Jump to content
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!) ×
Guests can now reply in ALL forum topics (No registration required!)
In the Name of God بسم الله
Sign in to follow this  
Aflower

Can a woman propose to a man?

Rate this topic

Recommended Posts

I have a friend who is divorced and single. She is a good Muslim and doesn’t believe in casual dating etc. She came across a man whom she really likes. She thinks he likes her too but it’s hard to tell because he keeps giving mixed messages - but I’d say there’s most definitely something there. 

Would it be inappropriate for my friend to tell this man that she has feelings for him? The man is over 40 so they are both mature adults. She only believes in marriage so could this freak the guy out? Also, they hardly know each other but she doesn’t want to let this ship sail. What would be the best way to handle this? Would appreciate responses from the wiser and older men too. Would you judge a woman if she was so forward? 

 

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

There is no problem in it. She can propose him. 

12 minutes ago, Aflower said:

What would be the best way to handle this?

Best way!! 

Write a letter to that guy, inform him what you want in simple & clear wordings. 

16 minutes ago, Aflower said:

Would appreciate responses from the wiser and older men too.

I dare to gave you my suggestion only because of this "too".  

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This issue really depends the dynamics of the current relationship between the two. Only she has the experience with the gentleman to best identify the correct way to move forward.

Men just like women are different so one man could find a woman's interest and forward prospoal or suggestion to commit a normal or even an admirable thing whilst another man can find it clingy or scary or too forward etc

Generally speaking, if she senses that he's also interested and they are both mature adults as you describe, then there are many ways in which she can put forward the notion that she is interested in a long term commitment. Whether directly or indirectly. 

I would actually find it admirable if one was to have the confidence to make such proposal as it suggests confidence, stability and knowing what one wants and not being afraid to seek it.  

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
10 minutes ago, Cool said:

Write a letter to that guy, inform him what you want in simple & clear wordings. 

A letter?? Seriously?? 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
32 minutes ago, Aflower said:

She only believes in marriage so could this freak the guy out?

Yeah, that might happen... If she says outright "What do you think about marriage?"

Edited by Ali~J

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Just now, starlight said:

A letter?? Seriously?? 

:D yes, she can write everything she think & feel the need to inform him which could be difficult for her to say before him in person. 

Woman are shy by nature.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
23 minutes ago, Qasim-Raza said:

 

Khadija? seriously?do you mean Bibi Khadija Kubra (sa)? you need be respectful when you mention Bibi Khadija Kubra(sa) name and the younger man is Prophet Mohammed(صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) ,you can’t just say "Khadija"and "younger man" that is your love for them? that you can’t even mention Bibi Khadija(sa) and Prophet Mohammed(صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم) name with respect?

Quasim Salam. Calm down brother, he was best friends with the both of them. He can call them as he pleases. /sarcasm

Edited by حسين

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

This is my opinion. Get a male friend of him preferably a friend. Ask his friend to ask him:" BTW, do you have marriage plan? Do you know anyone?" Gradually introduce your friend to him as a marriage case and see what he thinks. This way, you friend doesn't need to propose him directly. If your husband is friend of him, ask your husband. Ask a trustworthy person who is close to him and you know well.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I asked an Alim about something similar question and he said a girl has every rite to marry the guy she like and parents cannot force a girl to marry where she doesn't want to but if she like someone she have to tell her parents first and then parents have to check  if the guy is deen dar and his amaal his taqwa and then if he belongs to a deen dar respectable family and the last his earning 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think using a mutual contact would be the most proper way. That is, ask someone who knows them both to present the idea to him and see what he thinks of it. Though usually any man interested in any women would make his interest clear either in one way or the other.

I hope they are not work colleagues.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

100%, the more it's done,

-the more we get rid of the societal norm that guys can only be the ones to propose

     -the more people that get married

     -the more people that have smoother, easier, earlier, and etc. marriages

It's just better for Muslim society overall...

Edited by AStruggler

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
11 hours ago, Aflower said:

Would appreciate responses from the wiser and older men too.

On my serious side . . .

l know of this being done and wrote of it recently, somewhere on ShiaChat.

A lot of times, a guy will not know of the girl.  Example: l went to a 50 year high school reunion. Several of the women called a girl who is younger than me. She came with her husband for the sole purpose of telling about her seriously fixated obsession with me back high school. l did not know of her before this time. She said she knew back then it was a "he doesn't know l am alive"  kind of thing. Her husband said he knew about it before the 40 some years they had been married, but it was never a problem. l guess for her it was one of those "l have to say something before life is gone"  kind of things. The other girls l did know were standing there nodding their heads up and down because they always knew about it too. lt was that devestatingly serious for her at that age.

In my case, my ex had her cousin came to ask me because she was only in my vicinity by coincidence -visiting her family.

 

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Guest Monad

tell her to contact the many shiachat members, who are still in their diapers, intimating they know about the world and both genders like the back of their hands. I am sure they can advice your 40 year old friend, who has lived on this planet for 40 years........ At that age, one should not shy away but consider with maturity the reality of time and choices.

Someone claimed women are shy?. Women in books are shy or in some culturals. But you would need to be around the many to understand what and when shyness is used.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Sign in to follow this  

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...