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2Timeless

Betrayal

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Salam, 

Have you ever suffered a betrayal that you can't seem to get over? What was it (if you feel comfortable sharing) and how did you get over it? I'm referring to any type of betrayal that you may have suffered from; one that has significantly affected your thoughts/feelings towards someone. 

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6 hours ago, 2Timeless said:

Salam, 

Have you ever suffered a betrayal that you can't seem to get over? What was it (if you feel comfortable sharing) and how did you get over it? I'm referring to any type of betrayal that you may have suffered from; one that has significantly affected your thoughts/feelings towards someone. 

I can't think of any other betrayal than the one I had with my ex- bestfriend. The thing is, we both kind of betrayed eachother, if that made sense. It didn't hurt me to a point where I was depressed or emotional, but that feeling where it just wouldn't stop bothering you was always there, because we both looked up to eachother for a long time. When you lose a connection with someone you've known so well its not really that easy, for some people it can be mentally draining.

Then things started to slowly changed. The last two years of highschool, she met someone and they had a fling for half a year. Not only was I one of the last people to know about her crush, but I was also one of the last people to know about her breakup. Her excuses were 'I thought you would judge' , or 'I didn't want to make you upset'. So it made me question whether I was really her best friend

then she started to hang out with a different group, and I wasn't the only person who noticed that she began to change. I don't know what exactly changed in her, but she just started to become more distant. And I'm like, you know what? Why should I care anymore? Why should I continue caring for someone who no longer really gives a damn about me ? What I still don't understand is the fact that people choose to put the effort and time in someone who doesn't care. Why would you continue being there for that person only when they need something?

anyway, if you want to get over with someone, you just need to accept and move on really, which is easier said than done, but once you realise that he/she has no importance in your life anymore, letting go is easy as 123.  One day you will still recall those good times you had with them, but it won't mean as much as it used to.

Eventually, those friends are instantly replaced by better ones, which is exactly what happened that I'm really grateful for, Alhamdullilah.

@Ruqaya101

Edited by 3wliya_maryam

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6 hours ago, 2Timeless said:

Salam, 

Have you ever suffered a betrayal that you can't seem to get over? What was it (if you feel comfortable sharing) and how did you get over it? I'm referring to any type of betrayal that you may have suffered from; one that has significantly affected your thoughts/feelings towards someone. 

From everyone I know.

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28 minutes ago, Moalfas said:

Betrayal can be a devastating thing and not only affect thoughts and feelings, it can have long lasting effects that change one's outlook on life and others. 

This is especially true with partner betrayal which includes but is not limited to cheating. The more one's vulnerability is betrayed, the more damage it can cause.

Many who have been betrayed stop trusting people altogether and can end up painting everyone with the same brush. 

I think the best way to get over betrayal is time. It is the best healer. Also, It's a lesson learned as caution is key when deciding who's worthy of trust and how much to trust.

100%.

Its the type of lesson you learn the hard way. But nevertheless, I believe all our tests/trials/hardships and tribulations from the small to the big are a blessing in disguise.

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56 minutes ago, Moalfas said:

I think the best way to get over betrayal is time. It is the best healer. Also, It's a lesson learned as caution is key when deciding who's worthy of trust and how much to trust.

I don’t think time heals anything to be honest. It's the same with grieving over a loved one. The pain never ends, you just forget to remember it. Same with the betrayal, you don’t stop feeling it, you just forget to remember it and it becomes a part of your life. 

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Once I wasn't invited to this event when I was in High School, like my friends planned an event without me. I kept looking at the pictures on Facebook and damn it hurt. But, I realised that those friends weren't even friends after all.

True friends never betray you imo.

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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Don't let the betrayal spoil you of what God has given you. There will always be a scar, I agree with that but don't waste your future by thinking of the past either. What's done has been done, adapt your heart so that you don't feel the pain again and inshallah you will find the time where you can forgive the person. 

Edited by Ali883
Grammer

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My best friend bought two cornettos and ate both of them.

Worst form of betrayal.

Every time I eat a cornetto and I eat those a lot ...I remember that dark day of my life.

*breaks down sobbing*

Edited by starlight
Grammar

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17 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

I don’t think time heals anything to be honest. It's the same with grieving over a loved one. The pain never ends, you just forget to remember it. Same with the betrayal, you don’t stop feeling it, you just forget to remember it and it becomes a part of your life. 

