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Middle aged man wants to marry my daughter

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1 hour ago, j.angel said:

I could say don’t say yes cause hes probably very wrinkly.

Just to close the argument from my side your opinion of wrinkles is based on societal perspectives and that's exactly my point of false conditioned perspectives. Young people these days are very wrinkly too and many look older for their age. Anyway the poster of this thread says the man looks 29 and he and his daughter would have believed him if he had not told him his age. Honestly I am confident your opinion would change if you only tried. He shouldn't have asked it's only because he is worried about what society will think. Reflect on the example set by the Prophet ((صلى الله عليه وآله وسلم)) and Lady Khadija (عليه السلام).

Edited by Murtaza1

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Lol apparently it's now a sin to marry someone older than you. It's a matter of personal preference. It's also apparently wrong to ask the potential bride for her own opinion on a man who would like to marry her.  Our opinions are irrelevant. The OP should tell his daughter and she should make an informed decision based on what she believes to be in her best interest. 

Just because you don’t like something doesnt mean the whole world agrees with you...

Edited by 2Timeless

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4 hours ago, 2Timeless said:

Lol apparently it's now a sin to marry someone older than you.

I can imagine that in certain places such such as Pakistan but they are slowly changing. In the west we don't have this mentality. 

4 hours ago, 2Timeless said:

Just because you don’t like something doesnt mean the whole world agrees with you...

That's right. I think the problem is old mentalities based on social class system and such type of concepts but it's bound to change. 

Edited by Murtaza1

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Guest somebody

Doesn't your daughter deserve to know about the proposal anyway? It sounds like you don't trust your adult daughter's judgement at all, which is a bit weird. What's even weirder is that you are worried about how other people will perceive you differently, rather than what your daughter will think of you for making these decisions without even consulting her (after all, you're not going to be married to him, she is). Even if she's interested, you don't have to give your permission - but maybe it will help you get a better sense of her judgments and tastes for the future. Most likely she won't be interested, but will respect you more for your openness and consideration.

 

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5 hours ago, j.angel said:

So then why are you making it like your opinion is the only right one? Don’t be such a hypocrite. 

Maintain a level of civility and respect yourself. 

It's not worth even responding when you have such an attitude. Read my posts carefully.

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On 4/21/2019 at 12:37 AM, j.angel said:

True, but since people are are "so open minded" and leave it up to the girl, she could marry a grandpa for all she cares, if shes ok marrying an 80 year old. People are allowed to contribute their opinions, lol. 

Nobody is talking about eighty year olds. Even if they were then I can assure you there are many Hugh Hefners out there, the halal ones. People are too hard wired by society, popular culture and media propaganda and trash others down. Its about having the same level of intelect. As the sister posted earlier being very educated and wealthy is a sign of compatibility regardless of age but I can also assure you people at all levels have relationships with mature partners. Of course you are wired differently. I think this thread has outlived its time. I'm outta here. Adios :bye:

Here are two good articles:

https://www.independent.co.United Kingdom/life-style/dating-rule-age-gap-couples-history-origins-where-come-from-a8156696.html

https://www.marieclaire.com/sex-love/a14455328/marrying-an-older-man/

Edited by Murtaza1

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On 4/21/2019 at 3:33 PM, 2Timeless said:

Our opinions are irrelevant. The OP should tell his daughter and she should make an informed decision based on what she believes to be in her best interest. 

I think it's not that black and white. The OP could have asked her daughter (maybe he did after), but parents sometimes need to have a say and an opinion on these matters. It's good to also get opinions from others. The OP wanted to know if it's a good idea for someone to have an age gap of 20 years, and whether there could be any potential issues in terms of compatability etc. Maybe the OP wanted to get opinions from other couples on ShiaChat who have a similar age gap. Parents want the best for their children and it's actually good thing to ask around.

Also, I'm 22 years old as well and I can't say for sure that marrying a woman who is older than me is going to work out. I haven't even been through the struggles in life which my parents have been through. I also have no idea of the world. It's possible how that girl may be infatuated and will make a decision she'll regret. Therefore, I disagree with you that the opinion of others are irrelevant. The age gap is massive and there's a lot of things to consider. 

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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24 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

but parents sometimes need to have a say and an opinion on these matters. It's good to also get opinions from others. The OP wanted to know if it's a good idea for someone to have an age gap of 20 years, and whether there could be any potential issues in terms of compatability etc. Maybe the OP wanted to get opinions from other couples on ShiaChat who have a similar age gap. Parents want the best for their children and it's actually good thing to ask around.

I completely agree, but generally, an online forum with people you know nothing about, isn't a great place to seek matrimonial advice from. It's probably better if the father asked around in the community about the man proposing to his daughter, find out what he's like, what people think of him, what his family is like etc...that information would be alot more useful than anything provided by this thread, although yes, it still may be good for people here to advise him to consider this seriously and see what his own daughter's opinion is, which is of utmost importance. 

27 minutes ago, ali_fatheroforphans said:

Also, I'm 22 years old as well and I can't say for sure that marrying a woman who is older than me is going to work out. I haven't even been through the struggles in life which my parents have been through. I also have no idea of the world. It's possible how that girl may be infatuated and will make a decision she'll regret. Therefore, I disagree with you that the opinion of others are irrelevant. The age gap is massive and there's a lot of things to consider. 

I wouldn't marry someone significantly older than me either, but I'm not going to let my own personal preference be an objective fact I live by. It might not be best for me, but it may be a really good fit for someone else. And, I said our opinions are irrelevant, not the opinions of others. The girl's family's opinion and the guy's family and people who know him, all their opinions are important and will help the OP figure out what kind of person the man proposing is. So, just because it's not the conventional choice, and its not the choice a lot of us would make, it is, nevertheless, a good choice for certain individuals. 

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