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Sisters In Islam

A Homemaker - A True Pride For Women

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Totally agree, in today's world, women are shamed if they choose to stay at home and decide to put all their energy in creating a loving home, there is no shame ladies, if that is what you want to do, than by all means you should, but in my opinion (and this is only my opinion), that decision can only come after you are married and only after discussing things with your hubby, cause every family is different.

Prior to that, don’t think about marriage too much, maybe think about how you can improve things for your community, maybe get a job or education, so as to prepare yourself to be able to stand on your own 2 feet if anything happens in the future.

Ultimately, its your life, don’t let anyone tell you how to live it or make you feel any shame for the decisions you decide make.

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I think being a stay at home is great if that's what you chose for yourself! But I almost never hear people who support the stay at home woman lifestyle also advise to have contingency plans. For example, if your husband suddenly passes away has he willed the home to you, and/or does he have life insurance? I knew two sisters who had small kids who were spared from extreme financial hardship because their husbands had planned ahead before they suddenly passed away. Also, if your husband is abusive, and since you don't work and have no control over the finances, will you have the financial means to even be able to escape and pay for a place to stay until you can find a job so you don't have to rely on battered women shelters for a roof over your head? Or once you leave, will you have an education to help you find a decent paying job so you don't have to struggle to make ends meet on minimum wage? I know a pregnant sister who was a stay at home but had an abusive husband and is doing the exact thing she never wanted to do: working minimum wage in retail while her toddler is taken care of by non-family, and she is trying to quickly find someone to marry her and provide for her.

Edited by Lilly14

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Undeniably, having a loving family member at home is best for kids, but the needs of the adults also must be considered. If a woman is miserable as a housewife, she should not be forced into the role. If the family needs money and the wife can earn it and wants to, this right shouldn't be denied. A wife has a right, not an obligation, to stay home and care for home and family. Life is a series of compromises and we all just do the best we can with what we have. 

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Thanks, sometimes it is difficult to take this kind of advice with humility. But making a home and taking care of the family is an honorable thing. Someone has to make the house into a home with love and devotion. The home is the building block of the society so it should be more than just a bed and breakfast to lay ones head and eat a meal.

8 hours ago, notme said:

This is a terrible idea. Didn't she learn from her first mistake? 

If she can find a good man, it is a good idea. Being provided for can help ease her mind and get herself on her feet. However she has to be very careful not to marry an abusive man again. 

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6 hours ago, Lilly14 said:

I think being a stay at home is great if that's what you chose for yourself! But I almost never hear people who support the stay at home woman lifestyle also advise to have contingency plans. For example, if your husband suddenly passes away has he willed the home to you, and/or does he have life insurance? I knew two sisters who had small kids who were spared from extreme financial hardship because their husbands had planned ahead before they suddenly passed away. Also, if your husband is abusive, and since you don't work and have no control over the finances, will you have the financial means to even be able to escape and pay for a place to stay until you can find a job so you don't have to rely on battered women shelters for a roof over your head? Or once you leave, will you have an education to help you find a decent paying job so you don't have to struggle to make ends meet on minimum wage? I know a pregnant sister who was a stay at home but had an abusive husband and is doing the exact thing she never wanted to do: working minimum wage in retail while her toddler is taken care of by non-family, and she is trying to quickly find someone to marry her and provide for her.

May Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) help her and all the Muslim women who need help!

But our risq is in Allah's hands right ?So,why thinking about work if we can think about marriage?

Edited by Maryam.It

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46 minutes ago, Maryam.It said:

So,why thinking about work if we can think about marriage?

Because working will help you become financially stable while you look for a suitable partner. Working gives you skills that are applicable to all situations in your life. Relying on a man solely for one's stability, and making that one's sole purpose in life deducts from a woman's self worth. You don’t need a man to be financially comfortable, and while you're single, you should enjoy those benefits, because when  you are married and a mother you might not have the luxury of earning your own money.

Also, its incredibly lazy to just wait for a man to save us and pay for everything even when we're young and have nothing else to do. Later, when young women become mothers, it's understandable why they'd want to stay at home and care for their children, but opting out and waiting for a man to just pay for your whole life when you're a single young woman just makes no sense. 

