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AkhiraisReal

Question To The Married Sisters

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2 hours ago, Ali.m said:

As Salamu Alaykum. Please allow me to present my humble opinion. 

I've quoted the above for better specificity, for what I'm about to write. 

The brother has said nothing wrong and frankly, I don't understand why some of you are "ganging up" on him, or feeling distaste when in fact -ironically- he has more respect for women than some women themselves; with all due respect. 

In Islam, more specifically, in matters pertaining to marriage, there is something called غيرة (ghayra or ghiira) which literally means jealousy. In short, jealousy is of two types, the type that is praiseworthy and that which is illaudable; the type that is with a legitimate reason and the type that is without a legitimate reason, respectively. The legitimate type usually presents itself (in marriage) in the form of not wanting his wife to speak to other men [in Shiachat]. A man has every right to protect the chastity of his women (sisters, daughters and wives), his own pride, and the pride of the household. This is, at the end of the day, obligatory for the husband. Allah, the Messenger, and the Ahlul Bayt have all commanded us to do this. 

Some narrations on legitimate jealousy: 

In the book: man la yahdharuhu al-faqih, it is narrated that the Messenger of Allah (s) has said: "Verily jealousy (ghayra) stems from faith (Imaan).
In Bihar al-anwar, it is narrated that the Messenger of Allah (s) has said: "My father [Prophet] Ibrahim had 'ghayra' and I [Mohammed] have more 'ghayra' than him, and may Allah humiliate the believer (man) that does not have 'ghayra'.
In the book: Kanzul 'Ummal, it is narrated that Imam Ali (عليه السلام) has said: "Verily, Allah loves of His servants the ones with 'ghayra'"

Illegitimate jealousy is that which does not stem from faith, but perhaps, from personal emotion. For instance, the husband not wanting the wife to go to the Masjid (in the company of mahrams) because some men might see her. This is haram, because the woman has done nothing wrong, she isn't speaking to any men illegitimately nor is she initiating any other act that would lead to haram, thus, this kind of jealousy is haram for men. But that which stems from faith like not wanting your wife to speak to other non-mahram men illegitimately (read the book of laws of your marja' for additional information), or not wanting the wife to wear adornments, like makeup in front of non-mahram men etc. is not only praiseworthy, it is wajib

PS. the translations of the aforementioned narrations (from Arabic to English) are from me personally. I ask Allah to forgive me for any shortcomings in this regard. 

May Allah guide us all. 
 

:respect:

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1 hour ago, AkhiraisReal said:

Salam brother. When I read this I almost started crying brother. Because you understood me.

 May Allah grant you pious wife and may you be a servant of the Imam of his 313 in sha Allah

I am very sad to see people grouping up on you and joking about what you say simply because they do not agree with what your saying. I would hope people would behave more tolerant on a discussion forum.

I completely agree with you and as I said in a previous thread, by studying the laws of the holy Qur'an a lot can be understood regarding the nature of males and females (as well as humans in general). The sharia is very clear on interactions between non mahrams and what is the correct akhlaq with regards to that. From my observation the ones who seem the most loud in disagreeing with you among the females seem to be the ones with the least/no experiance of relationships or dealing with men in such manners and I pray to God that the sisters will NEVER understand what your saying though I think some of them will understand this later on in life.

The fact that many have met their wives/husbands on this forum as well as other forums not meant for "match making" is enough of a fact on its own that there are some levels of truth to what your saying.

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4 minutes ago, Flying_Eagle said:

@Soldiers and Saffron I want to learn your view due to which you disagreed.

Males and females do not have equal rights over each other. Their rights are different as per the holy Qur'an.

Edited by Soldiers and Saffron

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7 minutes ago, Soldiers and Saffron said:

I am very sad to see people grouping up on you and joking about what you say simply because they do not agree with what your saying. I would hope people would behave more tolerant on a discussion forum.

I completely agree with you and as I said in a previous thread, by studying the laws of the holy Qur'an a lot can be understood regarding the nature of males and females (as well as humans in general). The sharia is very clear on interactions between non mahrams and what is the correct akhlaq with regards to that. From my observation the ones who seem the most loud in disagreeing with you among the females seem to be the ones with the least/no experiance of relationships or dealing with men in such manners and I pray to God that the sisters will NEVER understand what your saying though I think some of them will understand this later on in life.

The fact that many have met their wives/husbands on this forum as well as other forums not meant for "match making" is enough of a fact on its own that there are some levels of truth to what your saying.

agreed.

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4 minutes ago, Soldiers and Saffron said:

Males and females do not have equal rights over each other. Their rights are different as per the holy Qur'an.

I see, male has one excessive right over wife that is to pronounce divorce as said by ulemas in the commentary of verse that men have rights over you as taught by Ahlebait (عليه السلام)

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Just now, Flying_Eagle said:

I see, male has one excessive right over wife that is to pronounce divorce as said by ulemas in the commentary of verse that men have rights over you as taught by Ahlebait (عليه السلام)

There are many more rights that a man has over his wife than the one you mentioned brother.

One of the big one being that you have authority over her while she does not have authority over you. Meaning that you can forbid for her whatever you deem fit that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has not made wajib and she has to obey. That is the authority God has given husbands over their wives, though all this authority means that they have a lot of accountability, they will have to answer for everything. Very dangerous. That is why its important to find a man who has taqwa, fear for the wrath of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) so that he does not abuse his rights.

For the female it is very important to get to know the man before marriage because once you enter marriage (which is a contract(!)) you will have to trust the judgement of your husband. A wife can still voice her opinion on a matter but the husband has no obligation to change his mind because of it (in most cases, theres exceptions), thats why kindness is an important quality to look for in a man.

