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In the Name of God بسم الله
Ali~J

To what extent do you agree with this person's view on marriage for the youth?

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What do you guys think of this text I found? :

Is there some truth to what this person is saying and you agree with certain parts? Do you agree with it all? Or do you disagree with it all?

START

When puberty is  reached, marriage becomes a desirable act and whenever it comes to the revolt and rebellion of emotions and the preludes of sin become obvious then marriage becomes obligatory. When a person attains maturity and puberty (we have explained puberty) his time for marriage has arrived and delaying it would not be advisable in any way, just as its early execution is also not commendable, for it’s like being an unripe fruit. When the interior call of a person, which rises from one’s nature and instinct comes, it is the time for marriage. Everyone can clearly hear this call from his interior, provided of course, that this power has not been scarred or become ill by the effect of various factors. Because it is quite evident that if this power has been scarred or become diseased, then it cannot give a timely and proper call. Just like a patient who has lost his appetite and his health deteriorates from its normal course. 

If this need and inner energy gives a call and says, “I have approached, I want a spouse,” the factors hidden inside the human conscience may come to face it and argue - I have no house, no money, no dowry, I do not have my degree yet, I do not have the means to pay for the celebration, society does not approve of marriage at this age, the customs, ceremonies and family discipline do not yet approve it, a person possessing money, a house, and a car has not yet proposed to me, I have yet to find a rich girl, a wife has her expenses and then there are children to follow who too, have a lot of expenditure and headache. What about the parties and invitations? How can I face the ceremonies and formalities? How can I get the money for the dowry, gold, dress and for purchasing other items? ...” It is evident that the poor call will retreat! 

Or if that youth has gone astray through masturbation, corruption and debauchery, and deviated from the course of his nature, then that interior call of instinct too has been trampled down and there is no more chance of it raising a correct call. 

An exhausted youth said: “For many years I have masturbated and now that I have married a girl, I do not have any desire for her and can not get any enjoyment from her. I still masturbate and prefer it to intercourse with my wife.” 

This is known as an ill and diseased nature and instinct. It can no longer hear the voice of its natural call. As a matter of fact, no more of a call or voice has been left over and survived.

Brother and sister! Let us talk a bit about the facts, about the untouched life and nature and the uncontaminated instincts and those away from the civilities, ignorance ‑ based customs and ceremonies of society. 

Let us for the time being, throw those (customs) aside so that we may talk in a free and unbounded atmosphere. Later on, we will talk about those limitations. Oh, young sister and brother! You are yourself aware of the noise and turbulence that is going on inside you. You are aware that you need a spouse. You know that you are apprehensive and feel a gap, a void and solitude. You can very well perceive and hear your internal yearning, which calls you to find a spouse. You know quite well that you are not that child you used to be a few years ago and a change has developed inside you. You fully understand that you have lost something (which you must find out) and whenever you think about it, there is a big inflammation that takes shape inside you and motivates you to probe and search for what you have lost. 

Why do you deceive yourself? Why do you put a cover and a lid upon these sacred and natural wishes and desires? Why do you bring excuses? Why do you suppress your spirit of independence? Why do you choke up all of these passions and calls of love? Why do you allow these beautiful blooming buds to wither away? Are you scared? From what? From poverty? From ceremonies? From inflation? From responsibility of life? From having children? You are afraid you would not be able to cope with their expenses? You fear that you may not be able to continue your education? You are afraid you would not be able to manage and run your family expenses? 

My dear, do not be afraid and scared. Allah is with you. Have trust in Him. Do not you believe Allah is all-strong, all-beneficent, and your helper? Would it not be a pity that you destroy your youth? 

Marriage has a season and spring, and if this passes away, you would face a loss. The fruit that ripens and is not benefited from becomes spoiled and stale. Is it not a pity that a young one, who has Allah to support and help him, is afraid of such imaginary and absurd matters? 

Be brave! Take steps depending and trusting upon Allah. Be contented and assured that Allah will help you and Insha’Allah you will succeed. 

