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In the Name of God بسم الله
Islandsandmirrors

“Technically” engaged—society’s view on Nikah

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An issue within the Ummah is that we treat Nikah and engagement as the same prior to having a wedding where the couple is announced to the public.

I find this highly problematic in that two people aren’t given enough to get to know each other in arrangements like this. Typically you meet or are introduced and within a few months to maximum 6, you are married (Nikah) but call it being “engaged” until you have a wedding. Some will get married and then throw an engagement party. 

People will say that they are “engaged” to get to know each other, but what’s the point when you are already Islamically and in many cases legally married? If the couple chooses to get divorced, it’s not “breaking off an engagement” but a marriage. If the couples are given more time to get to know each other, perhaps a real engagement where they spend quality time getting to know the person, a divorce would have been prevented. It’s better to get to know someone for at least a year prior to getting married or even culturally engaged, because even if the person is wrong for you, you’d still accept them for their flaws instead of being surprised later.

Many couples announce their engagement when in fact they are Islamically and legally married, all for the sake of not doing haram and rushing the process (and sometimes marry the wrong person). What’s wrong with taking your time?

An engagement means you have the intention of marrying a person, ring or no ring, so why confuse people (and lie) by saying you are engaged when you’re in fact, married? 

Please note I’m not criticizing those who get married quickly, (I had the shortest engagement to Nikah that I know of, so I’m not one to talk.) but the culture and pressure surrounding marriage when a couple may not know who they are ending up with. Within arrangements such as this, it’s usually the elders rushing their children to get married “because they want to get married anyway so why wait?” Instead of it being a mutual decision made by the couple.

I know of some couples who were culturally “engaged” but Islamically married and wanted to separate, but then it was too late for them and were afraid of what the community thought. Many people still talk about it. Is it really worse to be actually engaged and break it off than get Islamically married and culturally engaged? 

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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:salam:

Not sure about Persian culture, but in many Arab societies (mostly semi-secular like Lebanon, Egypt etc), being engaged is just reciting a Fatiha with families as an informal oath. But the couple is not really one since they supposedly do not abide to intimacy rules. I think this has become `urf I.e. it has popular recognition. In other Arab societies like Northern African, they seem to use the word Fatiha for the religious nikah though.

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4 hours ago, realizm said:

:salam:

Not sure about Persian culture, but in many Arab societies (mostly semi-secular like Lebanon, Egypt etc), being engaged is just reciting a Fatiha with families as an informal oath. But the couple is not really one since they supposedly do not abide to intimacy rules. I think this has become `urf I.e. it has popular recognition. In other Arab societies like Northern African, they seem to use the word Fatiha for the religious nikah though.

Salam it was formal for Persian culture to make Mahram couples with each others by mutah but by other name than "sigheh" that instead of it were calling making Mahram to each other but unfortunately it becomes more westernized in recent years that families & couples are avoiding Islamic rullings 

 

20 minutes ago, haideriam said:

Technically a mutah with conditions of no sex for a six months to one year period would be ideal and correct in the eyes of sharia. 

 

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19 hours ago, Hassu93 said:

People don't get engaged by reciting Nikah in South Asian and many other Islamic cultures.

Yes because culture got in the way of religion.

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