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WisdomAndAnswers

Would you accept an unattractive good man for marriage?

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Salam Alaikum,

I am in a complicated situation and I don't know what to do. I just recently met a friend that I hadn't seen for years. In our conversations she mentioned if I would ever consider her brother. We are both Shia and from the same country and he is 7 years older than me. I have seen his pictures and to me he looks alright. I can tell my friend truly loves him and cares for him. She tells me that he's a good guy who is caring and loving. She said she would speak to him about it if I am willing to say yes about him. Of course he was happy that she found a good person for him. My friend had never recommended a girl for him because she wanted to find the perfect one for him. So, plans were fixed for us, we were to meet on the weekend to see each other. Of course his sisters would come along to make it more proper. However, to me I thought it would be best to text each other before meeting so that we know more about each other and have a better image of what to expect.

Through text, hes the most amazing guy you can ever talk to. He's not like other guys who keep you waiting for their texts, and apologizes for something so small and unnecessary. He's a good guy with a pure heart. I connected with him through text and I enjoyed every moment with him. A day before our actual meeting, he sent me a video of him so that I expect what I see when I see him in person. In the video he looked kinda sick, like he was overly skinny. But I shrugged it off and I thought maybe the video just makes us look worse than what we really are. 

Finally, when we met in person, I was sooo caught off guard. Wallah he was extremely skinny, almost homeless looking. Also, he didn't have a nice haircut because they way he did it emphasized his weight even more. I felt extremely awkward, but still I didn't want him to know that. We talked and walked by the river. We then went to a restaurant to eat. He told me that he wanted to wear his hat but his sisters wont let him. To me I felt like he wanted to hide behind the hat because he felt self conscious of how he looked and it made me sad. And his eyes for some reason showed so much sadness. He has such a great mind set and he's so respectful and kind, so I just don't know what someone would do in my situation. And when I say skinny, I literally mean really skinny, like it's not normal. To me he looked unhealthy skinny like hes stressed or something. I know that his sister is also skinny, so it could be genetics. But he just looked like he doesn't eat much. I know that he smokes and works literally everyday, no days off. He was talking about his family, and mentioned a funny story. I started laughing and the way he looked straight into my eyes, like a connection and happiness for a glimpse moment. I asked him if he thought I would be different in real life. He told me that I am more conservative in real life, but that I am so beautiful. And that now he has an image of me when he texts me from now on.  

When the meeting was over, one of his other sisters, not my friend, came up to me and told me "I am going to be honest with you. I am the type that is very open about my thoughts. You are a good person, you are pretty and kind....but I feel like you are not telling us something, like you are hiding something. We don't know much about your family even when we had asked. My brother is an open book so you can know almost everything about him. But you, well don't know anything." I felt so disrespected because clearly me and her other sister know each other so why say that. And I had mentioned everything to them. She thinks I am a shady person that would hurt her brother. I also thought it was not right to say that her brother was an open book and I am not. She went on about wanting to know more about my family and I just felt disrespected. I am the one that should be extra cautious of the situation, not her.

When I went home, I thought maybe I would receive a text from him saying how much he enjoyed his time. But there was nothing. I didn't care as much because I was thinking of telling him that I don't think it would work out. But that would hurt me so much because I don't want to hurt someone as kind as him. I feel like he's not texting me back because he's worried what I thought of him and my reactions towards it. 

I need help because I don't know what to do. Girls, would you deny a guy who is unattractive but has a pure heart? Maybe there is a chance to make him healthy again and happy looking. Would you say no and feel so guilty that you judged it entirely on looks. Because clearly if he was a good looking guy a girl would't think twice about it because he was such a good person.

Please help me with this situation of mine because I am stuck. 

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2 minutes ago, WisdomAndAnswers said:

irls, would you deny a guy who is unattractive but has a pure heart? Maybe there is a chance to make him heal

Without any hesitation, I would, I mean if you’re genuinely attracted and have admiration for his personality and who he is inside, and he makes you happy and smile, he makes you a better Muslim and a better person and treats you right then sure! 

