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In the Name of God بسم الله

Reporting father

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rxdbx

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Relax. A night with the police would have brought him to his senses.It will be some time before he flies into a rage again. In case he does, tell him you will call the police again.

You did the right thing,  I wish your mother would have been stronger. From your previous posts I know that you have been having problems in studies. I wish you could somehow turn this around. Try and excel in your studies with the motivation that you will be able to leave him if you do well. Either way, move out with your sibling as soon as possible.  Don't worry, this isn't going to last forever. Allah helps, things change. 

If you don't mind me asking how old are you and your sibling? 

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You did the right thing... (According to me anyway) Right now, remember that your emotions are all over the place so you’re bound to feel confused, frightened and doubtful.

I see it as: What if that was your daughter? Or your sister? Would you sit back and not do anything? You wouldn’t would you? 

”This” here, now, - it will pass... Have faith, IA it’ll all be okay.

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7 hours ago, Guest Lost said:

Relax. A night with the police would have brought him to his senses.It will be some time before he flies into a rage again. In case he does, tell him you will call the police again.

You did the right thing,  I wish your mother would have been stronger. From your previous posts I know that you have been having problems in studies. I wish you could somehow turn this around. Try and excel in your studies with the motivation that you will be able to leave him if you do well. Either way, move out with your sibling as soon as possible.  Don't worry, this isn't going to last forever. Allah helps, things change. 

If you don't mind me asking how old are you and your sibling? 

I’m 18 ANd my sibling is 15

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Salamu Alaykum, how are you now? I know how you feel, my father use to do the same thing when I was a kid. Make sure to pray and make dua because Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) is always with the oppressed. 

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8 hours ago, Guest Lost said:

Relax. A night with the police would have brought him to his senses.It will be some time before he flies into a rage again. In case he does, tell him you will call the police again.

Doesn't quite work like that, I know from experience. He will be adamant that they don't get away with such a 'stunt' again. They've brought 'dishonour' to him. He will be livid, he will want to settle things his way. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but he will.

Unfortunately our dear sister is living in a typical domestic abuse culture (especially a South Asian one) where the victim gets blamed, the victim gets emotionally blackmailed and the victim eventually buckles under family pressure and lets the real criminal in this whole situation back into the home. From here the father will continue abusing them, now with a reason to finish the job off because of the 'shame' it has brought upon him and his 'family'.

Dear sister, please, please, if you can get out of this situation- get out of it. I have said it before on here, possibly to you, possibly to someone else, you are now at more risk of your lives being in danger.

Edited by aaaz1618
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My father is  currently still not out, and I think he may be sentenced. My uncles are mad at me, and my mother is  crying and she’s scared, but also mad. Literally everyone is mad that I did it, and they’re lying to the cops to Get him out. I had an interrogation, and they made me Lie. I’m thinking of going to the cops, and telling them the whole truth. Nobody wants to Get out of this house, and my uncles say why did you call them, you should have just beared a couple of beatings and let him calm. I swear by Allah I’m so tired of this, although my dad loves me. He still has almost killed me. Everyone is on his side. If my grandmother gets to know about this, I fear they’ll send me «back home» (although I was born and raised here). I’m so terrified of what’ll happen to me if and when others get to know, and when he’ll get released. My mom, and uncles are saying that I’ve destroyed our lives. I want to go to the cops and reveal the truth, but in doing so. I’ll have to get a resistance order against my dad and his family, other family members, bc I fear they’ll come after me. Meaning the only way out is alone. What should I do, islamically as well?

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8 minutes ago, aaaz1618 said:

Doesn't quite work like that, I know from experience. He will be adamant that they don't get away with such a 'stunt' again. They've brought 'dishonour' to him. He will be livid, he will want to settle things his way. Maybe not today or tomorrow, but he will.

Unfortunately our dear sister is living in a typical domestic abuse culture (especially a South Asian one) where the victim gets blamed, the victim gets emotionally blackmailed and the victim eventually buckles under family pressure and lets the real criminal in this whole situation back into the home. From here the father will continue abusing them, now with a reason to finish the job off because of the 'shame' it has brought upon him and his 'family'.

Dear sister, please, please, if you can get out of this situation- get out of it. I have said it before on here, possibly to you, possibly to someone else, you are now at more risk of your lives being in danger.

