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In the Name of God بسم الله

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I guess it's understandable that they might feel that you'll "ruin her reputation" and impregnate her without having a full on wedding etc. But what exactly will they do to you if they do find out you were intimate? Theres no way they'd find out anyway.

Also, instead of  members adding and creating tensions between the couple, why not just hell find a solution?

Edited by 2Timeless

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5 minutes ago, Jawad231 said:

She is 21. Old enought to think of her self

Yes, she is just thinking of herself.

Sit her down and tell her how this can create a rift in your marriage, she is displeasing both her husband and Allah. She isn't entitled to basic maintenence if she is denying you the right. 

And have you heard of birth control? It could be useful in your situation.

Edited by starlight

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2 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

I guess it's understandable that they might feel that you'll "ruin her reputation" and impregnate her without having a full on wedding etc. But what exactly will they do to you if they do find out you were intimate? Theres no way they'd find out anyway.

Also, instead of  members adding and creating tensions between the couple, why not just hell find a solution?

Thanks brother,  that's exactly what I was thinking. But I didn't if my thinkings were at reason in the Islamic point of view. Thanks for your reaction

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1 minute ago, starlight said:

And this is exactly what she is doing,  thinking of herself.

Sit her down and tell her how this can create a rift in your marriage, she is displeasing both her husband and Allah. She isn't entitled to basic maintenence if she is denying you the right. 

And have you heard of birth control? It could be useful in your situation.

Yes I know everything about birth control. That is also what I'm going to use to delay pregnancy. I don't want children now. But I do want to have fun with her without thinking it's bad and against Islamic laws. But I do know now that it's my right to have intimacy. I'm going to make it clear to her. 

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3 minutes ago, Jawad231 said:

Thanks brother,  that's exactly what I was thinking. But I didn't if my thinkings were at reason in the Islamic point of view. Thanks for your reaction

Just do whatever you want with your wife as long as it's consensualand with no pressure being felt by both parties. If you're an honest and good man, and you truly intend on getting your wife to Europe, then it's fine. 

Edited by 2Timeless

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Thank you all for your lovely and informative reactions. I have learned alot now. I'm going to have a chat with her ( and maybe her parents) about my rights according Islamic laws for having intimacy. Thank you all for clearing my mind and helping me out. It means the world for me. Thanks. 

Ps. Any more suggestions are welcome I will definitely read them !

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5 minutes ago, Jawad231 said:

Any more suggestions are welcome I will definitely read them !

I know it's your right over her, but don’t act like you're doing her a favour. Make sure she feels loved by you and that's why you want to develop your relationship with her. Inshallah it all goes well.

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You and your wife shouldn't live apart.

Is it impossible to get a job while you're a student? Supporting two people financially isn't very much more than supporting one person financially. How are you surviving now?

Basically, it seems her parents want plausible deniability for if you back out of the marriage, so that she won't been seen as "used" in her community. Be discreet and use reliable birth control, but no birth control and no amount of discretion is 100% effective.

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Guest Nani-Amma
7 hours ago, Jawad231 said:

Asalam aleykum dear brothers and sisters.

I have an Islamic question that fits my personal situation. I want to have more information about how to handle my situation.

It's as follows:

I live in the Netherlands  and my wife lives in Pakistan. We've been married for over a year now. 

In the Netherlands I study and in 2 years I will be finishing my study. Then I can work and get my wife to the Netherlands ( due to my stable income)

Each year I visit my wife in the summer during holidays. Then we will also sleep together. But the problem is that her parents don't allow me and her to have intercourse with each other. We are allowed to sleep together but we aren't allowed to have intercourse.

I don't know what to do. Because in Islamic point of view having intercourse is legal. It's even illegal to deny sexual feelings for each other while being married. On the other hand having intercourse will be against the will of her parents. Also I will break their trust. 

I hope you can help me out with this question.

Greetings,

Jawad

Be objective. And if you haven’t understood their purpose yet, you also seem to be a bit immature, actually very immature. 

I’m sure they don’t want you both to have babies yet. Basically what they aren’t telling you is, be intimate but don’t procreate.

