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Ruqaya101

Modesty

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@Ruqaya101 I remember I used to get cat calls and hit on when I used to wear hoodies and trackies (honestly, just couldn't be bothered), but after that, once I improved my hijab I stopped getting cat calls.

So I know you don’t like to hear it, and I am sure you wear amazing hijab, but maybe ur so pretty that even with your current hijab guys are still attracted to you. So how about wearing a burka?

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@Ruqaya101 lol all the skirt styles are too much for me. They look like you put in too much effort, it's too much to wear on a daily basis, and I hate fafing around with all the extra material with skirts, dw I know exactly how to style them. The only laid back skirt looks are the jersey material skirts and those are too clingy onto the body, and again, very inconvenient if you're walking around all day. 

I liked this one the most and this is the style I go for, minus the tight belt. 

Hijab-style-2018-Pinterest-@Armeen-Mahmo

It looks for effortless and casual. 

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10 hours ago, 2Timeless said:

all the skirt styles are too much for me. They look like you put in too much effort, it's too much to wear on a daily basis, and I hate fafing around with all the extra material with skirts, dw I know exactly how to style them.

Its because you're short and tiny, so it would look like you're a yeti or something,LOL.

Theres no extra material, again it depends on how you mix and match it, otherwise they wouldn't look like you put too much effort, it takes me less to wear than an actual jeans and a shirt. It does have a lot to do with mix and matching, and also your height for sure. Skirts arent for an "all day walking". Theyre for specific occasions, theyre perfect for a slow walk outdoors, shopping, or a casual event, family friend invitations, etc.

I wear Jeans, Tights or Trousers and Long dresses almost everyday because of University labs and exercise. But because I'm tall, Everything goes with the flow. I don't exactly have to worry about "flafing" (not even a real word, ya thowla -_-) or "trying too hard". Its chic, and modest, as well as the long dresses, boots and knee length shirts. My only Issue is self consciousness because of rude and hurtful remarks.

Also, Not all jersey skirts cling to the body, I have three jersey skirts and a jersey body dress that come with their own personal long cardigans and they're modest, not too tight. Again, depends on the match and mix. And they're super easy to walk around with.

Hijab-style-2018-Pinterest-@Armeen-Mahmo 

I have this exact same outfit, and I've worn it maybe 4 or 5 times, with the belt, except I leave it a bit loose. I can’t wear it much out because its too thick. Its a nice outfit overall, and my style too. But I wouldn't show my ankles, or skin besides my hands and face, Id usually always wear boots with this. 

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Salaam.

Firstly, I just want to say that good for you that you're concerned about this.

As a Muslim male I acknowledge that it's easy for me to tell women about doing hijab and to point out the mistakes in their hijab and etc. I acknowledge that yes, there are surely a lot of challenges that Muslim women have to face when it comes to wearing the hijab, and probably even more when it comes to wearing the hijab properly. However, regardless of how easy it is for me to talk about the hijab or how difficult it is for women to properly practice it, the facts will be the facts. InshaAllah our good deeds will be rewarded.

Personally, speaking on the Muslims that I see in my day to day my life, I feel that there are a lot of Muslim sisters out there who may be great Muslims and people in general but unfortunately are lacking greatly when it comes to practicing the hijab properly. Sometimes, I think it's due to ignorance. A lot of other times, I think the importance of practing it properly has been lost due to the normalization of improper hijab. What I have to say to these sisters is that: MashaAllah you have a beutiful personality and you're a wonderful Muslim but I feel if you improve in ine are of yourself you can be even more wonderful, if you start practicing Hijab more "by the book" (I wouldn't actually say it like this to every female Muslim lol).

According to Islam, the rules of hijab for womem are quite clear (talking about physical hijab only right now), let me quickly state them in my own words and according to my understanding:

-No skin is allowed to be revealed except for the face and hands, so from the wrist and before, the skin must be covered. Obviously this also means no sandals or feet revealing shoes!

-The figure, shape, outline, contours, and whatever else word you want to use to describe it, of the body, must not be revealed. So any clothes that do justice in hiding the body this way are good. 

-The zeenah are supposed to be concealed. If the hijab itself serves as a zeenah (by being too colorful or flashy somehow) then it doesn't make sense, just like it doesn't make sense to be wearing attractive make up. 

