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In the Name of God بسم الله
Sumerian

Assuming fakeness in nice people

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I have seen some people complain when someone or people in general are being nice by saying this is all fake.

What is the point of such a negative and miserable outlook in life? And is it really that serious that one has to complain about it? 

If I walk into an office for a service, whatever it is, I expect the worker to offer me good customer service which includes a pleasant look and tone, even if it is "fake". Would you rather they be "real" and appear gloomy? lol

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It is all boil down to inner intention.  If to be nice because of money, company protocols or policy, or some other reasons... then it is a fake. It is almost similar to taqiyah.  If our sole intention of living is for Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), we should appear nice and sincere in general. This is not a fake.

Sometime a customer comes and you know the person negative parts very well, but because of company policy you still have to be nice.  

We don't know the inner intention of anyone, so just be nice.  Be nice is a Muslim akhlaq, to show we practice peaceful existent with others.

"Behave with the friend humbly, with the enemy carefully and the general people, with smiling and blooming face" . ..Imam Reza.

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Lol I agree with you @Sumerian. Offline, I’m very smiley, but instead of people thinking I’m fake, they think I’m “innocent”, “naive” and my face looks like, as I was told by quite a few, “that had never experienced pain in my life.” Oh, how little they know. Lol. 

As if you’re supposed to be a total grouch. Actually, people are somewhat grouchy and standoffish past a certain age, and if someone isn’t like that, they get all confused. We expect rudeness from others. 

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7 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

Actually, people are somewhat grouchy and standoffish past a certain age, and if someone isn’t like that, they get all confused. We expect rudeness from others. 

Oh... I didn't know that. I guess that's why people think I'm weird. 

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35 minutes ago, notme said:

Oh... I didn't know that. I guess that's why people think I'm weird. 

Not everyone, and definitely not you. :) It’s just a trend I’ve noticed in people in general. I think many become suspicious of nice people. 

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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2 hours ago, Sumerian said:

I have seen some people complain when someone or people in general are being nice by saying this is all fake.

What is the point of such a negative and miserable outlook in life? And is it really that serious that one has to complain about it? 

If I walk into an office for a service, whatever it is, I expect the worker to offer me good customer service which includes a pleasant look and tone, even if it is "fake". Would you rather they be "real" and appear gloomy? lol

Well it maybe nice to the customers, but to that person self, faking it is not good to it's nafs.

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I guess people should just focus on purifying their inner intentions, that's what Islam tells us to do. The rest will naturally follow. It's not about trying to be nice, because it's a sort of quality or trait we have. If people are nice, then yeah they're just nice person in general.

I personally don't need to see people stretching their mouth and constantly smiling, to feel good when I buy something. Sometimes even certain meaningful conversations mean a lot to me, and goes to show how nice a person is.

We all talk about how we judge people who are nice, by saying they're 'fake'. Well we even judge those people who come across as 'serious', as being 'mean' or cold, once they could be the nicest people we'll ever meet. This pressure to be 'nice' at workplace is just overrated imo, there's a lot more to consider.

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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The expectation is not to simply fake happiness, but also to believe you’re not faking it (in other words delude yourself). Advertisers show happy faces everywhere. 

With this, sadness is seen as personal failure, and maintaining the energy of keeping a front while having despair on the inside leads to even deeper depression. To relieve this burden, people will simply retreat from society, who may otherwise wouldn’t have if they had less demands to show happiness at all costs.

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After having worked in a sort of service job. (No sales, just supplying unionized end users), there were still miserable people came to the door. After a rather horrific act by an employee I was called into the office asking "why I didn't throw the book at him" I asked, "Are you going to fire him?" The boss said they hadn't determined a punishment yet. (They were hoping my damning testimony would do it.) I asked if they would move him out of the tool room, same answer, hadn't determined... so I told him, "I don't see you doing either and I can't care what happens in a day here, whether I like it or not I'm going to have to deal with this guy and we need to get along." They were not prepared for my answer. I had it in my rights, I could have made his life (more) miserable.
The boss asked me how do I manage to keep my cool with these guys. (Average of 210 men at the door per day and 50 some phone calls). Here's me. I choose to be happy, I choose to be friendly. I take everyone as my equal until they prove themselves otherwise. When a man comes to the door, I don't know if he had a bad start, a fight with his wife, or teenage daughter, fender bender, lost his keys, wife, dog...I have no idea. If he's irate it's his problem. I give him what he came for and don't become part of his problem. I didn't go into details, he wouldn't have believed my stories.
Basically, I don't see any reason to challenge misery. I don't need to outdo anyone in misery or anger. You can call me a dozen names to prove you don't know me. I don't have to prove you wrong, nor right. If I don't accept your insult, it remains on you. Maybe I just became numb to 580 full grown unionized children. 

