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Sisterfatima1

How to correct lying in a child

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45 minutes ago, Sisterfatima1 said:

Salam 

if I ask my son a question and he thinks I’ll get angry he will lie and say no mummy 

he is 3 years old how can I teach him in a nice way it’s not good to be lying 

My little brother who is 6 now, also used to lie because he thought my mum would get angry at her, since usually whenever he did something wrong, she'd show an angry reaction. Eventually, whenever he did something wrong, my mum would shout out from the other room, "what happened, what was that noise" and my little brother would go,"nothing mama!", then he'd run to me and whisper "shh, don't tell mum, come with me" and then I would go and see what mischief he was up to, or what accident was made (like pooping on the ground because he couldn't reach the toilet). 

So, he learnt that I never had an angry reaction to anything he did, and that whenever he did something, I would always console him that accidents happen but we must learn from them, and I would always sit him down and teach him what to do better the next time.

However, whenever theres something that does need an angry reaction, I'd usually go tell my mum. We always do the "good cop, Bad cop" with him and it works wonders.

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14 hours ago, Sisterfatima1 said:

Salam 

if I ask my son a question and he thinks I’ll get angry he will lie and say no mummy 

he is 3 years old how can I teach him in a nice way it’s not good to be lying 

Just ask him when he lies "why do you think I will get angry? and then say "If you are in trouble, I want help you."

He obviously learned this behavior from somewhere, so this isn't something random or out of the blue.

Edited by Gaius I. Caesar

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15 hours ago, Sisterfatima1 said:

Salam 

if I ask my son a question and he thinks I’ll get angry he will lie and say no mummy 

he is 3 years old how can I teach him in a nice way it’s not good to be lying 

There is "lying" which is creative storytelling, and I think that's fine. My daughter used to have an imaginary world called "the eighties" where everything was neon and she was in charge. She outgrew it. 

But if the lies are to get out of trouble or to keep someone else in trouble, it is trickier. Some posters above have given good suggestions. You want your child to feel safe coming to you with problems. Never be too quick or excessive with punishments. Also, always model the behavior you want to see. 

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7 minutes ago, notme said:

There is "lying" which is creative storytelling, and I think that's fine. My daughter used to have an imaginary world called "the eighties" where everything was neon and she was in charge. She outgrew it. 

But if the lies are to get out of trouble or to keep someone else in trouble, it is trickier. Some posters above have given good suggestions. You want your child to feel safe coming to you with problems. Never be too quick or excessive with punishments. Also, always model the behavior you want to see. 

your daughter is a whole mood

Edited by 400226

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1 hour ago, Ashvazdanghe said:

 

Imagination is fine in small children, but not in essays that are meant to be factual. Children are supposed to outgrow this presenting fantasy as fact well before high school. 

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On 10/20/2019 at 5:13 AM, Sisterfatima1 said:

Salam 

if I ask my son a question and he thinks I’ll get angry he will lie and say no mummy 

he is 3 years old how can I teach him in a nice way it’s not good to be lying 

Ws.

Children manifest their love and fear for us in many complex ways. If the child's reaction is out of love for you, you need to nurture that love and reshape it so that the child knows that you will not shatter into a thousand pieces if they do something that makes you sad/mad.

If it is out of fear of repurcussions/your reaction, then you will just have to repeat, by your words and actions, several times, that you can handle them making a mistake, and will not go mom-zilla on them.

I have 3 kids under the age of 6, and sometimes kids can be very exasperating and frustrating. Exhaustion and the fear of not being a good enough parent can make us react unnecessarily to a child's mistake, bringing out their fear (unintended on our part). This coupled with their love for us, can make them go overboard in trying to protect us from their mistakes, and protect themselves from our wrath/disappointment.

I noticed my kids doing this sometimes, so I would pre empt them in my question by letting them know that I already know what they did wrong. E.g instead of asking them: Did you spill water on the rug/why did you spill water on the rug, I say: Come help mommy wipe the water you spilt on the rug so it doesn't make a mess. They will usually rush to help you sort the mess they made, and you can then impart a lesson along with an admonition not to do that next time.

It is ofcourse tempting/easier to just smack their diapered behinds and mop it up asap, but nobody said parenting will be easy LOL

May Allah give us the tawfiq to be good parents to our children.

Edited by habib e najjaar

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1 hour ago, habib e najjaar said:

It is ofcourse tempting/easier to just smack their diapered behinds

:sorry:"So crude. . . . So inappropriate . . . and that ain't the way to do it."

Unitl they are about two years old, the physical stuff is pointless if for no other reason than their developing brains have yet to acquire any significant long-term memory.

Now when they are about two, that is when the fun starts. For example, my little nephew thought of  'spatula' as a game. Tap him on the legs and he laugh and squeal then run, do something 'wrong' again, and we'd be doing it all over again. But, when l'd say, "too much" or "can't have that" followed by "give me your hand", he'd get upset. "La amu, La" then sometimes he'd give me his hand. I'd hold his hand with my thumb on top and whack my thumb. He'd howl, gurgle scream and all like l threw him up a flight of stairs or something. He is such a good kid that l didn't like doing it, yet it was necessary. Now all l have to do is speak to him.

Uhty, when they are five, they are old enough for a snap-in-the-head with a finger. Practice it first on the side of a table so you know how hard to do it. Now, my Dad would not even do that. He'd just tap you on top of your head to be noticeable then say whatever.

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