Allah has promised in the holy Qur’an that he will solve the problems and difficulties, saying:

“If they are needy (poor), Allah will make them free from want, out of His grace.” (24:32)

END

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Guest hello there

who wrote this ,Sunni and Shia, and at what age is he explaining ppl get married at? im asking age.

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1 hour ago, Guest hello there said:

who wrote this ,Sunni and Shia, and at what age is he explaining ppl get married at? im asking age.

@Guest hello there @Aragaia

A Shia writer called Ali Akbar Mazaheri

Here's something about the age:

START

Sometime age, I went to see Ayatollah Ibrahim Amini (a pious, discernible scholar conversant with family problems for many years, who has close contacts with the problems of youth). I had a talk with him on his viewpoint of the marriage age, which he has discussed in his book “The Spouse Selection.” Before narrating the detail of the discussion, I hereby exactly cite what he has written in his book: “The nature and special creation of man has fixed the age of marriage and that is the puberty age. When a boy reaches puberty at the age of 16 and a girl at 10 years, they can marry. But it is better to delay the marriage up to 17 years and 14 or 15 years in boys and girls respectively. Because boys and girls do not have sufficient amount of mental and intellectual maturity at the beginning of puberty, and at this age might have difficulties accompanied with it. Furthermore, in the initial two or three years after puberty, sexual instinct is not completely awakened and does not pressurise the youth too much, and its endurance is not so much difficult." Therefore, it can be said that the most suitable marriage age for boys is 17 to 18 years and for girls 14 to 17 years. But it is not advisable to delay their marriage beyond the above mentioned ages, since it may cause negative physical, spiritual or social diseases and discrepancies. The sexual instinct, having completely and absolutely awakened, is provoked and excited and exerts pressure upon the youth. And there is no alternative left except fulfilling the desire lawfully. The sexual urge is just like the urge and need for water and food.

Nevertheless, it can be said that in our various, different countries and societies the average sexual puberty of boys is 14 and among girls, it is 12 (not religious puberty). But this age is early for marriage, because, as well as sexual puberty, mental maturity is also necessary for marriage. The age of 19 years for boys and 17 years for girls is more suitable for marriage. Of course, this is an average age, and it is possible that a boy or a girl has an early need for a spouse, so an early step may be taken. 

We re-emphasise that the signs of this urge are hidden inside a person and everyone can judge it for himself. If the parents are intelligent and attentive, they can understand very well when their son or daughter needs a spouse.

END

Edited by Ali~J

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So by this they think a 16 year old boy of puberty age can marry a 10 year old of puberty age?

Seriously...

Sorry, but if kids below a certain age aren't allowed obliged to pray, if some kids weren't obliged to go to the battlefield (and these things are according to the Qur'an and established Sunnah) then talk of marrying off 10 year old girls to 16 year old boys is just nonsense. Just like the Aisha age farce, which I imagine has rubbed off on one culture and then another until it becomes quite normal to suggest such a thing... But that's another topic altogether.

By the way, they give an age of 14-16 for a boy to hit puberty, I hit it aged nine, so then what? And I was 'rebellious' and 'revolted' then too. Does that then mean that nine year old boys can marry 10 year old girls?

I just don't get the point of scholars talking about such things, because the laymen inevitably discuss it and it makes us look like fools to people who attack our faith, our sisters, our brothers and our mosques.

 

 

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@aaaz1618

The author concluded at the end that:

23 minutes ago, Ali~J said:

The age of 19 years for boys and 17 years for girls is more suitable for marriage. Of course, this is an average age, and it is possible that a boy or a girl has an early need for a spouse, so an early step may be taken. 

 

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1 hour ago, Ali~J said:

What do you guys think of this text I found?

Who's the author of this?

1 hour ago, Ali~J said:

When puberty is  reached, marriage becomes a desirable act and whenever it comes to the revolt and rebellion of emotions and the preludes of sin become obvious then marriage becomes obligatory.