But every girl is different, some girls prefer looks over personality and others prefer personality over looks and others want both and there’s nothing necessarily wrong with it.  Everyone has their preferences. 

However, maybe you should ask in the most respectful way possible about his weight, if you are going to be life partners, and this would make you more comfortable to know then ask, it is your right. Perhaps there could be some stress as you say. 

 

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9 hours ago, Ruqaya101 said:

Without any hesitation, I would, I mean if you’re genuinely attracted and have admiration for his personality and who he is inside, and he makes you happy and smile, he makes you a better Muslim and a better person and treats you right then sure! 

But every girl is different, some girls prefer looks over personality and others prefer personality over looks and others want both and there’s nothing necessarily wrong with it.  Everyone has their preferences. 

However, maybe you should ask in the most respectful way possible about his weight, if you are going to be life partners, and this would make you more comfortable to know then ask, it is your right. Perhaps there could be some stress as you say. 

Thank you Ruqaya, I was thinking the same way. I asked my sister and she told me that I don't have a good heart for denying someone because of their looks. 

I think it's best to ask about his weight.

Thank you so much! :) 

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1 minute ago, WisdomAndAnswers said:

Thank you Ruqaya, I was thinking the same way. I asked my sister and she told me that I don't have a good heart for denying someone because of their looks. 

I think it's best to ask about his weight.

Thank you so much! :) 

Your welcome, honey.

please let me know what happens and I pray you only the best of ease and may Allah bless his grace on you. 

I always pray whenever I want to make a decision and I’m stuck, that if the situation is good for me, may Allah bring it with ease, and if it is bad for me, may Allah take it away without any damage

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Just now, Ruqaya101 said:

Your welcome, honey.

please let me know what happens and I pray you only the best of ease and may Allah bless his grace on you. 

I always pray whenever I want to make a decision and I’m stuck, that if the situation is good for me, may Allah bring it with ease, and if it is bad for me, may Allah take it away without any damage

Awww Ruqaya, wallah you are so kind, thank you. God bless you

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@WisdomAndAnswers, Walaikum Salam.

Sister @Ruqaya101 has a completely different take on it to me.

Are you looking for a husband/partner or a project? 

Firstly, you should not marry someone out of sympathy or as an act of charity. You should marry someone because they tick as many boxes as is possible and because you like/care/love/respect them for whom they are RIGHT NOW.  Never marry a guy with the hope/intention that you can change/fix him. What if he is happy with who he is/the way he is and doesn't want to change? What if he wants to change but is unable to?

Furthermore, what if he has a chronic illness/disease that he is hiding from you? Even if it is depression, don't assume that you can heal him with love. Depression consumes not only the person who is suffering but also all those who are around them. 

Also, just because his sister said he is an open book, it doesn't mean that he is. No one is completely transparent and open. I'm not being cynical, but everyone has a skeleton in their closet - irrespective of what they tell you. It takes months to get to know someone before the mask starts to slip. The question is, do you still want to be with that person after you have seen them on a bad day?

Furthermore, I'd be concerned that his sister spoke to you abruptly and that the guy didn't intervene and try to diffuse the situation. If he can't say anything to his sister now, it doesn't bode well for the future.

Personally, I would not proceed with this any further.  You are trying to fight against your intuitive instincts to defend him! Don't. When you meet the right person you will now - follow your instincts and follow your gut feelings. Good luck! 

Edited by Aflower

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9 minutes ago, Aflower said:

@WisdomAndAnswers, Walaikum Salam.

Sister @Ruqaya101 has a completely different take on it to me.

Are you looking for a husband/partner or a project? 

Firstly, you should not marry someone out of sympathy or as an act of charity. You should marry someone because they tick as many boxes as is possible and because you like/care/love/respect them for whom they are RIGHT NOW.  Never marry a guy with the hope/intention that you can change/fix him. What if he is happy with who he is/the way he is and doesn't want to change? What if he wants to change but is unable to?

