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Ruqaya101

Modesty

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Sallam alaikum everyone, inshallah you’re all doing well, living the life, being dreadful, okay awesome let’s get to my point. 

To the sisters, (I mean brothers can join in but.... challenge: what do they know about female clothes anyway?) I was just wondering about modesty when it comes to clothing, Other than wearing long skirts and cardigans, or long dresses or abayas, I’ve been lately wearing over the knee dresses with over the knee cardigans and knee length boots. Would that be modest enough?? I don’t usually wear this type because I’m just not comfortable with it, but for argument sakes, would this be considered modest? And I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and I’m getting worried that it might be modest in the eyes of people here but not in the eyes of God.

Second question, about belts or ties around the waists, even if it wasn’t tied tightly, it would still outline your figure, and I’m thin, what’s the ruling on that? Again, I’m the eyes of the community here and the people in general, this is modest, but what in the eyes of God?

With regards to sleeves, should they also be loose? I don’t wear tight sleeves, they’re always loose to some degree. But I’m asking out of curiosity and to gain some insight about it.

I don’t wear colourful clothing either, they’re usually dark colors. 

I know this might sound a bit stupid but I just haven’t been feeling comfortable and it’s been getting to me. Also, I could be able to answer others if they have the same questions.

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A lot of what is considered modest or immodest is cultural. That's why Islam proscribes loose covering clothing for women, but does not dictate a particular style or color, or even give details on degree of looseness.

I like to wear knee-length dresses or long cardigan over a shirt, with regular jeans or trousers. That is plenty modest in the United States, but might not be elsewhere. 

My very fashionable Lebanese friend often wore knee boots with below knee skirts or dresses, and she also was perfectly modest for here in the United States. 

I'm not sure either of us would be acceptable in rural Iran. 

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I can understand why you're asking. Probably not the best hijab, but skirts aren't my thing at all except for special occasions. I'll very rarely wear knee high "riding" boots too, and to be honest I don't see a problem with them. I think things that clench your clothes at your waist might not be the best hijab technically. I don't see a connection with modesty and color choice personally. 

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4 minutes ago, notme said:

like to wear knee-length dresses or long cardigan over a shirt, with regular jeans or trousers. That is plenty modest in the United States, but might not be elsewhere. 

I live in Australia. My community have been telling my parents that I should dress a bit western (jeans and long shirts) because skirts and long dresses apparently attract too much attention to us. 

I think when I wear skirts, I look modest an western, always something nice but presentable.

I’m just confused now.

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19 minutes ago, Ruqaya101 said:

My community have been telling my parents that I should dress a bit western (jeans and long shirts) because skirts and long dresses apparently attract too much attention to us. 

Unless it is a matter of safety, I don't think you should let your community dictate your fashion, and you certainly shouldn't wear what you consider to be less modest to please them. Yes, trousers and shirts are acceptable, but the most important thing after meeting hijab requirements is that you are comfortable in your own clothing.

 

Edited by notme

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This is tricky.If I wore a dress or skirt it would be the long skirts and maxi dresses only. Trousers work best for hijab in my opinion. They are also more practical than dresses and riding boots. Just out of curiosity since I have never worn those is it convenient taking them off during the day at work/school for wudhu etc?

This is such a nice outfit (though still room for improvement for hijab)

1696895034_images(69).jpeg.ab500f2f665bb223934677aaad4a14c1.jpeg

Dresses over trouser/jeans look nice too

1242029524_images(70).jpeg.927333a5e43f97fade5f98ccf9e462ce.jpeg

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4 hours ago, Ruqaya101 said:

Sallam alaikum everyone, inshallah you’re all doing well, living the life, being dreadful, okay awesome let’s get to my point. 

To the sisters, (I mean brothers can join in but.... challenge: what do they know about female clothes anyway?) I was just wondering about modesty when it comes to clothing, Other than wearing long skirts and cardigans, or long dresses or abayas, I’ve been lately wearing over the knee dresses with over the knee cardigans and knee length boots. Would that be modest enough?? I don’t usually wear this type because I’m just not comfortable with it, but for argument sakes, would this be considered modest? And I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately, and I’m getting worried that it might be modest in the eyes of people here but not in the eyes of God.

Second question, about belts or ties around the waists, even if it wasn’t tied tightly, it would still outline your figure, and I’m thin, what’s the ruling on that? Again, I’m the eyes of the community here and the people in general, this is modest, but what in the eyes of God?

With regards to sleeves, should they also be loose? I don’t wear tight sleeves, they’re always loose to some degree. But I’m asking out of curiosity and to gain some insight about it.

I don’t wear colourful clothing either, they’re usually dark colors. 

I know this might sound a bit stupid but I just haven’t been feeling comfortable and it’s been getting to me. Also, I could be able to answer others if they have the same questions.

