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Zellali

When can a girl live on her own, without concerning her parents permission? What's the age for it if there is any?

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I'm an 18 year old female, and in the future I might be living away from home for university and then maybe a job. 

One of my friends (also Shia) says that after a certain age of maturity we should be able to live our own life without asking our parents for permission and burdening them. That we should get a job and move elsewhere (even during university or for university). I don't have an issue personally (neither do my parents) on that part, but they believe that if only I'm going abroad for my studies it would be fine. And I know alot of you are going to say that that's not allowed for a girl either, okay I get it. But that's not the topic at hand right now.  

I don't know how to answer her. Like is it allowed to live independently? Does it have to include your parents permission? If the guys can do it, why can't the women?

(I'm not saying this out of "EQUALITY FOR ALL", because I know why there can't be complete equality and it's ridiculous to believe so. It's more of a "why" the difference) 

Also, what if you come from an abusive household and leaving there is better for you to keep your sanity. Should the girl still stay? And no, no family member is willing to help, no community people, no marja. Just you. So what then? Just endure it, like they've endured it for the rest of their life, until marriage?

(I'm so against the enduring part, the "have patience" part. I've seen so many women in my life suffer for no reason. Literally they could get out, but there's no support other than themselves. So I'm really hoping no one says that)

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18 is usually the age, but it's more about when you are mentally and financially to be independent. In scenarios where abuse is involved, just get away, worry about the rest later. Your life is more important than worrying about social expectations like age. 

People can like it or not, but if the laws of the land say a person is an adult at 18, then that's the law. That's the law that stops your parents keeping you at home against your will etc.

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2 hours ago, Zellali said:

One of my friends (also Shia) says that after a certain age of maturity we should be able to live our own life without asking our parents for permission and burdening them. 

Usually, you would just finish your education, get your job, save up for a house and move out. In the case of some people, they will get married to someone during university years or after when they were saving up money and then they would just move in together. 

2 hours ago, Zellali said:

I don't know how to answer her. Like is it allowed to live independently? Does it have to include your parents permission? If the guys can do it, why can't the women?

I see no problem with a woman living on her own but it's better to be married, as it's highly recommended in Islam and it can provide financial help and someone there for you... 

If you're earning money and you don't want to move out it only seems appropriate to pay rent to your parents, but it would be better to save some money and move out rather than that... 

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11 hours ago, Ali~J said:

Usually, you would just finish your education, get your job, save up for a house and move out. In the case of some people, they will get married to someone during university years or after when they were saving up money and then they would just move in together. 

I see no problem with a woman living on her own but it's better to be married, as it's highly recommended in Islam and it can provide financial help and someone there for you... 

If you're earning money and you don't want to move out it only seems appropriate to pay rent to your parents, but it would be better to save some money and move out rather than that... 

Yeah but is it allowed to separate from your parents without their permission? If you're earning enough to pay for rent and basic needs? 

Her argument was based on this question we came across the internet, 

https://www.seekersguidance.org/answers/general-counsel/can-an-unmarried-young-woman-live-alone/ 

Except here the two sisters are moving out together, so is it okay even if it was just one of the sisters moving out on her own. And after what age can this be done? How was the response of the person on the website (Sunni). 

Can someone site sources to say it's okay to do this? 

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13 hours ago, Zellali said:

I'm an 18 year old female, and in the future I might be living away from home for university and then maybe a job. 

One of my friends (also Shia) says that after a certain age of maturity we should be able to live our own life without asking our parents for permission and burdening them. That we should get a job and move elsewhere (even during university or for university). I don't have an issue personally (neither do my parents) on that part, but they believe that if only I'm going abroad for my studies it would be fine. And I know alot of you are going to say that that's not allowed for a girl either, okay I get it. But that's not the topic at hand right now.  

I don't know how to answer her. Like is it allowed to live independently? Does it have to include your parents permission? If the guys can do it, why can't the women?

(I'm not saying this out of "EQUALITY FOR ALL", because I know why there can't be complete equality and it's ridiculous to believe so. It's more of a "why" the difference) 

Also, what if you come from an abusive household and leaving there is better for you to keep your sanity. Should the girl still stay? And no, no family member is willing to help, no community people, no marja. Just you. So what then? Just endure it, like they've endured it for the rest of their life, until marriage?

(I'm so against the enduring part, the "have patience" part. I've seen so many women in my life suffer for no reason. Literally they could get out, but there's no support other than themselves. So I'm really hoping no one says that)

There is nothing in Sharia that I am aware of that says it's haram for a muslima to live alone by herself. So it is permissible in the religion. If a girl can support herself financially, she has the option to do this. I have had discussions with many sisters here over the years on this topic. Almost exclusively, the ones who want to move out and live on their own are either the victims of abuse by their family / relatives so they want to get away from this abuse, or are reverts to Islam and their family is non Muslim and they no longer feel comfortable living in the same house with people who openly violate the Sharia (they drink alcohol, engage in various immoral practices, etc). The other category are those who are born into a Muslim family but then begin to practice their religion properly so they don't feel comfortable anymore (this is very similar to the revert situation mentioned above). 

In my humble opinion, the above are legitimate reasons to move out. Basically, if you are being abused by your family or you feel your Deen and Iman are at risk because of the environment in the home and you have the ability financially to support yourself, then living independently is a good option and probably the best option. 

