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In the Name of God بسم الله
ali_fatheroforphans

To all the sisters out there!!!(Understand the psychology of men)

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Salam,

I do think that a lot of women out there can be oblivious when it comes to the behaviour of men. I think women need to be educated to understand the psychology of men and how their brain functions. The things I am going to say may also relate to women, but in my opinion, this is something which refers to men a bit more. I may even sound harsh at times, but trust me, I am trying to be honest. Also, I'm not saying this is always the case as there's always exceptions.


Firstly, being excessively charming, sweet, nice to men, be it in real life or over the text, puts you in a vulnerable position. I do not deny the fact that you may have pure intentions, but sometimes being overly nice allows men to develop certain feeling towards you, even if it may be extremely subtle. It’s an entirely different story if you are interested in a specific guy and want to show a bit of your care and affection towards them, obviously within boundaries. However, being excessively nice to every John, Bob and Harry, is not the best way to carry yourself. It’s okay to be blunt at times. Let men out there know that you’re not easy.


Secondly, there is a social experiment conducted which you can find on Youtube – ‘Guys and Girls Can’t Be Friends’. Even according to psychology, it is not possible for those who are non-mahram to each other to be ‘friends’. Women can sometimes be oblivious when it comes to this reality. Be careful when a brother is playing around with you. You have no idea how the brain of a man works. There may be exceptions due to age barrier etc. but the majority of guys out there will develop some feelings towards you and an emotional attachment. I wouldn't call this lust, but it could be an excessive admiration, love or even attraction. Even if your friendship is dead-ended, and a guy knows there is no potential for halal growth, he may be carelessly taking short-term temporary pleasure by talking to you the way he would speak with his mates.  It's just a heads up for every sister out there. 

What are your thoughts?

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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I don't think men and women's are any different from each other because of their gender. The internal information processes in the mind are the same for both. A personality is structured by everyday world experience and information processes and neurological and chemical factors in the body and brain. People can have similar or different personalities but never exactly the same. In fact they say opposites attract. It is good to be different in order to bring something the other person may lack as a way of complimenting each others personalities and developing the relationship.

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4 minutes ago, Murtaza1 said:

don't think men and women's are any different from each other because of their gender

I think we are different. Even according to some studies done, our expectations are different when it comes to being "just friends".

Taken together, these studies suggest that men and women have vastly different views of what it means to be “just friends”—and that these differing views have the potential to lead to trouble. Although women seem to be genuine in their belief that opposite-sex friendships are platonic, men seem unable to turn off their desire for something more. And even though both genders agree overall that attraction between platonic friends is more negative than positive, males are less likely than females to hold this view.

https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/men-and-women-can’t-be-just-friends/

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I feel like many men will precieve that the woman he’s friends with, likes him because because she’s nice. Some women are just nice with everyone and it doesn’t mean anything. 

Seriously, I have always minded my own business and kept men at arm’s-length, but that didn’t stop some men from becoming attracted to me. I used to feel really insecure about it and didn’t want any man to find me attractive, because I internalized the shame associated with it. It’s not a woman’s fault if a man falls for a woman’s personality—no man can expect a woman to stop being herself or stop being nice just because guys get attracted. I don’t wear revealing clothing, don’t show off my figure—I’m just myself. The only difference now is that guys notice the ring on my finger and they know that there are boundaries to not cross. 

 

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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25 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

no man can expect a woman to stop being herself or stop being nice just because guys get attracted. I don’t wear revealing clothing, don’t show off my figure—I’m just myself. The only difference now is that guys notice the ring on my finger and they know that there are boundaries to not cross. 

Yeah sister I agree with you. Regardless, you can't stop men from being attracted to you. However, a decent or respectable guy will maintain his distance if he finds that he is falling for you and knows there is no chance (like you said when they see your ring).

Otherwise women should go to the extent of maintaining the distance themselves and not give men an opportunity to excessively talk in a certain way.

25 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

Some women are just nice with everyone and it doesn’t mean anything

I wish more guys out there knew this reality.

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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1 hour ago, Murtaza1 said:

I don't think men and women's are any different from each other because of their gender. The internal information processes in the mind are the same for both. A personality is structured by everyday world experience and information processes and neurological and chemical factors in the body and brain. People can have similar or different personalities but never exactly the same. In fact they say opposites attract. It is good to be different in order to bring something the other person may lack as a way of complimenting each others personalities and developing the relationship.

