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In the Name of God بسم الله
ashhh

Temporary marriage

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Hello, I have a question..

I am a convert (Sunni but currently considering Shia) and met a Shia man, he is currently in school and does not have the means to get married and brought up mutah. When I read about it.. it scared me (I don’t have complete knowledge) and based on what I read it’s all about desires.. I don’t want to be looked at in this way. He said he is serious about me ans what’s to be halal and it will/could change after his studies. He told his mom, but I also don’t want her to think of me in a bad way if we do this. Would it be the wrong choice to do this? I know I don’t have much rights and I don’t want to get hurt at the end. Also if you can explain to me the details of mutah and any information. Thank you.

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21 hours ago, ashhh said:

Hello, I have a question..

I am a convert (Sunni but currently considering Shia) and met a Shia man, he is currently in school and does not have the means to get married and brought up mutah. When I read about it.. it scared me (I don’t have complete knowledge) and based on what I read it’s all about desires.. I don’t want to be looked at in this way. He said he is serious about me ans what’s to be halal and it will/could change after his studies. He told his mom, but I also don’t want her to think of me in a bad way if we do this. Would it be the wrong choice to do this? I know I don’t have much rights and I don’t want to get hurt at the end. Also if you can explain to me the details of mutah and any information. Thank you.

I wouldn't do it under any circumstances. Most who suggest it try to convince the religiously ignorant or those otherwise naïve into performing Mu'tah because it is the easiest low commitment way to have sex. Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) says in the Qur'an:

"And marry those among you who are single and the Salihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allah is All-Sufficent for His creatures needs, All-Knowing "

If he had good intentions and was serious, he would offer marriage or offer to wait until he could afford marriage, not just suggest sex (Mu'tah) until his circumstances possibly changes in the future, so this id a major red flag. As highlighted above, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will facilitate a way for those who are poor, and similarly the Prophet SAW suggested (at least in Sunni Hadith) teaching the bride a Surah or a page of Qur'an for Mahr since the man was poor. Poverty is no barrier for marriage.

Regarding Mu'tah itself, it was only allowed during times of war when men were away from their womenfolk for long periods of time, then it was disallowed straight after the need had gone (according to Sunni Islam), so it is an exceptional form of marriage. I highlight this to say that he is trying to use you just for sex, essentially, and he is not in a situation like war or anything like that which would prevent him from conventional marriage.

As a Sunni, since Mu'tah is now forbidden, it is considered a form of Zinah now according to concensus, and there was online minor disagreement on it due to the Ijtihad of one Sahabi, but he was reproached for it. That said, even if you take the Twelver opinion that it is Halal, it is very unwise due to the reasons listed above.

One final point is you also need to consider what cultural background he is from and how traditional his parents are - sadly it is the case that some parents look down on converts and would forbid their children from marrying them (even if Islamically this is wrong), and usually the men still listen to their parents even though they have no obligation to in this. With this in mind, it could be deceptive to convince you that he might marry you when in reality his mother or father might not even approve in the first place.

To conclude, on every level this has red flags, regardless of whether you are Sunni or Shia.

As I am myself a Sunni convert of a number of years, I would strongly advise familiarising yourself with the Qur'an and read it cover to cover in your native language. Stick to its clear meaning and be weary of anyone - be that Sunni or Shia or Sufi or whoever - who try to convince you of something away from the apparent meaning with some ambiguous word play or Tafsir which seems out of place.

If you have any further questions or advice, I will help InshaAllah, and I will not be biased to the best of my ability.

May Allah help you and protect you.

 

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3 hours ago, Ar.alhindi said:

If he had good intentions and was serious, he would offer marriage or offer to wait until he could afford marriage, not just suggest sex (Mu'tah) until his circumstances possibly changes in the future, so this id a major red flag. 

There actually is nothing wrong with him suggesting it, it is not haram, so what is the big deal? Mutah means marriage of pleasure after all. 

Regarding Mu'tah itself, it was only allowed during times of war when men were away from their womenfolk for long periods of time, then it was disallowed straight after the need had gone (according to Sunni Islam), so it is an exceptional form of marriage. 

This is Shiachat not Sunnichat. Shias obviously do not believe it was abolished by the Prophet saw rather the 2nd caliph.

As a Sunni, since Mu'tah is now forbidden, it is considered a form of Zinah now according to concensus, and there was online minor disagreement on it due to the Ijtihad of one Sahabi, but he was reproached for it. That said, even if you take the Twelver opinion that it is Halal, it is very unwise due to the reasons listed above.

Shia men are allowed to have mutah marriages with Sunnis and Kitabi women. If going by your logic, it would be forbidden for Kitabi women according to their own jurisprudence, including permanent marriage.

