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In the Name of God بسم الله
notme

Feminine and masculine traits

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2 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

Lol seems like the older generation can’t handle some humour. Stings when someone bursts your bubble eh? 

Anyway, I'll be the bigger person considering the age gap. :muslima:

No it's fine, one can usually tell who is actually married on here by their views :rolleyes:

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21 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

For all you know, anyone here could've been through serious trauma related to this topic, e.g. domestic abuse and violence etc. Please be more mindful.

Welcome to the internet. You are a username.

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Bismehe Ta3ala 

Assalam Alikum 

Alhamd'Allah women have a choice in this life to make our homes a living hell or a sweet heaven.  If she wants to wear the pants in the house she either marries a pansy or there will be constant fights if she decides to marry a man with dignity, honor, and his God given right of being the head of the house.

Both can't play that role.  Otherwise dear sisters, don't have children save them the pain of your divorce.  

M3 Salamah, Fe Amin Allah 

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Bismehe Ta3ala 

Assalam Alikum dear sister 

I understand we do not see eye to eye in many issues, but as life runs its course and you experience marriage first hand, I hope you learn to take the institution of marriage from Islamic principles and not western standards.

You have pointed out earlier,  there are people who come from abusive households.  Yes, many young ladies are turned off by marriage when they see the two most loved people they care for, hurt each other.  However, this doesn't need to be a vicious cycle carried on with future marriages. If anything we learn from the mistakes of our parents, understand our rights, have respect to the head of the household, each partner understands the roles and duties to undertake in raising a Muslim family.  :)

M3 Salamah, Fe Amin Allah 

Edited by Laayla

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1 hour ago, 2Timeless said:

I'm sorry if other women/men have such a bitter outlook to a woman who recognises her self worth.

Yessss, preach! The women in our Ummah are chronically low in self-esteem, due to negative gender roles, instead of understanding that we are just as mentally and emotionally capable to make good decisions and believe in a marriage of partnership, not of dominant/submissive dynamic.

neither my husband nor I wear the pants in the relationship. We have a very equal relationship and no one seeks to dominate the other. 

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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What I don’t understand is this: why would anybody, man or woman, seek to dominate their spouse? That is not a stress-free, easy relationship. Why would anyone want someone who stresses themselves out like that? Why not just relax with your spouse? Don’t try to be anybody but yourself. 

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25 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

What I don’t understand is this: why would anybody, man or woman, seek to dominate their spouse? 

A good leader has no need to dominate.

Family structure is not about who is superior. It is just an order to things. 

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I disagree with some people thinking that men who don’t seek dominance are weak or somehow inferior/not masculine enough. While there are weak men, a man’s strength is not in his ability to control and dominate. A man’s strength is based on his patience and character. 

Now, some men are naturally more dominant in the sense that they wear the pants in their relationships. Some men are not. Other men (and women) couldn’t care less. What to me is disrespectful and emasculating is making blanket statements that men who don’t dominate are weak. No, I think some men are naturally sweeter, value equality, and are softer personalities. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a sweet, sensitive, peaceful good guy. There is something wrong, however, with men who have the need to present themselves as macho based on a constructed and exaggerated ideal, and truthfully, those men are almost always insecure in their masculinity and can never bond with a woman. He will forever be a bachelor and become bitter and blame women for their relationship problems, or if someone as difficult as that type of personality gets married, will likely make their family miserable. No one wants a dictator, and bad boys will always lose their appeal once the lust stage is over. 

 

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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42 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

I disagree with some people thinking that men who don’t seek dominance are weak or somehow inferior/not masculine enough. While there are weak men, a man’s strength is not in his ability to control and dominate. A man’s strength is based on his patience and character

Did someone say that? I must have read through too quickly.

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6 minutes ago, notme said:

Did someone say that? I must have read through too quickly.

I think a few people were echoing similar, somewhat black-and-white statements, yes.

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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1 hour ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

While there are weak men, a man’s strength is not in his ability to control and dominate. A man’s strength is based on his patience and character. 

Yeah a dominant man could lose his temper and say abusive things to his wife. This is actually concerning and I would consider such a man to be weak. We need to focus more on stuff which actually matters, such as patience etc.

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5 hours ago, King said:

Women make for great leaders, in the kitchen.

 
Careful, King….  
 
In addition to quelling hunger pains, lovingly prepared food is a soothing, emotionally restorative delight; it is comforting nourishment for the soul…. Every day, every week, every month, every year - you, and all your senses, come to expect and depend upon the fragrances of the kitchen and the colourful, aromatic, steaming dishes produced and beautifully presented - solely to please and comfort you.  :cuddle:
 
Hmmm….  Or is that the sole purpose???  :shifty:
 
This consistent and dependable devotion to you (and your stomach), from the chief cook and bottle washer, fosters your ever increasing dependence on her.  And then...from your increasing dependency evolves her ever increasing control!  
 
The kitchen is the ultimately the central physical and emotional operational base of the home, and whoever leads that, leads all! :woot:
 
Women’s greatest strength is that, despite ongoing proof to the contrary, they are continually underestimated.  :itsok:

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1 hour ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

I think a few people were echoing similar, somewhat black-and-white statements, yes.

I agree with what has already been said by @ali_fatheroforphans, that a person who feels a need to dominate, to reduce others, is a weak person. This is not a favorable trait for men or women. 

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9 hours ago, Propaganda_of_the_Deed said:

 

nick-young-confused-face-300x256-nqlyaa. 

Who hurt you?

DKM this was too good @Propaganda_of_the_Deed :hahaha:.

 

( @2Timeless, you’re a pretty old member here, pretty sure he knows that your not going through that stuff you mentioned in your comment towards him...)

Edited by AStruggler

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12 minutes ago, AStruggler said:

Wow great to see such sensible mominas. I thank you for your comment sister.

I don't think 2t meant that there is any problem in obeying your husband. It's when women blindly submit to authority and think less of themselves. There needs to be a mutual agreement in every marriage. That's why it's important to address these sort of issues in our communities. Just because fiqh gives men some rights, it doesn't mean they develop this sort of arrogance and think they are always right. 

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Considering leadership a manly trait merely because of past history is being happily blind of recent history. By that rule of thumb, women are stupid because most relevant scientific progress have been done by men. This is a fact, but it's not because women are stupid, but because they were slaves to men.

Considering leadership a manly trait is an idea that keeps women far from power. And let me tell you something sisters, the farther you are from power, the more suffering and injustice you will experience in your lives (regardless of which banner is in power, be it "Islamic" or whatever). And much worse, you will get used to it and accept it.

There have been many female leaders, who haven't lead like men nor their power was necessarily associated with masculinity. There's still much work to do, but it is mostly a social construct to see leadership as a masculine trait. This social construct can even be appreciated in Thatcher or Merkel, who were female leaders showcasing masculine traits.

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