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Guest seekingthelight

Family Issues and marriage

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Guest seekingthelight

Salam alaikum everyone,

I hope Ramadan is going well for you all. Not for me though, because I've been having some family issues that are affecting my mental health and spirituality. My parents want me to marry someone that I am not interested in. Even though I have made it clear to them, the guy's parents are still insisting and that is putting pressure on my parents, who in turn, are putting pressure on me. I am sick of this life and wish I could move away and go live somewhere on my own. I have been wanting to marry someone who lives in the same country, but it seems like there aren't many Shia guys out there who take their religion seriously. I am really fed up of my parents telling me who to marry. Mind you, they are not 'forcing' me to marry so to speak. Like I said, the guy's parents are pressuring my parents, who in turn, pressure me. I have no interest in marrying someone from another country. I have made that clear. But they are saying that if that is the cause then I will never be bale to find a good person, because the guys here are not good. Anyway, I feel really lonely this Ramadan and have no one really to share my thoughts with, so I though it might help if I make a post on here. 

 

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Do not marry someone from another country/non citizen. They likely will just use you for their own benefit. And you’ll have nothing in common. 

Do not marry just because you’re being pressured. If you do so, you’ll regret it. 

Marriage is not something to be pressured into. You have to want to be married to the person whom you think is the best match. Not because anyone is pressuring you. 

Stay firm in your decision and don’t let them sway or manipulate you. Find someone local or preferably in your own country. I’m actually shocked that your parents are giving into pressure when they should be smarter than that. 

And about you not finding anyone: you are young. You’ll find your person. Who cares about the majority? Don’t focus on those guys. Your parents saying that you’ll never find someone else is a lie, and they are trying to guilt-trip you. Don’t fall for it.

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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1 hour ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

Do not marry someone from another country/non citizen. They likely will just use you for their own benefit. And you’ll have nothing in common. 

I agree with the rest of your response. But I actually have a sibling who married someone from abroad and thus happened to her, but then she got a divorce and married again (again abroad) and it worked out really well. And another sibling aslo got married abroad and that's been going good too. Who knows even I may marry abroad... Lol.. 

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Guest Seekingthelight
On 5/14/2019 at 2:26 AM, Islandsandmirrors said:

Do not marry someone from another country/non citizen. They likely will just use you for their own benefit. And you’ll have nothing in common. 

Do not marry just because you’re being pressured. If you do so, you’ll regret it. 

Marriage is not something to be pressured into. You have to want to be married to the person whom you think is the best match. Not because anyone is pressuring you. 

Stay firm in your decision and don’t let them sway or manipulate you. Find someone local or preferably in your own country. I’m actually shocked that your parents are giving into pressure when they should be smarter than that. 

And about you not finding anyone: you are young. You’ll find your person. Who cares about the majority? Don’t focus on those guys. Your parents saying that you’ll never find someone else is a lie, and they are trying to guilt-trip you. Don’t fall for it.

Thanks for your response. How do you know I am 'young'? :grin: I don't really consider myself young. I have been waiting for years and still haven't found the person. My parents keep telling me that I won't be able to find a good religious guy who lives here because most Muslim guys here are just not into religion etc and they give me some examples from one or two people that they know. I know that's a bit extreme, but I also understand that it is hard to find a religious guy here. Anyway, I just hope for the best and will try to stay patient. 

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Guest Nani-Amma
2 hours ago, Guest Seekingthelight said:

Thanks for your response. How do you know I am 'young'? :grin: I don't really consider myself young. I have been waiting for years and still haven't found the person. My parents keep telling me that I won't be able to find a good religious guy who lives here because most Muslim guys here are just not into religion etc and they give me some examples from one or two people that they know. I know that's a bit extreme, but I also understand that it is hard to find a religious guy here. Anyway, I just hope for the best and will try to stay patient. 

Being patient only won’t get you anywhere. You need to actively seek out, big part of it is, make yourself available out there. If nobody knows you in the community because you don’t show up in community events, majalis, masjid etc., then forget about it. This also includes increasing your match pool meaning of your presents are from Iraq, then let them find you a hardworking, educated, and religious person from over there. 

Also don’t get too much into every condition of yours has to be met. If that person fulfills your basic requirements, such as being religious, capable, hardworking, etc., then give it a fair chance. 

Love, understanding, care, and compassion, all that comes after Nikah, which is a special mercy of Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) in any halal relationship between opposite genders. 

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