like I knew it was a sin but my heart was not at ease,we repented from it months ago and we stopped touching or holding each other,the most we do is shake hands when we meet,Now we plan to marry in’shaa’Allah in the future and until then we want to keep everything halal between both of us,when we hang out we don’t hang out by ourselves cause we know it will lead to a sin so we always go out with friends andd we read Qur'an together and try to get more knowledge and help each other,she helps me when im doing something wrong and she even reminds me to pray when I forget and stuff,anyways if I could I would marry her right now but unfortunately its not possible in this modern age cause I should finish my studies and get a job first,Now until then we will do everything we can to keep our relationship halal,our parents know about us as well that we hangout and stuff but what other things do you we shoukd avoid to not make this relationship haram?its been bothering me for a while.

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You both are Na-mahram to each other and by Islamic standards you cannot even joke.

4 minutes ago, Natsu said:

Now until then we will do everything we can to keep our relationship halal,our parents know about us as well

Mut'ah would be the only option if you don't want to permanently marry. Since you have realized, do Astaghfaar. Involve your parents and start a halal relationship. Permission of girl's guardian would be mandatory. 

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1 hour ago, Revert1963 said:

Not just the only option but the right option. I would say that this kind of situation is what Mut'ah was intended for.

Not really. There is nothing to stop them from performing the nikah here.

Mut'ah makes sense for temporary relationships (for example if someone is travelling abroad for a period of time, like in the old days during wars). It was not introduced as some form of 'engagement' (although people seem to have misnterpreted it as such in recent times).

Quote

anyways if I could I would marry her right now but unfortunately its not possible in this modern age cause I should finish my studies and get a job first

Neither of these are a prerequisite for the nikah. I would recommend that you perform the religious marriage and continue studying.

Wallahu a'lam 

 

Edited by Mahdavist

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1 hour ago, Mahdavist said:

There is nothing to stop them from performing the nikah here.

Except maybe money, employment, studies, family issues and other practical things that make it difficult for them to do nikah at this particular time in their lives.
 

1 hour ago, Mahdavist said:

Mut'ah makes sense for temporary relationships (for example if someone is travelling abroad for a period of time, like in the old days during wars).

That would essentially make it prostitution. This interpretation is what leads to the kind of abuse scandals that has been in the news from Iraq recently that some Imams is running prostitution rings from Mosques. It also validates some of the arguments against Shiism that some Sunnis have that Mut'ah is really just masquerading prostitution. Even though the "jihadi bride" thing of the Salafis is also a height problematic practice at least they do proper Nikah and stay married after they are done with their terrorist activities. The Qur'an and several hadiths recognise that prostitution is a bad thing, then why would the Prophet(صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) then make it legal by calling it Mut'ah? It doesn't make sense.

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6 hours ago, Revert1963 said:

Except maybe money, employment, studies, family issues and other practical things that make it difficult for them to do nikah at this particular time in their lives

None of these are prerequisites for the recitation of the nikah. It's basically a religious ceremony that makes them halal for one another. They can continue studying in the same way they would have been doing anyway.

 

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That would essentially make it prostitution. This interpretation is what leads to the kind of abuse scandals that has been in the news from Iraq recently that some Imams is running prostitution rings from Mosques.

No it doesn't make it prostitution. By that logic marrying someone and then divorcing them soon after would also be prostitution, naudhubillah. 

Also note that mut'ah in Arabic can be translated as enjoyment or pleasure. The notion that it can only be used in very specific circumstances is misleading.

 

Quote

It also validates some of the arguments against Shiism that some Sunnis have that Mut'ah is really just masquerading prostitution.

If a Sunni or any Muslim says such a thing they are making a series error because it is proven that mut'ah was permitted and practiced during the time of the Prophet ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)). To call it prostitution is a serious and dangerous allegation. May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) protect us from such things. 

 

Quote

Even though the "jihadi bride" thing of the Salafis is also a height problematic practice at least they do proper Nikah and stay married after they are done with their terrorist activities.

 

I don't see how it is problematic in itself. The only issue would be if the bride was not previously married in which case she needs the permission of a guardian. Apart from this there is no issue at all.

 

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The Qur'an and several hadiths recognise that prostitution is a bad thing, then why would the Prophet(صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) then make it legal by calling it Mut'ah? It doesn't make sense.

Mut'ah, like nikah, is marriage. Sex without marriage is fornication, sex after marriage is fully halal and even encouraged and rewarded. Your logic is like saying that fornication was made halal in the form of nika and mut'ah, which is a logical absurdity.

Wallahu a'lam 

Edited by Mahdavist

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6 minutes ago, Mahdavist said:

None of these are prerequisites for the recitation of the nikah. It's basically a religious ceremony that makes them halal for one another. They can continue studying in the same way they would have been doing anyway.

Who will take care of living expenses? It's husband duty to provide a place to live , food, clothing etc for wife.

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48 minutes ago, Mahdavist said:

Who would take care of them if they delayed the nikah for several years? 