I guess what it means is that over time, it hurts less than when it had just happened. 

I can remember both losing and grieving over a loved one as well as instances of being betrayed, and it doesn't hurt now as much as it did when it was fresh. 

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17 minutes ago, Moalfas said:

I guess what it means is that over time, it hurts less than when it had just happened. 

I can remember both losing and grieving over a loved one as well as instances of being betrayed, and it doesn't hurt now as much as it did when it was fresh. 

I guess it'll depend too. 

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Letting go of people, of things is a very valuable life skill. It's not easy to let go but holding on often causes more hurt.

Holding on isn't strength like some might think,letting go is. 

Easier said than done I know but why let one bad experience taint your whole vision about people? It should leave you wiser but not make you pessimistic or negative. 

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15 minutes ago, rkazmi33 said:

Like Some other members have mentioned, I have been betrayed by everyone. 

First betrayal was by my ex-husband. I sponsored his green card, tried to take care of him while I was working full time and never asked him for any money. He cheated on me with my own sister, all my cousins and verbally and emotionally abused me. I was able to get rid of him after 3 years. I was betrayed not only by my husband but my family, extended family which gave him too much attention, it got to his head and he started thinking he was superior than me. 

While I was dealing with marriage, I became part of a cult. I gave them all my savings because they made me feel good. When you give your savings to someone, it's like you give 4 or 5 years of your life to someone else, it's literally your blood and sweat. They did save me from suicide but I think they took a very high payment. I was thinking that I was one of 313 and I was going to bring a change. Later I realized that they were not working for any change, they use hundreds of people dealing with abuse for money and volunteer work. Now I am a ping pong ball between my family and that cult. When my family hurts me, I seek help from that cult, and when I get hurt by cult, I seek help from my family. 

My sister is the one who betrayed me most. After she used my husband to torture me, I stopped talking to her but I have to live with her. Since I don't talk to her, she doesn't get a chance to betray me more. She wants to make me alone, every friend that I make, she turns that friend against me. She has become the victim in front of whole family and community because of me cutting ties, and constantly tries to torture me indirectly. 

I have developed trust issues. I don't make any friends, I am scared of all people. Everytime I meet a new person, I can only think how will this person hurt me. I have lost motivation to do good deeds, do anything in life. I have also become bitter, cynical and quiet which effects my relationships at work. If the betrayals stopped, I would get a chance to heal but it doesn't stop. 

You genuinely have my prayers, sister. You have a community of sisters that I am sure are willing to help you out if you just go and ask. A blood relation can easily be weaker than a friendship you form so don't give up. 

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1 minute ago, hasanhh said:

lt can be 'easy'. Just get to that certain point and say, "to hell with this" and forget it/them. Then get away from it.

Yes, I agree. It might be easy for you and me but some people hold onto grudges, hurt and unrequited love for years, even their entire lives.

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4 minutes ago, hasanhh said:

lt can be 'easy'. Just get to that certain point and say, "to hell with this" and forget it/them. Then get away from it.

You're right, but sometimes its involving a family member or a really close person who you can’t just forget about or leave. So people are left with resentment/pain they can’t get over, while still feeling love for the person who betrayed them. 

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2 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

You're right, but sometimes its involving a family member or a really close person who you can’t just forget about or leave. So people are left with resentment/pain they can’t get over, while still feeling love for the person who betrayed them. 

If an 'age factor' is a constraint, well then l agree you are stuck with it.

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When my mom told me "it's ok if you don't come back to visit for a long time."

She now denies it ever happened, but what she has forgotten is seared into my memory and will probably always affect my trust of her. It's not easy to just let go. It's not a grudge, I'm not angry, it is a sadness.

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3 minutes ago, notme said:

When my mom told me "it's ok if you don't come back to visit for a long time."

it is a sadness.

When faced with situations like these,and it has happened quite a few times,I tell myself, 'Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) holds me dearer than these people do and that's all that matters'.

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@Ali883 
I think it was Aristotle who presented the following idea, which to me looks like it could very well be true;
The idea: There are 3 types of friendships. The first friendship exists or is based on benefit. If one or more of the parties included believes there is a benefit, they will keep this friendship. The other is of amusement. He says both these friendships are fake, and only exist as long as the benefit is there. The moment the benefit is not there, the friendship is no more.

