Should extroverts marry introverts?

[Guest super man]

Should like marry like? Will there be problems if a very quiet and reclusive person marries a loud talkative person? 

[Qa'im]

I’m not married, but I think I would prefer someone opposite to me. I’m extroverted, and I have a fairly dominant and stubborn personality, so having two people like that in the same house would cause a lot of friction and clashes. 

[notme]

I think it's just one factor to consider among many.

There are many extroverts who I admire, but to be honest, they all eventually exhaust me.  

On the other hand, an extrovert will keep an introvert open to new experiences and an introvert will keep an extrovert grounded, so as long as both respect the needs of the other, both can benefit from the relationship.

I wouldn't recommend ruling out a potential spouse because their level of sociability is very different from your own, but for a marriage to be successful, both partners must value and respect the other.

[Allah Seeker]

Yes! To balance out! 

[ireallywannaknow]

I'm in this kind of marriage and although there are some challenges (like with any marriage) it can work. Just takes a bit of extra work to understand one another's needs when it comes to socializing. I find myself in a lot of undesirable social situations but I appreciate the opportunity to grow as a person. 

[PureExistence1]

As salaamun aleikum,

Personally, its exhausting and stressfull. I already have too many demands outside of my marriage that drain me of my life force and soul, and the LAST thing I want to do is to go to 10 places on the few days I am not overwhelmed with my other responsinilities, but I relent...and I go...and at times I end up in a "negative grouchy" mood simply cuz I don’t like being out and around in society in general, basically cuz I can’t stand being bombarded by the immorality everywhere, the constant blasting of music in practically every store we go to, and EVEN AT THE GAS STATIONS NOW Im just not a people person, nor do I like the inevitable and unavoidable nuances that accompany being around tons of people..I mean, how COULD I? Im barely able to keep my head above water after dealing with my family for 3 days.

Anyway, im an extreme introvert, I like nothing better than staying in and reading or studying, but my husband HAS to get out at everyday, even on days im exhausted, so I go...cuz I think its the right thing to do. 

My idea of going out, is to run to the hills, mountains, country, go hiking and GET AWAY from all the chaos but...we don’t do that cuz hes sure mountain lions are lurking behind every single tree, bush, or blade of grass and we will end up slaughtered, so....thats just not an option for us.

People need to definetly find out how much "alone"  time each other needs, as well as what each others ideas of "going out" consists of. Otherwise, you could be in for some extra unnecessary stress in life if youre not able to find a way to balance things.

This is a relatively small issue, and not a deal breaker, im just showing that there can definetly be some form of conflict when merging these 2 opposite personality types. It really comes down to finding the balance of mutual sacrifice and compromise, if the couple is able to do so. In all honesty, some don’t have the patience or maturity to do it...

Just keeping it real.

W/s

[Qa'im]

9 minutes ago, Shia farm girl said:

Personally, its exhausting and stressfull. I already have too many demands outside of my marriage that drain me of my life force and soul, and the LAST thing I want to do is to go to 10 places on the few days I am not overwhelmed with my other responsinilities, but I relent...and I go...and at times I end up in a "negative grouchy" mood simply cuz I don’t like being out and around in society in general, basically cuz I can’t stand being bombarded by the immorality everywhere, the constant blasting of music in practically every store we go to, and EVEN AT THE GAS STATIONS NOW Im just not a people person, nor do I like the inevitable and unavoidable nuances that accompany being around tons of people..I mean, how COULD I? Im barely able to keep my head above water after dealing with my family for 3 days.

Interesting perspective. Although I'm an extroverted, I'm not very outgoing. And when talking to potentials, this is often a barrier -- they want to be on their feet all day, flying around the world every couple months, taking road trips. I simply don't care much for all of that. My extroversion is expressed by being warm, communicative, friendly, talking to family, seeing friends for coffee/dinner, talking on the phone, blogging, etc.

[Islandsandmirrors]

I’m an extrovert, although many people mistaken me as being introverted. I’m married to an introvert. Eventually, my husband wants alone time, whenever we are together, and of course I don’t mind because I like having some alone time too. 

[313_Waiter]

Do extroverts/introverts/ambiverts exist or are we all ambiverts?

Or is it a fake concept by w3st?

[Ali Mahdi]

I'm an extreme introvert and I don't think I could handle being married to an extreme extrovert.

 

[SirajDin]

On 3/18/2019 at 10:52 PM, Guest super man said:

Should like marry like? Will there be problems if a very quiet and reclusive person marries a loud talkative person? 

My understanding is that in a situation where two extreme introverts marry, it would be very easy for them to grow apart. On the other hand, many problems can arise if an extreme introvert and an extreme extrovert marry each other. So, in my opinion, (all else being equal) it would be best for an extreme introvert to marry someone in the middle of the spectrum; and likewise with the extreme extrovert. 

Edited March 19, 2019 by SirajDin

[Hassan-]

From my personal experience it can be quite a challenge.

[Islandsandmirrors]

^ are you still married? 

[Zulfiqar1472]

Who will define extrovert and introvert.

