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In the Name of God بسم الله
Propaganda_of_the_Deed

[Closed/Review]Sisters how would y'all react if this were you?

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So this popular, albeit typically cringey youtube/insta Muslim couple have recently shown on social media how the husband has taken a second wife, as it turns out the wife's best friend, with the first wife's full support.

Comments as usual are divided, some attacking the woman as a homewrecker, others saying it has to be a prank, whilst others arguing it is Sunnah and their right, some admire first wive's strength of faith and patience, etc.

Don't know why but just had a feeling he would take another wife. Especially if the first wife is a niqabi, they are probably more literal and less likely to dispute what the Qur'an says in Surah Nisa.

Anyway

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Edited by Propaganda_of_the_Deed

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The worst thing for all is he's advertising it. Though I don't know why you talk about taking the Qur'an literally. There aren't many ways to take it regarding this and there is nothing wrong with how it's taken but how it's implemented is inshallah better than one might hope at best.

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5 minutes ago, Aragaia said:

The worst thing for all is he's advertising it. Though I don't know why you talk about taking the Qur'an literally. There aren't many ways to take it regarding this and there is nothing wrong with how it's taken but how it's implemented is inshallah better than one might hope at best.

You will always get those who argue it is for a time and place, much like slavery. In fact I have seen a few such comments.

However most of course acknowledge it is allowed, which it certainly is.

I guess emotions inform some peoples responses who saw them as some sort of idealised, happy, millenial, modern Muslim couple. 

Not the first time I have seen spectators become "heartbroken" after some "goals" insta couple breaks up for example. Though in this case it is an addition to the equation. Of course.

Also I think this whole advertising and documenting every aspect of one's life is indicative of the times we are in.

Everyone here has heard of, or read of, maybe even know of people entering into polygamous marriages. But we rarely see a name and face attached to it, adding an element of realism to it. 

 

Edited by Propaganda_of_the_Deed

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Social media destroys people. The amount of hate this guy will get will more than likely ruin both his marriages and leave him on Lorazepam for years to come, that's the reality of social media and these Instagram YouTube influencers, bloggers, whatever you want to call them. 

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Oh my God, I swear to God I was asking my self if it’s possible for a man to marry his wife best friend. :hahaha:

 

Anyway, I don’t think there is something wrong about it. Look like the first wife wanted her husband to marry her best friend, I hope they are happy with their choices. 

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38 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Men are polygamous in nature, that's all I can say.

100% correct.

Anyone who's done any study in evolution will accept this as a fact. I don't understand why people will disagree with this when even in Islam you are allowed to have four wives.

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37 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Men are polygamous in nature, that's all I can say.

The Qur'an instructed man to only marry one wife if they can't do justice. Allah knew they cannot quite do justice. And man's nature is based on Allah's path. Therefore I disagree.

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1 minute ago, Aragaia said:

The Qur'an instructed man to only marry one wife if they can't do justice. Allah knew they cannot quite do justice. And man's nature is based on Allah's path. Therefore I disagree.

So if a man can do justice then he is allowed four wives.

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46 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Men are polygamous in nature, that's all I can say.

 

6 minutes ago, aaljibar said:

100% correct.

Anyone who's done any study in evolution will accept this as a fact. I don't understand why people will disagree with this when even in Islam you are allowed to have four wives.

lion-and-lioness-12.jpg

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17 minutes ago, Diaz said:

So sad, just now I checked their Instagram, people are cursing them, specially the 2nd wife. :( 

 

Mostly women. They can be real nasty and spiteful about this stuff...and it has nothing to do with them. Must be paranoid in case it sets off their men getting ideas 

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14 minutes ago, aaljibar said:

Explain this

 

 

 

4:129

"Ye are never able to be fair and just as between women, even if it is your ardent desire: But turn not away (from a woman) altogether, so as to leave her (as it were) hanging (in the air). If ye come to a friendly understanding, and practise self-restraint, Allah is Oft-forgiving, Most Merciful."

 

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28 minutes ago, aaljibar said:

Explain this

4:3

"If ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly with the orphans, Marry women of your choice, Two or three or four; but if ye fear that ye shall not be able to deal justly (with them), then only one, or (a captive) that your right hands possess, that will be more suitable, to prevent you from doing injustice."

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2 minutes ago, Propaganda_of_the_Deed said:

Mostly women. They can be real nasty and spiteful about this stuff...and it has nothing to do with them. Must be paranoid in case it sets off their men getting ideas 

Yes because societies don't affect individual women.... :rolleyes:

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Loool. The thread is targeted to women, but I think only one woman has actually commented...that goes to show that the only people who have an issue with polygamy are men. 

As long as theres consent in the relationship between all three, it's a free country and they can do whatever they want. Not much to say to be honest.

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1 hour ago, Aragaia said:

The Qur'an instructed man to only marry one wife if they can't do justice. Allah knew they cannot quite do justice. And man's nature is based on Allah's path. Therefore I disagree.

Salams,

Never saw myself posting in this thread but this post caught my attention along with your justifications of it based on Surah al-Nisah Q.4:3 and Q.4:129 (with the presumption that Q.4:3 indicates if justice is not possible then do not practice polygamy and that Q.4:129 that it is not possible at all). But this seems to be an interpretation leading to contradiction, I think, between those two verses based on the apparent language of them. Q.4:3 begins with a conditional clause for which the answer seems to be that it is indeed possible to marry up to four women if you can deal with them equitably, but if its purpose was that it would never be possible then it shouldn't have had such a conditional clause to begin with, it's superfluous and evidently confusing as polygamy was concluded by all legal schools. I think it's more reasonable to think that Q.4:129 refers to a more intangible form of justice, that your love for them is going to be unequal even if you treat them all equally and this seems to be the reasoning the exegetes were getting at with the support of traditions. I think that conclusion is obvious without those additional traditions though.

