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In the Name of God بسم الله
Guest101

I need some advice on a serious matter.

Hameedeh

[MOD NOTE: WARNING! This topic discusses rape and incest. Due to the mature subject matter, discretion is advised.]

Message added by Hameedeh

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6 hours ago, Guest101 said:

But I'm only 17 and I'm not allowed out of the house on my own. 

Right, I'm with you now... There are online therapies, again depending on where you are from.

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4 hours ago, Guest theObserver said:

Unfortunately this is actually a very common thing in 90's era

I been working community service helping out people who had serious trauma in their childhood, and there is 4 males I am working with of Turkish now they are married and over 30's but went through similar experience with you, and the worst part it happened at the bottom of the mosque from other adults and children

anyway , they were also told it was a game and they were abused as well, and the worst part is that they got so used to it happening to them they started to do it to other kids as if it was normal practise

they obviously as they got older and realized what was really happening carry extreme guilt about the fact that it happened to them and that they also caused it to other children (while they were kids themselves not in adulthood so people don’t get confused) an their main problem is the guilt , but really there is no way to move forward until people are made to believe that it wasnt their fault, it happened to them while they were not conscious of what they were doing, so the main thing u need to do is to talk to somebody and convince yourself that it is not your fault or it will follow you forever in life and also cause other psychological problems, like self blame, lack of confidence , low self worth, and depression and misery, so you just need to accept that it has happened, you know its wrong you accept that fact when you did, and understand that you did not have any control over it

now the other issues you need to deal with is your brother, do you still see him? has he ever talked to you about it or mentioned it(in the sense of apology and admitting that it wasnt his fault etc)

usually when children practise such things, its actually not some imagination they came up with, because for children such thought don’t exist until they reach puberty and maturity, and even for a 13 year old boy this shouldnt

You mentioned 90’s era? Do you see the trend going down or up now? Any indicators why?

Also since you are a practitioner, have you seen it among other ethnicities? Where I live, many social services personnel tell of such cases among Turkish, Bosnian, and Pakistani people of Pashtun origin! I was wondering if that is true in your observation too? In my area, the government funded social services keep advertising for native speakers hires from these three ethnicities to train counsellors and technicians on issues of child abuse and sexual crimes among kids. 

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Salaam Alaykum

I am sorry to read about what has happened to you.

Many individuals who have undergone abuse find this site very beneficial. It offers useful information in terms of coping and also useful numbers to contact for counselling- specifically for situations like yours.

https://www.supportline.org.United Kingdom/problems/rape-and-sexual-assault/

 

There may be services that are more local to you. Hence why I suggest you visit your GP, but don't give out details of who the abuser is if you'd like that kept confidential. Remember, if you mention it to your GP, he/she will likely include it in your records.

May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) give you the strength to overcome this mental and emotional trauma. Ameen.

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On 5/20/2019 at 11:58 AM, 3wliya_maryam said:

Salam

I'm really sorry about this thats just so disgusting and no offence but your brother deserves a huge punishment for this horrible act.

But always remember that you were innocent and you're not impure, because you were only 9 and had absolutely no knowledge about this.

I do not know if this is possible, but are you able to book an appointment or something and let the doctors check whether you're a virgin or not? 

Also if you don't mind me asking this question, I understand you were very young, but do you remember any bleeding after the incident? 

Once again I'm very sorry about this. You were only an innocent child and you don't deserve to go through such things. 

I hope things get better for you inshallah

fee amanillah

What is the relevance of whether or not she bled and why should she “check her virginity”? I find that to be a very inappropriate line of questioning and the least of this young lady’s concerns should be how others view her or her virginity status. She is an innocent victim of a heinous crime, do not add insult to injury by letting her carry the burden of whether or not shes a virgin in the eyes of society.

Sister who opened this thread, you are right and brave to share your story, please please seek professional help and talk this through with a third party. Whether or not you choose disclose who did this to you is another issue which I’m sure you understand would have legal repercussions. Regardless of this, seek confidential help 

 

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On 5/21/2019 at 12:21 AM, ali_fatheroforphans said:

When people don't accept religion, there is no morality, everything is subjective. People out there justify homosexuality but would frown when it comes to incest. The hypocrisy!! 

And this is where things start to get racist. Acting as if atheists have no morality.

"People out there justify heterosexuality but would frown when it comes to incest. The hypocrisy!!"

Two people can say things that don't make any sense.

Sorry I can't help OP, your circumstances sound really rough.

Edited by gayboyanon

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3 hours ago, gayboyanon said:

And this is where things start to get racist. Acting as if atheists have no morality.

"People out there justify heterosexuality but would frown when it comes to incest. The hypocrisy!!"

Two people can say things that don't make any sense.

 

2 hours ago, gayboyanon said:

I was talking about Ali being racist. Saying that atheists have no morals.

I have 2 points to make.

(1) Racist means when you discriminate someone based on their 'race'. The statement I made has nothing to do with me being racist.

(2) I made a general statement that we know what is right and wrong based on the rules of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). I never implied that Atheists can't be generous,  honest etc. But when you forget about religion in society, everything does become subjective, which is the reason why people are okay with sins.

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9 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

 

I have 2 points to make.

(1) Racist means when you discriminate someone based on their 'race'. The statement I made has nothing to do with me being racist.

(2) I made a general statement that we know what is right and wrong based on the rules of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). I never implied that Atheists can't be generous,  honest etc. But when you forget about religion in society, everything does become subjective, which is the reason why people are okay with sins.

Well, you did say: "When you don't accept God, there is no morality." Kind of easy to take the wrong way, but I'm glad you didn't mean it like that.

Though I was using racist like people say being Islamophobic is racist. Not sure how else to describe it.

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On 6/7/2019 at 5:08 PM, gayboyanon said:

And this is where things start to get racist. Acting as if atheists have no morality.

"People out there justify heterosexuality but would frown when it comes to incest. The hypocrisy!!"

Two people can say things that don't make any sense.

Sorry I can't help OP, your circumstances sound really rough.

How is atheism a 'race' ? 

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