Edited by 2Timeless

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2 hours ago, Maryam.It said:

May Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) help her and all the Muslim women who need help!

But our risq is in Allah's hands right ?So,why thinking about work if we can think about marriage?

Because, why not?

Marriage is not the only thing in life, its definitely a huge portion, but there is alot more to do. That's wat I think at least.

Personally, I am not married yet, and have only recently seriously thought about marriage. So I know I can’t speak as if I am well versed on the concept of marriage. For all I know maybe I'll get married and wana be a house wife too. Join the club ygm. Allahu aalam. 

You do you maryam. 

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1 hour ago, Maryam.It said:

But our risq is in Allah's hands right ?So,why thinking about work if we can think about marriage?

Those people who make it their primary goal to get married end up marrying whoever comes along at the right time instead of waiting for a suitable compatible person to enter their life. 

Also, a competent mother is best for raising competent children.

No parent should have to function independently, but bad things happen and some parents are forced to raise children alone. Wouldn't the mother who has at least some work background be in a better position to care for her children if her husband leaves or dies? And wouldn't the father who has at least some idea of how to care for home and family be also in a better position if his wife leaves or dies?

Housework and child caring are not women's work, they are people's work. Earning money is a married man's responsibility, but it is also a woman's right if she chooses. 

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2 hours ago, 2Timeless said:

Because working will help you become financially stable while you look for a suitable partner. Working gives you skills that are applicable to all situations in your life. Relying on a man solely for one's stability, and making that one's sole purpose in life deducts from a woman's self worth. You don’t need a man to be financially comfortable, and while you're single, you should enjoy those benefits, because when  you are married and a mother you might not have the luxury of earning your own money.

Also, its incredibly lazy to just wait for a man to save us and pay for everything even when we're young and have nothing else to do. Later, when young women become mothers, it's understandable why they'd want to stay at home and care for their children, but opting out and waiting for a man to just pay for your whole life when you're a single young woman just makes no sense. 

Do you know there is fitna right?Do you know there is dirt mud outside...but you,like a young woman,want to go out anyway?

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1 hour ago, RUKS said:

Because, why not?

Marriage is not the only thing in life, its definitely a huge portion, but there is alot more to do. That's wat I think at least.

Personally, I am not married yet, and have only recently seriously thought about marriage. So I know I can’t speak as if I am well versed on the concept of marriage. For all I know maybe I'll get married and wana be a house wife too. Join the club ygm. Allahu aalam. 

You do you maryam. 

You do you?What?

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53 minutes ago, Maryam.It said:

Do you know there is fitna right?Do you know there is dirt mud outside...but you,like a young woman,want to go out anyway?

Lol what do you mean? 

Theres dirt and mud everywhere. Are you going to trap yourself at home for no reason just because you might potentially be hurt or get tired? 

What's your solution? Sit at home all day with literally nothing to do? Not even have any kids to care for a husband to tend to. It literally makes 0 sense. 

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26 minutes ago, notme said:

Those people who make it their primary goal to get married end up marrying whoever comes along at the right time instead of waiting for a suitable compatible person to enter their life. 

Also, a competent mother is best for raising competent children.

No parent should have to function independently, but bad things happen and some parents are forced to raise children alone. Wouldn't the mother who has at least some work background be in a better position to care for her children if her husband leaves or dies? And wouldn't the father who has at least some idea of how to care for home and family be also in a better position if his wife leaves or dies?

Housework and child caring are not women's work, they are people's work. Earning money is a married man's responsibility, but it is also a woman's right if she chooses. 

Are you talking about something that you know or something that you just image?

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@Maryam.ItI think you're still young and when you're done with school and have nothing left to do, you'll realise how vital work/study is for your own mental health and productivity. The only thing you need to do is find something you're passionate about and you wont think of it as "mud and dirt". 

Your sole purpose in life is not to find a husband. God created you for bigger things than just that.

Edited by 2Timeless

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9 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

@Maryam.ItI think you're still young and when you're done with school and have nothing left to do, you'll realise how vital work/study is for your own mental health and productivity. The only thing you need to do is find something you're passionate about and you wont think of it as "mud and dirt". 