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52 minutes ago, Soldiers and Saffron said:

There are many more rights that a man has over his wife than the one you mentioned brother.

One of the big one being that you have authority over her while she does not have authority over you. Meaning that you can forbid for her whatever you deem fit that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has not made wajib and she has to obey. That is the authority God has given husbands over their wives, though all this authority means that they have a lot of accountability, they will have to answer for everything. Very dangerous. That is why its important to find a man who has taqwa, fear for the wrath of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) so that he does not abuse his rights.

For the female it is very important to get to know the man before marriage because once you enter marriage (which is a contract(!)) you will have to trust the judgement of your husband. A wife can still voice her opinion on a matter but the husband has no obligation to change his mind because of it (in most cases, theres exceptions), thats why kindness is an important quality to look for in a man.

True brother, but a man is subject to Allah (عزّ وجلّ) regarding his wife. And, she always have right to challenge the judgement of her husband, if she thinks he is wrong and like a woman is subject to her husband's wishes, a husband is subject to her wellbeing and wishes if they are just such as mentioned in Qur'an:"If you marry another woman, do not leave the first as if she is stuck in the air". You have rights over her only if you fulfil her rights over you. And same for wives.

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1 minute ago, Flying_Eagle said:

True brother, but a man is subject to Allah (عزّ وجلّ) regarding his wife. And, she always have right to challenge the judgement of her husband, if she thinks he is wrong and like a woman is subject to her husband's wishes, a husband is subject to her wellbeing and wishes if they are just such as mentioned in Qur'an:"If you marry another woman, do not leave the first as if she is stuck in the air". You have rights over her only if you fulfil her rights over you. And same for wives.

I agree with what your saying, though I would personally find it disturbing if my wife ALWAYS questioned my judgement and could not trust me.

Both have rights like you say, but they are not equal. Men and women are not the same in Islam, that does not mean that one is better than the other, but that they are no the same, together they are best.

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2 hours ago, Soldiers and Saffron said:

I am very sad to see people grouping up on you and joking about what you say simply because they do not agree with what your saying. I would hope people would behave more tolerant on a discussion forum.

I completely agree with you and as I said in a previous thread, by studying the laws of the holy Qur'an a lot can be understood regarding the nature of males and females (as well as humans in general). The sharia is very clear on interactions between non mahrams and what is the correct akhlaq with regards to that. From my observation the ones who seem the most loud in disagreeing with you among the females seem to be the ones with the least/no experiance of relationships or dealing with men in such manners and I pray to God that the sisters will NEVER understand what your saying though I think some of them will understand this later on in life.

The fact that many have met their wives/husbands on this forum as well as other forums not meant for "match making" is enough of a fact on its own that there are some levels of truth to what your saying.

 

2 hours ago, Soldiers and Saffron said:

Males and females do not have equal rights over each other. Their rights are different as per the holy Qur'an.

 

2 hours ago, Soldiers and Saffron said:

There are many more rights that a man has over his wife than the one you mentioned brother.

One of the big one being that you have authority over her while she does not have authority over you. Meaning that you can forbid for her whatever you deem fit that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has not made wajib and she has to obey. That is the authority God has given husbands over their wives, though all this authority means that they have a lot of accountability, they will have to answer for everything. Very dangerous. That is why its important to find a man who has taqwa, fear for the wrath of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) so that he does not abuse his rights.

For the female it is very important to get to know the man before marriage because once you enter marriage (which is a contract(!)) you will have to trust the judgement of your husband. A wife can still voice her opinion on a matter but the husband has no obligation to change his mind because of it (in most cases, theres exceptions), thats why kindness is an important quality to look for in a man.

 

57 minutes ago, Soldiers and Saffron said:

 

Both have rights like you say, but they are not equal. Men and women are not the same in Islam, that does not mean that one is better than the other, but that they are no the same, together they are best.

 

Edited by AkhiraisReal

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10 hours ago, Soldiers and Saffron said:

I agree with what your saying, though I would personally find it disturbing if my wife ALWAYS questioned my judgement and could not trust me.

Both have rights like you say, but they are not equal. Men and women are not the same in Islam, that does not mean that one is better than the other, but that they are no the same, together they are best.

I must choose a better word that is "unique". Both are unique in the manner that both have rights according to their capacity and ability but this does not constitute one's supremacy over other. 

When I say they are equal, I mean that Allah (عزّ وجلّ) give both genders rights equal according to their unique structure and abilities such that one's prohibition is for his/her safety and other's duty and not excellence. For example: - A wife cannot leave house without a husband's permission not because he is bought her, but because he is responsible for her security and Allah (عزّ وجلّ) made him guard of her without pay. However, wife shouldn't think he is worldly guard but a guard appointed by divine law so she should respect him as if she is going along a royal guard appointed by mighty King of the kings.

So equal rights mean Allah (عزّ وجلّ) never abandoned one's right for other. Both men and women are His creation and He (عزّ وجلّ) loves them equal.

A wife has right to question your judgement as you have right to make judgement and you have to take her advice in case she is right. But, if she is wrong  islamicaly, socialy and rationally, power to make decision is in your hand as you are guard of your family.

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Guest Curious bride

Hello I want to know if anyone in Najaf can recite nikkah for a couple tomorrow as tomorrow is a blessed day and they are getting married here, looking to appoint 2 people to recite nikkah on behalf of the couple near Maula's zari in Najaf. The paperwork will happen here and we will pay for the service a reasonable amount too

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