Furthermore, what if he has a chronic illness/disease that he is hiding from you? Even if it is depression, don't assume that you can heal him with love. Depression consumes not only the person who is suffering but also all those who are around them. 

Also, just because his sister said he is an open book, it doesn't mean that he is. No one is completely transparent and open. I'm not being cynical, but everyone has a skeleton in their closet - irrespective of what they tell you. It takes months to get to know someone before the mask starts to slip. The question is, do you still want to be with that person when you have seen them on a bad day?

Furthermore, I'd be concerned that his sister spoke to you abruptly and that the guy didn't intervene and try to diffuse the situation. If he can't say anything to his sister now, it doesn't bode well for the future.

Personally, I would not proceed with this any further.  You are trying to fight against your intuitive instincts to defend him! Don't. When you meet the right person you will now - follow your instincts and follow your gut feelings. Good luck! 

Hi Aflower, thank you for you answer. I really appreciate it.

The sister said it when we were alone, when he wasn't around. I thought it was extremely rude to be honest because she had no right to say that

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8 hours ago, Aflower said:

has a completely different take on it to me.

no, its not different. your points are corresponding with mine.

8 hours ago, Aflower said:

you should not marry someone out of sympathy or as an act of charity.

she isn't. this has nothing to do with sympathy, her question is, "would you marry someone who is good but is unattractive"? And as I mentioned above: 

9 hours ago, Ruqaya101 said:

But every girl is different, some girls prefer looks over personality and others prefer personality over looks and others want both and there’s nothing necessarily wrong with it.  Everyone has their preferences. 

and as such, she has her preferences. 

8 hours ago, Aflower said:

ou should marry someone because they tick as many boxes as is possible and because you like/care/love/respect them for whom they are RIGHT NOW. 

which she said, that he does from his personality etc, it was his weight that put her off. If she admires him in every aspect and he makes her HAPPY and a better person, Muslim, then she will, of course, respect him and care for him.

8 hours ago, Aflower said:

what if he has a chronic illness/disease that he is hiding from you?

which is what I told her to ask

8 hours ago, Aflower said:

Furthermore, I'd be concerned that his sister spoke to you abruptly and that the guy didn't intervene and try to diffuse the situation. If he can't say anything to his sister now, it doesn't bode well for the future.

Personally, I would not proceed with this any further.  You are trying to fight against your intuitive instincts to defend him! Don't. When you meet the right person you will now - follow your instincts and follow your gut feelings. Good luck! 

this requires thoughtfulness and thorough, careful thinking. It is up to her to ask him and their family which is what I told her to do, because as I stated:

9 hours ago, Ruqaya101 said:

it is your right.

it is her right

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57 minutes ago, WisdomAndAnswers said:

would you deny a guy who is unattractive but has a pure heart? 

I would rephrase this to 'would you marry a guy who is physically unattractive but good otherwise' 

Were you attracted to his personality? I mean the time before you met him in person?

59 minutes ago, WisdomAndAnswers said:

I need help because I don't know what to do

Why do you have to decide this right now? After one meeting?

 Relax there is no pressure. You can say no to this whenever you want. If you think this is worth considering and I think it is since he seems like a decent hardworking guy give it a bit more time, get to know him more and see how it goes. Wait for him to tell you how he feels about meeting you. 

About that sister of his, talk to your friend and when you are doing it tell her that this is the biggest decision of a person's life so things can go either way and she should understand this. 

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3 minutes ago, starlight said:

I would rephrase this to 'would you marry a guy who is physically unattractive but good otherwise' 

Were you attracted to his personality? I mean the time before you met him in person?

Why do you have to decide this right now? After one meeting?

 Relax there is no pressure. You can say no to this whenever you want. If you think this is worth considering and I think it is since he seems like a decent hardworking guy give it a bit more time, get to know him more and see how it goes. Wait for him to tell you how he feels about meeting you. 