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Some people are just nice, and I'd rather assume that is the case with strangers and acquaintances who seem nice. Who benefits from the assumption that they are fake-nice? 

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14 hours ago, Sumerian said:

I have seen some people complain when someone or people in general are being nice by saying this is all fake.

What is the point of such a negative and miserable outlook in life? And is it really that serious that one has to complain about it? 

If I walk into an office for a service, whatever it is, I expect the worker to offer me good customer service which includes a pleasant look and tone, even if it is "fake". Would you rather they be "real" and appear gloomy? lol

At my part time job this couldn’t be more true. In general most customers have this awful outlook in retail

it doesn’t matter how fast and efficient it’s done, it’s about how they ‘feeeeel’

I get it if the worker is bad but they generally take their frustrations out on the good ones

Edited by Ralvi

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9 minutes ago, notme said:

Some people are just nice, and I'd rather assume that is the case with strangers and acquaintances who seem nice. Who benefits from the assumption that they are fake-nice? 

Only if it will cause you harm in some way I guess

but then we as individuals need to be stronger and let it go if it’s not a deep situation

because it can become a matter of fighting for your justice or it not being a big deal at all

lol

you lose some you win some 

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37 minutes ago, Reza said:

I’m confused, are we taking about fake niceness or fake happiness? Those are different things...

My bad. The two tend to overlap. Fake happy people might be genuinely nice. 

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20 hours ago, Sumerian said:

I walk into an office for a service, whatever it is, I expect the worker to offer me good customer service which includes a pleasant look and tone, even if it is "fake". Would you rather they be "real" and appear gloomy? lol

It depends on the context. In some shop or bank then yes, fake niceness is nice. But if it's in the context of friendship gatherings and whatnot fake niceness is just annoying. In my experience, people who act "fake nice" give off more materialistic and generally 'fake' vibes.

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5 hours ago, Reza said:

I’m confused, are we taking about fake niceness or fake happiness? Those are different things...

My fault. Some people are happy, some are not. The degree of fakeness varies between these people and of course, previous interactions. Many times niceness is a coat-hanger smile because the boss says so. I find that if I do a little positive small talk the fake can become genuine. If you are a genuine breathe of fresh air. 

On the phone, as soon as they answer I say, "Hi! How are you doing?" Usually a moment of silence because nobody ever hears that. Whatever the response turn it positive, or "At least it's warmed up outside so you can enjoy your real life." It sets them so off guard they lose their temperance. 

Here's the thing. *Hypothetically secular* You buy a widget from a store who bought it from a manufacturer. It's broken in the box, you're annoyed, you take it back. Then you stand in line and get more annoyed. By the time you get to the counter you've already had enough, and there's someone to lash out at. The trouble is, everyone before you has done the same thing.

If you want a genuine smile you have to give one. You are not responsible for their mood when you get there, but you can change it. The person at the counter did not break your widget, nor do they know anything about it. The store probably didn't break it either, The CEO of the manufacturing plant didn't break it either, so who's at fault? One of possibly many employees, you may never know.
What you do know is you are now in front of someone who can fix your problem. Does that change your perspective on how do you should treat them?

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19 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

It depends on the context. In some shop or bank then yes, fake niceness is nice. But if it's in the context of friendship gatherings and whatnot fake niceness is just annoying. In my experience, people who act "fake nice" give off more materialistic and generally 'fake' vibes.

The topic expands, lol. Fake people can't help but be fake happy and fake nice. What's behind it is usually pretty miserable. Sometimes you have to look past what you see on the surface. When they think nobody is looking you will often see a truer face. It usually looks more like a pout. Even at your empathetic best you may not be able to help. They are usually liars as well.

Back to the topic. Where do you go to find these nice people? We are so used to everybody faking their way into our pocketbooks that it's hard to let your guard down. 

I do my best to be nice. There's no actual cost to being nice. It is often mistaken for a hidden agenda. For some people, the lack of a surfacing agenda never registers. (people are so self minded these days). That's on them, not me. For those who realize I was actually being nice we get to share a smile. People forget the value of a smile.

If you're buying a used car, disregard all gestures and insist on a carfax. People have spent thousands extra on a properly placed smile.

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41 minutes ago, 2Timeless said:

It depends on the context. In some shop or bank then yes, fake niceness is nice. But if it's in the context of friendship gatherings and whatnot fake niceness is just annoying. In my experience, people who act "fake nice" give off more materialistic and generally 'fake' vibes.

Lol you are easily annoyable if this is the case :hahaha:

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11 hours ago, 2Timeless said:

Lol very true. I like more genuine and authentic people rather than fake crazy hyper people.

loooool you can prefer certain types of people but doesnt mean you should be annoyed true?

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