I get what you're trying to say. Girl I see you like almost everyday and I always think you wear modest, most of the clothes you wear don't really show your figure because you often wear either a lose cardigan or jacket. 

Personally, I don't like clothes that are too loose. It makes me look twice as fat since im already chubby, so normally I'd prefer clothes that will make me look skinnier but also not too tight, so modest enough. I feel like sometimes people exaggerate on modesty, if you get what I mean. 

You shouldn't need to worry because if you're covering yourself for the sake of God it just shows that you are already being a modest Muslimah

with your question about belts or ties, I don't know what to say that, you should probs ask your marja3 or something. Maybe it depends on whether they outline your figure too much or not

I also don't think there's a problem with sleeves, whether they're tight or lose. 

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23 minutes ago, notme said:

community dictate your fashion,

Not that easy, unfortunately.

23 minutes ago, notme said:

Yes, trousers and shirts are acceptable, but the most important thing after meeting hijab requirements is that you are comfortable in your own clothing.

I just don’t feel comfortable at all with anything. Even when I wear long skirts and a cardigan, I still feel self conscious. 

I get a lot of remarks from men, and it makes me feel ashamed, even when I’m wearing what’s considered super modest.

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23 minutes ago, hasanhh said:

Serious Question:  When modesty among uhties is discussed, is cosmetics ever included?

You mean makeup?

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d4b28b64c85dd9252cdfddfd5630fbf5.jpg

So, I have been wearing similar to this, except the shirt is longer, just passing the boots.

sleeveless-camel-coat-hijab.jpg 

this too.

57c82112624b7972c3843e7fae5dd24f.jpg

this is also what I wear most of the time

04222824f90faa8e08e31b333c5350d7.jpg

this

Hijab-with-Cardigans.jpg

I still feel extremely self conscious because of many, many remarks from men whilst even wearing an abaya sometimes. It makes me feel ashamed and like im doing something wrong.

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3 hours ago, Ruqaya101 said:

I get a lot of remarks from men, and it makes me feel ashamed, even when I’m wearing what’s considered super modest.

Why are men confronting you about your hijab? I am shocked that men would say something to you about your modest hijab. 

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4 minutes ago, Hameedeh said:

Why are men confronting you about your hijab? I am shocked that men would say something to you about your modest hijab. 

No, its not about my hijab, more like sexual remarks. 

It makes me feel ashamed of myself, like im doing something wrong. If they were saying it once or twice, then id understand that men are like that, but it happens a lot and occasionally.

Edited by Ruqaya101

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2 hours ago, Ruqaya101 said:

No, its not about my hijab, more like sexual remarks. 

It makes me feel ashamed of myself, like im doing something wrong. If they were saying it once or twice, then id understand that men are like that, but it happens a lot and occasionally.

Does it happen at uni or randomly in the street? And when you're not wearing an abayah do they still make the same remarks? 

I personally don’t like wearing skirts or maxi dresses for three reasons, firstly I always feel overdressed when I do wear that, secondly wearing long things just makes me look shorter than I am, thirdly, it's not practical at all, especially in the cold and wet weather. Why don’t you just wear culottes or trousers with longer tops? 

Edited by 2Timeless

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@Ruqaya101  I'm just going to be honest with you, I actually think you need to chill a bit. I understand you really fear God and feel self conscious of your body, but you shouldn't be blaming yourself for guys constantly wooing you (I don't know why I find it hard to believe bc ive never seen guys here do that or maybe im just a very lost person). I see you almost everyday and mashallah I think that you're more modest than other girls here. Yes I agree that the sin can fall on both sides, but that would depend on the girl's intention. Obviously your intention is to dress and look modest for the sake of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), and if you're saying that guys still tend to say such things then the blame is all on them. Women are not always the reason why men get lustful thoughts or say such things, some of them just have really dirty minds that if you were to cover yourself the way you always do, they'll still get turned on. So stop worrying. Men are men and thats how their minds work, some of them can't control it. We have a duty by covering ourselves as Muslim girls to protect our haya and modesty, we don't need to overdress ourselves (im talking about wearing full on baggy clothing and jackets looking twice as fat) bc of some stupid men who can't control themselves. Thats something that they need to work on if they can't seem to control their carnal desires.

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Being catcalled makes me feel gross too because its pure objectifaction. :(

Even the best hijab won't stop being cat called. I've been cat called and slammed into on numerous occasions by men in the Middle East even while wearing a full body black abaya. The worst case was when I was 13 and in a very busy market, I got cat called, then grabbed by a street vendor to buy the stuff he was selling, and my family was only a foot away looking at stuff, but he ran away before I could tell them. The next time we went to that market, I linked arms with two of my adult family members so if he saw me, he wouldn't harass me. But then someone slammed into from behind and almost knocked me over, I turned around and saw it was him but again he ran away immediatley. As a shy and gentle 13 year old CHILD I felt so violated.

