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In the Name of God بسم الله

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I’m on WeddingBee, where people discuss their marriage, relationships, engagement rings, etc. I posted on there that we live in my parents’ second home and I got tons of backlash, saying that I was immature all because I was financially not independent, that my “marriage is not a marriage” and that I shouldn’t be married, and that the way I’m living is not reality. That I’m 23, got married after a week long engagement, what do I know about the world, etc. it was honestly disgusting how catty and bitter some of the women are and were attacking me personally. All because I said that people in relationships shouldn’t live together before marriage and it’s a fairly modern concept in another thread.

So needless to say, I made quite a few enemies and I’ve closed my account since whatever thread I made after that also got closed. And what’s worse is that the women kept bringing up irrelevant topics. AND they said that they couldn’t wait for life to bite me in the rear end and couldn’t wait to see “how the relationship will play out” (implying that I’ll get divorced.)

I also mentioned that there is a married female coworker who slept with another married male coworker whom I told my husband to be careful about her because she has a lack of morals and that she might assault you. I was called controlling and insecure.

I’m not the only one who has had problems with this forum and they also recently had attacked a 22 year old who asked a question on social media couples. 

Many non-Muslims don’t know a thing about morals. They think that their way of living is the only right way and everyone else is wrong, and thus, even when they find the right man, many will not be able to keep him because they don’t know how to keep him attracted and happy. 

EDIT: I’ve seen many people on that site telling women to leave their 7 year relationships when they said are bored, and when I said she needs to commit to working it out and spicing things up, they told me it was not a marriage and therefore didn’t need to make it work. 

Need some replies @notme, @Hameedeh, @ireallywannaknow, @2Timeless

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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Those people are just bitter because you found the right person at such a young age, and your parents care about you. Most European and American parents end up pushing their own kids to move out and look down upon children over 18 who arent seriously considering moving out and living alone. Naturally, those people will be envious when they see such tight knit familial relationships where parents practically beg their children to stay at home. (Ofc these are generalisations) don’t worry about what they've said. You're studying, and I'm pretty sure you've had a job at least once before, and have possibly been financially secure at some point in your life. You're also budding a career etc. Does your husband work (if you don’t mind me asking).

It's also very rude how they just dismissed your marriage like that. Your marriage isn't suddenly fake because it's different. What matters is that you're not doing any haram and that you're happy. As long as you're happy with your relationship and its halal, everyone else can get lost to be honest. If you've found your life partner that you love, why waste time bringing in bad energy and considering envious peoples' opinions? 

About the woman you told your husband to beware of, you're right. I don’t think you're being controlling if you just tell your husband to be cautious. Our standards and boundaries are different to theirs (westerners) , and they could easily cross those boundaries (sometimes unintentionally) if we lower our guards too much. What did your husband think when you told him? 

Hope you feel better, don’t worry about other people's opinions, they're completely irrelevant. 

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Bismillah Ta'la

فَاذْكُرُونِي أَذْكُرْكُمْ وَاشْكُرُواْ لِي وَلاَ تَكْفُرُونِ

Remember Me, and I will remember you and be grateful to Me and do not deny Me. 

Holy Qur'an 2:152

So on this site,  you are seeing the result of not taking the advice (above) from the Holy Qur'an. When people attempt to construct their own moral system based on their limited knowledge, what their parents told them, what they saw on a tv show, what is in 'fashion' at the time, etc, the result is that they are left to their own devices. This is the root cause of lack of morals. 

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Sounds toxic. It's good that you're off that site. I don't think that's how most non-Muslims are in real life; either they're putting on an act to fit in, or birds of a feather are flocking together. Don't worry about it. 

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In general, it is probably best to stay away from sites like that.  It sounds like a site where people have to outdo one another (in this case, with their wedding stories); that is, they feel the need to be socially competitive.  Not mentally healthy - leads to what you just described - aggressive criticism of others to maintain their sense of one-up-man-ship.  Only embrace activities and people who will increase your adherence to your faith and will guide your actions towards yourself and others.  That will give the greatest sense of personal security and peace.

Edited by Maryaam

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2 hours ago, notme said:

Sounds toxic. It's good that you're off that site. I don't think that's how most non-Muslims are in real life; either they're putting on an act to fit in, or birds of a feather are flocking together. Don't worry about it. 

I agree.  The need to be toxic transcends Muslim/non Muslim; that is, there are toxic people in all religions, positions and  walks of life.  I don't think it is a lack of morals, it is a mental health issue that is linked to a depressive life style caused by any number of precursors or situations.  It is just best to avoid these people as their mental attitude can be spread - especially if you are feeling kind of down for any reason.

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This isn't exclusive to non Muslims.  You will find just as many if not more judgemental people with weak morals who are Muslims.  As Notme mentioned insecure individuals tend to congregate on such internet platforms and their toxicity just feeds off one another.

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Quote

And never will the Jews or the Christians approve of you until you follow their religion. Say, "Indeed, the guidance of Allah is the [only] guidance." If you were to follow their desires after what has come to you of knowledge, you would have against Allah no protector or helper.

Holy Qur'an [2:120]

Majority of Westerners nowadays are deprived of any morals and customs and give in to the sinful desires. That’s why we should always remain vigilant and cautious on such vices, and that includes also many of the ignorant so called Muslims who engage in similar behaviours. 

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