-Depending your religious authority, who's knowledge of Islamic law you conclude is the most perfect, a women may have to hide her face too. According to the the research and understanding of Sayyid al Sistani, "...a woman can keep her face and hands up to the wrists uncovered from a non-maḥram man unless she fears that he would fall into sin or she has the intention of making him look at something unlawful; in these two cases, covering those areas as well is obligatory on her" (Sistani.org).

So, I feel if hijab is being practiced based on the above rules, then iA everything should be fine. BUT yeah, some people are pretty messed up and there could still be issues...

Also, except for the Iraq trip type of hijab picture, none of the other pictures posted in this thread fulfill these conditions. That's why, I salute those women who decide to wear the chador because the chador really does the job. However, I believe Western clothes can accomplish the same hijab too. So, if the rules are followed with precision then iA things shouod be good. Also, I highly discourage one to change their body image just because of this, wearing the chador hijab full time would be a much better solution.

Anyway, I hope you stop recieving those remarks, and I hope you found my post helpful!

Edited by AStruggler

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2 hours ago, RUKS said:

@Ruqaya101 I remember I used to get cat calls and hit on when I used to wear hoodies and trackies (honestly, just couldn't be bothered), but after that, once I improved my hijab I stopped getting cat calls.

So I know you don’t like to hear it, and I am sure you wear amazing hijab, but maybe ur so pretty that even with your current hijab guys are still attracted to you. So how about wearing a burka?

Hey Habibti,

Im Honestly not that pretty, I'd say Im average.

A Burka in Australia? Very bad idea... But thank you for your input, I appreciate it :) 

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7 hours ago, AStruggler said:

So, I feel if hijab is being practiced based on the above rules, then iA everything should be fine. BUT yeah, some people are pretty messed up and there could still be issues...

I follow all those and more. Nothing changes, I wear abayas and its the same outcome. 

7 hours ago, AStruggler said:

none of the other pictures posted in this thread fulfill these conditions.

If you read my posts properly, you'll see that I address the minor details I would change, such as covering up my skin.

But thank you for your advise nevertheless.

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Just now, notme said:

The only men who have a right or responsibility to comment on a woman's attire are her mehrams. Everyone else should be ignored. 

Of course men can discuss hijab of women abstractly. They just should lower their gaze and mind their business regarding women who aren't their family. 

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1 hour ago, Ruqaya101 said:

I follow all those and more. Nothing changes, I wear abayas and its the same outcome.

thats what im saying, what is more modest than a loose abaya? and still you say that men keep catcalling. If nothing changes when you try to improve your modesty, then its the men who are messed in the head

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Just now, Ruqaya101 said:

Hey Habibti,

Im Honestly not that pretty, I'd say Im average.

A Burka in Australia? Very bad idea... But thank you for your input, I appreciate it :) 

Hiiii! 

Oh I was jokin about the burka, so ur an aussie! cool! hijab is about us women, we don't want to be objectified, its degrading, so if your current hijab is dignifying enough for you, than that's it, don't think too much over it. You're good girl :)

How some men act is between them and God. 

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20 minutes ago, RUKS said:

Hiiii! 

Oh I was jokin about the burka, so ur an aussie! cool! hijab is about us women, we don't want to be objectified, its degrading, so if your current hijab is dignifying enough for you, than that's it, don't think too much over it. You're good girl :)

How some men act is between them and God. 

Thank you, I appreciate it :) 

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3 hours ago, notme said:

The only men who have a right or responsibility to comment on a woman's attire are her mehrams. Everyone else should be ignored. 

This post was posted and is being discussed in a public co-ed forum in front of the faces of non nahram, literally. I ended up reading the post as a natural internet browser and shiachat forum user. There were no warnings that it was a women only discussion and it wasn't put in the female only forum. After reading the post, I felt like I could and wanted to comment on this and so did. I commented in a very general and impersonal way. 

Perhaps this should be moved into the female only forum or something if there is, or if my contribution to this thread is truly problematic then please have it deleted. I would respect the decision if that's what needs to happen. 

Edited by AStruggler

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The OP didn't say this is a Sisters only thread. If she is discussing in a forum knowing very well that brothers are allowed to read post then I don't see what's the problem.

I agree with what @AStruggler said. Chador is what works best for Hijab, however it might not be practical for west.

