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In the Name of God بسم الله

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Getting married is one of the most stressful and difficult things I have come across.

I had my engagement break down over a year ago and now I'm using traditional matchmaking ways and every girl has said no without even speaking to me? There must be something wrong with my face because I don't understand how you can say no to someone based on a small profile!

It's incredibly frustrating and honestly makes me feel like either A) I shouldn't bother with marriage or B)  I should perhaps go my own way to find a spouse in probably not the best of ways. 

Why is it so much easier to fall into haram than get married? And why are women so God dsmn picky these days? I've honestly heard some horror stories.

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I think whether its based on looks or a small profile, doesnt really matter. Even if there was something what cud consider "wrong" with anything in yourself, it doesnt matter. It requires patience and whatever Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has planned, then it will happen no matter what.

Maybe you wouldn't have been happy with the women that were picked out and so Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) said no, he wants to give you better.

On 6/15/2019 at 5:41 PM, Fgs123 said:

I shouldn't bother with marriage

Well, it shouldn't be a bother in the first place. Though, I understand that you are frustrated.

On 6/15/2019 at 5:41 PM, Fgs123 said:

I should perhaps go my own way to find a spouse in probably not the best of ways. 

what do you mean "not the best way"?

On 6/15/2019 at 5:41 PM, Fgs123 said:

Why is it so much easier to fall into haram than get married?

because its the easy way but costs you a big fine. 

On 6/15/2019 at 5:41 PM, Fgs123 said:

And why are women so God dsmn picky these days?

not all women are picky, it also depends on where you live, and what women you are referring to. I can say all men are idiots but it doesnt really make a point.

On 6/15/2019 at 5:41 PM, Fgs123 said:

 I've honestly heard some horror stories.

curious...

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On 6/15/2019 at 5:41 PM, Fgs123 said:

I'm using traditional matchmaking ways

Which "traditional matchmaking ways" 

On 6/15/2019 at 5:41 PM, Fgs123 said:

And why are women so God dsmn picky these days?

Yes that's true, It's no secret that standards are raising. 

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15 hours ago, Fgs123 said:

Getting married is one of the most stressful and difficult things I have come across.

I had my engagement break down over a year ago and now I'm using traditional matchmaking ways and every girl has said no without even speaking to me? There must be something wrong with my face because I don't understand how you can say no to someone based on a small profile!

 

It's incredibly frustrating and honestly makes me feel like either A) I shouldn't bother with marriage or B)  I should perhaps go my own way to find a spouse in probably not the best of ways. 

Why is it so much easier to fall into haram than get married? And why are women so God dsmn picky these days? I've honestly heard some horror stories.

I believe that you should not complain about someone who thinks that you may fail to fulfil their needs or wishes. Everyone has his or her right to pick for himself a best suitable partner. 

To you, I think, the main problem is in your personality that you are shaky. Like you say, if one is not going to like you, may be you take other alternatives.

Man no one likes shaky person, improve your personality and be impermeable to sins. And, after that I am sure someone would like you man. 

But even after that no one marries you than wait for next life, you will get hooris, if u stay good. :D

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Guest Nani-Amma
15 hours ago, Fgs123 said:

Getting married is one of the most stressful and difficult things I have come across.

I had my engagement break down over a year ago and now I'm using traditional matchmaking ways and every girl has said no without even speaking to me? There must be something wrong with my face because I don't understand how you can say no to someone based on a small profile!

 

It's incredibly frustrating and honestly makes me feel like either A) I shouldn't bother with marriage or B)  I should perhaps go my own way to find a spouse in probably not the best of ways. 

Why is it so much easier to fall into haram than get married? And why are women so God dsmn picky these days? I've honestly heard some horror stories.

Look for a divorced or widowed woman.

By this time, they become good natured, less superficial, more pragmatic, and a better learner of their religion. 

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21 minutes ago, Flying_Eagle said:

I believe that you should not complain about someone who thinks that you may fail to fulfil their needs or wishes. Everyone has his or her right to pick for himself a best suitable partner. 

To you, I think, the main problem is in your personality that you are shaky. Like you say, if one is not going to like you, may be you take other alternatives.

Man no one likes shaky person, improve your personality and be impermeable to sins. And, after that I am sure someone would like you man. 

But even after that no one marries you than wait for next life, you will get hooris, if u stay good. :D

What is "shaky"? You should not tell people to try to improve their personality. You don't even know the man. And no matter if a person is dislikable there is always out there someone who likes the dislikable.

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15 hours ago, Fgs123 said:

Getting married is one of the most stressful and difficult things I have come across.

I had my engagement break down over a year ago and now I'm using traditional matchmaking ways and every girl has said no without even speaking to me? There must be something wrong with my face because I don't understand how you can say no to someone based on a small profile!

 

It's incredibly frustrating and honestly makes me feel like either A) I shouldn't bother with marriage or B)  I should perhaps go my own way to find a spouse in probably not the best of ways. 

Why is it so much easier to fall into haram than get married? And why are women so God dsmn picky these days? I've honestly heard some horror stories.

Why did your first engagement break down?

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Flying_Eagle's comment sounds like a bad joke, please ignore them. Obviously you are going to be apprehensive if your first pop at marriage broke down.

What exactly is it you think they see or hear and don't like? Perhaps we can help collectively to make you feel better and more confident.

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4 hours ago, habib e najjaar said:

I'd be less concerned about (living) standards raising

I was talking about standards of people. 

Not living standards. 

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Guest Valor

Salam,

What do you mean by traditional matchmaking? 