Beyond that, whether men are polygamous by nature is besides the point. We don't want to commit the fallacious error that just because something is that it ought to be that way. If anything the immediate context of the verses that you provide seems to go against this line of thinking. God says وأحضرت الأنفس الشح, souls are prone to avarice. However, avarice is not something Godly. It therefore seems that just because something is natural to a human it isn't something God wants of him. I think the same flaw exists with those arguing for polygamy based on the same reasoning -- that it is something men naturally desire therefore it is permitted.

Edited by Ibn Al-Ja'abi

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I think the problem is he married her best friend. There is a saying in Urdu: Dain bhi saat ghar chor kar war karti hay. Islam allowed men to marry more than one woman but there is no condition that those women have to become best friends or spend time together. I think men should keep their wives in separate houses and those wives shouldn't be required to even see each other. When it's your friend, it feels like you have been betrayed by both your husband and your friend. But some people have this mental disease, they only go after their friends' spouses. I heard that Donald Trump tries to sleep with all his friends' wives, that gives us an idea what kind of people are involved in this kind of behavior. I have always looked at all my friends'  husbands as my brothers and I expect the same from my friends, cousins and close relatives. There is a reason a man is not allowed to marry 2 sisters at the same time. 

Men want their wives to become friends with all their mistresses/ co-wives and this is something Islam never required women to do. My ex-husband was involved with white women and I would never even know about it. But everytime he got involved with a desi woman, I knew everything about her and she wanted to be my "friend". This is the problem with marriage in this thread. Only one of them is the guy's favorite, the other woman is just there for that evil witch's ego boost. 

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1 hour ago, aaljibar said:

So if a man can do justice then he is allowed four wives.

It's a very unrealistic idea that a man will be able to provide for 2 families in this day and age. 

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3 hours ago, Propaganda_of_the_Deed said:

the husband has taken a second wife, as it turns out the wife's best friend, with the first wife's full support.

The wife's full support defines this debate. If he did not have that, then it would've been an entirely different debate. Is there a victim in this scenario?

3 hours ago, Propaganda_of_the_Deed said:

some attacking the woman as a homewrecker

Home's not wrecked if everyone knows about beforehand and agreed to it. Wife #1 knew in advance and agreed to it. Consent was given. No home wrecked in my opinion.

3 hours ago, Propaganda_of_the_Deed said:

others saying it has to be a prank

Well, with today's weaponization of social media that is not outside the realm of possibility. However, what Islamic rule(s) were violated in this situation?

3 hours ago, Propaganda_of_the_Deed said:

others arguing it is Sunnah and their right

Well, again which Islamic fiqh was violated by this? Also, what social or cultural laws were violated? If nothing else, how was the relationship between the Husband and Wife #1 damaged by this (if at all, since he had her approval and consent to marry Wife #2)?

3 hours ago, Propaganda_of_the_Deed said:

some admire first wive's strength of faith and patience

I just hope she knew what she was getting into. Not many people would do that. I'm just wondering if she conflated Islamic permissibility with her own personal opinion? Just because Islam allows her husband to take another wife doesn't necessarily equate to Wife #1 always being happy about it.

I can't help but think that at some point there are going to be problems. How will Wife #1 react when she sees her husband showing affection to Wife #2? Will she feel threatened, or disapprove on some degree? Same applies to Wife #2, how will she react to seeing her husband's love towards Wife #1?

What happens when children are born? Will Wife #1 have any affection towards the baby of Wife #2? Vice versa? Islamically, who holds legal superiority, Wife #1? 

So many Islamic fiqh issues, as well as social, personality, intimacy, etc...as well. 

3 hours ago, Propaganda_of_the_Deed said:

Don't know why but just had a feeling he would take another wife.

You know the husband?

3 hours ago, Propaganda_of_the_Deed said:

Especially if the first wife is a niqabi, they are probably more literal and less likely to dispute what the Qur'an says in Surah Nisa.

Literal interpretations aren't necessarily a good thing. Can't say its always a bad thing either. Logic of the reader is the key factor in whether it is good or bad in that particular situation.

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4 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Lol how do men have an issue with polygamy when they are the ones marrying 3 or 4 wives?

Only God knows what goes on in the mind of a polygamous man in this day and age...

Edited by 2Timeless

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8 minutes ago, Ali~J said:

It's a very unrealistic idea that a man will be able to provide for 2 families in this day and age. 

In most cases this occurs with some of the poorest, rural based people, who inevitably, generally are financially worse off than city dwellers. Though of course living expenses are lower. They also have larger families. 

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28 minutes ago, Ibn Al-Ja'abi said:

Salams,

Never saw myself posting in this thread but this post caught my attention along with your justifications of it based on Surah al-Nisah Q.4:3 and Q.4:129 (with the presumption that Q.4:3 indicates if justice is not possible then do not practice polygamy and that Q.4:129 that it is not possible at all). But this seems to be an interpretation leading to contradiction, I think

Selam,

I did not at all intend to say it contradicts. But the reason man is well when he follows the path of Allah is that everything that Allah wants man to do is in his very nature, in the way he's made. That's why it cannot be that men are polygamous in nature. Otherwise Allah would be asking them to go against their nature in order to follow His path.

in any case Allah permitted it (at least) because there will be more women in the world in the future and because women can be left uncared for in a society where it isn't possible.

Of course I'm speculating.

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