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3 minutes ago, starlight said:

The OP didn't say this is a Sisters only thread. If she is discussing in a forum knowing very well that brothers are allowed to read post then I don't see what's the problem.

I agree with what @AStruggler said. Chador is what works best for Hijab, however it might not be practical for west.

I don't know about the US but It’s definitely not practical in a place like Australia. 

Especially not in university classes or more importantly Labs and blood work. They don’t even allow long skirts.

Edited by Ruqaya101

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25 minutes ago, AStruggler said:

This post was posted and is being discussed in a public co-ed forum in front of the faces of non nahram, literally. I ended up reading the post as a natural internet browser and shiachat forum user. There were no warnings that it was a women only discussion and it wasn't put in the female only forum. After reading the post, I felt like I could and wanted to comment on this and so did. I commented in a very general and impersonal way. 

That's why I added in a later post that men are welcome to discuss the concept of hijab. What I mean is that men should not critique random hijabis on the street. (Or any woman, for that matter! Have some decency and lower your gaze!)

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30 minutes ago, notme said:

That's why I added in a later post that men are welcome to discuss the concept of hijab. What I mean is that men should not critique random hijabis on the street. (Or any woman, for that matter! Have some decency and lower your gaze!)

Okay, but as far as my post is concerned, I don't think I critiqued anyone specifically. I just discussed the matter in general way. 

Also, yeah it's probably not a great idea to go up to random people and start giving them random hijab advices. But to be honest, now that you mention this, I wonder what the rules of amr bil Maroof wa Nahi ‘anil Munkar (enjoining good and forbiding evil) because isn't it wajib to do this when you see fellow believers committing sins, and it's part of the furu e deen too.

Edited by AStruggler

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51 minutes ago, AStruggler said:

I wonder what the rules of amr bil Maroof wa Nahi ‘anil Munkar (enjoining good and forbiding evil) because isn't it wajib to do this when you see fellow believers committing sins, and it's part of the furu e deen too.

Good question, but maybe off topic. The sister posted about her community wanting her to dress more "western", not more modestly. My comment was in that context. 

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Since this is relevant to the topic of modesty; does anyone have any good smart and modest clothing ideas? 

Alot of young women have interviews/work and I can’t ever find any outfit that's both smart and modest. Does anyone know any affordable clothing brands / styles? I was interested in longer structured blazers but couldnt find any. 

Edited by 2Timeless

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Guy's perspective here:

I'd respect someone even more than usual if I say them wearing a 3abaya (not that I don't respect others, but if I see a 3abaya, I know how odd they must feel wearing it, considering, especially in the West, it's not common at all), but as mentioned, it's not practical in the West. I might respect it, but if anything, it'll get you even more looks than usual, unfortunately, due to being out of the ordinary. Also, I can see how walking around in it would be hard, especially if you're a student and walking around campus - it would probably get caught in your feet, wouldn't it?

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3 hours ago, 7ssein said:

would probably get caught in your feet, wouldn't it?

Not really. I’ve worn an abaya a couple of times to Uni, it’s just not good when you’re in between a hundred hazardous chemicals.

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1 minute ago, Ruqaya101 said:

Not really. I’ve worn an abaya a couple of times to Uni, it’s just not good when you’re in between a hundred hazardous chemicals.

Oh chemicals? You know what's great to wear around chemicals and modest too? A lab coat! As a bonus, they usually have pockets! Highly recommend. 

Pairs well with any closed toe shoes. 

But yeah, probably on those abaya wearing days, you'll want to change to something closer fitting before going to the lab. No reason to not wear it elsewhere though, if you like it. 

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On 10/16/2019 at 9:18 PM, notme said:

A lab coat! As a bonus, they usually have pockets! Highly recommend. 

Hahahaha, We have to wear lab coats on top of our clothes.  However, were not allowed to wear long attire underneath.

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@Ruqaya101 Salam. I think modesty is subjective to each person. I don't think the problem is with you not dressing modestly because everything you've mentioned so far seems modest enough to being worn in the West. I wouldn't suggest you to wear an abaya in the West, but even if you did, trust me.. I've seen girls get cat called even when they are wearing a loose abaya. Just wear what you feel is modest, at the end of the day, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) judges our intentions. If you know your intentions aren't to attract men, the sin will be on the men and not on you because you're not doing anything wrong. 

