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In the Name of God بسم الله

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Salam,

I want to talk about a very important issue which is called "silent treatment".

The silent treatment is a way to inflict pain without visible bruising – literally.

Excluding and ignoring people, such as giving them the cold shoulder or silent treatment, are used to punish or manipulate, and people may not realise the emotional or physical harm that is being done.’

The silent treatment, even if it’s brief, activates the anterior cingulate cortex – the part of the brain that detects physical pain. The initial pain is the same, regardless of whether the exclusion is by strangers, close friends or enemies.

It doesn’t matter which partner demands or which one withdraws, the damage to the relationship is the same. It’s the pattern itself that’s the problem, not the specific partner. 

We find that may people in our communities could resort to this "method" whether it is done deliberately or subconsciously. It is a very selfish method to resort to because it can damage relationships without us even realising. Some people may use the excuse - "I need my own space" after a heated dispute, but they don't realise the extent of the damage they could inflict on others. Whether it's after a heated argument with parents, siblings, couples or simply friends, we all need to talk things out, not ignore. Even if we are super mad, there's no excuse for us to ignore someone like that, for example  a much reasonable thing to say is -"‘I can’t talk to you right now, but we can talk about it later.’

If someone decides to give silent treatment, regardless of their intentions, it's actually a very selfish thing to do because we're actually making others anxious and worried. It's a "method" which is very simple, all we have to do is to withdraw and go in our own world. Parents could even use this "method" to punish their children.

Being noticed is so close to being loved, that sometimes they feel the same.

Being ignored is just as powerful.

https://www.heysigmund.com/the-silent-treatment/

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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2 hours ago, Ani said:

You just can not , not think about it. It's a torture. Mental torture. I can't even explain it. 

Yeah people who use this method think they are being tough and wise, but they don't realise the extent of the mental stress the other person goes through. Real men talk things out! It's like when you can't confront or face a person, you just hide in your shell and let the other person suffer. I can't explain how horrible this is!

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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@Reza the one that last for days and Keep happening every 2 months are just as terrible. If it's for a long period of time you can just move on and cut that person out of your life. But if it keeps happening and the other person aspects you to beg and implore them every time. Then you have to do it to keep relationships. And save your family.

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1 minute ago, Ani said:

@Reza the one that last for days and Keep happening every 2 months are just as terrible. If it's for a long period of time you can just move on and cut that person out of your life. But if it keeps happening and the other person aspects you to beg and implore them every time. Then you have to do it to keep relationships. And save your family.

If they are frequent and often a first resort, then this can be a form of psychological abuse. These people are quick to have a grudge, and use this tactic for retaliation and to punish others.

Unfortunately, if this is a family member, it’s hard to cut that person completely from your life, because you have obligations. Also, a completely cut off relationship is very awkward, unnatural, and harmful. 

I myself am a victim of long silent treatment from a family member, and it’s very painful. 

 

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I have to disagree with everyone. I am usually the one giving silent treatment to others and I don't understand how it can be worse than verbal or psychological abuse. We have all heard "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything". I apply that principle in my life and I honestly wouldn't mind if all my enemies gave me silent treatment instead of other kinds of abuse. 

Silent treatment is often used by people who are bullied. They don't want to confront a violent and mean bully and they know the bully just doesn't care, so there's no point in explaining your point of view. People think I am a push over and if they yell at me or keep insisting for me to do something, I will give up and give them what they want from me. It's lack of respect for boundaries and personal space. Also people pretend to be all friendly and nice and when I feel that I can trust them, they start passing mean comments and jokes. I give people chances and when I see that they don't want to change their behavior after apologizing hundreds of times, I just throw them out of my life. It's very important to cut toxic people out of life for your mental health and peace of mind, otherwise you will keep wasting your emotions and energy on them. 

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48 minutes ago, rkazmi33 said:

We have all heard "if you have nothing nice to say, don't say anything"

This is a misnomer. The silent treatment is not a lack of communication, on the contrary, it’s using silence as a loud, manipulative passive aggressive form of control. So it’s actually “saying” a lot, just in a different form.

These can happen within personal relationships, families, the workplace...

48 minutes ago, rkazmi33 said:

I give people chances and when I see that they don't want to change their behavior after apologizing hundreds of times, I just throw them out of my life. It's very important to cut toxic people out of life for your mental health and peace of mind, otherwise you will keep wasting your emotions and energy on them. 

We have to decide the significance of a relationship. An occasional acquaintance may yield low harm with this approach, but for family members, this can be dangerous.

The silent treatment is an extreme form of punishment, and in the majority of cases, a cordial relationship is preferable, even if very limited.