Most boys hit puberty around 12 and most girls hit puberty around 10. Based on this statement he is advocating that since a 12 year old boy and a 10 year old girl have an active libido and can conceive a child that they should be married. How many 12 year old boys and 10 year old girls are capable of engaging in a marriage are there out there? Not many I would say. Its desirable based on their hormones increasing their libido?

How old were the members of the Ahle Bayt (عليه السلام), as well as the ages of their children, when they married? Wasn't Imam Ali (عليه السلام) near the age of 30 when he first married? What about Imam Hasan (عليه السلام)? Imam Hussain (عليه السلام)? How about Imam Hasan Askari (عليه السلام)? You'll get your answer to this statement by finding that out.

1 hour ago, Ali~J said:

When a person attains maturity and puberty (we have explained puberty) his time for marriage has arrived and delaying it would not be advisable in any way, just as its early execution is also not commendable, for it’s like being an unripe fruit.

Keyword is Maturity. The author is negating his previous statement here by now adding maturity to the equation. Seems his opinion is evolving as the paragraph goes on. Originally, the author stated that when puberty hits that marriage is desirable, now maturity is added. The author then further negates the original statement by saying immature people are like "unripe fruit". 

3 hours ago, Ali~J said:

 When the interior call of a person, which rises from one’s nature and instinct comes, it is the time for marriage. Everyone can clearly hear this call from his interior, provided of course, that this power has not been scarred or become ill by the effect of various factors.

So the author is making the assumption that people lack the ability to control their libido? I would disagree with that heartily, every unmarried Muslim in the world isn't constantly absorbed by a need to have sex. Even the ones that are growing up in the West where they are constantly bombarded by sexual imagery are not that way. (I was born, and grew up in the U.S., so I think I have some validity to my opinion).

3 hours ago, Ali~J said:

If this need and inner energy gives a call and says, “I have approached, I want a spouse,” the factors hidden inside the human conscience may come to face it and argue - I have no house, no money, no dowry, I do not have my degree yet, I do not have the means to pay for the celebration, society does not approve of marriage at this age, the customs, ceremonies and family discipline do not yet approve it, a person possessing money, a house, and a car has not yet proposed to me, I have yet to find a rich girl, a wife has her expenses and then there are children to follow who too, have a lot of expenditure and headache.

and those are not legitimate things to take into consideration before stepping onto the path towards getting married? I would say that those are things which need to be determined first, ahead of one's libido in fact. Those are the things which will play a much greater role in the success of not only the marriage, but also life in general. This extends not only to the spouse, but also onto children, parents, etc...as well. I'm not talking about being rich, I'm speaking of the ability for a husband to be able to stand on his own two feet financially while maintaing a respectable standard of living for his wife and childre, as well as supporting his parents in their elderly years. This outweighs libido by a wide margin in my opinion.

3 hours ago, Ali~J said:

Or if that youth has gone astray through masturbation, corruption and debauchery, and deviated from the course of his nature, then that interior call of instinct too has been trampled down and there is no more chance of it raising a correct call. 

Not condoning those items, but again the assumption is that all people engage in that before they are married. I would disagree with that statement on principal. Yes, the temptations are there but not all indulge in that. 

Also, can one not ask for forgiveness if they have indulged in those sins? Not using that as an excuse, a person shouldn't indulge in sins to begin with, but lets say they have...can they not beg with sincerety for expiation of those sins?

3 hours ago, Ali~J said:

An exhausted youth said: “For many years I have masturbated and now that I have married a girl, I do not have any desire for her and can not get any enjoyment from her. I still masturbate and prefer it to intercourse with my wife.” 

That's not a result of not marrying early enough. That is a result of him not being attracted to his wife anymore. Why that is needs to be determined by speaking to that youth. He may have made the mistake of marrying simply for the sake of marrying. He didn't marry a wife he felt a physical attraction to. We also don't know the nature of their relationship. I can speak from being married for almost 20 years that after an argument or some equally emotional negative event that the last thing a couple wants to do is have sex together. Further more, if the marriage deteriorates then sex is definitely not desired amongst the couple. 

