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In the Name of God بسم الله
Ruqaya101

Being Understanding.

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Assalamu Alaikum brothers/sisters.

I have come to realise when discussing certain topics with my brothers, male co-workers and classmates, that women do not completely understand that men can have it rough, be it with their desires, studies, religion, laws (general or religious), commitments, and/or social/personal life. What is something you think women should be more understanding and openminded of, and how do you think this can impact a positive change?

As for sisters, we too, get frustrated with certain comments or point of views that men make clear statements of, again, regarding any topic (I.e modesty, studies, cheating, relationships), what is it that has frustrated you the most, and are you able to conclude why it is they have that certain mindset?

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2 hours ago, Ruqaya101 said:

Assalamu Alaikum brothers/sisters.

I have come to realise when discussing certain topics with my brothers, male co-workers and classmates, that women do not completely understand that men can have it rough, be it with their desires, studies, religion, laws (general or religious), commitments, and/or social/personal life. What is something you think women should be more understanding and openminded of, and how do you think this can impact a positive change?

As for sisters, we too, get frustrated with certain comments or point of views that men make clear statements of, again, regarding any topic (I.e modesty, studies, cheating, relationships), what is it that has frustrated you the most, and are you able to conclude why it is they have that certain mindset?

I find that we need to be understanding when it comes to the mindset of both males and females. The problem with some men is that they lack emotion compared to women, so its quite hard for them to understand how we feel because we are often emotional.

If you're asking what has frustrated me the most when it comes to certain statements derived from some men, well let me tell you one thing based from experience. Some men like to make assumptions and assume that women genuinely love to seek attention ( im not attacking all the men here so don’t come at me), and that if men give them that sort of validation , then they will feel more prone to attention seeking. I mean I can't disagree with that, because it is true in some cases, however it is wrong to just jump to conclusions and assume that if a woman chooses to communicate with a male then she just wants to derive attention from him. 

Some men also think it's inappropriate to talk to the opposite gender, some can even go to the extreme when it comes to the rules of interaction with the opposite sex. But this all depends on where your boundaries and limits are. some men most likely think that way because they find it more difficult when it comes to controlling their desires. I feel like they choose to say these things based on their experiences and fear of Allah. But they need to chill sometimes, because some just like to make assumptions based on women and it really pisses me off. 

Again, not all men have this kind of mindset. But it is those certain group of men that I genuinely dislike

 

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2 hours ago, Ruqaya101 said:

Assalamu Alaikum brothers/sisters.

I have come to realise when discussing certain topics with my brothers, male co-workers and classmates, that women do not completely understand that men can have it rough, be it with their desires, studies, religion, laws (general or religious), commitments, and/or social/personal life. What is something you think women should be more understanding and openminded of, and how do you think this can impact a positive change?

As for sisters, we too, get frustrated with certain comments or point of views that men make clear statements of, again, regarding any topic (I.e modesty, studies, cheating, relationships), what is it that has frustrated you the most, and are you able to conclude why it is they have that certain mindset?

To me it is true that sometimes women cannot understand men sometimes, but I think that a male should ignore it, because a woman has its own intellectual approach to see things. And, that is where man should conceal their belief about woman and not to tell them that they do not know man and man should satisfy himself to the extent like woman cannot understand him so does he cannot understand all the perspectives of woman and should be patient about it.

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This is not a gender issue so much as an individual issue. I've observed that people who work can't understand the issues faced by people who do not, people with more education can't understand the difficulties of those with less, wealthy people can't understand the problems of the poor and middle classes. The only solution is to listen and care with open mind and heart.

Edited by notme
autocorrect incorrect

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On 9/13/2019 at 4:49 PM, Sumerian said:

- getting married. Nowadays there seems to be a consensus that you need money to get married, especially with how expensive life expenses are and not to mention how expensive the marriage process itself has become in certain places.

- avoiding haram. No need to get into details, but many brothers struggle with self-discipline and have fallen into a life of sin. No excuses for their behaviour, but we have to acknowledge that one of the reasons for this is because of my first point, which is the multiple barriers to marriage.

The Prophet has said, “When a man whose religion and character pleases you comes to you [with a proposition], then marry him. If you do not do so, there will be chaos and a great corruption in the world.”

The problem is that in some cases, "religious" men, men who were well known to be very religious in their community turned out to be the worst hypocrites and evil doers behind closed doors after marriage. These days in the US, many girls I have known have turned down even high earning and religious men, but for many of us, while religion is a vital part, there needs to be something there financially so that if he is horrible and divorce has to happen, or if he only used you for citizenship and leaves, or he passes away after we have a child, at least we are left with something. 

Edited by Lilly14

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