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Bookworm79

Halal and Haram Love

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1 hour ago, Bookworm79 said:

Is it haram to have a crush?

No, it’s not harram to have a crush, it’s natural for a human being to develop feelings or being attracted to someone else.

As long as no harram actions come out of it. 

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On 9/23/2019 at 4:08 AM, Ruqaya101 said:

No, it’s not harram to have a crush, it’s natural for a human being to develop feelings or being attracted to someone else.

As long as no harram actions come out of it. 

It depends..

It can be haram if one allows themselves to develop feelings or become attracted to someone else as a result of haram actions. E.g gazing at a person until you notice enough stuff to make you develop feelings, or communicating with a person until you develop feelings. So yes, having a crush can be haram if the reason it happened was haraaaaam. Compare gazing at someone endlessly until you develop feelings to noticing a person in passing has extremely good looks. Or a married person communicating secretly and regularly to a non mahram until you develop feelings as opposed to noticing someone in the course of your normal routine at work/school and finding them to have some admirable qualities. 

The reason a lot of "crushes" can be haram is because they should not have happened in the first place, if one was "lowering their gaze" both literally and metaphorically.

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On 9/23/2019 at 4:58 AM, habib e najjaar said:

It depends..

It can be haram if one allows themselves to develop feelings or become attracted to someone else as a result of haram actions. E.g gazing at a person until you notice enough stuff to make you develop feelings, or communicating with a person until you develop feelings. So yes, having a crush can be haram if the reason it happened was haraaaaam. Compare gazing at someone endlessly until you develop feelings to noticing a person in passing has extremely good looks. Or a married person communicating secretly and regularly to a non mahram until you develop feelings as opposed to noticing someone in the course of your normal routine at work/school and finding them to have some admirable qualities. 

The reason a lot of "crushes" can be haram is because they should not have happened in the first place, if one was "lowering their gaze" both literally and metaphorically.

You can still look at someone and not develop any feelings because due to work/education systems, you must learn to maintain a professional outlook, and keep your main focus on what you should be doing. In western societies, especially. 

I do agree that if you allow yourself to develop it, then that is a persons action. But actually a lot of crushes just arise because of a simple word, it doesnt even need to be looks, it can be personality or knowledge, and so on.

Theres a lot of online crushes too, even when theres formal conversations maintained.

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On 9/23/2019 at 5:02 AM, Ruqaya101 said:

You can still look at someone and not develop any feelings because due to work/education systems, you must learn to maintain a professional outlook, and keep your main focus on what you should be doing. In western societies, especially. 

I do agree that if you allow yourself to develop it, then that is a persons action. But actually a lot of crushes just arise because of a simple word, it doesnt even need to be looks, it can be personality or knowledge, and so on.

Theres a lot of online crushes too, even when theres formal conversations maintained.

Agreed, but we should be careful not to slide down the slippery slope of "its halal to have a crush" without first qualifying the statement that for the most part, halal interaction and proper observation of social and physical hijab by both genders, on and offline, will reduce the likelihood of a lot of "crushes" happening, particularly in the context that the average young 'un here understands a crush.

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Just now, habib e najjaar said:

Agreed, but we should be careful not to slide down the slippery slope of "its halal to have a crush" without first qualifying the statement that for the most part, halal interaction and proper observation of social and physical hijab by both genders, on and offline, will reduce the likelihood of a lot of "crushes" happening, particularly in the context that the average young 'un here understands a crush.

Hmm, I wouldn't even like to refer it as a "crush" honestly. Its just an increase in dopamine and some infatuation. But, it is halal (without the harram action initiation) , at the end of the day, its just a natural aspect of being human, though as people get older (im assuming the sister here, is young), don’t really develop any infatuations, maybe attractions. I guess, the older you get, the more you focus on the outlook of your life, etc.

To the OP, since youre asking if its halal or harram, just saying that the natural part of it is natural, doesnt mean that one should now be okay with feeling that infatuation, this is where perhaps you should lower your gaze.

Though, even hearing someone can cause an infatuation, someones maturity, knowledge, etc. I guess as long as you don’t act upon any feelings or desires, youre good.

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On 9/23/2019 at 1:05 PM, habib e najjaar said:

Agreed, but we should be careful not to slide down the slippery slope of "its halal to have a crush" without first qualifying the statement that for the most part, halal interaction and proper observation of social and physical hijab by both genders, on and offline, will reduce the likelihood of a lot of "crushes" happening, particularly in the context that the average young 'un here understands a crush.

As a teenager girl I have a crush on a boy

sometimes we would have to look at each other due to work/education systems

But as soon as one of us caught the other one staring we would lower our glance

I have heard that there is a dua of love can this be related??

But as a Teenager can you please advise me as to what I should do since I have already developed a crush

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On 9/23/2019 at 9:01 AM, KulluNafsin said:

Its not haram but I would not recommend it, Crush has too much sugar. Which one specifically? Orange or Grape?

It's 2:40am and I legit feel like an orange crush now... :(

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Its not haram to have a crush. Nor is it “disgusting”. Developing feelings for someone is a normal part of human nature, it is one of those things we cannot genuinely control. It’s not only men who can’t always suppress their desires.

im not saying that we should just let it take control of us. I’m saying that we should just maintain our boundaries and limits when it comes to such situations.

A crush is merely a crush. Almost everyone throughout childhood and adolescence has had multiple crushes, which are usually meaningless. And it’s not always necessary to marry your “crush”. Some may have developed infatuations but can’t marry them because they have their reasons. It may have to do with family or incompatibility. Or that they themselves aren’t stable yet for marriage.

 

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16 minutes ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

Nor is it “disgusting

It's  a waste of time and people on the receiving end, always end up feeling flattered.

I said "disgusting" (which you seem to take literally) so people can realise that it's pointless and ends up going nowhere majority of the time. 

No point obsessing over a non mahram. The feeling is natural but sometimes it's good to have a careless attitude.

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If the question is simply if it's halal or haram then developing feelings for a non mehram maybe a less than desirable thing under certain circumstances but it's not haram. Acting on those feelings can be halal or haram. 

Edited by starlight
Missed a word

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