3 hours ago, Ali~J said:

Oh, young sister and brother! You are yourself aware of the noise and turbulence that is going on inside you. You are aware that you need a spouse. You know that you are apprehensive and feel a gap, a void and solitude. You can very well perceive and hear your internal yearning, which calls you to find a spouse. You know quite well that you are not that child you used to be a few years ago and a change has developed inside you. You fully understand that you have lost something (which you must find out) and whenever you think about it, there is a big inflammation that takes shape inside you and motivates you to probe and search for what you have lost. 

Wow, this author is certainly full of themself. I'm really curious to know who they are as well as what qualifications they have Islamically. The author's framing their personal opinion in the cloak of making it appear as fact. Who is the author?

3 hours ago, Ali~J said:

Why do you deceive yourself? Why do you put a cover and a lid upon these sacred and natural wishes and desires? Why do you bring excuses? Why do you suppress your spirit of independence? Why do you choke up all of these passions and calls of love? Why do you allow these beautiful blooming buds to wither away? Are you scared? From what? From poverty? From ceremonies? From inflation? From responsibility of life? From having children? You are afraid you would not be able to cope with their expenses? You fear that you may not be able to continue your education? You are afraid you would not be able to manage and run your family expenses? 

This has all the soundings of a person who has an overactive libido. If the author is a man, which I'm suspecting because women normally don't talk like this, then I'm curious how many mutahs and/or wives he has. He sounds like a skirt chaser. He's talking about sexual desire as if there is nothing else that drives a person's mentality. People are not animals that lack the ability to use logic as well.

4 hours ago, Ali~J said:

My dear, do not be afraid and scared. Allah is with you. Have trust in Him. Do not you believe Allah is all-strong, all-beneficent, and your helper?

No one denies this, however the author is using the rizq that Allah provides as a weapon for furthering his own opinion. That's dishonest and misleading. That is the equivalent of me sitting around preaching that education and a job is unnecessary because Allah provides everything that we need or will need or to go ahead and have as many children as possible even when I don't have the means to feed and clothe them because Allah has promised rizq to all he brings into this world.

Well, yes Allah does promise us that but at the same time he has also imbued us with a level of common sense and the ability to analyze things on a practical level. He gave us the intellect to identify between what is practical and what is impractical. To use Allah's words to further a personal opinion is a sin.

4 hours ago, Ali~J said:

Marriage has a season and spring, and if this passes away, you would face a loss. The fruit that ripens and is not benefited from becomes spoiled and stale. Is it not a pity that a young one, who has Allah to support and help him, is afraid of such imaginary and absurd matters?

Now, the author is using fear as a means of pushing their personal opinion. To scare people into thinking that if you are too old no one will want to marry you. 

4 hours ago, Ali~J said:

Be brave! Take steps depending and trusting upon Allah. Be contented and assured that Allah will help you and Insha’Allah you will succeed. 

Allah has promised in the holy Qur’an that he will solve the problems and difficulties, saying:

“If they are needy (poor), Allah will make them free from want, out of His grace.” (24:32)

Not questioning what Allah has promised us and guranteed us in relation to rizq and a partner in this world. Also, not questioning that Allah has made things haram and that he made those things haram for a specific and valid reason. However, I do take exception when the words of the Almighty are twisted and weaponized for the purpose of convincing others to believe your personal opinion.

I'm really curious who the author is and what, if any, are his qualifications to be speaking on Islam.

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49 minutes ago, Akbar673 said:

Who's the author of this?

Again: Shia writer called Ali Akbar Mazaheri

50 minutes ago, Akbar673 said:

Most boys hit puberty around 12 and most girls hit puberty around 10. Based on this statement he is advocating that since a 12 year old boy and a 10 year old girl have an active libido and can conceive a child that they should be married. How many 12 year old boys and 10 year old girls are capable of engaging in a marriage are there out there? Not many I would say. Its desirable based on their hormones increasing their libido?

Actually Puberty occurs in girls between the ages of 10 and 14, while in boys it's between the ages of 12 and 16.