Your sole purpose in life is not to find a husband. God created you for bigger things than just that.

Than " just that"?Sorry...How old are you?And,do you live in the house with your parents?

 

 

Edited by Maryam.It

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39 minutes ago, Maryam.It said:

Are you talking about something that you know or something that you just image?

I'm a full time homemaker and former civil engineer with four children ranging in age from 19 to 4. I have had to be a single parent before, when my husband couldn't function due to severe mental illness. I consider it a privilege to be able to stay home and provide full time care for my children now, but not an obligation. I choose this, it wasn't forced on me. Does that answer your question? 

Edited by notme

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Guest Pschological Warfare
13 hours ago, Sisters In Islam said:

Islam : BEING A HOMEMAKER IS A PRIDE FOR WOMEN. THAT'S THEIR BEST TALENT AND ABILITY. TO CULTIVATE HUMAN BEING BY BEING A HOMEMAKER. THIS JOB CANNOT BE DONE BY MEN.

It takes a great amount of wisdom to understand this heavy obligation. As our women are given a Trust they need to physically, mentally, morally, ethically nurture and safeguard till it reaches its true potential. They are the custodians of the Trust of the Imam(عليه السلام) of time. Our God fearing and Azadar mothers are responsible for our love for our Imam(عليه السلام). Heaven is under the feet for such mothers who's feet take us to our first Aza and help us develop the love that is decreed by Allah(عزّ وجلّ). 

In the west, its especially important to have dedicated Mother, who will sacrifice her potential as a wage earner, and deal with the peer pressure from the working women. It takes a lot to push back this relenting onslaught that the secular government, in corporation with the corporate world through their joint marketing arm media(Movie, TV, Internet and celebrities) looks to exploit thee women. As you understand, taking the women out of a home, it increases tax revenue base, it increase consumers which is good for the corporate bottom line, and economic growth. Fast food, beauty, fashion , clothing,  daycare industry prospers. Physician, child psychologists, divorce lawyers and pharmaceutical benefit - overall win win due to increase revenue and subsequent tax to the government. So, liberalism will be promoted at all cost to sustain economic growth. At the expense of family, mental and physical diseases and moral corruption that results in abandoned, malnutrition, mentally unstable children. We see this result in secular countries. 

Peer pressure is another big factor here, as the working women group looks down on such women for their own selfish interests. Just in case the society turns they will loose their majority, and the pressure will be on them. So all kind of tactics are utilized like fear factor, loss of freedom, financial independence to undermine and demean Family oriented Women.

If women, stay with the Natures design, they stay mentally healthy and stable. Unnatural path results in unnatural consequences. In the end, corporate world spits out after all has been taken from us. In the end, it does not pan out net positive for us. Family, and children are a real career, as it is your own and you reap the benefits in this world and the next. 

So, understand your high position and obligation to your Imam(عليه السلام) of the time. Don't sell it for few coins or illusion of freedom and independence. 

We can't do their job, Nature did not design us for that, nor we have the necessary skills.  We can provide financial support but they are the ones who nurture our children. 

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10 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

I study and have a part time job, and yes I do live with my parents. 

Best of luck! I hope you do great in your exams:grin:

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2 hours ago, 2Timeless said:

Your sole purpose in life is not to find a husband. God created you for bigger things than just that.

Well... Bigger things like purifying our souls, but not bigger things like working and just for the heck of it. Working in and of itself for a woman is not honorable (nor dishonorable). However there is a Hadith, I don't know how to find it, but it says that the first thing a woman will be asked about when she dies is how happy her husband was with her. Not how advanced she got in her career. 

While a woman is single and has nothing to better to do, I agree with you she should use her time wisely to study, work, travel, or whatever will fulfill her. 

51 minutes ago, Moalfas said:

If they can balance their home/children/work responsibilities, it could work perfectly.

It's great to help each other and that's what Imam Ali (عليه السلام) demonstrated. However in all systems, it is more efficient to have division of labor, a domain that each specializes in. That produces the best results for the whole family. 