About that sister of his, talk to your friend and when you are doing it tell her that this is the biggest decision of a person's life so things can go either way and she should understand this. 

Yes I was attracted to his personality through text

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Guest okie dokes

marriage is serious business....the main question is.."are you mentally and physically attracted to him?"...don’t just settle and again do it out of sympathy...if you genuinely don't feel that spark or eagerness to text or see him again, then my suggestion- don’t go through with it....or maybe just get to know him real better? 

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@WisdomAndAnswers I can not fathom why he wouldn't communicate with you after the meeting - especially given that you had a healthy and frank way of communicating before the meeting. You are making huge assumptions for why he hasn't responded.  From where I come from, if either party doesn't respond then it indicates that they don't wish to proceed any further. Yes, it's a rude way of handling things but unfortunately, that's just the way things are. 

Has your friend indicated/communicated anything to you that would make you think differently?

Edited by Aflower

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@WisdomAndAnswers If you were my friend I'd say to you;

His loss is someone else's gain. Chin up - you deserve much better anyway. Allah has someone special in mind for you, and as the age-old cliched adage goes: Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs to find a prince. :)

You are of course my sister in Islam so the above totally applies to you.

PS.  This post was written in response to a post submitted by the OP, which she has now deleted.

Edited by Aflower

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I also don’t understand why it’s necessary for you to decide after just one meeting? I would probably want to get to know him more. Also, looks play a large part in how attracted you are to someone. You need to be physically attracted to them as well in a marriage. This doesn’t mean you’re looking for some kind of modelesque man, but you shouldn’t have to feel like you’re compromising on one thing for the other, imo. 

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On 7/22/2019 at 9:22 AM, WisdomAndAnswers said:

Salam Alaikum,

I am in a complicated situation and I don't know what to do. I just recently met a friend that I hadn't seen for years. In our conversations she mentioned if I would ever consider her brother. We are both Shia and from the same country and he is 7 years older than me. I have seen his pictures and to me he looks alright. I can tell my friend truly loves him and cares for him. She tells me that he's a good guy who is caring and loving. She said she would speak to him about it if I am willing to say yes about him. Of course he was happy that she found a good person for him. My friend had never recommended a girl for him because she wanted to find the perfect one for him. So, plans were fixed for us, we were to meet on the weekend to see each other. Of course his sisters would come along to make it more proper. However, to me I thought it would be best to text each other before meeting so that we know more about each other and have a better image of what to expect.

Through text, hes the most amazing guy you can ever talk to. He's not like other guys who keep you waiting for their texts, and apologizes for something so small and unnecessary. He's a good guy with a pure heart. I connected with him through text and I enjoyed every moment with him. A day before our actual meeting, he sent me a video of him so that I expect what I see when I see him in person. In the video he looked kinda sick, like he was overly skinny. But I shrugged it off and I thought maybe the video just makes us look worse than what we really are. 

Finally, when we met in person, I was sooo caught off guard. Wallah he was extremely skinny, almost homeless looking. Also, he didn't have a nice haircut because they way he did it emphasized his weight even more. I felt extremely awkward, but still I didn't want him to know that. We talked and walked by the river. We then went to a restaurant to eat. He told me that he wanted to wear his hat but his sisters wont let him. To me I felt like he wanted to hide behind the hat because he felt self conscious of how he looked and it made me sad. And his eyes for some reason showed so much sadness. He has such a great mind set and he's so respectful and kind, so I just don't know what someone would do in my situation. And when I say skinny, I literally mean really skinny, like it's not normal. To me he looked unhealthy skinny like hes stressed or something. I know that his sister is also skinny, so it could be genetics. But he just looked like he doesn't eat much. I know that he smokes and works literally everyday, no days off. He was talking about his family, and mentioned a funny story. I started laughing and the way he looked straight into my eyes, like a connection and happiness for a glimpse moment. I asked him if he thought I would be different in real life. He told me that I am more conservative in real life, but that I am so beautiful. And that now he has an image of me when he texts me from now on.  

