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In the Name of God بسم الله

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So I heard once that to cope with constant emotional abuse, negativity or depression, negative people u can’t escape from like family n relatives, u need to build up your spiritual immunity 

 

How do u do that?

 

Also that made me think how did Imam Ali (عليه السلام). cope mentally n emotionally through every heart break after the death of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)? Was it his spiritual immunity? I mean to deal with it n keep going n keep going until he was himself killed?

How did he get back up after the death of his wife, death of his close companions being on battlefields with Muslims on the other side ammar bin yasir dying infront of him

Wouldn't it all take a toll on him n break him?

Some people have things happen to them constantly n they r so broken n they cry a lot.

 

I just want to know the key to dealing with all things tragic n negative n injustice 

 

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Thank you so much for this wonderful topic brother/sister. My father and his family already destroyed me emotionally and mentally. My heart burn everything I see him. 

 

I would love to know as well.

Edited by Diaz

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8 minutes ago, Propaganda_of_the_Deed said:

A good point in the right direction has to be Al-Sahifa al-Sajjadiyya by the 4th Imam Ali ibn al Hussain, Zainul Abidin, al Sajjad ((عليه السلام)).

Think of the emotional trauma he experienced and lived with after witnessing numerous relatives perish and be mistreated during and after Karbala.

He devoted himself fully to his Lord, he had no desire for worldly power and you really sense how much he surrendered to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) in his beautiful heart-felt supplications.

 

Truly when one reads his dua they can weep their hearts out. They are duas of a broken one.

 

But then again how do u deal with constant abusive status quo from people u can’t escape as Islam doesnt allow ”divorce” from family n relatives.

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2 hours ago, Questioner said:

How do u do that?

By not clinging to anything or anyone except Allah.

If you love or attach yourself to anyone or anything that is impermanent you will suffer.
What is impermanent Qur'an explains it.

[Qur'an 9:24] Proclaim: "If your parents, your children, your siblings, your spouses, your family, the money you have earned, a business you worry about, and the homes you cherish are more beloved to you than Allah and His messenger, and the striving in His cause, then just wait until Alah brings His judgment." Allah does not guide the wicked people.

Edited by Raheel Yunus

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42 minutes ago, Raheel Yunus said:

By not clinging to anything or anyone except Allah.

If you love or attach yourself to anyone or anything that is impermanent you will suffer.
What is impermanent Qur'an explains it.

[Qur'an 9:24] Proclaim: "If your parents, your children, your siblings, your spouses, your family, the money you have earned, a business you worry about, and the homes you cherish are more beloved to you than Allah and His messenger, and the striving in His cause, then just wait until Alah brings His judgment." Allah does not guide the wicked people.

What if there is no “clinging“ or “attachment” to the things that cause us emotional distress.

On the contrary you r not allowed to detach yourself from those “things/people“? Which is a reason u r constantly under negativity or abuse

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3 hours ago, Questioner said:

So I heard once that to cope with constant emotional abuse, negativity or depression, negative people u can’t escape from like family n relatives, u need to build up your spiritual immunity 

 

How do u do that?

 

Also that made me think how did Imam Ali (عليه السلام). cope mentally n emotionally through every heart break after the death of the Prophet (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)? Was it his spiritual immunity? I mean to deal with it n keep going n keep going until he was himself killed?

How did he get back up after the death of his wife, death of his close companions being on battlefields with Muslims on the other side ammar bin yasir dying infront of him

Wouldn't it all take a toll on him n break him?

Some people have things happen to them constantly n they r so broken n they cry a lot.

 

I just want to know the key to dealing with all things tragic n negative n injustice 

 

Imam Ali (عليه السلام) was built specially for this to teach us as to how to cope in difficult circumstances and his sentence that "By Allah, I am the successful one" after he was struck with sword shows that this life is home of trials and tribulations and the one who keeps on struggling and never loses his patience will stand out successful. His martyrdom and martyrdom of Imam Hussain (عليه السلام) are seal on the truthfulness of the promise of Allah (عزّ وجلّ) "You live this life according to my wishes, and I will allow you to live in hereafter according to your wishes". This is not a world but a battlefield brother and you will survive only if you do not think of defeat and mentally and physically composed. 

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54 minutes ago, Flying_Eagle said:

Imam Ali (عليه السلام) was built specially for this to teach us as to how to cope in difficult circumstances and his sentence that "By Allah, I am the successful one" after he was struck with sword shows that this life is home of trials and tribulations and the one who keeps on struggling and never loses his patience will stand out successful. His martyrdom and martyrdom of Imam Hussain (عليه السلام) are seal on the truthfulness of the promise of Allah (عزّ وجلّ) "You live this life according to my wishes, and I will allow you to live in hereafter according to your wishes". This is not a world but a battlefield brother and you will survive only if you do not think of defeat and mentally and physically composed. 

But how do you stay composed day after day n not fall into depression?

There must be some ”technique”?

