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In the Name of God بسم الله

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Salam alaykum,

long story short my dad beats me up due to bad grades,

I understand he gets mad bc he wants the best for me and he wants me to get a good education.

He also had a very tough childhood and didn't have the chance to get a good education, his dad not being in his life anymore.

Both my parents work very physical tiring jobs, and I know that's why they don't want me to end up with a similar job.

However it has never and will never help for him to literally almost beat me up to death. Last semester when he saw my grades, I failed in math, and he beat me up so much, and brought a knife, ready to take my life.

As much as it's my fault, not getting good grades, I know I don't deserve to be treated like this. 

As much as the physical abuse is bad and painful, the emotional abuse is worse, I'm not even joking when I say I used to cry every night for at least 1 month after it. Out of fear I've contemplated suicide, and I was very close to actually committing it. He says things like you've been a curse to us from the day you were born or you should just go and become a prostitute since there isn't going to be any other way for you to provide for yourself, and that I shame my hijab, or things like you're the reason I haven't prayed for days, what's the point of your hijab when you're so shameless.

He took my phone and started accusing me of talking to boys and a lot more.

At this point I don't know what to do. I'm a 18 year old female, which makes it harder. I have considered running away and my heart breaks every time at the thought of my mom and younger sibling, but at the same time I really don't know if I have another choice. I'm also scared of him beating up, or worst case scenario killing them, if I run away.

As for talking to him about it when he's calm, or making another family member talk about it. My dads side of the family knows, and have talked with him about it being wrong to beat your children and in that moment he agrees, also after he beats me up, and days pass and he calms down, he tells us that he regrets it and all, yet couple months go by and the same thing repeats it self. So making someone talk to him is not an option. I've also seen my mom get beat up by my dad from since I was younger, and I swear I can see how depressed and unhappy my mom is.

I don't know what to do anymore. I really just want to disappear from them, and if I had a job or any money, or place to go, I would have moved out abruptly. 

I feel so hopeless in both my education, life and family.

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No one deserves to be abused. I’m so sorry to hear about that. May Allah grant you a good life and independence from your abusive family members.

Focus on your studies, so you can get out of that house. Your Lord, who is everyone’s Lord, Allah, will deal with him on the Day of Judgement, or maybe even this life. Don’t lose hope. Allah hears you, He knows what you’re going through. 

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Walaikum salam, from experience, things will not get better until you are strong enough to report him to the police. 

He will manipulate you and make you feel the culprit, he will say he is regretful and will change, he will make you feel one way and then another, that's the abuser's choice of weapons, but if he is a danger to you and your family, you must go to to police. 

In the United Kingdom if you make such complaint and he is arrested, the police will provide you and your family somewhere to stay, they will help, but unless you take the plunge they cannot do anything. If you choose to go back to your dad, the authorities cannot always stop you.

I advice strongly that you consider a window of opportunity for you and your family to get away, and in that window I advice you report him for the abuse he has done to you and your family. If you do this, be firm, do not go back home to him, do not listen to his pleas and promises, he will likely deceive you and once you return, your life will be fatally endangered. Once the police are informed you must be brave together.

It is not right Islamically and it is not right in any other shape or form, and Allah is aware of what your father does.

Please don't suffer anymore, please don't feel you have to live like this, there is a way out, but you need to make sure it's you who controls that way out and not him.

May Allah guide you to safety, to strength, to a bright future, to happiness and may you and your family be reserved the best in this life and the next. 

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Be sure to clear any evidence on your phone or whatever of your discussions on here or with others regarding the abuse. Don't leave your phone logged into this site when you go to sleep and whatnot.

 

Someone very dear to me endured exactly what you have been through, had they not have left their father, they along with their family would be dead. I'm sorry if what I wrote sounded scary, but I know exactly what you are going through and how an abuser works.

Edited by aaaz1618

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11 minutes ago, aaaz1618 said:

Walaikum salam, from experience, things will not get better until you are strong enough to report him to the police. 

 

O you who have believed, be persistently standing firm in justice, witnesses for Allah, even if it be against yourselves or parents and relatives. 

From 4:135

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4 hours ago, BowTie said:

When you’re ready for independence go ahead and move out

Except abusers often take that independence away from the abused, or make them feel like they don't need it to start with. The sister has not got the time to wait until she feels ready, she may never feel ready, by the time she feels ready it could be too late.

Often the independence and learning comes after, not before.

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1 hour ago, aaaz1618 said:

Except abusers often take that independence away from the abused, or make them feel like they don't need it to start with. The sister has not got the time to wait until she feels ready, she may never feel ready, by the time she feels ready it could be too late.

Often the independence and learning comes after, not before.

Because she is a sister, she has tone ready so she doesnt fall into issues when she moves out the house too early.

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Guest Obdel

May Haazerat Abul Fadhl Abbas (عليه السلام) grant you your desires. All other doors are closed, but his door will remain open for he is the door to all desires. In this holy month, build your connection to Abul Fadhl, and beg him.

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Guest Obdel
On 5/3/2019 at 5:19 PM, Propaganda_of_the_Deed said:

Subhan'Allah.

Is it me or is Shiachat becoming quite depressing as of late? Threads about emotionally abusive mothers, neglectful husbands and now physically abusive fathers. 

And that is within the past 24 hours.

The only logical explanation is that the western government has paid operatives. 

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5 hours ago, BowTie said:

Because she is a sister, she has tone ready so she doesnt fall into issues when she moves out the house too early.

Issues like being alive.

If her father is an abuser, then he needs to be arrested and the family need to leave. So she would not be moving out of the house, rather she would, including family move away together.

I apologise that is very harsh and I pray the sister is not upset by that, but how many times have you heard about girls being killed within the family home because they stayed too long or because they leave and believe the abuser has changed or some sob story happens causing them to return? As I said in my previous point, the sister should bare this in mind.

Whatever problems come, come, but her life and the lives of her mother and so on is most important. 

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On 5/3/2019 at 5:19 PM, Propaganda_of_the_Deed said:

Subhan'Allah.

Is it me or is Shiachat becoming quite depressing as of late? Threads about emotionally abusive mothers, neglectful husbands and now physically abusive fathers. 

And that is within the past 24 hours.

Its a sign of the times we live in. Its not just a Shi'a problem, its a worldwide problem.

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