When the meeting was over, one of his other sisters, not my friend, came up to me and told me "I am going to be honest with you. I am the type that is very open about my thoughts. You are a good person, you are pretty and kind....but I feel like you are not telling us something, like you are hiding something. We don't know much about your family even when we had asked. My brother is an open book so you can know almost everything about him. But you, well don't know anything." I felt so disrespected because clearly me and her other sister know each other so why say that. And I had mentioned everything to them. She thinks I am a shady person that would hurt her brother. I also thought it was not right to say that her brother was an open book and I am not. She went on about wanting to know more about my family and I just felt disrespected. I am the one that should be extra cautious of the situation, not her.

When I went home, I thought maybe I would receive a text from him saying how much he enjoyed his time. But there was nothing. I didn't care as much because I was thinking of telling him that I don't think it would work out. But that would hurt me so much because I don't want to hurt someone as kind as him. I feel like he's not texting me back because he's worried what I thought of him and my reactions towards it. 

I need help because I don't know what to do. Girls, would you deny a guy who is unattractive but has a pure heart? Maybe there is a chance to make him healthy again and happy looking. Would you say no and feel so guilty that you judged it entirely on looks. Because clearly if he was a good looking guy a girl would't think twice about it because he was such a good person.

Please help me with this situation of mine because I am stuck. 

Although you are asking sisters, I felt the need to reply.

It is your right to say no and to base it purely on looks.  You should go about it in the least offensive way possible though.  You shouldn't feel bad about it!  

  

 

 

 

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On 7/22/2019 at 5:45 PM, Aflower said:

@WisdomAndAnswers If you were my friend I'd say to you;

His loss is someone else's gain. Chin up - you deserve much better anyway. Allah has someone special in mind for you, and as the age-old cliched adage goes: Sometimes you have to kiss a few frogs to find a prince. :)

You are of course my sister in Islam so the above totally applies to you.

PS.  This post was written in response to a post submitted by the OP, which she has now deleted.

Thank you Aflower, that’s so kind of you! 

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Guest Reminder

This is a reminder to brothers that Allah has created women with a hard-wired desire for certain physical features. They , like you, have desires that are very old and go back a long time in our species history, and that of other creatures Allah may have made us similar to. These are powerful, and often beyond their conscious control. Everyone might have a 'type', but beauty is not entirely in the eye of the beholder.

As a man, if you are on the skinny side, you need to try to work out, and increase in your eating and make this a life-style habit. This will significantly improve your chances on finding a spouse, and one who is better matched for you. Working out is a halal, healthy habit and reaps a lot of dividends.

Many on here might tell you to just be yourself, but they won't be there if like the brother discussed on this thread, are being contemplated to be rejected.

Just don't fall into the trap thinking you just have to be nice and pleasant. The real world doesn't work that way, and biology is deep, it is powerful, and it is hard-wired.

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On 7/23/2019 at 5:26 AM, Jannat786 said:

Assalamalaykum,

I would suggest getting to know him a bit more. Maybe meet up a few more times. As for why he hasn't got back in touch with you after meeting up it could be because of his low self esteem. I suffer from low self esteem too and I usually dread getting to know how the other person felt after meeting me. Maybe he's just afraid of what you might say.

As far as beauty and physical attractiveness is concerned then let me tell you that your whole perception of a person's beauty changes once you get to know their personality. Sometimes a person can be very attractive but their character and manners are not the best which renders their beauty worthless. You'll either stop seeing what's so attractive about them or you'll be like "okay they're gorgeous so what?" it just won't interest you. I'm saying this from personal experience btw.

Whereas being attracted to someone is very important for marriage since it affects physical relations, this attraction does not always have to be an instant attraction. Sometimes you're instantly attracted to someone, sometimes the more you get to know a person the more you start getting attracted to them. Hence, give it more time and the attraction may follow if God wills. Remember, our hearts are in the hands of Allah and if He wishes He can fill our hearts with love for anyone. 