The only way out is alone, without mother and sibling, bc she doesn’t realize how wrong this is, and tells me how could you do this to him, he loves you so much. Leaving means never talking to them again bc my life will be at risk. Read my post over this one.

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1 minute ago, rxdbx said:

The only way out is alone, without mother and sibling, bc she doesn’t realize how wrong this is, and tells me how could you do this to him, he loves you so much. Leaving means never talking to them again bc my life will be at risk. Read my post over this one.

I understand completely, but your respected mum doesn't see the reality because she is a victim and abusers make their victims feel like they cannot live without the abuser. Honestly, it happens 99.99% of the time with domestic abuse, I'm sure you know that though.

Is there no way you can convince your mum just to take time out with you and your sibling, to get her away from your home and to help her see things differently? I really do worry what will happen. I have family who have gone through what you have and had they not have escaped he would have killed them. 

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1 minute ago, aaaz1618 said:

I understand completely, but your respected mum doesn't see the reality because she is a victim and abusers make their victims feel like they cannot live without the abuser. Honestly, it happens 99.99% of the time with domestic abuse, I'm sure you know that though.

Is there no way you can convince your mum just to take time out with you and your sibling, to get her away from your home and to help her see things differently? I really do worry what will happen. I have family who have gone through what you have and had they not have escaped he would have killed them. 

There is no way of convincing my mother, however my sibling does realize this is wrong, and since shes not legal, she’ll have to live in a foster home, with non Muslim people.

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1 minute ago, rxdbx said:

There is no way of convincing my mother, however my sibling does realize this is wrong, and since shes not legal, she’ll have to live in a foster home, with non Muslim people.

I don't know how it work where you are, but social services will try not to take kids away from family (as in the whole family) unless there is no way of fostering them into a family member's home. It is more harmful for the child if they are removed entirely from family, especially as your sibling is on the older side now. As for your mum, if her children are being effected, even slightly by the violence happening in her home, she will be convinced to do the right thing. She is a mother and mothers have instincts, she may not see that right now, but I am certain she will. It is however a race against time, that is why I don't feel I can sit here and say 'don't worry, he won't do it again the police will have scared him and it will scare him if you threaten to do it again.' 

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3 minutes ago, aaaz1618 said:

I don't know how it work where you are, but social services will try not to take kids away from family (as in the whole family) unless there is no way of fostering them into a family member's home. It is more harmful for the child if they are removed entirely from family, especially as your sibling is on the older side now. As for your mum, if her children are being effected, even slightly by the violence happening in her home, she will be convinced to do the right thing. She is a mother and mothers have instincts, she may not see that right now, but I am certain she will. It is however a race against time, that is why I don't feel I can sit here and say 'don't worry, he won't do it again the police will have scared him and it will scare him if you threaten to do it again.' 

she is so scared and stressed for him, she looks so pale and I fear something might happen to her but I am so scared for myself. I’m really worried however about what he will do to me when he gets back, if he does, and if not what his family might do.

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17 minutes ago, rxdbx said:

she is so scared and stressed for him, she looks so pale and I fear something might happen to her but I am so scared for myself. I’m really worried however about what he will do to me when he gets back, if he does, and if not what his family might do.

Honestly I have heard a lot that one strong way to push away affliction and have a longer life is by giving charity (Sadaqa). I suggest you do that and we will also pray for you. What is your background and is your father religious? 

As in will talking to a sheikh help?

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2 minutes ago, SeekingHeaven said:

Honestly I have heard a lot that one strong way to push away affliction and have a longer life is by giving charity (Sadaqa). I suggest you do that and we will also pray for you. What is your background and is your father religious? 

As in will talking to a sheikh help?

Right now I don’t know whar to do, we’re meeting a lawyer on monday, to help my dad, but I really want to get out of this house, I feel so scared. My father isn’t religious and we’re afghan/Pakistani.

Talking to a sheikh won’t help.

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1 hour ago, rxdbx said:

My father is  currently still not out, and I think he may be sentenced. My uncles are mad at me, and my mother is  crying and she’s scared, but also mad. Literally everyone is mad that I did it, and they’re lying to the cops to Get him out. I had an interrogation, and they made me Lie. I’m thinking of going to the cops, and telling them the whole truth. Nobody wants to Get out of this house, and my uncles say why did you call them, you should have just beared a couple of beatings and let him calm. I swear by Allah I’m so tired of this, although my dad loves me. He still has almost killed me. Everyone is on his side. If my grandmother gets to know about this, I fear they’ll send me «back home» (although I was born and raised here). I’m so terrified of what’ll happen to me if and when others get to know, and when he’ll get released. My mom, and uncles are saying that I’ve destroyed our lives. I want to go to the cops and reveal the truth, but in doing so. I’ll have to get a resistance order against my dad and his family, other family members, bc I fear they’ll come after me. Meaning the only way out is alone. What should I do, islamically as well?

