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In the Name of God بسم الله
arch1027116

Do all Shia men want a working wife?

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Just now, Flying_Eagle said:

So, Do children belong to only father ? you are implying babysitting their children...don't they have any obligation to help those whom they have given birth ? Instead of leaving those children to the mother-in-law....Mothers marry their sons to reduce some of obligation to the wives of the sons and not that they raise the children of their sons. 

When did I ever mention mother in laws and why they marry their sons off? 

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Just now, Flying_Eagle said:

Well, words imply as if children only belong to father :worried: that babysit words made me to think that. 

 

How does babysitting mean the children only belong to the father? I'm lost at why this is relevant to the points I raised. 

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29 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

How does babysitting mean the children only belong to the father? I'm lost at why this is relevant to the points I raised. 

My right eye was reading text on left and my left eye was reading text on right so all mixed up. You wrote good points, I misunderstood.:sorry:

Edited by Flying_Eagle

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3 minutes ago, Flying_Eagle said:

Well, words imply as if children only belong to father :worried: that babysit words made me to think that. 

 

 

2 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

How does babysitting mean the children only belong to the father? I'm lost at why this is relevant to the points I raised. 

I believe a misunderstanding has occurred. @Flying_Eagle read again please. This doesn't need to be an argument.

 

She was talking about negligent mothers who do not work for money and also leave the care of the children to babysitters.

Edited by notme

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9 minutes ago, notme said:

 

I believe a misunderstanding has occurred. @Flying_Eagle read again please. This doesn't need to be an argument.

 

She was talking about negligent mothers who do not work for money and also leave the care of the children to babysitters.

Yes, my bad....apologies @2Timeless:grin: 

Thanks @notme

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6 hours ago, 2Timeless said:

If a woman wants to work, then she has the right to do so. If that woman happens to be a mother, then she will find a way to navigate through motherhood and her career.

 

4 hours ago, Soldiers and Saffron said:

I personally think its better to have a mother to be there for her children instead of sending them off to day cares and let society raise them.

I 100% agree with both of these statements. Each family needs to consider what will work best for them. No man has a right to require his wife to work, and technically he can forbid it, but a loving husband would not forbid his wife from working if she feels that she needs to for her own good (personal fulfillment, career goals, social interaction with peers) or for the good of the family (supplement husband's income, provide stability in the event that husband dies, becomes ill or disabled, or loses his job).

Children are better off being raised by their own parents than by strangers in almost all cases, but the children aren't the only family members. If the mother wants to work outside, the father or grandparents can help with child raising, ideally. Hopefully they were going to anyway.

Edited by notme

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20 hours ago, arch1027116 said:

I’ve come to notice that almost all men want a working wife. Lately, a lot of alliances have rejected my sister because she doesn’t work or because she wears hijab. What kind of era are we living in where the woman is expected to work in order to support her family or she is meant to be a trophy wife by exposing her beauty! I’d like to hear the men’s opinion on this issue.

Dear Sister @arch1027116, I haven't read all the responses so my apologies in advance if I am repeating what others have said. 

1, In today's day and age most guys that I know/am acquainted with, (from the United Kingdom, Holland, America, Pakistan, Dubai and India), would like to have a wife who can supplement their existing income. This is irrespective of how much money the guy is already earning. 

2, Work gives people's lives discipline, structure, and order. It also enables people to develop interpersonal skills. These same crossover skills need to be applied when managing a home, house, and family - namely timekeeping; budgeting, scheduling, communication skills, etc. My house runs like clockwork with a place for everything. I have a timetable for my kids summer holidays, I maintain a food diary for every one of us to ensure that we are meeting our specific nutritional requirements, and I've creating databases/charts to monitor our income/expensidture/ investments/savings, etc.   

3, An educated wife and/or a wife who is working or has worked in the past, can instill the above skills in her children. Furthermore, she will find it easier to educate her children or support that process.

4, A working wife will have more empathy for a working husband and the stresses/challenges and issues he may face in a day.

The above are some reasons why men may prefer a potential wife who works. I've only listed these out because you've asked the question 'why'. There are no doubt tremendous merits associated with being a full time stay at home mum IF the woman dedicates her time earnestly to her family life.

I am sure that there must be some guys who would prefer a wife who doesn't want to work and wears a headscarf. Just be patient and InshAllah the right proposal will come your way inshAllah.    

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*expenditure.

Sorry, I can't edit the above post and I've noticed a spelling mistake.

I also wanted to add that being a stay at home mum is considered to be a real luxury in the west (in the scenario that only the husband is working and you are not claiming any benefits). I home-schooled one of my children for a while and I know that many of my friends exclaimed that they wished that they "could afford to do that too". There was definitely a bit of envy (but not in a bad way - they just wished they could do the same for their children).

Edited by Aflower

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2 hours ago, Aflower said:

*expenditure.

Sorry, I can't edit the above post and I've noticed a spelling mistake.

I also wanted to add that being a stay at home mum is considered to be a real luxury in the west (in the scenario that only the husband is working and you are not claiming any benefits). I home-schooled one of my children for a while and I know that many of my friends exclaimed that they wished that they "could afford to do that too". There was definitely a bit of envy (but not in a bad way - they just wished they could do the same for their children).

Well, the greed and hunger for money is never satisfied. I agree that it’s difficult to survive on one income but isn’t it also true that even with more money you’re never content. Its about how you live your lifestyle, how you spend and save and how content you’re with what you have. What about all the extra care and attention a husband gets with having a housewife whereas when his wife is working he comes home to a tired/dull wife.