I pray that Allah guides you to the right decision that will be the most beneficial for both of you. 

Take care!

Thank you, that was a really beautiful answer, I really appreciate it.

I don't think it will get any better because I think I hurt him unintentionally. I thought I would make it work by being open with my thoughts and explain to him why I acted the way I did so that he can know that I am not boring in real life. He expected me to act the way I was through text.  I told him how much I cared about him and that I would never want to hurt him. He knew I was caught off guard by his weight and that worried him so much. I didn't even thank him for the dinner after I went home because I had so many thoughts going in my head.  I think I ruined it because he's extremely sensitive, and what you mentioned is exactly how he is. He has extreme low self esteem because his sister told me how he never wears short sleeves for that reason. He always wears a hat and sunglasses to hide his looks. I can tell he's going through depression and so my explanation hurt him.

I was hoping it would have worked because he had such a great personality. Looks fade so that shouldn't make me deny him.

Edited by WisdomAndAnswers

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7 hours ago, WisdomAndAnswers said:

Thank you, that was a really beautiful answer, I really appreciate it.

I don't think it will get any better because I think I hurt him unintentionally. I thought I would make it work by being open with my thoughts and explain to him why I acted the way I did so that he can know that I am not boring in real life. He expected me to act the way I was through text.  I told him how much I cared about him and that I would never want to hurt him. He knew I was caught off guard by his weight and that worried him so much. I didn't even thank him for the dinner after I went home because I had so many thoughts going in my head.  I think I ruined it because he's extremely sensitive, and what you mentioned is exactly how he is. He has extreme low self esteem because his sister told me how he never wears short sleeves for that reason. He always wears a hat and sunglasses to hide his looks. I can tell he's going through depression and so my explanation hurt him.

I was hoping it would have worked because he had such a great personality. Looks fade so that shouldn't make me deny him.

That’s okay, whatever happens happens for the best. You did your best to explain your behaviour and your heart was in the right place. People who suffer from low self esteem need more validation of interest than others and that can be a bit exhausting sometimes. Anyways, I pray he finds some confidence and I pray you both find someone great that Allah is pleased with. Ameen. 

Take care! 

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On 7/29/2019 at 3:01 AM, Jannat786 said:

That’s okay, whatever happens happens for the best. You did your best to explain your behaviour and your heart was in the right place. People who suffer from low self esteem need more validation of interest than others and that can be a bit exhausting sometimes. Anyways, I pray he finds some confidence and I pray you both find someone great that Allah is pleased with. Ameen. 

Take care! 

Aww thank you Jannat786, your words truly made things better!

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On 7/22/2019 at 3:22 PM, WisdomAndAnswers said:

Salam Alaikum,

I am in a complicated situation and I don't know what to do. I just recently met a friend that I hadn't seen for years. In our conversations she mentioned if I would ever consider her brother. We are both Shia and from the same country and he is 7 years older than me. I have seen his pictures and to me he looks alright. I can tell my friend truly loves him and cares for him. She tells me that he's a good guy who is caring and loving. She said she would speak to him about it if I am willing to say yes about him. Of course he was happy that she found a good person for him. My friend had never recommended a girl for him because she wanted to find the perfect one for him. So, plans were fixed for us, we were to meet on the weekend to see each other. Of course his sisters would come along to make it more proper. However, to me I thought it would be best to text each other before meeting so that we know more about each other and have a better image of what to expect.

Through text, hes the most amazing guy you can ever talk to. He's not like other guys who keep you waiting for their texts, and apologizes for something so small and unnecessary. He's a good guy with a pure heart. I connected with him through text and I enjoyed every moment with him. A day before our actual meeting, he sent me a video of him so that I expect what I see when I see him in person. In the video he looked kinda sick, like he was overly skinny. But I shrugged it off and I thought maybe the video just makes us look worse than what we really are. 