One final point is you also need to consider what cultural background he is from and how traditional his parents are - sadly it is the case that some parents look down on converts and would forbid their children from marrying them (even if Islamically this is wrong), and usually the men still listen to their parents even though they have no obligation to in this. 

To be fair that does happen.

To conclude, on every level this has red flags, regardless of whether you are Sunni or Shia.

Not really, you are more bent on persuading her not to do it more than anything. Stop being a block. If you feel it is haram for you then don't do it

As I am myself a Sunni convert of a number of years, I would strongly advise familiarising yourself with the Qur'an and read it cover to cover in your native language.

As a former Sunni, I'd strongly advise researching further not only the Qur'an but your own narrations and history.

 

 

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4 hours ago, Ar.alhindi said:

I wouldn't do it under any circumstances. Most who suggest it try to convince the religiously ignorant or those otherwise naïve into performing Mu'tah because it is the easiest low commitment way to have sex. Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) says in the Qur'an:

"And marry those among you who are single and the Salihoon (pious, fit and capable ones) of your (male) slaves and maid-servants (female slaves). If they are poor, Allah will enrich them out of His Bounty. And Allah is All-Sufficent for His creatures needs, All-Knowing "

If he had good intentions and was serious, he would offer marriage or offer to wait until he could afford marriage, not just suggest sex (Mu'tah) until his circumstances possibly changes in the future, so this id a major red flag. As highlighted above, Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will facilitate a way for those who are poor, and similarly the Prophet SAW suggested (at least in Sunni Hadith) teaching the bride a Surah or a page of Qur'an for Mahr since the man was poor. Poverty is no barrier for marriage.

Regarding Mu'tah itself, it was only allowed during times of war when men were away from their womenfolk for long periods of time, then it was disallowed straight after the need had gone (according to Sunni Islam), so it is an exceptional form of marriage. I highlight this to say that he is trying to use you just for sex, essentially, and he is not in a situation like war or anything like that which would prevent him from conventional marriage.

As a Sunni, since Mu'tah is now forbidden, it is considered a form of Zinah now according to concensus, and there was online minor disagreement on it due to the Ijtihad of one Sahabi, but he was reproached for it. That said, even if you take the Twelver opinion that it is Halal, it is very unwise due to the reasons listed above.

One final point is you also need to consider what cultural background he is from and how traditional his parents are - sadly it is the case that some parents look down on converts and would forbid their children from marrying them (even if Islamically this is wrong), and usually the men still listen to their parents even though they have no obligation to in this. With this in mind, it could be deceptive to convince you that he might marry you when in reality his mother or father might not even approve in the first place.

To conclude, on every level this has red flags, regardless of whether you are Sunni or Shia.

As I am myself a Sunni convert of a number of years, I would strongly advise familiarising yourself with the Qur'an and read it cover to cover in your native language. Stick to its clear meaning and be weary of anyone - be that Sunni or Shia or Sufi or whoever - who try to convince you of something away from the apparent meaning with some ambiguous word play or Tafsir which seems out of place.

If you have any further questions or advice, I will help InshaAllah, and I will not be biased to the best of my ability.

May Allah help you and protect you.

 

What if he just wants to be able to get to know her and be in a more friendlier and informal level with her while being halal? 

It doesnt always have to be for sex. Many pairs start acting like girlfriend boyfriend months before they’re actually married, in this phase they’re still non mahram and so committing haram unfortunately. So, if this brother just wants to have a close relationship with her that’s halal then he’s doing a good thing! 

Edited by AStruggler

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1 hour ago, AStruggler said:

It doesnt always have to be for sex. 

Yes I think in the conditions they can even write what is permissible.

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She is a Sunni so I am advising her as a Sunni, and though I appreciate you all have your views regarding Mu'tah as Twelvers and this is a Twelver site, would anyone in their right mind suggest this sister engage in a Mu'tah? Is there not a sense of Gheerah or duty of care to the sister who is new to Islam to protect her interests and her emotionally? The number of people that get used and then left aside - especially reverts and naïve Sunni sisters - is disgraceful, and they need comprehensive support from a structured marriage or group of sisters, not a temporary sexual relationship. I wish to protect the sister; if Mu'tah is good enough for you guys, then I am sure the brother can find a willing Shi'I sister who will do Mu'tah with him, but if he can't, then it would be somewhat telling that even the majority of them or their fathers do not feel comfortable with offering them for it.

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My Dear,

I am a Christian, so I can imagine that our views regarding marriage are culturally different. I also don't know what Mu'tah is. However, if you aren't sure what he is asking of you, I would recommend that you don't move quickly into anything and that you pray about everything.  Best wishes to you.