Then the third friendship is the "real friendship" which is based on the virtues of the other. 

 

I think this was the idea. I always liked it, but haven't checked it with Islamic Wisdom etc. Perhaps some Traditions would give us a better insight in the Reality. 

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There is a good series by sheikh Jaffer H Jaffer about pardoning. It is very nice if you want to give it a listen, just type it into YouTube. The main gist though I think is to forgive but don't forget. 

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1 hour ago, starlight said:

When faced with situations like these,and it has happened quite a few times,I tell myself, 'Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) holds me dearer than these people do and that's all that matters'.

To be fair, she was angry because my little son (the one who is adult now) flushed an action figure down the only toilet in her house and it had to be entirely taken apart to fix it. I offered to hire a plumber, but she said "no, just please leave, and it's ok if you don't come back to visit for a long time."

I've always thought that things said in anger are more true.

 

Edited by notme

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5 hours ago, 2Timeless said:

This thread is very depressing. Apologies lol 

I wouldn’t categorise it as depressing. I think it’s rewarding just to see how strong each individual is in their own journey, and dealing with their own trials and tribulations. 

I believe every trial is a blessing in disguise, and Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) mercy is still wide and open, always will be. 

Everyone has their own shares of troubles but what keeps us firm is our faith and trust to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). We will never be betrayed by the One. 

From my perspective, you all have overcome certain issues and tests, and continue to overcome them with love in your hearts and kindness. And although many hold resentment and hatred towards another, deep inside you have the will to forgive. 

Don’t see it as a depressing outcome but one with all types of strong personalities. One with hope and loyalty to ones faith and God.

I pray that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) guides us all and may we find ease through prayer and patience. 

بسم الله الرحمان الرحيم

 يا أيها الذين آمنوا استعينوا بالصبر و الصلاة إن الله مع الصابرين

Thanks @Moalfas

personal message from me down there.

((و أتقو الله في الصبر والصلاة ولا تكونو حزناء و رحمة  الله واسعة في كل مكان :) ))

 

Edited by Ruqaya101

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42 minutes ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

not everyone does, including myself

No, you will grow and learn that this won’t be the case. With growing Imaan and Taqwa, you’ll have the strength from Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) to overcome anything.

I will paste a narration about this that I read in relation. And inshallah it will help.

The older you get, the more you realise with obtained knowledge and Islamic personality, that the only thing matters is your faith and Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). Our Imams and Prophets have mentioned this. 

Everyone is on their own individual journey with their own individual personalities and perspectives with how to deal with tribulations, but people become insightful the older they get, and wiser with intellect and increased faith. 

Everyone is able to forgive at some point. 

I think it was the Prophet who said “who are you to not forgive when you yourself ask forgiveness from Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى)” (someone correct me if I’m wrong).

And a lot of people disagree with the above comment saying “we aren’t better than the Prophet or Imam”. No we are not, but they are our role models, and they did advise this to us. 

Forgiveness is easy to some people and to others it’s extremely difficult. But difficulty gets easier when a harder trial hits.

Theres a very famous saying that goes, “مصيبة الثاني يهون مصيبتك" which translates to “when you see someone else’s trials, yours will seem less to handle”. I’ve read a narration similar to this as well. 

We should always strive to be the best Muslims we can be. And if the best Muslim you can be stops at forgiveness, it’s understandable. Nevertheless, we should grow and learn, try to implement as best we can the personalities of Ahlul Bayt, their traits and characteristics.

Again, everyone here and around is strong. Regardless of forgiveness or not, people go through hardships. 

And I sincerely pray that everyone is able to find ease in every aspect of faith.

“Hate no one, no matter how much they have wronged you. Live humbly, no matter how wealthy you become. Think positively, no matter how hard life is. Give much, even if you have been little. Keep in touch with the ones who have forgotten you, and forgive who has wronged you, and do not stop praying for the best for those you love”— Imam Ali AS

Edited by Ruqaya101

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1 hour ago, Ruqaya101 said:

((و أتقو الله في الصبر والصلاة ولا تكونو حزناء و رحمة  الله واسعة في كل مكان :) ))

واّتقوا الله بالصبر و الصلاة و لا تحزنو فرحمة الله واسعة في كل مكان

sorry y’all I got me an editor!

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