On 10/16/2019 at 4:54 PM, 2Timeless said:

Since this is relevant to the topic of modesty; does anyone have any good smart and modest clothing ideas? 

Alot of young women have interviews/work and I can’t ever find any outfit that's both smart and modest. Does anyone know any affordable clothing brands / styles? I was interested in longer structured blazers but couldnt find any. 

A website I order modest clothes and blazers from is modanisa.en :) it's affordable and the clothes are perfect for work/interviews. 

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Guest Someone


I think it would be better not to wear knee-high boots (ones that go up to the kneecaps anyway)

I think one factor is that because they are unusual, they do grab people's attention and then get you more unwanted attention.

And I'm not sure, but I think there is a tendency for flashy / Hollywood / sorority girl types of girls to wear them, which then perhaps creates a certain connotation for it... like how Birkenstock sandals have a connotation of hippies, even though they're just sandals. When a lot of people "of a certain type" wear a particular type of clothing, it creates a possibility that others who wear that type of clothing may get assumed to be like that as well.

 

Also, I think in post #13, the photo with the flower hijab... I think it does show too much of the body outline, and pants and a long shirt would be more modest than that outfit.

 

For the post where you wrote this:

On 10/16/2019 at 7:08 AM, Ruqaya101 said:

Or like that ^^ (I have the exact same outfit, but I wear ankle boots with it. I wear these types of styles almost everyday for university cause of lab work.

But when I go out shopping or to family friends, I'll wear a long dress or skirt.

...in the last post on page 1, the photos you said are like outfits you wear for university seem modest in my opinion (except for changing the high boots, due to the connotation issue).

But if you wear something like that white skirt when shopping, that may bring attention because it is a nice / formal outfit, and perhaps other people are usually dressed more casually, so then you stand out for looking nicer.

If you're "dressed to the nines" while others are in casual clothing, that will just naturally draw more attention to you.

 

However, the men whistling or grabbing at you is simply terrible behaviour on their part though, and they have no excuse.

 

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13 hours ago, karbalaii said:

Salam. I think modesty is subjective to each person. I don't think the problem is with you not dressing modestly because everything you've mentioned so far seems modest enough to being worn in the West. I wouldn't suggest you to wear an abaya in the West, but even if you did, trust me.. I've seen girls get cat called even when they are wearing a loose abaya. Just wear what you feel is modest, at the end of the day, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) judges our intentions. If you know your intentions aren't to attract men, the sin will be on the men and not on you because you're not doing anything wrong. 

Thank you so much. Im still kind of struggling with it, As I worry about my modesty. But inshallah khair.

 

13 minutes ago, Guest Someone said:

I think it would be better not to wear knee-high boots (ones that go up to the kneecaps anyway)

I think one factor is that because they are unusual, they do grab people's attention and then get you more unwanted attention.

And I'm not sure, but I think there is a tendency for flashy / Hollywood / sorority girl types of girls to wear them, which then perhaps creates a certain connotation for it... like how Birkenstock sandals have a connotation of hippies, even though they're just sandals. When a lot of people "of a certain type" wear a particular type of clothing, it creates a possibility that others who wear that type of clothing may get assumed to be like that as well.

 

Yeah but my boots are just plain black, and theyre wide too, They don’t stick to my legs. and usually my dress passes the top of the boots too. It looks like any one else wearing boots, which a lot of girls do in my university as we have to have closed boots on for labs.

But thank you. :) 

 

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On 10/16/2019 at 2:22 AM, Ruqaya101 said:

I get a lot of remarks from men, and it makes me feel ashamed, even when I’m wearing what’s considered super modest.

 

On 10/16/2019 at 2:50 AM, Ruqaya101 said:

I still feel extremely self conscious because of many, many remarks from men whilst even wearing an abaya sometimes. It makes me feel ashamed and like im doing something wrong.

 

On 10/16/2019 at 6:18 AM, Ruqaya101 said:

It makes me feel ashamed of myself, like im doing something wrong. If they were saying it once or twice, then id understand that men are like that, but it happens a lot and occasionally.

Ladies, the problem isn't with your dress, its their mentality. Don't let someones thoughts or comments make you question yourself. Hijab is between you and Allah, if you believe what you're wearing is modest, khalas.

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