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On 3/19/2019 at 4:35 AM, ashhh said:

Hello, I have a question..

I am a convert (Sunni but currently considering Shia) and met a Shia man, he is currently in school and does not have the means to get married and brought up mutah. When I read about it.. it scared me (I don’t have complete knowledge) and based on what I read it’s all about desires.. I don’t want to be looked at in this way. He said he is serious about me ans what’s to be halal and it will/could change after his studies. He told his mom, but I also don’t want her to think of me in a bad way if we do this. Would it be the wrong choice to do this? I know I don’t have much rights and I don’t want to get hurt at the end. Also if you can explain to me the details of mutah and any information. Thank you.

When you said 'it's all about desires', that's one perspective on it, but not the complete picture. 

When a man and a women are in regular contact with each other, and are attracted to each other, then naturally feelings and desires develop from both sides. That is part of human nature and I'm quite sure anyone here who is an adult understands this concept. Once the relationship develops to this point, a mutual decision is made by the couple to take the relationship further, toward a physical or sexual relationship. Once this decision is made, in Islam, the only way to make this relationship acceptable, in the religion, is to put the relationship under a contract, in Arabic called aqd (pronounced aqid). This contract ensures that the rights and responsibilities of the man and the women are cleared and secure. Mutah is one form of this contract. 

As Muslims, we don't believe that you can just get into this sort of relationship and 'hope that everything works out for the best'. Relationships that involve intense emotions and possibly another person or person(s) (should the women become pregnant) should not be left to chance and whim. That is what Mutah is about. It is about 'desires' but more than that it is about making sure that those 'desires' do not result in someone's rights, as a human being, being violated. 

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Below are my two articles which I have written way back in 2017.. It may be useful read for you..

Unfortunately I couldn't get enough time to write more on the subject..

http://www.merinews.com/article/nikah-mutah-temporary-marriage-in-Islam-is-not-prostitution-instead-it-is-freedom-to-both-men--women/15924635.shtml

http://www.merinews.com/article/nikah-mutah-temporary-marriage-in-Islam---part-I/15924854.shtml

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On 3/20/2019 at 2:04 PM, Ar.alhindi said:

would anyone in their right mind suggest this sister engage in a Mu'tah? 

That is not your choice, it would be your sister's choice. If your sister would like to perform Mutah, what's it to you? We are here to make choices, you shouldn't choose what someone does with their life just because it hurts your feelings or your friends will roast you. There's a fine line between "Gheera" and complete ego and control, you are putting yourself before your sister. Mutah dignifies a woman by being a form of marriage, the only difference is that there is not a written contract. What about Misyar? How is Mutah any different.

Don't act like a woman is a child and you know better than her. Ask Abu Bakr why he allowed it if you're so against it. It was Omar who stopped Mutah.

Edited by Ibn Al-Shahid

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15 minutes ago, Ibn Al-Shahid said:

That is not your choice, it would be your sister's choice. If your sister would like to perform Mutah, what's it to you? We are here to make choices, you shouldn't choose what someone does with their life just because it hurts your feelings or your friends will roast you. There's a fine line between "Gheera" and complete ego and control, you are putting yourself before your sister. Mutah dignifies a woman by being a form of marriage, the only difference is that there is not a written contract. What about Misyar? How is Mutah any different.

Don't act like a woman is a child and you know better than her. Ask Abu Bakr why he allowed it if you're so against it. It was Omar who stopped Mutah.

You lack Hikmah - many weak Sunni and even Shia sisters get sweet talked into Mutah with promises of it being an honoured practice in Islam, only to find they were used sexually. As I said: she is a revert - someone who needs stability rather than someone to 'smash and dash'. Sisters also form stronger emotional bonds with sexual partners than men, therefore it is unwise to encourage her to increase the number of sexual partners.

As a Sunni, yes, it is Gheerah to protect my sister from Zinah (which Mutah is now in Sunni Fiqh).

I view Misyar as impermissible too - not every scholar says its permissible - so that is a bit of a tu quoque.

We follow the Sunnah of the Prophet SAW, not Abu Bakr or Umar, and the Prophet SAW forbade it in our Hadith, so regurgitating soundbites you hear from Twelver Dawah groups or ShiaPen will not ever convince me that Mutah is Halal in Sunni Fiqh but we got it wrong.

Edited by Ar.alhindi

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I believe that according to the qurn and hadith you should act keeping his behaviour in mind. Marriage is a big thing and you need time to get ready for it. if he is interested in you other than sexual means then you can consider it but if he is not then it would be best for you not to consider. If he is really interested in you as a person than he will not have to rush and you both can get married when youre ready but if he thinks otherwise then I doubt his intention. I believe you should look for consultance on this matter from someone who is close to you and someone you trust.