Finally, when we met in person, I was sooo caught off guard. Wallah he was extremely skinny, almost homeless looking. Also, he didn't have a nice haircut because they way he did it emphasized his weight even more. I felt extremely awkward, but still I didn't want him to know that. We talked and walked by the river. We then went to a restaurant to eat. He told me that he wanted to wear his hat but his sisters wont let him. To me I felt like he wanted to hide behind the hat because he felt self conscious of how he looked and it made me sad. And his eyes for some reason showed so much sadness. He has such a great mind set and he's so respectful and kind, so I just don't know what someone would do in my situation. And when I say skinny, I literally mean really skinny, like it's not normal. To me he looked unhealthy skinny like hes stressed or something. I know that his sister is also skinny, so it could be genetics. But he just looked like he doesn't eat much. I know that he smokes and works literally everyday, no days off. He was talking about his family, and mentioned a funny story. I started laughing and the way he looked straight into my eyes, like a connection and happiness for a glimpse moment. I asked him if he thought I would be different in real life. He told me that I am more conservative in real life, but that I am so beautiful. And that now he has an image of me when he texts me from now on.  

When the meeting was over, one of his other sisters, not my friend, came up to me and told me "I am going to be honest with you. I am the type that is very open about my thoughts. You are a good person, you are pretty and kind....but I feel like you are not telling us something, like you are hiding something. We don't know much about your family even when we had asked. My brother is an open book so you can know almost everything about him. But you, well don't know anything." I felt so disrespected because clearly me and her other sister know each other so why say that. And I had mentioned everything to them. She thinks I am a shady person that would hurt her brother. I also thought it was not right to say that her brother was an open book and I am not. She went on about wanting to know more about my family and I just felt disrespected. I am the one that should be extra cautious of the situation, not her.

When I went home, I thought maybe I would receive a text from him saying how much he enjoyed his time. But there was nothing. I didn't care as much because I was thinking of telling him that I don't think it would work out. But that would hurt me so much because I don't want to hurt someone as kind as him. I feel like he's not texting me back because he's worried what I thought of him and my reactions towards it. 

I need help because I don't know what to do. Girls, would you deny a guy who is unattractive but has a pure heart? Maybe there is a chance to make him healthy again and happy looking. Would you say no and feel so guilty that you judged it entirely on looks. Because clearly if he was a good looking guy a girl would't think twice about it because he was such a good person.

Please help me with this situation of mine because I am stuck. 

Wa alaykum salam wa rahmatullahi wa barakatu sister!

Sister,do nor let him go,and firsr of all do not think about what his sister(that you do not know) told you.Think about him and talk on mobile with him if you think he fits to be your future husband In Sha Allah!obviusly talk with him on mobile(texting) only if you do not fear the haram!

Allah protect you!

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Guest Skinny man
13 hours ago, enigma313 said:

Please don't marry a skinny man. I did and regretted it. There needs to be some physical attraction at the start because it doesn't come later, no matter how hard you work at it.

I am a skinny man. OP should take your advice. She said he looks like a homeless man. Please do the guy a favor and let him go. You wouldn't want to marry a man that thought you looked homeless. If he is a good guy then he deserves a good woman that like how he looks. He doesn't deserve a woman who struggles with his looks. There are lots of women in this world who don't mind a skinny man. I find the petite women find me attractive.

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Guest Monad

The delusional females are back again with their Hollywood interpretation of what a man should be like and when men state what they they like, the females are in uproar. Men are so shallow and cheap.  Men are not men blah blah.

He is probably thin based on genetics and over work. OR probably has conditioned him self to eat less and fast as recommended by the religion to abstain from self abuse. Many guys are big based on excess food and having the ability of having intercourse from a young age. Means they are not stressing over violent sexual thoughts. also consider region they come from. Learn to think and observe the world and its people, might just learn something.

And when women complain about the looks of men, look at your selves in the mirror. Unless you have many guys telling you that you are a 10 then you might be on something. Other then that shutup. It is getting boring how women always subtly tell men how they should act, look and behave and yet still complain they have no rights. Stop whining and carry on slapping paint on your faces everyday.

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