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In the Name of God بسم الله
musa shakr

How to find a woman for a muta

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I'm a revert born the Christian parents, so it would be difficult for them to find me someone Muslim. There is no mosque and few Muslims available so I don't know how to find someone, maybe a dating site. 

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Why would that then mean you need to do mutah?

I'm a revert born to atheists, I found myself the person who I would marry on a matrimony site. There are plenty of matrimony sites, forget dating sites, honestly, try a marriage site and "the world will be your oyster" 

Edited by aaaz1618

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9 minutes ago, musa shakr said:

I'm a revert born the Christian parents, so it would be difficult for them to find me someone Muslim. There is no mosque and few Muslims available so I don't know how to find someone, maybe a dating site. 

You can always look at serious matrimony websites, for example here. As a revert, in my opinion, you should first and foremost focus on learning Islam in various fields. 

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39 minutes ago, OrthodoxTruth said:

first and foremost focus on learning Islam in various fields. 

What if these fields require you to be complete first?

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I have the same problem brother, my parents are Christian and it would be so hard for me to marry a Muslim girl coz the girls at my modque don’t want to marry at my age and marriage sites really don’t work for young people, ive also been thinking about doing mutah with a Christian girl of my culture

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16 minutes ago, shia_100 said:

I have the same problem brother, my parents are Christian and it would be so hard for me to marry a Muslim girl coz the girls at my modque don’t want to marry at my age and marriage sites really don’t work for young people, ive also been thinking about doing mutah with a Christian girl of my culture

Allah help you and the original poster. You're in my prayers as with everyone else who needs to get married. For now fast every monday and thursday and keep yourself busy

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Guest Hppy

What do you guys think of using apps like tinder for mutah?  ask the girl her religion, as for virginity you can also ask, then if she’s interested you can actually do the mutah contract in video chat or over the phone, if not then In person.

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6 hours ago, OrthodoxTruth said:

You can always look at serious matrimony websites, for example here. As a revert, in my opinion, you should first and foremost focus on learning Islam in various fields. 

The Prophet said, "One who marries has already guarded half of his religion, therefore he should fear Allah for the other half." A person who can fulfill any sexual urges lawfully is less distracted in the spiritual journey. Love for women and faith are inter-related.

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1 hour ago, Guest Hppy said:

What do you guys think of using apps like tinder for mutah?  ask the girl her religion, as for virginity you can also ask, then if she’s interested you can actually do the mutah contract in video chat or over the phone, if not then In person.

:salam:

What kind of girls would you be finding on Tinder...

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Guest Valor

Salam

Why don't you keep looking for a woman for PERMANENT marriage rather than expecting a woman to give you her body temporarily ?? Imagine you're a Shia woman!

Just keep looking, you could go to a mosque or Shia Islamic centre in a city near you on your day off or try matching sites for permanent marriage. You could also attend seminars at uni or anywhere else where you think there would be Shia Muslims. But expecting a "muta woman" is kinda frowned upon. Your chances are even slimmer than for permanent. 

Getting married is not easy especially if you're a revert/expat. 

PS - For those who recommended Tinder, it's purely for sexual pleasure. 

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1 hour ago, Guest Valor said:

Why don't you keep looking for a woman for PERMANENT marriage rather than expecting a woman to give you her body temporarily ?? 

 

1 hour ago, Guest Valor said:

Getting married is not easy especially if you're a revert/expat. 

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1 hour ago, Guest Valor said:

PS - For those who recommended Tinder, it's purely for sexual pleasure. 

I mean I guess, but نكاح المتعة‎   literally means marriage of pleasure, not "temporary marriage" as a lot of people mistranslate it as.

 

A lot of well intentioned posts on this, but he is not doing anything unIslamic in wanting to go this route. Maybe he is not ready for several reasons as to not commit to a permanent marriage at this particular stage. Mutah is not a taboo, for another sect it is. It should not be frowned upon if it is permissable.

Edited by Propaganda_of_the_Deed

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9 hours ago, Guest Hppy said:

What do you guys think of using apps like tinder for mutah?  ask the girl her religion, as for virginity you can also ask, then if she’s interested you can actually do the mutah contract in video chat or over the phone, if not then In person.