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1 hour ago, Questioner said:

But how do you stay composed day after day n not fall into depression?

There must be some ”technique”?

This is the million dollar question. It's easy to understand what we should be doing/thinking and why. The real question is the 'how' part that you have raised.

Edited by Aflower

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3 hours ago, Questioner said:

But how do you stay composed day after day n not fall into depression?

There must be some ”technique”?

Technique is to remember that the trial you face is temporary, if you remained composed...you will be rewarded with various benefits which includes mental strength, perseverance in Iman, ability to find ways to avoid such situations again and most importantly blessings in this world, and the reward in hereafter is that from what you were deprived in this world, you will get much more better in Akhirah.

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8 hours ago, Questioner said:

What if there Is no “clinging“ or “attachment” to the things that cause us emotional distress.

No my friend you can see it is clearly written in Qur'an that attachment to the earthly life is the cause of suffering.

7:175. Give them the news of the man to whom We have given Our signs, yet he detached himself from the knowledge and left it (forgot the reality and pursued a life based on ego-identity)... (Then) Satan (accepting one’s self as only the body) made him a follower (of this belief, until finally) he became of the astray ones.
176. Had We willed, We would have elevated him with these signs... But (instead) he clung to Earth (bodily life) and followed his baseless impulses! 
So, his example is like that of a dog: if you chase him he pants, if you leave him he pants... This is what the people who deny Our signs look like! Relate this to them, perhaps they will contemplate upon it.

6 hours ago, Questioner said:

But how do you stay composed day after day n not fall into depression?

There must be some ”technique”?

By practice of salah, zakah and fasting.
Do not underestimate the power of salah, if you do it as routine it will not be of much help, but during the prayer if you know that you are bowing and prostrating to Allah almighty, you will attain the balance in your life.

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:salam:

It is not only about technique, it also has a lot to do with lufe stories.

I remember at the age of 25, my superior at work lost her father in law, it was during work hours. She came back at her desk and began to cry, she was obviously in a state of utter shock, like if she had lost her own father, which I found surprising. Then I remember her words she said sobbing 'it's the first person I know that died'. Not mocking her but she was crying like a 7 year-old child. She was I think 32 and had never faced death. Her immunity was zero.

 

 

 

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17 hours ago, Flying_Eagle said:

Technique is to remember that the trial you face is temporary, if you remained composed...you will be rewarded with various benefits which includes mental strength, perseverance in Iman, ability to find ways to avoid such situations again and most importantly blessings in this world, and the reward in hereafter is that from what you were deprived in this world, you will get much more better in Akhirah.

How to stay compose is the question?

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15 hours ago, Raheel Yunus said:

No my friend you can see it is clearly written in Qur'an that attachment to the earthly life is the cause of suffering.

7:175. Give them the news of the man to whom We have given Our signs, yet he detached himself from the knowledge and left it (forgot the reality and pursued a life based on ego-identity)... (Then) Satan (accepting one’s self as only the body) made him a follower (of this belief, until finally) he became of the astray ones.
176. Had We willed, We would have elevated him with these signs... But (instead) he clung to Earth (bodily life) and followed his baseless impulses! 
So, his example is like that of a dog: if you chase him he pants, if you leave him he pants... This is what the people who deny Our signs look like! Relate this to them, perhaps they will contemplate upon it.

By practice of salah, zakah and fasting.
Do not underestimate the power of salah, if you do it as routine it will not be of much help, but during the prayer if you know that you are bowing and prostrating to Allah almighty, you will attain the balance in your life.

Thank you for the reminder.

However there are many who are not dunya oriented e.g. they live in rented flats travel on public transport {no car} and are trying to survive and make it through the day due to past and present trauma they have to deal with. I do not see them in the above category.

Salah is no doubt something one should not give up no matter what they are going through their lives but is there anything else beyond salah zakat etc they can do?

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13 hours ago, BowTie said:

I think you need to build boundaries. Something our societies and households haven’t heard of. 

How do you build boundaries with family and relatives {who emotionally abuse you constantly} and keep that balance of sule raham with relatives?

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12 hours ago, realizm said:

:salam:

It is not only about technique, it also has a lot to do with lufe stories.

I remember at the age of 25, my superior at work lost her father in law, it was during work hours. She came back at her desk and began to cry, she was obviously in a state of utter shock, like if she had lost her own father, which I found surprising. Then I remember her words she said sobbing 'it's the first person I know that died'. Not mocking her but she was crying like a 7 year-old child. She was I think 32 and had never faced death. Her immunity was zero.

 

 

 

That's quite true. Life stories really do define how much a person can cope.

Some people go through deaths in family one after another and have to carry the burden of those who pass away. Eg a teenager who's dad died all of a sudden, that teen has to give up studies to start working to earn for his younger siblngs to make ends meet for years to come.

They have to not just deal with the deaths but with the sudden responsibility and have to give up on their own dreams and aspirations and some even give up on getting married as they are burdened with responsibilities. In the long run, all this takes a toll n leads to depression.

