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In the Name of God بسم الله
Guest abd of Hussain

Middle aged man wants to marry my daughter

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I think "Guest abd of Hussain" may be a fake account started by one of the guys. It's not good to be such a fitna in other people's relationships. This could be a cause for your own prayers to be rejected by Allah subhana wa tala. 

 

 

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45 minutes ago, Revert1963 said:

My point is that most rich people don't get rich that way. They get rich because of greed, boasting, pride and competing for material wealth and power. People hardly get rich from honest work. 

"Behind every great fortune is a great crime" does bear a lot of truth, though there are professionally skilled, intelligent, hard working and entrepreneurial people who have become rich in an honest way.

We cannot discourage Muslims, especially the next generation to from being highly skilled or entrepreneurial, which so happens to be accompanied with potential for accumulating wealth.

45 minutes ago, Revert1963 said:

  From your quote one could get the impression that Surah Al-Takathur only apply to the mushrikun merchants of Mecca and not to Muslims,

Of course, it does indeed apply to us all, this was merely the context in which it was revealed.

45 minutes ago, Revert1963 said:

However according to the Tafseer in the link below there are ahadith making it explicit that not only the disbelievers but also the righteous believers too will be questioned on the day of judgment as Surah Al-Takathur states.
https://www.quran411.com/surah-takathur.asp

Whilst I am not disputing that it applies to us all, just for your reference, that tafsir section in your link is based on Jamaat e Islami founder Abul Ala Mawdudi's tafsir and he is citing Sunni ahadith, including one narrated by Abu Hurairah, whom we do not accept.

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On 3/21/2019 at 9:30 AM, Warilla said:

hmmmm was he some kind of monk. If not why did he not get married ?

People can mature at different ages in their life, everybody is different. She even said he looks 29.

People marry when Allah subhana wa tala's prescribed time comes.

Its not good to be such a fitnah in other people's relationships. This can be a cause for your own prayers to be rejected by Allah subhana wa tala. 

4 hours ago, Hassu93 said:

He is 42 years old a rich and wealthy guy who isn't married.

How long do you know him?

Do you think he could have had any kind of relationships in the past ?

Many people in the West marry later on in life when they are ready and mature.

Take the example of the life of Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him) he married older women too. Most people that marry at a young age end up divorcing.

Hollywood actor George Clooney married in his 60's and is still happily married. 

Muzmatch is full of divorced women and Muslima.com is full of women looking for older men. That is the actual reality of the real world, not what people hear from others. 

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Just now, Murtaza1 said:

People can mature at different ages in their life, everybody is different. She even said he looks 29.

People marry when Allah subhana wa tala's prescribed time comes... 

I don't entirely agree as the Prophets and Imams adviced us to marry early. If we go against advice then we can't blame Allah

"Its not good to be such a fitnah in other people's relationships. This can be a cause for your own prayers to be rejected by Allah subhana wa tala. "

I agree with this. It was an error on my part. Thank you for pointing it out.

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9 minutes ago, Warilla said:

I don't entirely agree as the Prophets and Imams adviced us to marry early. If we go against advice then we can't blame Allah

I don’t think this necessarily applies for everyone because people mature at different ages as indicated by the way they act. Everybody is different.

Muslims in our communities are not reflecting on the life and of the Prophet (peace be upon him) who also married older women. Sorry to repeat myself but it has to be addressed. 

I think the general attitude about such marriages in Muslim communities is out of balance and needs to be corrected because the reality is very different as such marriages happen all the time and are much more successful. Only mass media, social media and popular culture promote this negative attitude.

I urge people to visit Muslima.com and see the age range of men that women are seeking. 

Edited by Murtaza1

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Just now, Propaganda_of_the_Deed said:

We cannot discourage Muslims, especially the next generation to from being highly skilled or entrepreneurial, which so happens to be accompanied with potential for accumulating wealth.

I can understand your argument, but I think that our disagreement comes from different perspectives. Your perspective is society and mine is spiritual. I will say though that most honest hard working people don't get rich. My dad was an entrepreneur, had his own business and a hard working and honest man. We never missed anything in my childhood, but we where never rich. His lesson in life was that honest hard working people don't get rich. The more competitive types always take the spoil. He is not a Muslim, but he read the Qur'an and I often discuss it with him.

However weighing spirituality against the practicality of running a society is a much bigger question. I think that if we start discussing that we will completely railroad this thread.

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@King 

I don't know about statistics but men and women can both die at any age. It's such societal conditioning that puts negative thoughts into people's minds. 

Nowadays people are living longer with healthy lifestyles and medical advancement retirement age has increased and continuesly increasing mashalah. 

Edited by Murtaza1

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1 minute ago, Murtaza1 said:

@King 

I don't know about statistics but men and women can both die at any age. It's such societal conditioning that puts negative tboughts into people's minds. 

Nowadays people are living longer with healthy lifestyles and medical advancement retirement age has increased and continuesly increasing. 