In the west, the worst was when I was catcalled and tailgatted by a dude in truck while my mom was in the passenger seat of our car too. 

And these are my experiences as a girl who had an extremely overprotective family and almost never went alone anywhere. I know other sisters here might have similar or worse experiences. 

Edited by Lilly14

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13 hours ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

@Ruqaya101  I'm just going to be honest with you, I actually think you need to chill a bit. I understand you really fear God and feel self conscious of your body, but you shouldn't be blaming yourself for guys constantly wooing you (I don't know why I find it hard to believe bc ive never seen guys here do that or maybe im just a very lost person). I see you almost everyday and mashallah I think that you're more modest than other girls here. Yes I agree that the sin can fall on both sides, but that would depend on the girl's intention. Obviously your intention is to dress and look modest for the sake of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), and if you're saying that guys still tend to say such things then the blame is all on them. Women are not always the reason why men get lustful thoughts or say such things, some of them just have really dirty minds that if you were to cover yourself the way you always do, they'll still get turned on. So stop worrying. Men are men and thats how their minds work, some of them can't control it. We have a duty by covering ourselves as Muslim girls to protect our haya and modesty, we don't need to overdress ourselves (im talking about wearing full on baggy clothing and jackets looking twice as fat) bc of some stupid men who can't control themselves. Thats something that they need to work on if they can't seem to control their carnal desires.

I agree mostly, but we need to be clear that all men have control over their whims. The ones who cat call or worse, don't see anything wrong with what they do or say, and don't care to fix themselves. They think we're objects for their pleasure and that's it. There's interviews with catcallers on YouTube, if you ever want to hear more about their mindset. 

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1 hour ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

are they western? bc I used to think that they're usually not attracted to hijabis

Believe me they are, I know because I understand western culture a lot.

There's a lot of weird ones out there today I don't really want to go into too much detail to be honest though... 

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53 minutes ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

Women are not always the reason why men get lustful thoughts or say such things, some of them just have really dirty minds that if you were to cover yourself the way you always do, they'll still get turned on. So stop worrying. Men are men and thats how their minds work, some of them can't control it. We have a duty by covering ourselves as Muslim girls to protect our haya and modesty, we don't need to overdress ourselves (im talking about wearing full on baggy clothing and jackets looking twice as fat) bc of some stupid men who can't control themselves. Thats something that they need to work on if they can't seem to control their carnal desires.

As a guy I completely agree with this. As long as girls dress modestly, you can't blame them for disturbing remarks made by some men... 

Men must try to control our gaze more and try to be more shameful when they look at girls... Men nowadays are not ashamed to look at girls and I have no idea why.

Personally I'm too shy and shameful so I never look at them let alone speak to them... 

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13 hours ago, 2Timeless said:

Does it happen at uni or randomly in the street?

It happens everywhere, even in front of my parents, though they don’t understand english much, thankfully. It happens at the shops, at the train stations, walking outside, at uni.

13 hours ago, 2Timeless said:

And when you're not wearing an abayah do they still make the same remarks? 

Yes, of course. 

13 hours ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

lol since when

are they western? bc I used to think that they're usually not attracted to hijab

I love the fact that I explained to you the situations twenty minutes before you made this post. But ill say it here in case you missed it since you never pay attention, Its been happening since I was 16. And yes theyre mostly western, however my two Muslim lab partners have also confronted me about this cat calling as they were witnesses to it on many occasions and we never speak of this in front of you cause its not something exactly to converse about, it makes me extremely upset. And youre not too open to these kinds of thing either, and thats a good thing.

13 hours ago, 2Timeless said:

Why don’t you just wear culottes or trousers with longer tops? 

I wear all that, I wear all types of styles and clothing, Im very much into style and chic and yet keeping it modest, But I still feel extremely self conscious. Especially lately.

Whatever I wear, I fear that I'm doing something wrong, because I get whistled at, Men always try to grab at me, and its extremely shameful for me and... Well, it hurts. 

@ali_fatheroforphans, Do you remember that one guy with the pink shirt and how he was acting and what he did with his shirt towards me? I may not have showed it (though I could tell you sensed it), but I was extremely uncomfortable and ive had worse cases than that. This happens to me **daily**. 

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12 hours ago, Ruqaya101 said:

love the fact that I explained to you the situations twenty minutes before you made this post. But ill say it here in case you missed it since you never pay attention, Its been happening since I was 16. And yes theyre mostly western, however my two Muslim lab partners have also confronted me about this cat calling as they were witnesses to it on many occasions and we never speak of this in front of you cause its not something exactly to converse about, it makes me extremely upset. And youre not too open to these kinds of thing either, and thats a good thing

I already know u told me this. That post ^ I was meant to post it a couple of hours ago.

anyway

12 hours ago, Ruqaya101 said:

ere witnesses to it on many occasions and we never speak of this in front of you cause its not something exactly to converse about, it makes me extremely upset. And youre not too open to these kinds of thing either, and thats a good thing.