I think there are better sites if you're going to go down that avenue. There's a British Shi'a vlogger, I don't know her name, I only hear her voice because my wife watches her stuff, this vlogger uses Minder (Tinder for Muslims). I don't really get how Tinder for Muslims would work but hey ho.

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11 hours ago, Ali~J said:

The Prophet said, "One who marries has already guarded half of his religion, therefore he should fear Allah for the other half." A person who can fulfill any sexual urges lawfully is less distracted in the spiritual journey. Love for women and faith are inter-related.

If you marry as a revert without even knowing how to pray or what you say in Arabic, it’s not going to help you at all. There are cases where reverts marry born Muslims and the marriages fall apart immediately because reverts go back to their old ways after few weeks, months or they lack Islamic knowledge altogether. 

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2 hours ago, habib e najjaar said:

What happened to fasting? :ko: doesn't seem to be an option anymore around here. Its mutah or sinning. 

As someone who has fasted for this explicit purpose the problem is you get used to it. Maybe it works for some people though. But pretty soon the desire comes back as it was before. 

Fasting is meant as a temporary solution.

as for tinder I don’t think it’s a bad idea as long as your careful. As for minder it seems to me like a permanent marriage thing and not many Christians in it. Also they limit the swipes unless you pay. As for tinder they do have Christians and I do think it may be used positively look here https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theodysseyonline.com/im-Christian-and-im-on-tinder.amp

https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/yes-single-Christian-women-are-killing-it-on-tinder-without-hooking-up/

Edited by TryHard

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11 minutes ago, TryHard said:

As someone who has fasted for this explicit purpose the problem is you get used to it. Maybe it works for some people though. But pretty soon the desire comes back as it was before. 

Fasting is meant as a temporary solution.

as for tinder I don’t think it’s a bad idea as long as your careful. As for minder it seems to me like a permanent marriage thing and not many Christians in it. Also they limit the swipes unless you pay. As for tinder they do have Christians and I do think it may be used positively look here https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.theodysseyonline.com/im-Christian-and-im-on-tinder.amp

https://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/yes-single-Christian-women-are-killing-it-on-tinder-without-hooking-up/

Finding people with good morals on Tinder is like fishing for salmon in a lake full of shopping trolleys and plastic bottles without the use of fishing bait and hoping to have your dinner by 8:30pm.

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8 minutes ago, aaaz1618 said:

Finding people with good morals on Tinder is like fishing for salmon in a lake full of shopping trolleys and plastic bottles without the use of fishing bait and hoping to have your dinner by 8:30pm.

You don’t have to have mutah with someone with perfect or even “good” morales. Just someone who is willing and meets the criteria I.e Muslim or Ahlul kitab and has fathers permission for mutah or is a non virgin which definitely would be the case on tinder 9/10.

Edited by TryHard

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15 hours ago, TryHard said:

or is a non virgin which definitely would be the case on tinder 9/10.

What is considered a virgin in Islam? Someone who has never been married, or someone who has never committed Zina?

I.e if you have had sex before than perhaps you are still a virgin according to Islamic law, and perhaps it is marriage in itself that makes you a non-virgin.

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19 hours ago, OrthodoxTruth said:

If you marry as a revert without even knowing how to pray or what you say in Arabic, it’s not going to help you at all. There are cases where reverts marry born Muslims and the marriages fall apart immediately because reverts go back to their old ways after few weeks, months or they lack Islamic knowledge altogether. 

I know how to pray both the Sunni and Shia way, I reverted a more than a year ago not months or weeks, but I do understand your point.

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10 hours ago, IbnSina said:

Where in the US do you live brother?

Maybe some of the people here who also live in the US can help you get into contact with local Shia matchmakers instead of just talking or reading about your problems just for entertainment.

Georgia 

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On 6/21/2019 at 10:38 AM, AmirioTheMuzzy said:

What is considered a virgin in Islam? Someone who has never been married, or someone who has never committed Zina?

I.e if you have had sex before than perhaps you are still a virgin according to Islamic law, and perhaps it is marriage in itself that makes you a non-virgin.

Not according to Imam Khamenei (ha) and other maraji if she had zina she is not a virgin and can be married without fathers permission. Sayed Sistani (ha) disagrees though.

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On 6/21/2019 at 8:35 PM, musa shakr said:

Georgia 

Did any of the numerous brothers that reside in United States and are apart of this forum reading of your situation try to reach out to you brother?