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56 minutes ago, Reza said:

This is a misnomer. The silent treatment is not a lack of communication, on the contrary, it’s using silence as a loud, manipulative passive aggressive form of control. So it’s actually “saying” a lot, just in a different form.

The silent treatment is an extreme form of punishment, and in the majority of cases, a cordial relationship is preferable, even if very limited.

This is profoundly deep. 

Alhamdulillah ala kulli haal

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6 hours ago, Ani said:

But if it keeps happening and the other person aspects you to beg and implore them every time. Then you have to do it to keep relationships. And save your family.

Sometimes we need to ask ourselves what exactly is being saved. Perhaps it is an end that is ineveitable and is just being dragged out by out of place patience and tolerance of what should be intolerable.

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Well, if it takes someone silent treatment to maybe realise they'd done something wrong or at least suspect it, then that person needs to wake up. 

I think giving the cold shoulder to someone after being hurt over and over isnt such a big  deal. It's a coping mechanism. And most people don’t even realise theyve been given the "cold shoulder" or being given silent treatment, which is even more annoying..

22 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

We find that may people in our communities could resort to this "method" whether it is done deliberately or subconsciously

I just think if it's being used by random people, like by people in communities to individuals they think have deviated, that's just plain bullying. But in my opinion, silent treatment in itself isnt as damaging. Its slot better than letting all the anger out and saying hurtful things on the spur of a moment. That being said, I think not everyone has the right to give silent treatment. I think silent treatment is good (to an extent) when a person is justly angered or upset and resorts to silence instead of vocalising things that the other party will not seriously consider.

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56 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

Well, if it takes someone silent treatment to maybe realise they'd done something wrong or at least suspect it, then that person needs to wake up. 

This is where a lot of people who give silent treatment, go completely wrong, they feel that they are always right and other people "deserve it". Firstly, we all have shortcomings and regardless of the fact that we feel another person may have done something wrong, it's not nice to torture them like that and make them go through the mental stress, it's actually a very selfish thing to do - of us just being in our own little bubble. Also silent treatment from our loved ones is not acceptable at all. It's obvious that our loved ones will never mean to offend us, and just resorting to this option every now and then, doesn't solve a single thing.

Obviously, I'm not talking about extreme cases where your spouse may have deliberately cheated on you, but even then just straight up divorce them or let them know that you're upset. When you choose to give "silent treatment" to others, you personally don't even feel good.

56 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

think giving the cold shoulder to someone after being hurt over and over isnt such a big  deal. 

I disagree, it's just not productive for both parties. You can just simply choose to avoid that person who has hurt you and all, but just ignoring them like in a very obvious way is not worth it. For example, most arrogant people have deep insecurities, and they say hurtful and mean things to make up for their insecurities. If you simply ignore someone like like that, they might not even know how their words can be hurtful. It's a much smarter thing to let them know in a honest way.

56 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

But in my opinion, silent treatment in itself isnt as damaging. Its slot better than letting all the anger out and saying hurtful things on the spur of a moment.

 This is not true at all. 

 

6 hours ago, Reza said:

The silent treatment is not a lack of communication, on the contrary, it’s using silence as a loud, manipulative passive aggressive form of control. So it’s actually “saying” a lot, just in a different form.

 

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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1 hour ago, 2Timeless said:

think silent treatment is good (to an extent) when a person is justly angered or upset and resorts to silence instead of vocalising things that the other party will not seriously consider.

Again, this is an incredibly selfish thing to do. How easy is it to walk away and just go in your little cocoon? It's like saying "oh the environment is too toxic for me, lemme go and just sit on the top of the mountain and forget about everything, and just let others suffer". It's something a lot of people don't think about, they feel they are being strong, but in reality they are weak. Like how I said in my post, you say something before deciding to head to Mount Everest, isolating yourself from the world, such as "right now I need time to think, I'll get back to you later and we''ll solve this". It's not always about us, we need to be mindful of others. Those who give silent treatment tend to play the 'victim card' 

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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Well forcing someone to talk to you or stay with you in a relationship is also a sign of narcissism. I am saying that emotional and psychological abuse is more hurtful than silent treatment TO ME. But people want to insist that silent treatment is more hurtful. This is exactly why people resort to silent treatment. When you try to force your values, morals and lifestyles on other people. Yes, silent treatment people are weak, they may not be good at fighting, they may be too soft hearted, that's not neccesarily a bad thing. Just live and let live. Find friends who enjoy the regular fighting and taunting and are not sensitive, have a cruel sense of humor, but then you might be the one getting hurt. This is why people insist on forcing sensitive people to interact with them because then they always have upper hand. They don't have to worry about getting hurt. Bullies miss their victims, victims don't miss bullies. 

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