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In the Name of God بسم الله

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So basically, my family got a proposal for me from a person who has been really close to me all my life, he and I have spent our childhood like bestfriends and specifically from my side, as brother and sister. He’s 7 years older than me. We lost contact for quite a while because of busy schedules. However for my family’s sake, I tried communicating with this guy, thinking if it might change my perception on our whole relationship thing and if it might work. Sometimes I would feel like it would work, but mostly my heart didnt feel it was right. My family is really fond of him since childhood as we are cousins and have good family relations. So after a lot of back and forth I told him it’s better to stop talking for now and if it is any better for us it will happen as I don’t hold any strong feelings towards him. I understand this proposal is really good, in terms of his wealth education and appearance, but I don’t feel for him in that sense, and im afraid I can never due to our past. 

Also, after I stopped talking to him I found myself thinking about this guy whom I really liked even back then but we stopped talking due to our family issues. Even though we’re cousins, our families are not on the best of terms. I don't know how but we started talking again and it was quite evident how we wanted to committ more than to stay in a haram relationship. My mother got to know about our intention through a mutual cousin but she clearly declined. She said except for good looks he’s good for nothing and that our families are never going to make it happen so I should end it. My mum is afraid because of not so much education he might be conservative, but I’ve discussed working after marriage and other issues and he has no problems with it. I know he’s not as wealthy or educated as the other guy but I know he has a pure heart. I cut off ties with him of communication but I pray Allah has decreed him for me. 

But im really confused, sometimes I feel like what im praying for is right, but then I see my family’s concern as well and think it’s not right. But I don’t and can’t ever feel for the other guy in a romantic sense even if he can provide me with every luxury. Im really confused as to what to do and whether what is right. It’ll be of great help if you could shine some light upon this issue. I really need help as my family is not willing to talk about this topic as of now. Thanks.

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1 hour ago, Messybun456 said:

So basically, my family got a proposal for me from a person who has been really close to me all my life, he and I have spent our childhood like bestfriends and specifically from my side, as brother and sister. He’s 7 years older than me. We lost contact for quite a while because of busy schedules. However for my family’s sake, I tried communicating with this guy, thinking if it might change my perception on our whole relationship thing and if it might work. Sometimes I would feel like it would work, but mostly my heart didnt feel it was right. My family is really fond of him since childhood as we are cousins and have good family relations. So after a lot of back and forth I told him it’s better to stop talking for now and if it is any better for us it will happen as I don’t hold any strong feelings towards him. I understand this proposal is really good, in terms of his wealth education and appearance, but I don’t feel for him in that sense, and im afraid I can never due to our past. 

Also, after I stopped talking to him I found myself thinking about this guy whom I really liked even back then but we stopped talking due to our family issues. Even though we’re cousins, our families are not on the best of terms. I don't know how but we started talking again and it was quite evident how we wanted to committ more than to stay in a haram relationship. My mother got to know about our intention through a mutual cousin but she clearly declined. She said except for good looks he’s good for nothing and that our families are never going to make it happen so I should end it. My mum is afraid because of not so much education he might be conservative, but I’ve discussed working after marriage and other issues and he has no problems with it. I know he’s not as wealthy or educated as the other guy but I know he has a pure heart. I cut off ties with him of communication but I pray Allah has decreed him for me. 

But im really confused, sometimes I feel like what im praying for is right, but then I see my family’s concern as well and think it’s not right. But I don’t and can’t ever feel for the other guy in a romantic sense even if he can provide me with every luxury. Im really confused as to what to do and whether what is right. It’ll be of great help if you could shine some light upon this issue. I really need help as my family is not willing to talk about this topic as of now. Thanks.

If this guy who is your cousin has good akhlaq and is a good Muslim then just proceed with him because you will eventually develop feelings for him because of his good nature. However, u need to find him atleast somewhat attractive or appealing because physical attraction is also important in a marriage. don’t stress a lot and go with the flow. Allah has already destined the person you’re supposed to marry so if u’re meant to marry the other person whom u like then no matter what happens things wont go right with ur cousin and u’ll be eventually be led to the person u’re dentined to marry. However, don’t reject someone who is a good person and a practical Muslim. Insha Allah whatever is best for you works out.

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On 7/22/2019 at 2:31 PM, Messybun456 said:

So basically, my family got a proposal for me from a person who has been really close to me all my life, he and I have spent our childhood like bestfriends and specifically from my side, as brother and sister. He’s 7 years older than me. We lost contact for quite a while because of busy schedules. However for my family’s sake, I tried communicating with this guy, thinking if it might change my perception on our whole relationship thing and if it might work. Sometimes I would feel like it would work, but mostly my heart didnt feel it was right. My family is really fond of him since childhood as we are cousins and have good family relations. So after a lot of back and forth I told him it’s better to stop talking for now and if it is any better for us it will happen as I don’t hold any strong feelings towards him. I understand this proposal is really good, in terms of his wealth education and appearance, but I don’t feel for him in that sense, and im afraid I can never due to our past. 

Also, after I stopped talking to him I found myself thinking about this guy whom I really liked even back then but we stopped talking due to our family issues. Even though we’re cousins, our families are not on the best of terms. I don't know how but we started talking again and it was quite evident how we wanted to committ more than to stay in a haram relationship. My mother got to know about our intention through a mutual cousin but she clearly declined. She said except for good looks he’s good for nothing and that our families are never going to make it happen so I should end it. My mum is afraid because of not so much education he might be conservative, but I’ve discussed working after marriage and other issues and he has no problems with it. I know he’s not as wealthy or educated as the other guy but I know he has a pure heart. I cut off ties with him of communication but I pray Allah has decreed him for me. 

But im really confused, sometimes I feel like what im praying for is right, but then I see my family’s concern as well and think it’s not right. But I don’t and can’t ever feel for the other guy in a romantic sense even if he can provide me with every luxury. Im really confused as to what to do and whether what is right. It’ll be of great help if you could shine some light upon this issue. I really need help as my family is not willing to talk about this topic as of now. Thanks.

Salam sister, I hope that whichever option is best for you occurs. 

You did not specify anything about the religion of either of these suitors. In the short run, the person that you have better chemistry with may make you happier. But on the long run, you will suffer unless you choose a man of Taqwa, who is attached to the Qu'ran and the Ahlul Bayt (عليه السلام).

You are about to make the most important decision that a woman has to make during her life. It will have an impact on your future and on your children's future. Please take time and think things through, and try to be careful to not mix emotion with rationality. 

As for wealth, education and appearance, they are important, but they are secondary and come after religion which is the most important.

Wassalam 

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