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On 3/19/2019 at 9:35 AM, ashhh said:

I know I don’t have much rights and I don’t want to get hurt at the end.

Sister you have all the rights. Please do not feel this way. You will come out much stronger from this relationship if you stand up for your rights and everyone I'm sure will respect you for it. May Allah subhana wa tala bless you.

 

On 3/20/2019 at 11:27 AM, AStruggler said:

It doesnt always have to be for sex. Many pairs start acting like girlfriend boyfriend months before they’re actually married,

That's good to know because somebody else here said the opposite.

 

On 3/20/2019 at 5:04 PM, Ar.alhindi said:

would anyone in their right mind suggest this sister engage in a Mu'tah? Is there not a sense of Gheerah or duty of care to the sister who is new to Islam to protect her interests and her emotionally? The number of people that get used and then left aside - especially reverts and naïve Sunni sisters - is disgraceful, and they need comprehensive support from a structured marriage or group of sisters, not a temporary sexual relationship. I wish to protect the sister;

I agree. We all need to protect the sisters. Muta should not be suggested forcibly.

 

On 3/20/2019 at 9:23 PM, 2Timeless said:

The fact of the matter is, most Shia boys who go for mutahs aren't always the highest quality of men. 

I can imagine by the quality of men that post here about it in favour and boasting about it like being king of muta lol :hahaha:

 

On 3/20/2019 at 9:23 PM, 2Timeless said:

In my opinion, this girl should focus more on learning about Shia Islam and its rulings etc and if she agrees with it and finds it suitable for her, she could look into mutah laws and her rights and then make an INFORMED decision herself, not one based off of men online. 

That's right. She needs to do some research.

 

23 hours ago, Ibn Al-Shahid said:

That is not your choice, it would be your sister's choice.

You are totally spot on there brother. I completely agree with you.

 

21 hours ago, wania said:

Marriage is a big thing and you need time to get ready for it.

Absolutely some people may never feel ready for marriage. It all depends on each individuals maturity, knowledge and understanding. Some people are ready for marriage at a young age while others when they are more older. Although it seems many people these days make mistakes marrying the wrong person or too early as there seem to be many divorces these days.

 

Edited by Murtaza1

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There is absolutely nothing wrong with entering into a Mut'ah contract, and in the Shi'a school of thought it is a good act. You being a Sunni Muslim should consider researching in detail which caliph abolished this Islamic practice, because it wasn't abolished during the time of our Prophet (s).

You can also stipulate the terms of the contract, having a non-promiscuous relationship as an explicit part of the agreement if you'd prefer. If your intentions are getting to know the boy better and seeing if you may have a future with him in permanent marriage, then a Mut'ah marriage allows you to enter into a halal relationship without having to spend the rest of your life with him. Many Sunnis have no clue of their spouse's personality until after marrying them, and regret not actually taking the time to get to know them better.

The boy seems to be aware that having a relation with you outside of marriage is haram, so he's acknowledging his duty to abide by Allah's (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) laws by proposing a Mut'ah marriage to you, which is a good sign. The people crying about Mut'ah in this thread have no knowledge of what it actually is, ignoring them is the way to go.

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Also in this modern day and age I think it would be better and safer if he introduced you to his parents and like wise you introduce him to your parents and let them know that you want to enter into a contract which does not have to be sexual, at least to begin with, but just that you were doing things to make sure you please and attain nearness to the creator by following HIS rules. 

And there is more 'gheera'  in being correct in the eyes of you Lord than being correct in mine or yours or society's. 

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9 hours ago, Jaabir said:

Many Sunnis have no clue of their spouse's personality until after marrying them, and regret not actually taking the time to get to know them better.

Respectfully many Shia have as much (or as little) a clue as Sunnis - the majority of Shia girls do not perform Mutah, and just like with a Nikkah, as far as I am aware they need their Wali's permission to enter into it unless they are a divorcee/non-virgin/widow. Most Shia girls do not engage in Mutah because they know there is a stigma behind them doing it; my question becomes: if most Shia girls won't do it, why should a Sunni girl?

I am not accusing you of this by the way, but it is my observation that some or many people prefer to convince ignorant or impressionable Sunnis/reverts to do Mutah than try to find people within their own community to do it with

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4 hours ago, Ar.alhindi said:

the majority of Shia girls do not perform Mutah, and just like with a Nikkah

I agree most girls do not seem to do muta. Even in the United Kingdom I cannot ever remember seeing any Shia girl talking about muta apart from a television presenter once in a conversation on a Shia channel 

Edited by Murtaza1

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