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In the Name of God بسم الله
GuestFatimah

Talking for marriage

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Hiii, thank u for accepting my account. 

I hope everyone is good and well. I wanted to ask a question about getting to know someone for marriage pls. 

I'm a 17 year old girl and recently I asked my parents that I want to have a relationship, so they found a boy in Pakistan and his parents agreed to see if we are good for each other. So my parents are arranging for me to start messaging and phoning him, then if everything goes well between us we can marry in 6 years or so after education. I'm really excited for this for a personal reason, I've been desiring this since for ever. Everyone has desires and sexual urge even us girls! 

But my question is this :

Would this be allowed and how/can we keep the online relationship halal?

(if everything goes well over the years)

We are doing this without temporary marriage straight away because no one (not me, nor my parents or his parents or him) wants that so soon.

Thanking u guys!

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6 hours ago, GuestFatimah said:

I'm a 17 year old girl and recently I asked my parents that I want to have a relationship

First of all I found it odd that you asked them about help in starting a "relationship" rather than finding a spouse or potential suitor.

 

6 hours ago, GuestFatimah said:

then if everything goes well between us we can marry in 6 years or so after education.

Secondly, not to burst your bubble, but this is incredibly naive. You are 17, most of us old gits on here can promise you, so much of you and him will change over the next 6 years. You will learn more about your ownself, likes/dislikes, ambitions, interests, preferences in a guy, knowledge of the world in general. Let alone potential changes towards this person.

Not saying not to do this nor am I predicting the future. Just don't be surprised when in 6 years time you look back at this thread and cringe, thinking wth was I even thinking?

 

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2 hours ago, Propaganda_of_the_Deed said:

First of all I found it odd that you asked them about help in starting a "relationship" rather than finding a spouse or potential suitor.

Secondly, not to burst your bubble, but this is incredibly naive. You are 17, most of us old gits on here can promise you, so much of you and him will change over the next 6 years. You will learn more about your ownself, likes/dislikes, ambitions, interests, preferences in a guy, knowledge of the world in general. Let alone potential changes towards this person.

Not saying not to do this nor am I predicting the future. Just don't be surprised when in 6 years time you look back at this thread and cringe, thinking wth was I even thinking?

Some people don't choose their spouse. It is for the family to do; a tradition.

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7 minutes ago, Aragaia said:

Some people don't choose their spouse. It is for the family to do; a tradition.

I implied this. As in rather than asking the parents to find a potential suitor later down the line. Instead of asking one's parents to help with having a "relationship", seems too vague.

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7 hours ago, GuestFatimah said:

I'm really excited for this for a personal reason, I've been desiring this since for ever. Everyone has desires and sexual urge even us girls! 

 

7 hours ago, GuestFatimah said:

we can marry in 6 years or so after education.

 

7 hours ago, GuestFatimah said:

We are doing this without temporary marriage straight away

Sexual urges, talking to a member of the opposite sex,no marriage for years. These three don't go well together. 

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16 hours ago, Propaganda_of_the_Deed said:

"relationship" rather than finding a spouse or potential suitor.

Umm starting a relationship would mean finding spouse...... 

16 hours ago, Propaganda_of_the_Deed said:

You are 17, most of us old gits on here can promise you, so much of you and him will change over the next 6 years. You will learn more about your ownself, likes/dislikes, ambitions, interests, preferences in a guy, knowledge of the world in general. Let alone potential changes towards this person.

So are you claiming my further "mental development" over the next 6 years a reason not to start a relationship at my age?

16 hours ago, Propaganda_of_the_Deed said:

 don't be surprised when in 6 years time you look back at this thread and cringe, thinking wth was I even thinking?

Of course, all wise and noble wizard lol. 

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15 hours ago, starlight said:

Sexual urges, talking to a member of the opposite sex,no marriage for years. These three don't go well together. 

Yeah, but it's not like we'd be having sex or anything, it's just messaging on the phone. But like I said before a temporary marriage would be happening somewhere down the line.... 

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On 6/16/2019 at 5:04 PM, GuestFatimah said:

I want to have a relationship

Firstly what do you even mean by relationship?

What will you be doing before marriage? 

On 6/16/2019 at 5:04 PM, GuestFatimah said:

So my parents are arranging for me to start messaging and phoning him, then if everything goes well between us we can marry in 6 years or so after education.

But you're going to have a temporary marriage at some point right? Because it's not like you can talk to someone for 6 years without developing feelings for them... Obviously in the beginning you can learn some basic stuff about them, their hobbies, interests, the type of person they are, y'know just keeping it Halal for some time. But I think when you start to develop feelings for them at some, you need to have a temporary marriage. 

On 6/16/2019 at 5:04 PM, GuestFatimah said:

Would this be allowed and how/can we keep the online relationship halal?

Yeah, you can keep it halal with a temporary marriage. And it's allowed to some extent in the beginning without temporary marriage (see above) 

On 6/16/2019 at 5:04 PM, GuestFatimah said:

We are doing this without temporary marriage straight away because no one (not me, nor my parents or his parents or him) wants that so soon.

Why are you and they so against temporary marriage for though? 

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