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1 minute ago, arch1027116 said:

Well, the greed and hunger for money is never satisfied. I agree that it’s difficult to survive on one income but isn’t it also true that even with more money you’re never content. Its about how you live your lifestyle, how you spend and save and how content you’re with what you have. What about all the extra care and attention a husband gets with having a housewife whereas when his wife is working he comes home to a tired/dull wife.

Sister, I agree with you to some extent. If your sister meets a likeminded person who also thinks along those lines then that is fantastic. But that is not how most people roll in today's day and age. I agree that money can't always make one content, but it definitely allows you more options in life.

Many full time housewives that I know go completely stir crazy when their husbands are at work. As soon as the husband steps through the door, they want to go out for entertainment or to engage in conversation. Working (even if only part time), allows a woman to feel fulfilled and it helps to exercise her mind/brain. It is also a nice way to make some friends. 

But as I said, it's horses for courses. You just have to find a like minded person for your sister. You can't force a man to change his whole ideology/outlook towards life. You just have to seek out someone who shares the same values and thoughts as your family.  

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3 hours ago, Aflower said:

Dear Sister @arch1027116, I haven't read all the responses so my apologies in advance if I am repeating what others have said. 

1, In today's day and age most guys that I know/am acquainted with, (from the United Kingdom, Holland, America, Pakistan, Dubai and India), would like to have a wife who can supplement their existing income. This is irrespective of how much money the guy is already earning. 

2, Work gives people's lives discipline, structure, and order. It also enables people to develop interpersonal skills. These same crossover skills need to be applied when managing a home, house, and family - namely timekeeping; budgeting, scheduling, communication skills, etc. My house runs like clockwork with a place for everything. I have a timetable for my kids summer holidays, I maintain a food diary for every one of us to ensure that we are meeting our specific nutritional requirements, and I've creating databases/charts to monitor our income/expensidture/ investments/savings, etc.   

3, An educated wife and/or a wife who is working or has worked in the past, can instill the above skills in her children. Furthermore, she will find it easier to educate her children or support that process.

4, A working wife will have more empathy for a working husband and the stresses/challenges and issues he may face in a day.

The above are some reasons why men may prefer a potential wife who works. I've only listed these out because you've asked the question 'why'. There are no doubt tremendous merits associated with being a full time stay at home mum IF the woman dedicates her time earnestly to her family life.

I am sure that there must be some guys who would prefer a wife who doesn't want to work and wears a headscarf. Just be patient and InshAllah the right proposal will come your way inshAllah.    

Damn mA.

Salute to you sister! 

I weirdly find your discipline intimidating. 

 

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On 7/21/2019 at 4:32 PM, arch1027116 said:

I’ve come to notice that almost all men want a working wife. Lately, a lot of alliances have rejected my sister because she doesn’t work or because she wears hijab. What kind of era are we living in where the woman is expected to work in order to support her family or she is meant to be a trophy wife by exposing her beauty! I’d like to hear the men’s opinion on this issue.

Not all men are like that. I personally would NEVER allow my wife to work outside the house. 

“And abide quietly in your homes, and do not flaunt your charms as they used to flaunt them in the old days of pagan ignorance; and be constant in prayer, and render the purifying dues, and pay heed unto Allah and His Messenger ...” [Qur'an 33:33]

And Imam Ali (عليه السلام) says:

"(The women's) coming out is not worse than your allowing an unreliable man to visit them. If you can manage that they should not know anyone other than you, do so." Nahjul Balagha letter 31

In the same letter he also says "Do not show suspicion out of place, because this leads a correct woman to evil and a chaste woman to deflection", so one should also avoid being overly suspicious with his wife.

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1 hour ago, Kaya said:

Not all men are like that. I personally would NEVER allow my wife to work outside the house. 

That's your choice and I don't disagree with it, but brother, one word of advice. If you are so sure about this PLEASE do not marry a woman with a professional degree. 

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1 minute ago, starlight said:

That's your choice and I don't disagree with it, but brother, one word of advice. If you are so sure about this PLEASE do not marry a woman with a professional degree. 

Yes that is reasonable, even though some believing women who have degrees would still prefer to stay home with the kids. Anyway, thanks for the advice

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7 minutes ago, arch1027116 said:

I have a very professional advanced degree but I’d prefer to be a full time mom and raise kids. I take an honour in being given the responsibility to raise a human being. I don’t understand why women today think that it’s belittling their status as a woman. Is building a machine seen as a superior job than raising a human? I don’t understand why some woman would give birth to a child and give it to some nanny or child care to raise? Children especially in todays world where the environment is so corrupt need extra care and attention.

Also, you can have a degree and keep reading books and increase your knowledge as it will exercise your brain but you don’t necessarily have to work to show that you’ve achieved something. Most jobs I know have monotonous kind of work where you’re not learning anything new everyday but being at home, you can educate yourself with different books and learn something new everyday. Your career doesn’t define your intellect! Your knowledge and wisdom does!

Most women would prefer this, it is not something very unique most women I know and interact with prefer this. However, not all women have the luxury of being provided for comfortably by their husbands or private businesses that can run without their presence, and most women who work, do it purely to help out with bills or providing a better future for their children e.g to be able to take them to better schools with better hijab rules, or to be able to expose their children to mind opening travel/holiday even if it is local. The main issue is that a number of men want the woman to stay at home, then don’t treat her like the mudeer al bayt, I.e she is like a brainless machine/maid/nanny in the house who cannot be given authority to make even the smallest decisions in the house, and for this reason, many women endure the exhaustion, discomfort and hassle of being working mothers and wives to be able to contribute in a way that is valued and measurable (and often do or die necessary) towards their family.

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