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In the Name of God بسم الله

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Salam,

I hope this reaches everyone with the clearest intentions inshallah.

I am a 29 year old Iraqi Shia female. I’ve known this guy for 10 years through school and work. He is Sunni and Somali. I wish I can pinpoint exactly where the friendship ended and the love started. It’s been long distance for most of the time but I’ve grown to admire and love this man. I honestly can’t think of a better person for me. I recently decided to speak to my dad about it and although he stayed calm he was very adamant about it being a no. I told him I’d give him time but I don’t know. Unfortunately he was very racist (a side I’ve never seen) and he kept saying he was black. I am very ashamed and disappointed but this is my reality. He cares a lot about what the community will say as well. I really don’t know how to handle this. I am being very patient but I have an unsettling feeling in my heart. I am open to hearing everyone’s opinions and advice. Thank you.

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Its alright as a human being to have feelings for the other but would you really love someone who is rejector of Wilayah of Ali ibn Abi Talib (عليه السلام)?

Who rejects Haq of Syeda Fatima S.A?

Who rejects Imamate?

There are hadiths in Al Kafi that who rejects Wilayah of Ali (عليه السلام) is kafir.

Love the people who love Allah Rasool (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) and his Tahir Progeny (عليه السلام).

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Dad should be more worried about him being a Sunni than being a black. What a sad state of affairs.

But you should proceed with caution. When we are in love, we tend not to see the problems that are otherwise visible to our family and friends. Even if you think family is wrong, you have to factor in social and sectarian variables for the good of yourself and the family before you make a decision.

It's never easy so there is no simple way to go about it, but think carefully with a cool head and weigh the pros and cons. Most importantly, establish communication with your family so you all can discuss it and come to a consensus. If you fail to do that, there would be more pain and hurt down the line and it would also affect your future relationship with your better half as well.

Best of luck.

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6 hours ago, Fafi said:

Salam,

I hope this reaches everyone with the clearest intentions inshallah.

I am a 29 year old Iraqi Shia female. I’ve known this guy for 10 years through school and work. He is Sunni and Somali. I wish I can pinpoint exactly where the friendship ended and the love started. It’s been long distance for most of the time but I’ve grown to admire and love this man. I honestly can’t think of a better person for me. I recently decided to speak to my dad about it and although he stayed calm he was very adamant about it being a no. I told him I’d give him time but I don’t know. Unfortunately he was very racist (a side I’ve never seen) and he kept saying he was black. I am very ashamed and disappointed but this is my reality. He cares a lot about what the community will say as well. I really don’t know how to handle this. I am being very patient but I have an unsettling feeling in my heart. I am open to hearing everyone’s opinions and advice. Thank you.

Hi, this is quite a difficult situation and I have empathy for you. I know someone stuck in a quite similar situation. I know we don’t plan and love people and just slip into it without knowing.

Its easy for me to say don’t get married to someone from ahle sunnah but your heart knows how difficult it would be to let go of someone we love. 

Try to evaluate your soul deeply and find out if this is what you really want. Would you be okay if your kids are raised loving the caliphs? Would you be okay if your kids don’t recognise and give Imams the status they deserve. If yes then go ahead and convince your dad as much as you can but in the end He is your father and Allah has given him the right to reject or accept a suitor for you and your dad declining him for being a Sunni  would be a legit reason.

My duas are for you. Stay strong and don’t lose hope. Know that whatever happens is for your best.

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I didn't have that many Sunni aquaintances growing up, but casually talking to them as of late I've realized that some of them differ in belief in more ways than expected, like how some believe all seafood is halal or that it's wrong to celebrate the birth of the Prophet (even if that celebration means attending a lecture and having a meal at your mosque with your community), and by extension even birthdays for little children are not permitted. 

But even if there wasn't any conflicting practices, and even if I could somehow come to terms with my spouse not having the Shia love for the Ahlul Bayt (Which I can't), there is no guarantee that my spouse would actually let me raise my kids as Shia even if he promised he would. This is just my personal opinion of Shia-Sunni marriages. 

Edited by Lilly14

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Thank you all so much for your honest replies. That’s what I wanted the most. I wish this was the type of concern I got from my father. I am not very religious myself and he is definitely not a believer of the extremities of Sunnis. He has attended the 7usaineya during Ashura. He is very open alhamdallah. Allah Kareem.

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Guest anon

Hi sister, I am sad to read about your situation. may Allah tallah make it easy for you. prayers with you. ilahi Ameen

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