Actually if someone has comparability and sense marriage can continue. If it is missing from anyone of them it is nightmare.

[Izzy]

no because you will learn how to deal with one another and learn to be comfortble

[j.angel]

On 3/18/2019 at 12:16 PM, Qa'im said:

I have a fairly  stubborn personality

Confirmed. 

Edited April 18, 2019 by j.angel
emphasis

[HakimPtsid]

On 3/19/2019 at 5:42 AM, 313 Seeker said:

Yes! To balance out! 

This was my initial thought

[Mohamed1993]

Hell no! The extrovert will drain the introvert of his/her energy and just frustrate them. 

[Guest Itsme]

The term 'extrovert' and 'introvert' as so broad, and personality can vary wildly between introverts themselves  (and extroverts too), that it would be silly to give you a blanket yes or no answer. 

The answer is, it depends on the various other facts. 

Personally, my current opinion is that the labels are oversimplified and were themselves developed a hundred years ago and don't necessarily have any strong scientific backing to place people in one another group in the way we're doing here.

Read this: https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/the-gen-y-guide/201701/the-introvertextravert-myth

 

 

[Guest Itsme also]

No, in general, they shouldn’t, unless they respect boundaries.

[starlight]

I am an introvert. I want someone I can share my entire life with who will leave me alone most of the time. 

[313_Waiter]

38 minutes ago, starlight said:

share my entire life with who will leave me alone most of the time

Salam

But how do you share your life with someone and simultaneously not spend a lot of time with them? (Sorry if I sound rude)

I thought marriage was all about spending time with your partner.. I don't know I could be wrong

[starlight]

18 minutes ago, Ejaz said:

Salam

But how do you share your life with someone and simultaneously not spend a lot of time with them? (Sorry if I sound rude)

Wasalam, 

Hahahha...maybe that's why I am single. I want to get married and at the same time I want to be alone.

[ireallywannaknow]

1 hour ago, starlight said:

Wasalam, 

Hahahha...maybe that's why I am single. I want to get married and at the same time I want to be alone.

This is why some women like to be in polygamous marriages, so that they only have deal with the husband part-time

[Islandsandmirrors]

15 minutes ago, ireallywannaknow said:

This is why some women like to be in polygamous marriages, so that they only have deal with the husband part-time

Lol while this is funny, if you “have to deal” with unsatisfactory husband, then that’d be pretty miserable. Ideally a husband would enhance your life. 

[starlight]

15 minutes ago, ireallywannaknow said:

This is why some women like to be in polygamous marriages, so that they only have deal with the husband part-time

Islam has a solution for every issue one might come across in life. 

[ireallywannaknow]

37 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

Lol while this is funny, if you “have to deal” with unsatisfactory husband, then that’d be pretty miserable. Ideally a husband would enhance your life. 

"Deal with" as in sometimes you have to deal with your children, deal with your family, or other people you otherwise love, because anyone can get a little annoying sometimes in excess. 

[Guest Itsme]

Just as a further reflection, given it is not as simple as being an extrovert or introvert, and given there is debate about whether the terms are even fair to use or outdated (Hume in the early 20th century), please don't base decisions of marriage in any influential way on whether someone self-identifies (another source of error) as an introvert or extrovert. Maybe this explains the high divorce rate these days, everything is pretentious and based on inaccuracy without a nuanced approach taken.

[Panzerwaffe]

On 3/18/2019 at 11:16 AM, Qa'im said:

I’m not married, but I think I would prefer someone opposite to me. I’m extroverted, and I have a fairly dominant and stubborn personality, so having two people like that in the same house would cause a lot of friction and clashes. 

Yeah that's the definition of a bully 

Just a more mature one 

[Qa'im]

43 minutes ago, Panzerwaffe said:

Yeah that's the definition of a bully 

I'm not sure how many bullies admit their flaws and work to rectify them, but I laughed when I saw that several people in this thread agreed with my self-critique. May Allah give us islaH.

[Islandsandmirrors]

15 minutes ago, Qa'im said:

I'm not sure how many bullies admit their flaws and work to rectify them, but I laughed when I saw that several people in this thread agreed with my self-critique. May Allah give us islaH.

I don’t actually see the stubbornness in your posts in which you talk about. 

I think other people on this site are way more stubborn, to be honest.

[strength=Abbas]

Well, I'm introverted n I prefer my husband not to be so loud or noisy ! I mean I prefer him to be kinda like me since I can't stand the guys who make stupid jokes n talk 24/7 

[ali_fatheroforphans]

I think introverts and extroverts can misunderstand each other. Extroverts need to realise that introverts "not talking" doesn't mean that they're bored or being rude, but rather that they need some space.

[aaaz1618]

I'm introverted and married quite an extroverted lady. It works surprisingly well, she says I balance her out, while she has given me a little more confidence. 

At first I was looking for an introvert, but really, imagine two seriously reclusive introverts in a marriage! For marriage to work one has to be cool and collected, one has to be energetic and enthusiastic, one has to be realist borderline pessimistic, one has to be slightly cloud coocoo and optimistic. It all means a happy equilibrium.