Did they try to connect you with matchmakers of their own communities or make any effort at all in order to help you in any way?

 

Or did they just tell you what you should and shouldnt do, but when it came to actually helping you they all backed off while giving themselves excuses as to why they shouldnt get involved?

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On 6/19/2019 at 9:31 PM, musa shakr said:

I'm a revert born the Christian parents, so it would be difficult for them to find me someone Muslim. There is no mosque and few Muslims available so I don't know how to find someone, maybe a dating site. 

سلام

First and foremost, do not pay attention to those who discourage Muta'a. It is a recommended Sunna of The Prophet (صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم). So, in no way, shape, or form feel guilty or bad for desiring to do Muta'a. 

Secondly, if you can't find a faithful woman or a Muslim woman, then you can see if a Christian or Jewish woman is willing to do Muta'a with you. 

It'd be much easier to pursue a relationship, not necessarily marriage, than just to pursue Muta'a. In other words, find a "girlfriend", before getting physical, talk to her about Muta'a. If she cares for you, she'd agree to Muta'a. After Muta'a, continue your relationship, and getting physical is now permissible. 

Don't listen to or care for all the cultural, religiously-baseless, rubbish that surrounds Muta'a. 

Edited by SoRoUsH

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On 6/20/2019 at 3:58 AM, realizm said:

:salam:

What kind of girls would you be finding on Tinder...

The tool you use to meet them is not very important. All the rules of marriage still apply, whatever tool you use. If u are going to use something like Tinder, first I would read up on the rules and regulations regarding marriage and relations with non mahram ( for before the contract). If u feel you can use this platform without violating these then go for it

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On 6/21/2019 at 4:03 AM, IbnSina said:

Where in the US do you live brother?

Maybe some of the people here who also live in the US can help you get into contact with local Shia matchmakers instead of just talking or reading about your problems just for entertainment.

I think you would have a higher probability of finding someone on Tinder than finding one of these.

Being someone who has tried this I can tell you its an extremely hard job with long hours that doesnt pay any salary. So I don’t expect there would be many takers

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1 hour ago, IbnSina said:

Did any of the numerous brothers that reside in United States and are apart of this forum reading of your situation try to reach out to you brother?

Did they try to connect you with matchmakers of their own communities or make any effort at all in order to help you in any way?

 

Or did they just tell you what you should and shouldnt do, but when it came to actually helping you they all backed off while giving themselves excuses as to why they shouldnt get involved?

no one reached out to me. I'm going to wait until I can move somewhere with a Muslim community to pursue a relationship

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2 minutes ago, musa shakr said:

no one reached out to me. I'm going to wait until I can move somewhere with a Muslim community to pursue a relationship

Try any path available to you. Allah is the one who fulfills the needs but you are resposible for making the effort

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6 hours ago, Abu Hadi said:

The tool you use to meet them is not very important. All the rules of marriage still apply, whatever tool you use. If u are going to use something like Tinder, first I would read up on the rules and regulations regarding marriage and relations with non mahram ( for before the contract). If u feel you can use this platform without violating these then go for it

:salam:

I have to say that I would have expected this answer from any ShiaChat member, but from you brother, I find this very weird. Please read and hear about Tinder then tell me how such methods are compatible with Islamic morals. 

You make it sound like it's ok anyway, mut`ah is not forever, who cares if she's not chaste, while mut`ah is a marriage like any other.

If you would not choose your permanent wife in a particular way, then stay away from her in mut`ah too. That's simple.

 

Edited by realizm

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1 hour ago, realizm said:

:salam:

I have to say that I would have expected this answer from any ShiaChat member, but from you brother, I find this very weird. Please read and hear about Tinder then tell me how such methods are compatible with Islamic morals. 

You make it sound like it's ok anyway, mut`ah is not forever, who cares if she's not chaste, while mut`ah is a marriage like any other.

If you would not choose your permanent wife in a particular way, then stay away from her in mut`ah too. That's simple.