If you're an expat then yes, it's not easy to get married for many different reasons unfortunately. However, if you are living in a Muslim country in a Shia community & your parents are with you, you'll just have to keep looking It's a lot easier than being an expat. 

May God grant us our wishes,.. 

Best of luck brother.

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3 hours ago, Ali~J said:

I was talking about standards of people. 

Not living standards. 

I got you, but a lot of the discussion on standards ends up being on the material aspect of education, job, mahr, home the couple can live in, size of wedding expected etc. The moral and akhlaqi issues expected have not changed much In my humble opinion.

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18 minutes ago, habib e najjaar said:

I got you, but a lot of the discussion on standards ends up being on the material aspect of education, job, mahr, home the couple can live in, size of wedding expected etc. The moral and akhlaqi issues expected have not changed much In my humble opinion.

Ya both of you are right though I never tried to propose before I’m almost 100% I would get rejected for not having lots of money, a degree and a place of my own.

What is said above seems to be the priority not just for some women but their parents.

to solve this we can pray, try to build confidence and try to straighten some things on our end. My idea is if we have a plan at least that’s something. If we get rejected still we can at least complain to God. 

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21 hours ago, Fgs123 said:

Getting married is one of the most stressful and difficult things I have come across.

You should have followed me on ShiaChat. You would have known this before hand.

21 hours ago, Fgs123 said:

And why are women so God dsmn picky these days? Because they all imagine they are all so 'special'.

 

I've honestly heard some horror stories.

"Heard some horror stories" ?

Get marred and you will scarcely exist in your personalized horror story.

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15 minutes ago, TryHard said:

Ya both of you are right though I never tried to propose before I’m almost 100% I would get rejected for not having lots of money, a degree and a place of my own.

What is said above seems to be the priority not just for some women but their parents.

to solve this we can pray, try to build confidence and try to straighten some things on our end. My idea is if we have a plan at least that’s something. If we get rejected still we can at least complain to God. 

Women face this too. Men either want an exquisite beauty to match the filtered and photoshopped and made up faces and bodies they see, or they want a nice simple religious wife who will not have any objections to being one of many wives, and will be happy and willing to give up her education, career, financial independence for the sake of Allah (read: for his sake).

The worst part is they don’t declare this from the onset of things, and expect it to come in the package with the religious wife. 

Its a mad mad world LOL

Edited by habib e najjaar

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39 minutes ago, habib e najjaar said:

Women face this too. Men either want an exquisite beauty to match the filtered and photoshopped and made up faces and bodies they see, or they want a nice simple religious wife who will not have any objections to being one of many wives, and will be happy and willing to give up her education, career, financial independence for the sake of Allah (read: for his sake).

The worst part is they don’t declare this from the onset of things, and expect it to come in the package with the religious wife. 

Its a mad mad world LOL

Well I’m not like that and I’m speaking from my perspective.

sure I want my wife to be attractive I even pray for it. However I’m not the type to go for the prettiest I see as long as I find her decently attractive I’m good. Despite that people like me who go to get married get rejected on the basis of money.

second it’s different for men in my opinion because men usually go to propose not woman. In my case I gotta go propose not the girl. So we are the ones to face rejection. 

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13 minutes ago, TryHard said:

Well I’m not like that and I’m speaking from my perspective.

sure I want my wife to be attractive I even pray for it. However I’m not the type to go for the prettiest I see as long as I find her decently attractive I’m good. Despite that people like me who go to get married get rejected on the basis of money.

second it’s different for men in my opinion because men usually go to propose not woman. In my case I gotta go propose not the girl. So we are the ones to face rejection. 

Yeah but you're the ones choosing. You come out of the blue and the girl in her confusion blurts out yes and she's done for for life.

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51 minutes ago, Aragaia said:

Yeah but you're the ones choosing. You come out of the blue and the girl in her confusion blurts out yes and she's done for for life.

She can reject later :hahaha:

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5 hours ago, Aragaia said:

Yeah but you're the ones choosing. You come out of the blue and the girl in her confusion blurts out yes and she's done for for life.

No inshallah she’s happy for life. But as @Noor Talebpoints out she can divorce later worst case scenario. though inshallah that does not happen.

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7 hours ago, TryHard said:

I never tried to propose before I’m almost 100% I would get rejected for not having lots of money, a degree and a place of my own.

:party:Some get rejected even if they have these ^^  Believe it or not there is a population of females who would prefer piety and morals over money and a big house. 

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10 hours ago, Noor Taleb said:

 

it’s going to be fine InshAllah   --> :hahaha:

men are blaming women and vice versa           She starts it !

No need to be like :angry: or :brucelee: or :byecry:    Then WHY do you think it is called the "Eternal Battle" ?

go pray Get marred and this is all you can do.

Answers in Bold Face above.

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5 hours ago, hasanhh said:

Answers in Bold Face above.

Don’t be so triggered 

relax it doesn’t matter who started it 

be the better person and forgive 

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23 hours ago, Guest Nani-Amma said:

Look for a divorced or widowed woman.

By this time, they become good natured, less superficial, more pragmatic, and a better learner of their religion. 

:pushup2: I'd assume they become smarter, less likely to tolerate rubbish, more aware of their rights, and definitely aware that no person is irreplacable. :grin:

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19 minutes ago, Noor Taleb said:

Don’t be so triggered 

relax it doesn’t matter who started it 

be the better person and forgive 

spoiler alert:

Hassanh is the trollface you will find on every marriage and divorce thread with similar posts. :D

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10 minutes ago, habib e najjaar said:

spoiler alert:

Hassanh is the trollface you will find on every marriage and divorce thread with similar posts. :D

:hahaha:

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