If there is no abuse going on and there is no risk or little risk of your Deen or Iman being affected because of the home environment, then it's generally wise not to move out. The main reason are 

1. Safety. A young, single women living alone is a target for predators. Unfortunately, we live in a world that is full of predators, mostly men, who are going around actively looking for targets to carry our their evil desires. Their preferred targets are young, single women because they know that there is little risk to them from these individuals. A lady can decrease this risk by following some common sense safety practices (living in a safe neighborhood that is well lit at night, not conversing with strangers, not posting on social media specific details about where they live and their daily routines, etc, having an alarm system / good locks on all entry doors, etc). Even with all these steps taken, they are still at greater risk, and it is better not to put yourself at greater risk. 

2. Reputation. Being involved in different matrimonial service activities, I can say personally that this affects a women's ability to get married. One of the first questions any potential spouse will ask about is their potential spouse's living situation. If a man finds out that his potential bride is living by herself, there will be a question mark in his mind as to why she is living this way, because this is not something that is normal, at least for the Muslim community. Some men will then start to make assumptions and draw conclusions about the character of this lady based on her living situation. None of these assumptions are a positive for her. I am not saying that this is correct or a good thing, but this is what happens in the real world and I have seen sisters lose out on marriage opportunities because of this. It is hard enough (without this factor) to find a suitable spouse, why add an additional handicap to yourself by doing this ? It doesn't make sense to me, like I said, unless there is a legitimate reason for it. 

3. Financial. This one should be obvious. Living on your own is expensive. Rent, bills, insurance, etc. If you can, it is better to save this money and use it to buy a house, invest, help the poor, etc. Again, we are taught as Muslim/as not to do 'Israf', I.e. waste resources. If you are working and making money, that is a resource that is given to you by Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). We should not waste it on things which are not necessary since we may need this money in the future to avert a disaster, help someone, or make our own lives better. Spending on rent, utilities, etc when it is not necessary is Israf, wastefulness. At the same time, the definition of 'necessary' depends on the individual and their particular situation. So I won't say whether moving out is 'necessary' or not, that is up to the individual to decide, but they should decide based on knowledge and wisdom and not make a hasty decision based on short term emotions. 

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23 minutes ago, Zellali said:

Yeah but is it allowed to separate from your parents without their permission? If you're earning enough to pay for rent and basic needs? 

You wouldn't need permission from your parents to move out, it's not haraam. But if you're a female it is highly recommended to be married first. The age depends on the individual and the position they are in financially and mentally. 

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45 minutes ago, Abu Hadi said:

Some men will then start to make assumptions and draw conclusions about the character of this lady based on her living situation. None of these assumptions are a positive for her

Well I guess the trash takes itself out ¯\_(ツ)_/¯. just kidding

Thank you for this response though.  It really helps in decision making. I couldn't find posts about these kind of questions in a Shia forum so I'm hoping it helps someone else too and this response was a perfect way to put everything in perspective before a decision. 

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Guest tinny

There's this bizarre pressure in youth to move out at 18. I don't know why, even I was like this. There really is no valid pressure to move out of the nest, a family is a very valuable resource and if you don't absolutely have to, you shouldn't move. I felt that moving out was just one of those things that you had to do, like getting a job or going to the dentist, but now I know it isn't. My reason was that I wanted to "spread my wings and and see the world", which is kind of valid, but I'm not sure if I believe myself. And of course the "adult LOSER that STILL lives with his mother" insult doesn't help. 

13 hours ago, Zellali said:

One of my friends (also Shia) says that after a certain age of maturity we should be able to live our own life without asking our parents for permission and burdening them.

I don't think this pressure exists. And moving out is usually coupled with marriage, which is recommended to do as early as you can; before college, before getting a job, before buying a house. I don't take that quote to mean we should move out alone.

Now we're in tinfoil hat territory, but I think this pressure is engineered by the villains of the world, with the goal of weakening the bonds of family, which weakens society, which weakens our morals, which therefore makes us more susceptible to satanic shenanigans. And considering all the LGBT propaganda, it appears to me that there really is an agenda to weaken families.

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For Iraqis, it is unimaginable for a girl to live independently outside of her home household without being married. As long as she isn’t married, she lives under the same roof as her wali, be it her father or a brother. Anyone has any religious rulings from the maraji’ on non-married women living independently? I’ve never heard of permissibility of such. 

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2 hours ago, OrthodoxTruth said:

Anyone has any religious rulings from the maraji’ on non-married women living independently? I’ve never heard of permissibility of such. 

Everything in Islam is permissible unless ruled impermissible, therefore the onus is on you to prove to us it isn’t permissible, not the other way around. However I can still show you evidence that a virgin women has no wali in non-marriage matters, take a look at the video below at 17:48 if you understand Arabic:

 

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1 hour ago, Hassan- said:

Everything in Islam is permissible unless ruled impermissible, therefore the onus is on you to prove to us it isn’t permissible, not the other way around. However I can still show you evidence that a virgin women has no wali in non-marriage matters, take a look at the video below at 17:48 if you understand Arabic:

 

I’ve never stated that it is impermissible, I just said that in Iraqi culture it would be unimaginable among religious Shia families to have their daughter live independently before marriage. That’s why I asked for the ruling of maraji’ on that. Thank you for the link. 

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6 hours ago, OrthodoxTruth said:

For Iraqis, it is unimaginable for a girl to live independently outside of her home household without being married. As long as she isn’t married, she lives under the same roof as her wali, be it her father or a brother. Anyone has any religious rulings from the maraji’ on non-married women living independently? I’ve never heard of permissibility of such. 

Exactly the same here. I'm from Pakistan but this situation can also be related to other South Asian or even Western countries where Muslims live. 

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