Again: The age of 19 years for boys and 17 years for girls is more suitable for marriage. Of course, this is an average age, and it is possible that a boy or a girl has an early need for a spouse, so an early step may be taken. 

51 minutes ago, Akbar673 said:

Keyword is Maturity. The author is negating his previous statement here by now adding maturity to the equation. Seems his opinion is evolving as the paragraph goes on. Originally, the author stated that when puberty hits that marriage is desirable, now maturity is added. The author then further negates the original statement by saying immature people are like "unripe fruit". 

Yes.... He is adding to his opinion.... 

53 minutes ago, Akbar673 said:

and those are not legitimate things to take into consideration before stepping onto the path towards getting married?

They are, but for an early marriage they aren't going to be living by themselves so these things become less important, but if anything they wi be better at these things since they are not just plopped into cold water alone, but they'll have their parents support since it's a young marriage. 

55 minutes ago, Akbar673 said:

So the author is making the assumption that people lack the ability to control their libido? I would disagree with that heartily, every unmarried Muslim in the world isn't constantly absorbed by a need to have sex. Even the ones that are growing up in the West where they are constantly bombarded by sexual imagery are not that way. (I was born, and grew up in the U.S., so I think I have some validity to my opinion).

Some validity but which generation did you grow up in? Masturbation is so common here it is even considered abnormal not to do it. If you told someone where I live that you don't masturbate they'll say to you "you're lying". That's how common it is. 

Take me for example I think when I was around 10 or something I started masturbation even before puberty by the time I actually realised it was a sin, it was close to impossible to get rid of the habit but I eventually did some years back. Anyone who knows what I'm talking about will know that it's like smoking or alcohol. 

That libido hasn't died down one bit from the age of 10 till now, in fact it's increased several times over.

Who knows maybe it'll be several years before I get married and by that time would've my libido gone down? Probably, but we don't know though.... 

1 hour ago, Akbar673 said:

Also, can one not ask for forgiveness if they have indulged in those sins? Not using that as an excuse, a person shouldn't indulge in sins to begin with, but lets say they have...can they not beg with sincerety for expiation of those sins?

Those types of people believe me, they don't care it's such an addiction that I truly salute anyone who has managed to get out of it like me. 

1 hour ago, Akbar673 said:

That is a result of him not being attracted to his wife anymore. 

I don't think he was attracted to her in the first place to be honest.. 

1 hour ago, Akbar673 said:

We also don't know the nature of their relationship. I can speak from being married for almost 20 years that after an argument or some equally emotional negative event that the last thing a couple wants to do is have sex together. Further more, if the marriage deteriorates then sex is definitely not desired amongst the couple. 

We can just go by what we know. 

1 hour ago, Akbar673 said:

Wow, this author is certainly full of themself. I'm really curious to know who they are as well as what qualifications they have Islamically. The author's framing their personal opinion in the cloak of making it appear as fact. Who is the author?

Shia writer called Ali Akbar Mazaheri

99% sure it's a Persian name but I don't know... 

1 hour ago, Akbar673 said:

This has all the soundings of a person who has an overactive libido. If the author is a man, which I'm suspecting because women normally don't talk like this, then I'm curious how many mutahs and/or wives he has. He sounds like a skirt chaser. He's talking about sexual desire as if there is nothing else that drives a person's mentality. People are not animals that lack the ability to use logic as well.

I don't know much about the author but men, whether they confess it or not, are slaves of lust and desire. That's why there's hijab and buffering between males and females in Islam. That's why there's many laws about contact between men and women actually... 

1 hour ago, Akbar673 said:

No one denies this, however the author is using the rizq that Allah provides as a weapon for furthering his own opinion. That's dishonest and misleading. That is the equivalent of me sitting around preaching that education and a job is unnecessary because Allah provides everything that we need or will need or to go ahead and have as many children as possible even when I don't have the means to feed and clothe them because Allah has promised rizq to all he brings into this world.