Anyone can die at any age but on average Women tend to live into early 80s and men into late 70s in Western countries.  If a woman marries a person 20 years older than her then the chance of her being a widow for an extended amount of time is quite high.  She will be 50 when he is approaching the average terminal age for men.

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@King

I think you would be surprised to know how useless or misleading such statistics can be. Even if it was true ten years is not such a big gap. 

If a man and woman both feel right for each other then it's for a good reason linked to mental and biological factors. 

That is why open minded decision between both partners is important without any thoughts or conditioning put into their minds by society. 

If you spend time in the company of a 40 year old man that looks, acts and feels 25 then I can guarantee you that you will not disagree with me. The only time you would disagree is if you put the society smoke screen in front of you. People always know it feels right but they become affraid of not fitting in with the conventions of their peers. 

As I said it's quite normal for age difference marriages to take place in the real world. Its only mass media, social media and popular culture that paint a distorted image. Checkout muslima.com


 

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1 hour ago, Murtaza1 said:

Muzmatch is full of divorced women and Muslima.com is full of women looking for older men. 

 

1 hour ago, Murtaza1 said:

I urge people to visit Muslima.com and see the age range of men that women are seeking. 

 

29 minutes ago, Murtaza1 said:

Checkout muslima.com

UR1AWlY.jpg

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28 minutes ago, Murtaza1 said:

@King

I think you would be surprised to know how useless or misleading such statistics can be. Even if it was true ten years is not such a big gap. 

If a man and woman both feel right for each other then it's for a good reason linked to mental and biological factors. 

That is why open minded decision between both partners is important without any thoughts or conditioning put into their minds by society. 

If you spend time in the company of a 40 year old man that looks, acts and feels 25 then I can guarantee you that you will not disagree with me. The only time you would disagree is if you put the society smoke screen in front of you. People always know it feels right but they become affraid of not fitting in with the conventions of their peers. 

As I said it's quite normal for age difference marriages to take place in the real world. Its only mass media, social media and popular culture that paint a distorted image. Checkout muslima.com

How are these statistics misleading? At the end of the day most men and women tend to die around the same age on average, if you marry someone 20-30 years older or younger, the chances are extremely high that the two will die at very different ages.  Leaving the other person alone for a longer time than someone of similar age.  This is a valid consideration to make.  I am not saying it is always a bad idea to to marry someone with a 20 year age difference, it can work out to be a wonderful marriage, but there are added considerations.

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12 hours ago, Murtaza1 said:

There should be no issue at all for that gentleman to propose to your daughter and marry her. No limit at all, a man can get married to any women of any age. No age specifications whether it's an older man and a younger girl, and a female can marry a young or an older man. Women actually have more fun and security with older men and the marriage lasts.

As a Muslim this is not a good attitude to have towards older people that marry somebody younger.

The most appropriate response would be to look to the example of our beloved Prophet Mohammed (peace be upon him). His first marriage was at the age of 25 to the 40 year old Khadijah. He was married to one woman until the age of 50. There are many beautiful stories from the life of the Prophet (peace be upon him) and an example that age will never matter.

We are called to follow the Prophet’s (peace be upon him) actions. Thus, to marry one who is older is something that the Prophet (peace be upon him) himself did and thus cannot be seen as wrong.

We do not have this kind of negative attitude in western cultures but as Muslims we are behind in our own communities. What a shame.

This is actually false Hazarat Khadijah(SA) was not 40 when she was married. She was actually 1 or 2 yrs older than our Prophet (SAAWS)

therr are peope bent on spreading false ideas about the holy ladies, especially Hazarat Khadijah calling her old, etc etc 

Edited by Ralvi

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6 minutes ago, Ralvi said:

This is actually false Hazarat Khadijah(SA) was not 40 when she was married. She was actually 1 or 2 yrs older than our Prophet (SAAWS)

therr are peope bent on spreading false ideas about the holy ladies, especially Hazarat Khadijah calling her old, etc etc 

This is not unanimous among Shias. Often when trying to prove Fatimah alZahra (عليه السلام) as being the only surviving child of the Prophet saw and Khadijah ra, they often cite her age at the time of marriage and it being unlikely she had so many other daughters - again Fatimah being the only child is not unanimous among all Shias either.

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2 minutes ago, Propaganda_of_the_Deed said:

This is not unanimous among Shias. Often when trying to prove Fatimah alZahra (عليه السلام) as being the only surviving child of the Prophet saw and Khadijah ra, they often cite her age at the time of marriage and it being unlikely she had so many other daughters - again Fatimah being the only child is not unanimous among all Shias either.

It’s true they had many children before sayeda(SA), they did not survive though that much is true 

Edited by Ralvi

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1 hour ago, King said:

How are these statistics misleading? At the end of the day most men and women tend to die around the same age on average, if you marry someone 20-30 years older or younger, the chances are extremely high that the two will die at very different ages.  Leaving the other person alone for a longer time than someone of similar age.  This is a valid consideration to make.  I am not saying it is always a bad idea to to marry someone with a 20 year age difference, it can work out to be a wonderful marriage, but there are added considerations.