Fascinating video on the topic 

 

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Guest Mutual Responsibility

Its the responsibility of both men and women. No one can’t be close and joke around with opposite gender and say he/she should have seen my ring or Im nice with everyone. Social hijab is a concept for both men and women (of course physical hijab is also necessary)

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1 hour ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

I think we are different. Even according to some studies done, our expectations are different when it comes to being "just friends".

The research you presented is speculative because it is based on assumptions. Like all science it is always developing and changing, we cannot agree as certain. Also it is not taking into consideration the internal mental processes that influence personality. The mind has the ability to store over two million pieces of information from tbe environment but only stores 134000, even then it rejects most of it. The mind is a very complex machine we cannot base it on gender. These differences in gender expectations cannot be put down to biological differences between genders, it is more likely social conditioning. I wonder how different the research results would be compared to studies conducted in different culturals. 

Also I disagree with your video saying that we process information differently because of our gender. There is no scientific evidence of that. 

Edited by Murtaza1

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Salam,

women and men should both always observe modesty in public and private around non-mahrams. Neither should be flirty in any way because that’s haram. Religious brothers and sisters can meet their other half, for example, by asking the local alim to be their matchmaker. That’s the most common way to pair up without engaging in forbidden acts. Another method is through own family’s connections. Once married, strong in Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَتَعَالَىٰ), almost all differences and issues should be solvable. 

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1 hour ago, Guest Mutual Responsibility said:

Its the responsibility of both men and women. No one can’t be close and joke around with opposite gender and say he/she should have seen my ring or Im nice with everyone. Social hijab is a concept for both men and women (of course physical hijab is also necessary)

I don’t get close and joke around with men. I am however, friendly with everyone. 

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6 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Salam,

I do think that a lot of women out there can be oblivious when it comes to the behaviour of men. I think women need to be educated to understand the psychology of men and how their brain functions. The things I am going to say may also relate to women, but in my opinion, this is something which refers to men a bit more. I may even sound harsh at times, but trust me, I am trying to be honest. Also, I'm not saying this is always the case as there's always exceptions.


Firstly, being excessively charming, sweet, nice to men, be it in real life or over the text, puts you in a vulnerable position. I do not deny the fact that you may have pure intentions, but sometimes being overly nice allows men to develop certain feeling towards you, even if it may be extremely subtle. It’s an entirely different story if you are interested in a specific guy and want to show a bit of your care and affection towards them, obviously within boundaries. However, being excessively nice to every John, Bob and Harry, is not the best way to carry yourself. It’s okay to be blunt at times. Let men out there know that you’re not easy.


Secondly, there is a social experiment conducted which you can find on Youtube – ‘Guys and Girls Can’t Be Friends’. Even according to psychology, it is not possible for those who are non-mahram to each other to be ‘friends’. Women can sometimes be oblivious when it comes to this reality. Be careful when a brother is playing around with you. You have no idea how the brain of a man works. There may be exceptions due to age barrier etc. but the majority of guys out there will develop some feelings towards you and an emotional attachment. I wouldn't call this lust, but it could be an excessive admiration, love or even attraction. Even if your friendship is dead-ended, and a guy knows there is no potential for halal growth, he may be carelessly taking short-term temporary pleasure by talking to you the way he would speak with his mates.  It's just a heads up for every sister out there. 

What are your thoughts?

hmm, many of us women know this already, this message should be directed at men more so than woman. 

Women, though, should make it clear that there are boundaries and shouldn’t be crossed. 

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4 minutes ago, Ruqaya101 said:

hmm, many of us women know this already, this message should be directed at men more so than woman. 

Yeah I agree although it's a message to the sisters, guys have a lot to take from this too.

4 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

However, a decent or respectable guy will maintain his distance if he finds that he is falling for you and knows there is no chance (like you said when they see your ring).

 

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6 hours ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Secondly, there is a social experiment conducted which you can find on Youtube – ‘Guys and Girls Can’t Be Friends’. Even according to psychology, it is not possible for those who are non-mahram to each other to be ‘friends

I agree with everything you've said, but in those social experiments its always the men who say they can’t be friends with women. Women can be friends with men and not develop any feelings or attraction...the real issue here is men lol.

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5 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

Women can be friends with men and not develop any feelings or attraction...the real issue here is men lol.

Yeah men find it more difficult to view their friendships as platonic. I mean there will always be exceptions, but I think the majority will agree.

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