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In the Name of God بسم الله
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Toxic relationships

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Guest Robot

Salam everyone,

My mother has dealt with toxic mother in law and husband all her life...

Whenever my mum is snoring my dad tells her to stop and wakes her up so she has to sleep somewhere else... (it was much worse things before)

My grandma is always trying to fight my mum she sits around all day and is out of touch with technology...

She is always annoying my mum on food...

What should I do?

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10 hours ago, Guest Robot said:

Salam everyone,

My mother has dealt with toxic mother in law and husband all her life...

Whenever my mum is snoring my dad tells her to stop and wakes her up so she has to sleep somewhere else... (it was much worse things before)

My grandma is always trying to fight my mum she sits around all day and is out of touch with technology...

She is always annoying my mum on food...

What should I do?

Sabr is the best thing 

Pray to Allah to make things better

Encourage discussion in your house hold slowly and slowly

if all else fails then tell somebody responsible and reliable in your family to help sort out the issues 

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32 minutes ago, Guest Robot said:

Salam everyone,

My mother has dealt with toxic mother in law and husband all her life...

Whenever my mum is snoring my dad tells her to stop and wakes her up so she has to sleep somewhere else... (it was much worse things before)

My grandma is always trying to fight my mum she sits around all day and is out of touch with technology...

She is always annoying my mum on food...

What should I do?

easier said than done but alot of patience is needed, something that myself and a lot of people struggle with

its really sad ik and im sorry that your mother has to go through this. You need to try and increase communication with your family members because one of the reasons of toxic relationships is lack of communication. Slowly try and open up to them

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Your mothers mother in law is not related to you by blood and therefore you don’t have to have sabr like everyone else is saying. If it was your own mom doing these things, you can have sabr but who says having sabr means shutting your mouth and letting someone suffer for no reason? No. You should speak up for your mother. 

Wake your moms mother in law up in the night and say you keep having bad dreams about her and want to make sure she’s alright. 4 times a night. Same with your moms husband (your dad?). It’s not haram, what’s the harm in it. 

Otherwise, get your mom snoring strips to help her stop snoring, but I’m not sure who would be quiet if their own mother is being mistreated for no reason. 

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On 8/9/2019 at 8:00 PM, j.angel said:

Your mothers mother in law is not related to you by blood 

Grandparents are not blood relatives? When did the rule change?

On 8/9/2019 at 8:00 PM, j.angel said:

Wake your moms mother in law up in the night and say you keep having bad dreams about her and want to make sure she’s alright. 4 times a night. Same with your moms husband (your dad?). It’s not haram, what’s the harm in it. 

How is this going to fix the situation for her mother? Grumpiness from lack of sleep will turn them into polite,caring individuals?

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On 8/9/2019 at 11:43 PM, Quran313 said:

You should defend your mum and not letting anyone to disrespect her

Why do I get attacked for stating the obvious / same thing as other people? LOL. Don’t know how anyone can see their mother mistreated and wonder if they should stay quiet or not. Or the ones trying to tell them to do nothing. I know if anyone else was in this situation they would raise hell if their mom had to be treated like that. 

Edited by j.angel

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On 8/10/2019 at 6:00 AM, j.angel said:

Your mothers mother in law is not related to you by blood

 

1 hour ago, j.angel said:

She said mother in law. How is that blood related? When did the rule change? 

Read it again. 

Edited by starlight

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If this has been going on for a long time, are you certain she's really bothered by it? It might be uncomfortable for you to hear, but it might seem normal and perfectly acceptable to her. Did she ask for your help?

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I would suggest you do all you can to end the discord between them and bring them together. If there is a way for them to get along amicably and with kindness, then that is the best way.

Otherwise, side with your mother, because Islamically she is the most important person to you.

 

The Right of The Mother

The right of your mother is that you know that she carried you where no one carries anyone, she gave to you of the fruit of her heart that which no one gives to anyone, and she protected you with all her organs. She did not care if she went hungry as long as you ate, if she was thirsty as long as you drank, if she was naked as long as you were clothed, if she was in the sun as long as you were in the shade. She gave up sleep for your sake, she protected you from heat and cold, all in order that you might belong to her. You will not be able to show her gratitude, unless through God's help and giving success.

(Imam Zayn al-'Abidin's (A) `Treatise on Rights')

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On 8/9/2019 at 5:59 PM, Guest Robot said:

Salam everyone,

My mother has dealt with toxic mother in law and husband all her life...

Whenever my mum is snoring my dad tells her to stop and wakes her up so she has to sleep somewhere else... (it was much worse things before)

My grandma is always trying to fight my mum she sits around all day and is out of touch with technology...

She is always annoying my mum on food...

What should I do?

If you ask me then my best suggestion to you is to do NOTHING. I am telling from experience. It is between a husband and a wife. If you take sides now, then surely you will regret later at some age. Naturally, children are sympathetic to moms. And most women always declare their husband's as monsters to their children which is not always right. As a child you should be respectful to both of your parents. Let them decide their own differences. You should act not more than a connecting bridge in their relationship and if you do not do that you will end up hurting one of them. 

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