 

No he’s being realistic. Not everyone on tinder is the same look at the other links I posted.

https://www.google.com/amp/s/rishtastoriesblog.wordpress.com/2015/10/15/Muslims-on-tinder/amp/

https://www.google.com/amp/s/amp.miamiherald.com/entertainment/article103457727.html

The real challenge I see on tinder are getting the girl to be interested in a relationship in the first place. Then finding out her religion, then finding out if you need her father’s permission or finding out if she is not a virgin and therefore you don’t need permission. Most likely the second but you still should check. Then it’s getting her to recite the mutah contract and explaining mutah to her too and her accepting that. 

If you can get through all that you can have a mutah on tinder. Obviously Dua is needed especially cause this is a real challenge. Even doing it on tinder.

The only advantage there Is to tinder is it gives you options. 

Edited by TryHard

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4 hours ago, realizm said:

:salam:

I have to say that I would have expected this answer from any ShiaChat member, but from you brother, I find this very weird. Please read and hear about Tinder then tell me how such methods are compatible with Islamic morals. 

You make it sound like it's ok anyway, mut`ah is not forever, who cares if she's not chaste, while mut`ah is a marriage like any other.

If you would not choose your permanent wife in a particular way, then stay away from her in mut`ah too. That's simple.

 

That's not what I am saying. If you use TInder, Match.com, OKCupid, ShiaMatch, etc, these are all online platforms. I am not familiar with Tinder specifically, I have been out of the 'scene' for a while and was married before 'Tinder' was a thing. So I'm not familiar with this platform specifically, but I don't see how it is that much different from the other ones. 

Many of you don't know and don't realize what I and the OP are talking about because most of you were born into a Muslim or Shia family so you have lots of 'built in' opportunities through family connections. In addition, you are considered a 'full fledged' member of a Arab/Iranian/Afghan/Pakistani etc family and can show your lineage going back to X person in Y Village. So this fact gives you alot of options for marriage and also other things like business, career opportunities that are not available to those in the Revert community. Many reverts are considered 'triple minorities'. They are a a minority in their communities (if they live in a country which is primarily a religion other than Islam) and they are a minority within the Muslim community because they are not the right ethnicity. Also, many of them are ostracized by their family after their reversion. So because of this, it is sometimes very difficult to do the 'normal' things, like getting married, that are not so difficult for the others. My comments were in this context. 

I have said this before, and I'll say it again, onine platforms, any online platforms including the ones I noted above, are options of last resort. If you have people in your family or you community that are willing to help you through 'offline' channels, this is much better, safer, and more reliable than doing it the online way. Unfortunately, there are some, including many reverts, who don't have those options available. This was the context for my comments.

Also, this is just my theory, but there is some evidence that 20 to 30% of the people in the US would probably be Muslim at this point, except for the fact that they do not want to put themselves in this 'triple minority' status and this is the main thing that stops people from reverting to Islam, not the media or lack of education or lack of belief or morals. If I had a dollars for everyone American, non Muslim that I have talked to that has expressed this in one way or another, I would be a wealthy person. 

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If the children of Adam (عليه السلام) could also have their masa'ib (epic hardships) in the focus of a noha writer then this one problem, for which muta is sought, would have been at the very top of the list. I'm not joking. Its passion drives man places, it is the root of life, the insurance of continuation of life on this planet, the reason you and I exist, the reason we suffer eternally, its both hilarious and deeply saddening. It can control your mood, your life, your destiny. What a powerful thing. Those who have it think nothing of it. Those who don't can't think of anything else. If your bodily chemicals are alright you will never tire of it even if you are a old sheikh. When you feel its consequences getting to you you resent it. It creates quests it also ends them. How interesting.

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11 hours ago, Abu Hadi said:

Being someone who has tried this I can tell you its an extremely hard job with long hours that doesnt pay any salary. So I don’t expect there would be many takers

And whats the reward for helping?

 

The Holy Prophet (peace be upon him and his holy progeny) said:

“One who fulfils the desire of his brother Mu’min, would be as if he has worshipped God for his entire life”

Jaame' al-Sa'adaat, vol. 2, pg. 230.

 

Imam Sadiq (peace be upon him) has stated: Fulfilling a need of a Mu'min brother is better than liberating a thousand slaves and giving a thousand horses (for jihad) in the path of God.

Despite all the emphasis, it is the whisperings (of the Shaitaan) and attachment to the world, which prevent man from helping out the others

Ihyaa al-Quloob, pg. 121.

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