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BlueInk

"Al Al Walidayn - Major Issues With Parents and Siblings

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Salam to you all

I live with parents who are part of a deviant sect of the Shia. I also have a kafir sibling, and a younger brother whom I am attempting to guide towards the school of Ahlul Bayt (عليه السلام) and independent thought.

I am despairing in this religion. I am despairing in Allah. My anger with Allah and the Prophet himself is reaching the boiling point.

My family is constantly making my anger comparable to nuclear fire.  They do not respect my wishes, nor do they keep a veritably Islamic household. 

They are constantly listening to haram and najis Bollywood dramas, constantly testing me by declaring me to be a wrong-doer, and then saying I have rudeness and behavioral issues (I admit that I am at fault at times.)

The issue: Kafir eats food I bought SPECIFICALLY for myself. I have made it clear to them no one is to touch it. This rule is being violated constantly. I have also asked them to stop playing music. If they cannot stop music cold-turkey, then at least tone it down to things which aren't loud and obscene. Other violations: Being disrespectful of my private space. Disregarding my requests for a clean home, basic hygiene, etc.

When I ask them to stop, they just turn around and criticize me. They are right too, but they are never willing to admit fault.

Now, I have disrespected my parents. I told my mother that she is a dishonest person and a coward, and I spoke to her with great anger. I wanted to slap her across the face, until she cried. It was only the Hadith of Imam Jafar Sadiq flashing in my head at the last moment that I was able to keep my anger down. "Accursed, Accursed is the one who hits his parents!" Being a young man, I know I should have kept my anger in check, and should not have been bothered so much by the petty kafir disrespecting my requests, but the situation is not simple, and I have no time to type out lengthy explanation of why I ask my family members to abide by my requests.

I know this is not a normal reaction, but I am so God darned tired of this. According to the Hadith and Qur'an, I am basically an apostate now since I have looked at my mother in anger. 

This means I have committed Aq Al Walidayn. I have committed it many times, but I have always apologized for it and made up. This time, I have no intention of allowing the incompetence of my family members to run uncorrected. My anger with Allah too is now at breaking point. If I am a kafir now my self, then why the hell did I bother to obey Him and the Imam?

Since my salah is no longer accepted nor my other deeds, I am basically guaranteed hellfire.

What the hell am I supposed to do? Should I escalate it to physical violence? I am physically capable, but I don't want to get the police involved. I am tired of being disregarded, especially when I am the one who should be listened to! Or should I leave Islam altogether, since there is now no hope of attaining paradise.

This is a serious question. I hope an alim or scholar or somebody can provide me with a solid course of action. I am hotter than the sun right now. I am angry with Allah and want to know why He is forcing me to respect such worthless creatures!

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Clarification:

To be clear, the confrontation with my mother was in regards to her telling me that it was not my food that was being consumed. I check the trash bin and it turned out it was indeed of my personal supply. I then told her that she was lying to me. I stared at her with rage, even the desire to inflict physical and emotional wounds.

This joke of a family is making me feel that Allah doesn't give two cents about me -- throwing away my entire imaan for the sake of such an infuriating person.

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Okay, you have not lost your iman. You’re just frustrated and angry—this is normal. 

You have not left the religion.

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Quote

 I know this is not a normal reaction, but I am so God darned tired of this. According to the Hadith and Qur'an, I am basically an apostate now since I have looked at my mother in anger. 

What the hell am I supposed to do? Should I escalate it to physical violence? I am physically capable, but I don't want to get the police involved. I am tired of being disregarded, especially when I am the one who should be listened to! Or should I leave Islam altogether, since there is now no hope of attaining paradise.

You are not apostate nor you are going to hellfire. You should really let them do what they do and not get angry toward them or use any violence. Practice your religion and repent and don't mind them even if they annoy you by their childish actions. You should not either call them kafir or insult them.

Is there possible for you to move out from the house? 