First of all, I hope you do realise that I’m not innocent. I may give off innocent vibes but if u know me well I’m not really innocent. I hate the fact that some people make it seem like I’m somehow sensitive when it comes to these certain things bc really I’m not. And yes I am open to these kind of things (if u know what I mean), but I said that I hardly or never see it happening.

this reminds me of hs. A lot of my friends chose to hide things from me bc they thought I was too innocent and religious. I felt like an idiot bc I used to be so clueless and so lost about everything that would happen around me. 

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5 minutes ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

this reminds me of hs. A lot of my friends chose to hide things from me bc they thought I was too innocent and religious. I felt like an idiot bc I used to be so clueless and so lost about everything that would happen around me. 

But maryooma, youre like my teddy bear... (dreamily daydreams about pinching your cheeks).

Youre right, by the way. You do give off very innocent vibes and its cute. You shouldnt dislike it. Its a beautiful trait that you have.

Lol I always tell Muhammad, I have a need to protect you from the outside world... I don't know, I guess thats always the way I see you, and it isn't bad, I love it about you. You don't like it when I'm cheesy, but wallah, I'm serious, embrace yourself entirely, you're awesome.

Edited by Ruqaya101

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On 10/16/2019 at 1:47 PM, Ruqaya101 said:

...

Stop overthinking. So what are you supposed to do ? Stand facing down and slouch so that u may not grab people’s attention?? 

Look I understand how u feel. And mashallah its good that you’re keeping your level of faith. But you’re literally overthinking too much. You need to stop worrying. There’s nothing in you that needs to change. Don’t let these stupid men force yourself to change only bc of them 

Edited by Khadim uz Zahra

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15 minutes ago, Ruqaya101 said:

Lol I always tell Muhammad, I have a need to protect you from the outside world... I don't know, I guess thats always the way I see you, and it isn't bad, I love it about you. You don't like it when I'm cheesy, but wallah, I'm serious, embrace yourself entirely, you're awesome

Thankyou I love you but there’s no need in protecting me bc I’m already aware of these things. It’s just that I don’t see it happening. Sometimes I don’t like how u treat me like a child bc bloody hell, I’m in uni lol

so stop hiding these things and it’s okay to open up bc my mind has already been exposed to these kind of things ages ago...

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Just now, 3wliya_maryam said:

Thankyou I love you but there’s no need in protecting me bc I’m already aware of these things. It’s just that I don’t see it happening. Sometimes I don’t like how u treat me like a child bc bloody hell, I’m in uni lol

so stop hiding these things and it’s okay to open up bc my mind has already been exposed to these kind of things ages ago...

Im sorry, lol I just can’t. Youre going to have to deal with me, unfortunately.

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14 hours ago, 2Timeless said:

I personally don’t like wearing skirts or maxi dresses for three reasons, firstly I always feel overdressed when I do wear that, secondly wearing long things just makes me look shorter than I am, thirdly, it's not practical at all, especially in the cold and wet weather.

By the way, It depends how you style with a long skirt (maybe thats why you'd feel overdressed, probably not making the right matches to be honest). 

Im tall, and so long skirts make me feel underdressed sometimes. Though, youre a dwarf so.... I don’t blame you :hahaha:Ya qizim bri6aniya (also, Arent british (caucasian) people tall? just out of curiosity?)

And Australia is literally hot and dry and humid for 4 months at a time, During winter, I always wear wide trousers or jeans with ankle boots and a long chic Jumper/jacket.

13a3926f47a481ff5e40201fc419a1ac.jpg

something like this, but the jumper and shirt would be longer, reaching the knees.

tunic-5475bs198-brick-370781-54-O.jpg

bba243047fcdf13600522615e9a1d05d.jpg

Hijab-style-2018-Pinterest-@Armeen-Mahmo

Or like that ^^ (I have the exact same outfit, but I wear ankle boots with it. I wear these types of styles almost everyday for university cause of lab work.

But when I go out shopping or to family friends, I'll wear a long dress or skirt.

5701a63a81fe438b2ef02c94c509212d.jpg

arabic-style-hijab-fashion-2016-2017-lon

no heels please. 

But im a very big Stylist, I love clothes, I always take girls from uni to the shops and I love matching things. @3wliya_maryam, remember zubayda?? 

But when it comes to myself, Im very self conscious about my modesty.

And when I go to Iraq...

saudi-jilbab-with-snap-buttons-umm-hafsa@3wliya_maryam Cannot wait!

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