Look, don’t think about your mother, think about yourself and your siblings. When your uncles and your mom are blackmailing you, without them notice, record what they are saying. And then save it. Show it to the police so that your father can get sentenced.

And for now, read https://www.al-Islam.org/ask/is-there-any-dua-against-the-oppressors 

make dua against the oppressors and think about all the children in this world who are getting oppressed. 

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10 hours ago, rxdbx said:

last night he startes beating my mom up, punching, kicking, and hitting her. He Threatened to divorce her, and he wouldn’t let her leave, he went to the kitchen and said that he was going to Get a knife and kill her. Then he told me and my little sibling to Get out of the house and go to my grandmothers. This was happening around 12 am last night. I was begging Him to stop, and he was screaming at her and everything. Then when we were Thrown out, my little sibling decide we would fall the police, so we called and Said that he was going to kill her, and that he was beating our mom up. They went  up and took him to stay with the police for the night.

In my opinion, that was the correct thing to do. What if he had killed your Mother? What if in his anger he had caused a major injury to her? You did the right thing.

10 hours ago, rxdbx said:

They did interrogation and I said that he didn’t beat me up now, but he has done it previously, and I said every detail.

As long as your were honest and truthful then you have nothing to feel guilty about.

10 hours ago, rxdbx said:

I was crying and in panic.

Who wouldn't act like that in such an emotional and traumatic situation? That's a completely normal reaction.

10 hours ago, rxdbx said:

After we went back up my mom started covering up for him, and lying, on top of that right after the police went she called my uncles, they’re my fathers brothers

Unfortuantely, she is of the mindset that everything he did was ok. She's of the mentality which only supports and validates domestic abuse. This is why domestic abuse is rampant in certain parts of the world, because women are not only programmed that no matter what happens that preserving the marriage and protecting the reputation of the husband is more important than suffering through an abusive marriage. Its a horrible cycle which allows domestic violence to continue.

10 hours ago, rxdbx said:

Everyone told me and my sibling to lie so that he doesn’t get sentenced to jail

Who is "Everyone"? His family members?

10 hours ago, rxdbx said:

my dad is returning today and I’m terrified

He may or may not do anything, however if he does then you will need to report him again. He will either come back from Jail even more full of anger or he may come back scared as to what can now happen and he will be quiet about it for a while. Eventually he will return to his abusive and violent ways. Since you Mother doesn't have it in her to leave him, you will have to decide when and how you choose to leave. Its an unhealty and abnormal situation and only you can decide what is best ulitimately for yourself. Prayers for you. This is a worst case scenario.

10 hours ago, rxdbx said:

My mom is blaming us for ruining our and her life with calling the police.

See above.

10 hours ago, rxdbx said:

My uncles are blaming my mom and asking us why we did it, and saying that now we’ll lose our house and money and he’ll lose his job and maybe end up in jail.

Of course they will try to vent on you as the cause of the problem. Did they ever say anything about why their brother is a wife beater? They're more concerned about the social outcome then the safety of you or your Mother. They are from the same toxic and backward mentality that your Father is from. They are in no valid position to say anything to you or your Mother. In fact, they should hang their heads in shame that their brother is like that. 

10 hours ago, rxdbx said:

I’m so scared. I don’t even know anymore whether I did the right thing.

Of course, it was the right thing to do. Its an extremely emotional and traumatic thing to see your Father beating your Mother. Life long trauma which is never forgotten. It damages you internally in ways that only Allah knows. You did the exact right thing, he was coming after your Mother to kill her. Don't have any doubts as to whether you were right or wrong. You were in the complete right to do what you did. Don't let anyone tell you or try to convince you otherwise.

10 hours ago, rxdbx said:

I’m terrified of when he’s returning, please make as many duas as you can. 

Might be time to leave and see what your options are.

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Islamically you have to do what is right, you have to fulfill justice. Your father has transgressed too many times now, and if you have lied to the police then you are not fulfilling your duties as a Muslim.