Which makes sense, it’s hard, extremely hard to be a single parent, I’ve seen couples living far apart, with young moms left to cater for babies on their own, even with the family’s support, it’s tough, very tough.

And it’s also very understandable that young men, specially ethical young men like yourself, aren’t very good at using protection in the beginning, because of the lack of exposure to intimacy. 

Mistakes happen, that could result in a baby while their daughter is still living with them, and you missing in action to support her as a husband and for the baby as a father. Yes fathers have a huge role to play in helping out in daily and nightly chores involving babies.

If you take my advice, either be intimate without going anywhere near causing the baby making process, so you are on the safer side.

OR figure out somehow be totally intimate and don’t make babies, but like I said, mistakes happen (a lot) and you are back to the square one, being unfair to her and her parents, and the baby. 

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Guest itsamemario

She doesn't have to listen to them. You are her husband and your right over her Islamically is more than theirs. Are you sure they weren't just in it for the visa (sorry to say, but a lot of Easterners are that way)? Help her discreetly get birth control if possible, so you won't have to worry about any accidents. Don't let yourself be pushed around by these people. You need to show them that you're trying your best to get a job. If they can remarry her, you can remarry as well. You could remarry now since they won't even let her be your wife properly. Also if you have family back home, can you try to live with them with your wife when you visit? Or try staying in a hotel or anything like that. 

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You don’t have to listen, because it’s frankly no one’s business how a husband and wife want to be intimate. 

Take preventive measures. No one has to know. 

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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Wha? They have no right to ask their children and their spouses NOT to have sexual activities. =/ Maybe you should figure out a way NOT to be away from your wife as well as keeping distance from your in-laws. If they think they can stop you from the one thing that separates a wife from everyone else, they'll be doing more ridiculous things. I only foresee more possible inconveniences like this until a better living arrangement is implemented.

Until then, remember that Allah is with the patient and make tons of dua'a. 

But man, seriously. It is ridiculous for them to ask of you both such a thing. It's the one thing that stops people from committing zina. =/ Authu billah.

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11 hours ago, Jawad231 said:

Asalam aleykum dear brothers and sisters.

I have an Islamic question that fits my personal situation. I want to have more information about how to handle my situation.

It's as follows:

I live in the Netherlands  and my wife lives in Pakistan. We've been married for over a year now. 

In the Netherlands I study and in 2 years I will be finishing my study. Then I can work and get my wife to the Netherlands ( due to my stable income)

Each year I visit my wife in the summer during holidays. Then we will also sleep together. But the problem is that her parents don't allow me and her to have intercourse with each other. We are allowed to sleep together but we aren't allowed to have intercourse.

I don't know what to do. Because in Islamic point of view having intercourse is legal. It's even illegal to deny sexual feelings for each other while being married. On the other hand having intercourse will be against the will of her parents. Also I will break their trust. 

I hope you can help me out with this question.

Greetings,

Jawad

Seriously? Her parents shouldn’t even care when you decide to have intercourse with her. That’s even against Islam; you’re supposed to have intercourse within 6 or 7 days . Your wife is meant to do something about it and convince her parents that its wrong

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10 hours ago, Jawad231 said:

Thank you all for your lovely and informative reactions. I have learned alot now. I'm going to have a chat with her ( and maybe her parents) about my rights according Islamic laws for having intimacy. Thank you all for clearing my mind and helping me out. It means the world for me. Thanks. 

Ps. Any more suggestions are welcome I will definitely read them !

If I were you I would do it (intercourse). Or get a motel or something in Pakistan and if they do not allow that do it anyways. Don’t be afraid of them your not doing anything haram if they leave you with no choice. I would use contraceptives like a condom till she comes to Netherlands (your choice though).

sorry for being blunt but ya. Honestly I feel like you can’t do anything these days lol. Mutah bad, this bad, that bad, even nikkah marriage lol. Some people are worried about about making gays accepted and whatever when we barely accept heterosexuality honestly. Just my thoughts now.

Edited by TryHard

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