Well, yes Allah does promise us that but at the same time he has also imbued us with a level of common sense and the ability to analyze things on a practical level. He gave us the intellect to identify between what is practical and what is impractical. To use Allah's words to further a personal opinion is a sin.

God is mysterious. Who knows lol. 

1 hour ago, Akbar673 said:

Now, the author is using fear as a means of pushing their personal opinion. To scare people into thinking that if you are too old no one will want to marry you

But we do not know how long of a duration the author is taking about when he says "season and spring". 

1 hour ago, Akbar673 said:

However, I do take exception when the words of the Almighty are twisted and weaponized for the purpose of convincing others to believe your personal opinion.

I'm really curious who the author is and what, if any, are his qualifications to be speaking on Islam.

Hmmm I mean everyone has their own opinion and interpretation when they read the author's works but obviously it wouldn't be a good idea not to use your own head too. 

I think the author's published a few books here and there probably from Iran though... 

 

Thank you for your input in the discussion :)

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2 hours ago, Ali~J said:

God is mysterious. Who knows lol. 

But He also said: Believers, if a troublemaker brings you news, check it first, in case you wrong others unwittingly and later regret what you have done, and be aware that it is God’s Messenger who is among you: in many matters you would certainly suffer if he were to follow your wishes. God has endeared faith to you and made it beautiful to your hearts; He has made disbelief, mischief, and disobedience hateful to you. It is people like this who are rightly guided through God’s favor and blessing: God is all knowing and all wise. (Qur'an 49:6-8)

 

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50 minutes ago, Gaius I. Caesar said:

Believers, if a troublemaker brings you news, check it first, in case you wrong others unwittingly and later regret what you have done, and be aware that it is God’s Messenger who is among you: in many matters you would certainly suffer if he were to follow your wishes. God has endeared faith to you and made it beautiful to your hearts; He has made disbelief, mischief, and disobedience hateful to you. It is people like this who are rightly guided through God’s favor and blessing: God is all knowing and all wise. (Qur'an 49:6-8)

Forgive me but I don't really see how this is relevant, are you implying that the author is a "trouble maker" with "news" we should check? How can we check the news if it's the author's own opinion and writing? 

"In case you wrong others unwittingly and later regret what you have done........ " ~ Are you trying to refer to me here? Because that would be disappointing.... 

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4 minutes ago, Ali~J said:

Forgive me but I don't really see how this is relevant, are you implying that the author is a "trouble maker" with "news" we should check? How can we check the news if it's the author's own opinion and writing? 

By quoting these ayahs, I'm saying we should be careful when the author starts implying that the youth has no control over their desires and should marry as young as possible and if they don't, "seasons"  will pass away and they will still be unmarried. I agree with Akbar, it seems the author  is using fear to pressure to get the reader to marry young. When a religious scholar, priest or rabbi starts telling their youth this; It should raise concern as what his true intentions are. The youth aren't animals or stupid.

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In order to be eligible for marriage, it takes more than biological maturity. There is also the concept of Rushd, or prepared mentally and emotionally for marriage. Rushd is applicable to both men and women and it basically means that they are prepared to be in a marriage relationship and are ready to fulfill the obligations toward their spouse completely and with a sense of joy and honor. The basis of being Rushd is being able to connect with someone both emotionally and spiritually and considering the needs of that person over your own needs. While it is possible for this to happen at the beginning of adolescence (biological maturity), it usually doesn't happen till the end of biological adolescence (17 to 20 or later). But once you have the biological maturity plus the Rushd, or intellectual and spiritual maturity, then a person should not wait too long after that point to get married. I agree with the statement the OP in that marriage has a season and a window of time. This season is somewhat flexible but once someone reaches a certain age, say 30 and beyond, and has never been in a marriage relationship, it will be extremely difficult for them to adapt to another person because they are so used to living on their own with only themselves to consider. Most of the sucessful marriages that I know of, including my own, happened in the early to mid 20s. It is possible after that point, but the longer someone waits after that point, they greater chance they have of not having a happy and sucessful marriage. 