 

Its really easy to say to be God conscious and everything will be fine.

For many, things are not fine day after day. They are choking and struggling to breath. They don’t know how to deal with the depression. They don't know when relief will come.

 

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1 hour ago, Questioner said:

How to stay compose is the question?

With patience and thinking that bad things won't stay for long and good time will come soon, and also by trying to come out of bad times with positive strategy.

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1 hour ago, Questioner said:

How do you build boundaries with family and relatives {who emotionally abuse you constantly} and keep that balance of sule raham with relatives?

Keep your distance

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10 hours ago, Questioner said:

However there are many who are not dunya oriented e.g. they live in rented flats travel on public transport {no car} and are trying to survive and make it through the day due to past and present trauma they have to deal with. I do not see them in the above category.

You are trying to that say people living in rented homes and travel on public transport  do not bother about duniya, it is not true because these people desire for a better life and they attach themselves to this desire and when they do not get it they suffer.

 

10 hours ago, Questioner said:

Salah is no doubt something one should not give up no matter what they are going through their lives but is there anything else beyond salah zakat etc they can do?

there is one more thing you can do...... believe in life after death, if we truly believe in hereafter we do not attach ourselves to this world (parents siblings spouse money home business etc.)

One more ayah giving reason why you do not grieve (suffer) upon your loss..........

57: 22. No calamity befalls you on Earth (on your physical body and outer world) or among yourselves (your inner world) that has not already been recorded in a book (formed in the dimension of the knowledge) before We bring it into being! Indeed, for Allah, this is easy.
23. We inform you of this in order that you do not despair over your losses or exult (in pride) over what We have given you, for Allah does not like the boastful and the arrogant!

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22 hours ago, Flying_Eagle said:

With patience and thinking that bad things won't stay for long and good time will come soon, and also by trying to come out of bad times with positive strategy.

What is this positive strategy?

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21 hours ago, BowTie said:

Keep your distance

What if they are your neighbours {relatives also so u can't disown them plus u share same gate with them} and they love to intrude and spy on you n thus they keep no boundaries as its expected that they have every right to come over n butt into affairs n leave hurtful comments constantly.

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12 hours ago, Raheel Yunus said:

You are trying to that say people living in rented homes and travel on public transport  do not bother about duniya, it is not true because these people desire for a better life and they attach themselves to this desire and when they do not get it they suffer.

 

there is one more thing you can do...... believe in life after death, if we truly believe in hereafter we do not attach ourselves to this world (parents siblings spouse money home business etc.)

One more ayah giving reason why you do not grieve (suffer) upon your loss..........

57: 22. No calamity befalls you on Earth (on your physical body and outer world) or among yourselves (your inner world) that has not already been recorded in a book (formed in the dimension of the knowledge) before We bring it into being! Indeed, for Allah, this is easy.
23. We inform you of this in order that you do not despair over your losses or exult (in pride) over what We have given you, for Allah does not like the boastful and the arrogant!

about people living in rented homes. We probably know "different" people. They ones you know are different from the ones I know. Some I know have already given up on the idea of getting better living standards as things are quite out of reach already. They just want very basic things like peace in their homes getting their kids righteous spouses and getting over their past traumas n tragedies.

 

No doubt there are people who attach themselves too much to duniya they sent their kids to middle eastern countries to slave years n years away so they can make a boastful home in their village n ppl will look up n say wow 

many don’t even come back to live in those mansions. many come back as corpses as their lifes are cut short.

There are all kinds of people.

Believing in  life after death is something that most definitely is a good reminder and probably will count in building up your spiritual immunity.

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3 hours ago, Questioner said:

What if they are your neighbours {relatives also so u can't disown them plus u share same gate with them} and they love to intrude and spy on you n thus they keep no boundaries as its expected that they have every right to come over n butt into affairs n leave hurtful comments constantly.

Well man. Its your life and you can see how invested you are in your privacy. Talk to them or move. Peace of mind is most important

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6 hours ago, Questioner said:

What is this positive strategy?

Positive strategy means that you should not lose your own values while you see people are not good towards you instead what you should do is to prevent yourself from such things which may bring much harm and remain as you are so that you may help anyone else who is seeking hope and guidance among humans.

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It's one thing to live in this dunya and it's another thing to revel in it. The latter group has zero or very little spiritual immunity. Imam Ali (عليه السلام) was in the first group, someone who was merely journeying through the dunya.

If one keeps in mind that the dunya is temporary and so are all its problems one has an easier time dealing with them. People can own houses and cars and yet live simply and not be attached to their worldly belongings. Similarly one can have evil relatives and he can think of them as people living next door in a hotel where you are staying for a few days and choose to ignore them because you will be returning to the comfort of your home in a week or so and decide they are not worth the trouble, or he can move to a different floor of the same hotel so he doesn't see them as often.

 

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