While this will help make the relationship halal, for the most part, marriages where parties are unable to fulfil their mutual rights and obligations end up becoming very strained and mainly end in disaster. There is a hikmah in Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) making certain duties incumbent upon parties in a marriage. In ahkaam, the right to nafaqah is very interlinked with the right to conjugal rights, so if you skew the relationship from the start, it could lead to very unsavory things being said a little way down the line. Family providing fully will also mean most families will feel they can interfere fully: when to have kids, where you should live, if you can go out or not, what level you must study to, etc.

The ideal situation would be for the man to get financial independence or self reliance asap, and the woman, if she is in a rush to marry him, to accept a simple life while they are growing together, and to support each other the best way they can.

 

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1 hour ago, Mahdavist said:

Who would take care of them if they delayed the nikah for several years? 

???? 

What do you mean? sexual urges? Self control is the answer. While it isn't easy its not impossible. Halal option can get complicated and ugly very soon if they don't have a place to live or the husband cannot afford to provide food for the wife, or even worse a baby comes into the picture. I am not saying young people wait to get married until they have made down payment for a house, have enough money for a big dowry, lavish wedding and honeymoon but at least be self sufficient with the basic needs. 

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51 minutes ago, starlight said:

???? 

What do you mean? sexual urges? Self control is the answer. While it isn't easy its not impossible. Halal option can get complicated and ugly very soon if they don't have a place to live or the husband cannot afford to provide food for the wife, or even worse a baby comes into the picture. I am not saying young people wait to get married until they have made down payment for a house, have enough money for a big dowry, lavish wedding and honeymoon but at least be self sufficient with the basic needs. 

I mean if they delay their marriage for several years, they will still need to finance their studies anyway right (with or without the nikah)? Wallahu a'lam 

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1 hour ago, habib e najjaar said:

While this will help make the relationship halal, for the most part, marriages where parties are unable to fulfil their mutual rights and obligations end up becoming very strained and mainly end in disaster. There is a hikmah in Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) making certain duties incumbent upon parties in a marriage. In ahkaam, the right to nafaqah is very interlinked with the right to conjugal rights, so if you skew the relationship from the start, it could lead to very unsavory things being said a little way down the line. Family providing fully will also mean most families will feel they can interfere fully: when to have kids, where you should live, if you can go out or not, what level you must study to, etc.

The ideal situation would be for the man to get financial independence or self reliance asap, and the woman, if she is in a rush to marry him, to accept a simple life while they are growing together, and to support each other the best way they can.

 

So in summary, if someone studies without marrying their parents can pay for their education, but if at any point they decide to start a halal relationship then the funding is stopped? 

So their options are 

1. Abandon education and marry

2. Abandon marriage and study

Subhanallah. 

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5 minutes ago, Mahdavist said:

they will still need to finance their studies

But it's just the study then.In majority of the cases young people from Muslim families live with their parents until their marriage,especially the daughters and  parents help out with the college fees etc. 

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25 minutes ago, starlight said:

But it's just the study then.In majority of the cases young people from Muslim families live with their parents until their marriage,especially the daughters and  parents help out with the college fees etc. 

Exactly and what I suggest is that they  can continue doing so until they finish their studies even while being married. 

Wallahu a'lam. 

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2 hours ago, Mahdavist said:

So in summary, if someone studies without marrying their parents can pay for their education, but if at any point they decide to start a halal relationship then the funding is stopped? 

So their options are 

1. Abandon education and marry

2. Abandon marriage and study

Subhanallah. 

No, education normally still ends up being supported by parents. It is the other obligations like needing a separate house, medical expenses related to pregnancy, child care  baby sitting, decision making (is a daughter living in and being supported by her father and married shar'an more obliged to obey her husband or her father?).

I reiterate, ita3ah and submission and obedience to a husband, and provision of conjugal rights has been inextricably linked in ahkaam to provision of maintenance. So in couples being advised to gain some minimal form of independence to marry, this is for their own long term good and to enable them live harmoniously.

This is not about cutting off funding. Most Muslim parents are extremely supportive of their children. Just the fact that they are not kicked out of their parents houses at 18 is proof of this. But there is a thin line between parties being supported and parties being encouraged to take advantage of others.

Islam wants people to engage only in halal relationships, but it also wants Muslims to perform their wajibaat and to be responsible, well mannered, useful human beings. It is not a religion of ensuring people following or applying laws in a way that destroys the entire fabric of society.

Example: It is halal for a financially dependent youth to spend his pocket money to engage in endless mutah to keep his anatomy happy. But does this halal conform with the purpose of creation, and the realisation of perfection and attainment of a better moral and spiritual status? No.

This is what is the core issue here. 

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On 11/13/2019 at 5:16 AM, Mahdavist said:
Quote

Even though the "jihadi bride" thing of the Salafis is also a height problematic practice at least they do proper Nikah and stay married after they are done with their terrorist activities.

 

I don't see how it is problematic in itself.

Then watch this

 

Edited by Revert1963

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