Tell the truth, get the restraining order, get whatever belongings you can get together and just drive or just go safely wherever your legs or money can take you. Try to not leave your family behind because the guilt of leaving them will hurt and you'll end up going back. If you do all leave, be ready for a sob story, be ready for some relative to suddenly be fatally Ill. Abusers will do literally anything to get you back when they are losing control.

Just do what you can to survive sister, that's all I can say. Obviously you will be in my prayers, but for now, think about your survival. You and your sibling have your whole lives ahead of you. 

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34 minutes ago, aaaz1618 said:

Islamically you have to do what is right, you have to fulfill justice. Your father has transgressed too many times now, and if you have lied to the police then you are not fulfilling your duties as a Muslim.

Tell the truth, get the restraining order, get whatever belongings you can get together and just drive or just go safely wherever your legs or money can take you. Try to not leave your family behind because the guilt of leaving them will hurt and you'll end up going back. If you do all leave, be ready for a sob story, be ready for some relative to suddenly be fatally Ill. Abusers will do literally anything to get you back when they are losing control.

Just do what you can to survive sister, that's all I can say. Obviously you will be in my prayers, but for now, think about your survival. You and your sibling have your whole lives ahead of you. 

mum is on the verge of heart attack and fears that my dad killed himself. I think I’m going to leave tonight when everyone is asleep

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21 minutes ago, rxdbx said:

mum is on the verge of heart attack and fears that my dad killed himself. I think I’m going to leave tonight when everyone is asleep

Before you make this decision, make sure you have somewhere to go. You don't want to leave the house, and live in the streets.

Also, leave your mom a note saying you are fine, and that you just needed to leave, so she doesn't think you're dead or something.

May Allah give you patience and end this horrible experience for you.

Edited by 7ssein
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23 minutes ago, rxdbx said:

mum is on the verge of heart attack and fears that my dad killed himself. I think I’m going to leave tonight when everyone is asleep

Leave, but plan it first don't rush out. Find a place to live, do you have any friends who would let you stay with them for a while? Find some work, gather you important belongings and the leave. Your mind must be in a turmoil. It's a very difficult situation for anyone but this had to be happen sooner or later. This couldn't have gone on indefinitely. Things will get better InshaAllah.

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1 hour ago, rxdbx said:

. I think I’m going to leave tonight when everyone is asleep

I may be in the minority but I think that is for the best. If you need a place to stay, look for a woman's shelter and when you finally do, you should consider getting a job in two weeks. They will definitely help you with that, so don't worry  too much.

Where do you live? I may be able to send you some resources to check out.

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Wsalam.

Oh sweety. I will pray for you. I actually don't know what to say. I'm feeling so much for you right now. Stay strong. Don't take any abuse. The only thing you owe to your parents is respect. Nothing else. Don't take their beatings and abuses. Try to talk to your mum. I really hope she comes around. why does she keep suffering ? Doesn't she love you and your siblings ? Isn't she tired of the way things are. How ur father treats her ? Is she not leaving him because she has nowhere else to go or she just loves him too much ? I pray for Allah to give her strength and make her do the right thing. If she doesn't you can go to your friends. If you have a friend that can help you.  I'm really scared for you. Of what your father might do once he comes out. I pray for you and your siblings safety. If you are scared for your life tell the police. They can find a place for you. Don't take your uncles or mother's words seriously. You did the right thing. Allah is with the oppressed. And no one should be tormented this way. But if you think that your father will forgive you and have a change of heart and you can still save your family then you can give him another chance. But you know him better. If you think that he can not change than go to a friend.Don't let them treat you unjustly. Be strong. I know it's a very difficult time for you. But it will pass insha'Allah and you will be safe and happy. Inshallah. If you see that they are planning to send you back tell the police. If you don't want to go back. You already took a stand. Stay strong.  Have faith in Allah. You were just trying to protect your mum and your siblings. You did nothing wrong. You are very brave. It takes a lot of courage to do what you did. Allah will protect you insha'Allah.  

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15 hours ago, rxdbx said:

mum is on the verge of heart attack and fears that my dad killed himself. I think I’m going to leave tonight when everyone is asleep

Listen, I understand why everyone here is telling you to leave but cutting family relations completely is very dangerous even from a religious point of view so don’t leave and never return.

I agree that your safety is priority but don’t do something that will hurt your mom or sibling. Try to get them to leave with you and tell her it’s for the safety of her younger girl and you. Tell her If you all go you will stay in contact with him after he changes.

