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In the Name of God بسم الله

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Salam,

There is an underlying issue as to why men are so demanding when it comes to sex. Unfortunately, we consider this topic to be “taboo”, but we need to discuss it. Pornography is affecting our community at large, both the youth and the elders. It’s a sad reality that the majority of men out there are addicted to pornography, and they are exposed to different kinds of videos which force them to explore new creative ways of having sex. The porn industry is a male-dominated industry, and it simply aims to fulfil the male fantasy of sex. There is evidence that the majority of the content is written and produced by men. It’s an industry which eroticises women’s inferior status to male power. Men are starting to neglect the emotional aspect of sex and are becoming very demanding. In some extreme cases, heavy consumption of porn can be one of the reasons for men raping and abusing women.

@Islandsandmirrors even gave an example of a case where someone’s husband demanded sex, despite all the pain she went through. I know some will say that men are born this way, but it still doesn’t justify this in any shape or form. Our attitude towards women is a product of how the media portrays them – as sexual objects and toys. In Islam, we are not told to have this attitude. Imam ‘Ali ((عليه السلام).) says, “When you intend to have sex with your wife, do not rush because the woman (also) has needs." Just ponder over this hadith, what is our Imam (عليه السلام) teaching us? Doesn’t pornography contradict all this?

The link between pornography (including other videos etc.) and this attitude men have is obvious. 

What are your thoughts?    

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53 minutes ago, notme said:

Selfishness I guess. Lack of compassion and caring for his wife. Emotional immaturity. 

Women are more emotional than men. There are biological differences in men and women. They will never be same. 

Edited by Ron_Burgundy

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Guest Observation

What would you say about an article like this: https://www.iqraonline.net/the-issue-of-slavery-in-contemporary-Islam/

You have to register, but it discusses the laws surrounding so-called slave women. A master can divorce his slave woman to her slave husband and he can then be with her and she can't object and he can then be physically intimate with her. I'd also like to her your views about why slave women are in the buying and selling of material goods section in al kafi , and why returning a defective women back to the owner is allowed. 

The moral of the story is, while we need to be compassionate and understanding, let us not throw the baby out with the bath water of modern day liberalism. 

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9 hours ago, Ron_Burgundy said:

Women are more emotional than men. There are biological differences in men and women. They will never be same. 

Didn't say they would be the same, though I disagree about women being more emotional. (I've never seen a woman punch a wall or throw a game controller because she lost a video game.) Are you excusing insensitivity or do you have a point to make that I'm missing here?

Even if the man in question is emotionally immature, I can't help but wonder whether his wife expressed to him that she was in discomfort or pain. Women tend to be passive and then complain about their husbands not reading their minds. 

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Guest Itsme
7 hours ago, notme said:

Didn't say they would be the same, though I disagree about women being more emotional. (I've never seen a woman punch a wall or throw a game controller because she lost a video game.) Are you excusing insensitivity or do you have a point to make that I'm missing here?

Even if the man in question is emotionally immature, I can't help but wonder whether his wife expressed to him that she was in discomfort or pain. Women tend to be passive and then complain about their husbands not reading their minds. 

I've seen women in real life from school to work form matriarchies where they act viciously , albeit more covertly (but sometimes bullishly overtly) in the most evil way towards other women and men too. I've seen women fight, abuse, bully, and fall into herd mentality more than I have seen men (though my anecdotal accounts have little value in ascertaining the real overall truth of the matter).

As for women being more emotional, I can't say they are generally overall as I have no evidence, but I know for a fact a large percentage are for some part of the month because of clear hormonal factors. If a woman is more likely to have fluctuating emotions for a quarter of the year, I think even discounting further brain differences , that is good enough to stake the claim.

On other forums, there are female moderators who moderate based on their own views, vendettas against users, lack of judgement (genuinely), and then we have moderators like you, who are fairly balanced, even when you disagree with someone, and I respect that a lot. 

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I agree completely with your thread, Ali. To also add to the discussion on porn being a male dominated field. Men’s obsession with porn has even seeped through advertisements. You could it’s one way to keep people preoccupied with sex. Sad and unfortunate that these attitudes have started to crawl within our Ummah. 

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1 hour ago, IbnSina said:

I think its better to discuss spirituality during the month of Ramadan. 

Yes, but it is our duty to forbid evil and enjoin good every day of the year, be it Ramadan or not. Islam is a very comprehensive religion.

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39 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Yes, but it is our duty to forbid evil and enjoin good every day of the year, be it Ramadan or not. Islam is a very comprehensive religion.

In my opinion problems of explicit nature is not suitable for the holy month of Ramadan and it can wait, these problems wont go away. We have so many problems around us but I think addressing the spiritual ones should be the focus of this month. Anyways, everyone is free to spend their time as they see fit. Ramadan mubarak!

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8 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Salam,

There is an underlying issue as to why men are so demanding when it comes to sex. Unfortunately, we consider this topic to be “taboo”, but we need to discuss it.

What are your thoughts?    

Can women (wifes) learn to overcome it? So that demand will be under control.  Are there legal and viable methodology to make the man demand under control?

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10 hours ago, Guest Observation said:

What would you say about an article like this: https://www.iqraonline.net/the-issue-of-slavery-in-contemporary-Islam/

You have to register, but it discusses the laws surrounding so-called slave women. A master can divorce his slave woman to her slave husband and he can then be with her and she can't object and he can then be physically intimate with her. I'd also like to her your views about why slave women are in the buying and selling of material goods section in al kafi , and why returning a defective women back to the owner is allowed. 

The moral of the story is, while we need to be compassionate and understanding, let us not throw the baby out with the bath water of modern day liberalism. 

What is your point in this post, because it seems terrible...

The whole issue of slavery itself is an undesirable luggage Islam has had during a period of time. Nothing to defend, because there is no way to defend slavery in any way or shape. It is indeed a very valid reason to abandon a religion, so don't belittle this issue for disliking "modern day liberalism".

THESE PEOPLE...

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Men are demanding? Why not say women are demanding? I don’t understand why in some backward Muslim communities people still live in that illusion that a pious lady means she doesnt enjoy sex and she only does it to please a man. 

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