You are missing the point. These statistics are theoretical.

My point is if a man and woman both feel right for each other then it's for a good reason because it is linked to their mental and biological factors which determine compatibility between them. If a woman is younger or vice versa but feels compatible with the older man there is a chance that she may not live as long as the man or vice versa.

As the saying goes 'opposites attract' and people live longer when they are happier because of the increase of four chemicals in the body. The balance of negativity is strive in our communities on a cultural and social media level. In reality more people still marry when they are older and have lasting relationships. 

43 minutes ago, Ralvi said:

This is actually false Hazarat Khadijah(SA) was not 40 when she was married. She was actually 1 or 2 yrs older than our Prophet (SAAWS)

therr are peope bent on spreading false ideas about the holy ladies, especially Hazarat Khadijah calling her old, etc etc 

34 minutes ago, Propaganda_of_the_Deed said:

This is not unanimous among Shias. Often when trying to prove Fatimah alZahra (عليه السلام) as being the only surviving child of the Prophet saw and Khadijah ra, they often cite her age at the time of marriage and it being unlikely she had so many other daughters - again Fatimah being the only child is not unanimous among all Shias either.

@Ralvi

Exactly you cannot rely on doubtful evidence either. After lady Khadija passed away, the Prophet (peace be upon him) was 53 years old, he took other wives including Aisha, Hafsa, Zaynab bint Khuzayma, Umm Salma, Sauda bint Zama, Zaynab bint Jahash, Juwayriya, Safia, Maymuna, Umm Habiba and Marya. So you cannot say for sure what their age was either. Also being old does not mean ugly because beauty lies in the eyes of the beholder.

I have not studied Islam so deeply yet but a lot of it is common sense. We have to live in our time. There is no direct prohibition of marrying a younger or older person. I say just look at George Clooney and his successful marriage. 

 
Edited by Murtaza1

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16 minutes ago, Murtaza1 said:

You are missing the point. These statistics are theoretical.

My point is if a man and woman both feel right for each other then it's for a good reason because it is linked to their mental and biological factors which determine compatibility between them. If a woman is younger or vice versa then the chances are she may not live as long as the man. As the saying goes 'opposites attract' and people live longer when they are happier because of the increase of four chemicals in the body. The balance of negativity is strive in our communities on a cultural and social media level but more people marry when they are older and have lasting relationships. 

 

They are not theoretical at all, it has to do with reality.  What is the likelihood a child will outlive their parents or even die around the same time?  The odds are very slim. The age difference among most children and their parents is around 20-35 years.   If a woman is marrying someone 20-30 years older then the likelihood of the woman and her husband living into old age together and passing away within the same decade are extremely slim.  It is simply a matter of biology.  This is not to say that it is impossible for the wife to pass away first or even close to her husbands death but these cases are extreme outliers.  When it comes to a 20-30 year age difference in a couple, there is an extremely high probability the woman will spend a lot more time widowed than couples where the age difference is minimal.  Of course there are exceptions but that doesn't change what happens in overwhelming majority of cases.

I am not against or for bigger age gaps in marriages, sometimes even short lived marriages are more worthwhile than long ones.  I agree our communities are very judgemental and people should do what feels right and should not be stigmatized for it.  You cannot change human biology however and most normal people tend to age similarly and die off into our 70s and 80s.

Edited by King

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7 minutes ago, King said:

most normal people tend to age similarly and die off into our 70s and 80s.

I think you are slowly beginning to understand my point. Although you still need to understand the biological factor which is linked to chemicals in our body which we have the power to control through positive thinking, attitudes and activities. They help us to balance our compatibility through balancing the ratio of our and our partners age of dying or significant deterioration.

Edited by Murtaza1

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1 minute ago, Murtaza1 said:

I think you are slowly beginning to understand my point. Although you still need to understand the biological factor which is linked to chemicals in our body which we have the power to control through positive attitudes and activities. They help us to balance our compatibility through balancing the ration of our and our partners age of dying or significant deterioration.

I do understand the effect of positive attitudes.  There is no evidence to suggest it adds 20-30 years to someones life, all other things held equal.  Happily married couples tend to live longer, but not by a huge margin.

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@King

 

1 hour ago, King said:

Happily married couples tend to live longer,

That's right. I think the problem is that many of us are cacooned and conditioned to think the way others program us. That's why we miss out on the fruits of life.

I can absolutely assure you that these four chemicals in our body are major factors.

Your perspective is just based on a quantitative approach based on a total of numbers. If you investigated each individual couple and determined the way they lived their life together and how long they lived despite their age difference then you would agree with me because you would then get results that make sense and confirm this theory. 

This trend may take some time to be corrected because people like to keep their personal life private. Another factor includes the negatively engineered conditioning within us because of negative cultural attitudes. 

So statistics may not show many couples in this category in the statistics that you rely upon but with positivity we can increase these numbers. 

Edited by Murtaza1

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