I can only pray for you.

Where do you live and do you go to university, because they usually have counselers for any issue you might be facing.

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15 hours ago, rxdbx said:

mum is on the verge of heart attack and fears that my dad killed himself. I think I’m going to leave tonight when everyone is asleep

Listen, I understand why everyone here is telling you to leave but cutting family relations completely is very dangerous even from a religious point of view so don’t leave and never return.

I agree that your safety is priority but don’t do something that will hurt your mom or sibling. Try to get them to leave with you and tell her it’s for the safety of her younger girl and you. Tell her If you all go you will stay in contact with him after he changes.

I can only pray for you.

Where do you live and do you go to university, because they usually have counselers for any issue you might be facing.

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My dad came home last night, and started screaming at us, he was about to beat me up, but my uncle was there, and he held him. He said I work for you guys and you call the police on me. His plan is to divorce my mom, and throw her and I out the house, and live there with my little sister. I'm so scared, everything turned more complicated, bc if I leave I have to leave them. My mom said who's going to take care of me now, and she doesn't have a place to stay, and a very low paying job. I don't have many choices now. If I leave my mom will be heartbroken, but I can't leave with them, since they don't want to go, I can't take my sister with me either she's not legal. I live in Norway to anyone wondering.  I'm so scared I'll never see my sister again, and her life will perhaps be at danger if she lives alone with my dad.

Edited by rxdbx
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17 hours ago, rxdbx said:

My father is  currently still not out, and I think he may be sentenced. My uncles are mad at me, and my mother is  crying and she’s scared, but also mad. Literally everyone is mad that I did it, and they’re lying to the cops to Get him out. I had an interrogation, and they made me Lie. I’m thinking of going to the cops, and telling them the whole truth. Nobody wants to Get out of this house, and my uncles say why did you call them, you should have just beared a couple of beatings and let him calm. I swear by Allah I’m so tired of this, although my dad loves me. He still has almost killed me. Everyone is on his side. If my grandmother gets to know about this, I fear they’ll send me «back home» (although I was born and raised here). I’m so terrified of what’ll happen to me if and when others get to know, and when he’ll get released. My mom, and uncles are saying that I’ve destroyed our lives. I want to go to the cops and reveal the truth, but in doing so. I’ll have to get a resistance order against my dad and his family, other family members, bc I fear they’ll come after me. Meaning the only way out is alone. What should I do, islamically as well?

Salam,

sister, you did the right thing don’t you ever feel guilty for calling them

and imma say this loud and clear, any man who beats up their daughter and their wives is not a father nor is he a husband. 

Imagine you didn’t call the police and your dad stabbed your mum, what would your uncles and aunties do?

tell the police everything and let your whole family stay mad at you, trust me one day they’ll literally thank you for saving their lives

I pray everything gets better for you, no woman deserves to go through such pain. 

Edited by 3wliya_maryam
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21 minutes ago, 3wliya_maryam said:

Salam,

sister, you did the right thing don’t you ever feel guilty for calling them

and imma say this loud and clear, any man who beats up their daughter and their wives is not a father nor is he a husband. 

Imagine you didn’t call the police and your dad stabbed your mum, what would your uncles and aunties do?

tell the police everything and let your whole family stay mad at you, trust me one day they’ll literally thank you for saving their lives

I pray everything gets better for you, no woman deserves to go through such pain. 

should I tell the police even when there's a chance my mum will commit suicide? She has lost all hope and I don't know what to do

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8 minutes ago, rxdbx said:

should I tell the police even when there's a chance my mum will commit suicide? She has lost all hope and I don't know what to do

Absolutely. You have no control of whether you father chooses to kill you all, you do have some choice in whether your mum is strong enough to not contemplate suicide.

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1 minute ago, aaaz1618 said:

Absolutely. You have no control of whether you father chooses to kill you all, you do have some choice in whether your mum is strong enough to not contemplate suicide.

I don't know whether she's strong enough

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3 minutes ago, aaaz1618 said:

If she has survived this long despite the awful way she has been treated, she will, I'm sure be strong enough to survive a life without such suffering. I think it is largely the fear of not having your father in her life and yours.

She said "if he goes to jail I'll kill myself" and "who will take care of me now" also she doesn't have anywhere she can stay and she refuses to stay at a shelter.

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