For men, the issue is made very difficult in this particular time in history where most men in their early to mid 20s don't have the financial resources to support a wife and a family at the level of the bride's families expectations. I think this is the main barrier to marriage these days and the reason for so much corruption taking place in our youth, because they men are hesitant to even ask for a girl for marriage because they think there is a high likelihood they will be refused because of their lack of financial resources. So they take the way out that seems easy at the time but ends up being the most difficult way out, which they unfortunately find out later on (as was discussed in the first post). 

As I have said before, the solution is for the communities to support early marriage by not having such high expectations for mahr, living arrangements at the beginning of the marriage. Also the brothers should consider all their options when it comes to marriage, and not just the obvious ones. Any halal marriage, whether it is permanent or temporary, whether it is with an ideal candidate or one that is less than ideal is a better option than allowing oneself to risk corruption of the soul by engaging in haram. The problem is not unsolvable, but it requires some definite changes from the status quo in order to make early marriage a viable thing in the times we are living in. 

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I think it is also important to integrate the brain's actual development into the conversation of being mature enough to marry. From the most recent litertaure, it seems that our brains don't stop maturing until the mid-twenties. Please understand I am not saying one thing or another, but I do think it adds another dimension to this debate. 

 

Ref;

https://mentalhealthdaily.com/2015/02/18/at-what-age-is-the-brain-fully-developed/

https://www.reference.com/science/age-brain-stop-developing-fcc9a17b5c52f5ef

https://www.npr.org/templates/story/story.php?storyId=141164708

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5 hours ago, Abu Hadi said:

It is possible after that point, but the longer someone waits after that point, they greater chance they have of not having a happy and sucessful marriage. 

Statistics differ. The later a person marries the better they know themselves and what they want. In my opinion it is the other way around. Late marriage are more likely to be happy.

early marriage is fine for  those who want is (also the woman), but should not be supported with the expense of other sides of well being in society. And the societies where people are most well these days - in them people get married later. And the societies where people get maaried early, those are deemed the worst places.

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10 hours ago, Ali~J said:

They are, but for an early marriage they aren't going to be living by themselves so these things become less important, but if anything they wi be better at these things since they are not just plopped into cold water alone, but they'll have their parents support since it's a young marriage.

If they have support. Early marriages often happen because a family wants to get rid of a daughter to feed. And the man is often aged 21-45. And no one is supporting no one. Oh yeah, and the women are more likely to die at child birth. (not to mention too early intercourse - I mean rape).

Marrige has two sides to it

1)it's a social and financial contract.

2) a relationship of mutual love.

But some scholars like to ignore the second part even if it is in the Qur'an since love can always develop between two people.

And if a girl is to move in with her in-laws, who said she likes it? Why would a girl who hasn't finished school yet want to give up everything because someone somewhere thinks she can’t control her sexual urges. (as women almost always can) this text is for men from men for the sake of men.

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Believe me guys I'm all for practicing celibacy but apparently that's haraam too? 

I don't know really know where to go with the whole argument, I definitely don't fully agree with the author, I think he's been to extreme in certain aspects and he must have some weird agenda of his own lol

But on the other hand suppressing my sexual urges for another decade can't be good mentally, I mean for the past 6 years or so, that's what I've been battling with. And it's been getting harder and harder over the years. I can already imagine what some of you guys will say in response to this ^ :dry: ^ but I had to get it out there I guess..... 

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9 minutes ago, Ali~J said:

Believe me guys I'm all for practicing celibacy but apparently that's haraam too? 

I don't know really know where to go with the whole argument, I definitely don't fully agree with the author, I think he's been to extreme in certain aspects and he must have some weird agenda of his own lol

But on the other hand suppressing my sexual urges for another decade can't be good mentally, I mean for the past 6 years or so, that's what I've been battling with. And it's been getting harder and harder over the years. I can already imagine what some of you guys will say in response to this ^ :dry: ^ but I had to get it out there I guess..... 

You don't need to follow any cultural norm. This article is not directed for individuals but communities and so are the responses. Every persons situation is different. If you want to get married all you have to do is do it by the Islamic law.

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