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In the Name of God بسم الله
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I hate my mum

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1 minute ago, Zellali said:

Found the mom. (It's a joke)

 

For God's sake stop spreading this message. You'll be the reason for their unhappiness and even more distance from religion. 

 

For OP, PLEASE don’t GO BACK TO HER. Also, your husband has failed you. Just like your mother. You seem educated, enough that you previously had a job. Get back at it. (I'm hoping you already work since your husband was in debt? If not, find a way to save up money for rent. File for khula soon and leave the husband. He doesn't deserve you. 

You have this right for a reason. If you stay in this marriage, it'll cause you harm, it'll make things worse. I would even suggest counseling but it's not for free, so id suggest getting away from this whole situation first.  Also please take your siblings and other family members into confidence. 

I'm Hoping that they support you, but if they don't, forget them. If they won't respect your decision to save yourself they don't deserve respect from you. 

 

This is coming from a child of an abusive household. I tell my mom Everytime, if she'd left my dad when he showed signs of emotional and physical abuse when I was young (everything that I also witnessed) I wouldn't have ever questioned her decisions, knowing fully well how I used to scream as a 3 year old child to let my mother go when my father would do this. 

 I'm scared it might get abusive.  I'm hoping you have the courage, never forget there are other people who don't need to be blood family, but can become family. 

May Allah help you and give you courage (not sabr, because that gets you no where in situations like these. No one changes, not even after a lifetime).

 

 

Sorry I didn't read the part about you leaving your husband. But I would strongly suggest you get away from them and get a khula.  

 

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Mmm..the South Asian traditions and their controlling parents.

I don’t know why you were asking your parents for divorce. You’re a grown woman. I mean your story is pretty complicated. But your parents can’t really force you to do something you don’t want

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2 hours ago, Zellali said:

For God's sake stop spreading this message. You'll be the reason for their unhappiness and even more distance from religion. 

You've misunderstood what I said. 

A toxic person should not be allowed to control another person's life, but that doesn't prevent the daughter from being kind to and maintaining some appropriate level of communication with her. She is an adult and must live her own life her own way, but cutting ties with parents, even bad ones, is strongly discouraged in Islam. The OP should distance herself only to the extent necessary to maintain her sanity and safety, not cut ties entirely. 

Edited by notme
Typo.

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45 minutes ago, notme said:

You've misunderstood what I said. 

A toxic person should not be allowed to control another person's life, but that doesn't prevent the daughter from being kind to and maintaining some appropriate level of communication with her. She is an adult and must live her own life hey own way, but cutting ties with parents, even bad ones, is strongly discouraged in Islam. The OP should distance herself only to the extent necessary to maintain hey sanity and safety, not cut ties entirely. 

What do you think? The mothers going to let it be like that? I strongly urge that she gets evidence of her mother's ugly side and shows it the rest of the family. If she doesn't cut ties, the grandmother won't hesitate to take over the kids and since OP is so distressed, she might succeed. 

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1 hour ago, Zellali said:

 What do you think? The mothers going to let it be like that?

Let it? Either she will accept it or she will not, but she has no control over what her adult daughter does. 

But then, I'm not from a culture in which women are brainwashed to obey and submit to the authority of everyone who tries to push them around. I was raised in a culture of individualism - perhaps I just can't relate to the extremes caused by inability to assert oneself in a rational and appropriate manner. 

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