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21 minutes ago, Moalfas said:

Men CAN be 'homemakers' and can raise children just as women CAN pursue successful careers and bring home the Halal turkey bacon. 

What are your thoughts on the New Zealand Prime minister Jacinda Ardern running the country while her husband is a stay at home dad to their infant baby? Is this the direction that things should go? 

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And also on this topic I want to highlight;

read about the value if men helps in the household

there is/are hadith(s) about this. I don't remember exactly, but it shows you how great it is and motivates to help.

Surely many men do not recognize the efforts mothers/wifes make every single day

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@ireallywannaknow Yes, Imam Ali (عليه السلام) used to help Fatima Zahra (عليه السلام) in housekeeping duties. 1400 years of Islam and some men still feel that it's the woman who should do all the house work! 

Sharing the responsibilities is the best way to raise a functional and productive family where children grow up learning those important ethics. 

I disagree that the woman's specialty is raising children when I know from personal experience that isn't always the case. Both parents are and can be capable of that adequately.

if the woman chooses to do something that she's good at. Absolutely go for it. If she can be a doctor or a nurse helping people or teacher raising the generations then she sould. She'll obviously have to balance her work and home duties that she'll have to arrange and agree with her husband. And that's marriage, give and take. 

As for New Zealand's PM- that's a rare case and a very difficult and time consuming job. I think she's missing out on the most precious time she could have with her baby. But I respect her husband who's lucky enough to have the privilege and blessing of raising a baby. 

Edited by Moalfas

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Guest Pschological Warfare

Being a Family Oriented Women is a full time job/career (with excess amount of overtime required). Its not a 9:00AM - 5:00 PM sting. Its 24/7/365 thing, If you want to do the job right and have a physically, mentally healthy and socially successful family. Women is the center piece in this equation. Husband and kids rely on this one person for ALL their natural needs. Having a physically and mentally healthy and happy husband is in a good women's family interest for her and her kids. So, its not a salve thing as marketed. 

It's not a slave thing, or ownership things as marketed by the secular world. Its a deception slogan. They would rather have you a corporate slave and the when the corporate Owner/Master says jump you say who high. or you loose your privileges. We need to be not afraid and drill down the reality of corporate life so they are informed. I saw a thing, where this women had "You don' own me" apparently the reference is understood by all, no need to elaborate here. I said to myself, nice, but the world does own you. Since now you are its property and dance to its tune. These ideas are slogans to manipulate women for its social/corporate/tax benefit. We have role models and we need to be wiser than the rest who lack role models. 

Family Oriented Women, does not mean and should not be implied that some one stuck in the house, its a deceptive tactic. Women in the West, can become reciters of the ladies Majlis, during Muharram and Ramadan - work with young girls and be counselors, assist the community women and young girls in whatever way possible. 

Women were just taken out of their homes during World Wars, what did they do before that? wasted their time and life and were miserable. This is clever marketing and we should not fall for that. 

You have lazy, lethargic and soft man, looking for working women at the expense for their family. Hey, they can find their type - more power to them. 

If there is an absolute need,/or a necessity-  not a want its a different story. 

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2 hours ago, Guest Pschological Warfare said:

one person for ALL their natural needs.

And where does that one person get her needs met? or is she a bottomless container of physical, mental and emotional support that will never become empty?

I don't entirely disagree with your posts but why is it single dimensionally focused on the husband's and children's needs? In reality it's a give and take thing. Motherhood and housekeeping 24x7x365 is exhausting..physically and emotionally and many husbands and children tend to overlook this when USING her to get ALL their natural needs met. 

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Guest Pschological Warfare
On 10/14/2019 at 10:31 PM, starlight said:

I don't entirely disagree with your posts but why is it single dimensionally focused on the husband's and children's needs? 

There was some confusion about the Family Oriented Women's vital and pivotal role in a Family- . Compared to other "corporate occupations."

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9 hours ago, RUKS said:

That just means do whatever you want to do :grin:

I know.It's only that is not an "Islamic concept", right?

And more precisely is "do whatever you feel to do".

And it's not the Islamic way to think...or not?

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