Edited by Abu Nur

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On 3/9/2019 at 6:10 PM, BlueInk said:

Clarification:

To be clear, the confrontation with my mother was in regards to her telling me that it was not my food that was being consumed. I check the trash bin and it turned out it was indeed of my personal supply. I then told her that she was lying to me. I stared at her with rage, even the desire to inflict physical and emotional wounds.

This joke of a family is making me feel that Allah doesn't give two cents about me -- throwing away my entire imaan for the sake of such an infuriating person.

:salam:

Issue here :

You are angry at Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and His Messenger (sawas). This needs to stop. You need to rethink your relationship with faith, because Allah can only thought of as the Helper.

Solving the problems with your family will be possible only when the above point is adressed.

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Salaam,

 

I don't know everything in depth but you must remember you are living under there roof. You must learn that until you have your own house you're basically a pet to them or " my little baby." As others have stated you need to move out or just ignore it regardless of how frustrating and  painful it is to ignore. 

If you react on your anger towards your own mother, you'll never forgive your self once you've grown up and matured regardless of how much in the "wrong" you may see her being, she's mama.

Edit: p.s. go find out door activities and places you can be social with people whom are in the same mind set as you in religion. Try to reduce the time you spend in the house.

Edited by حسين

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Sorry for this situation, but just to inquire and get more details:

1) How old are you?

2) What's your current status (student, working, unemployed? etc etc)

These will really help in answering and giving you the best advice etc

Edited by Kirmani

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I am so surprised by the responses. When a person posts about real issues, dealing with abusive parents, shiachatters give them lectures about respect for parents. This is a thread by a spoiled child who is clearly abusive with his parents and he is getting sympathy. I guess rules are not same for everyone. OP! I have an older sister like you and she is out of control and abusive just like you. Who do you think you are? Infallible Prophet or Imam, your whole family even your parents need to obey you? Except for music, you don't have any real issue. Regarding cleanliness, I am sure you have OCD. You need to go to a psychiatrist. Your family can never maintain your level of cleanliness because they are all normal people. They don't have OCD. Who are you to declare your sibling as Kafir. You know what your problem is? You are narcissist, attention hog, entitled. You cannot stand your siblings and you want your parents to only love you. While your parents are reasonable, just parents. They love all their children and you cannot tolerate that. Don't go to a psychiatrist. I hope you become a victim of your ugly personality and with anger issues like yours, I hope you end up [edit]. Then your family will be able to  live in peace. 

Edited by Hameedeh
Edit

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On 3/10/2019 at 11:02 AM, rkazmi33 said:

I am so surprised by the responses. When a person posts about real issues, dealing with abusive parents, shiachatters give them lectures about respect for parents. This is a thread by a spoiled child who is clearly abusive with his parents and he is getting sympathy. I guess rules are not same for everyone. OP! I have an older sister like you and she is out of control and abusive just like you. Who do you think you are? Infallible Prophet or Imam, your whole family even your parents need to obey you? Except for music, you don't have any real issue. Regarding cleanliness, I am sure you have OCD. You need to go to a psychiatrist. Your family can never maintain your level of cleanliness because they are all normal people. They don't have OCD. Who are you to declare your sibling as Kafir. You know what your problem is? You are narcissist, attention hog, entitled. You cannot stand your siblings and you want your parents to only love you. While your parents are reasonable, just parents. They love all their children and you cannot tolerate that. Don't go to a psychiatrist. I hope you become a victim of your ugly personality and with anger issues like yours, I hope you end up [edit]. Then your family will be able to  live in peace. 

Salaam brother please delete latter part of your message as it is of no benefit and not showing good akhlaq..

Jazakallah

[Mod Note: Please do not quote inappropriate language but report it instead so that it can be removed.]

Edited by Hameedeh
Mod Note

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2 hours ago, Ejaz said:

Salaam brother please delete latter part of your message as it is of no benefit and not showing good akhlaq..

Jazakallah

Calling your sibling a Kafir is also not good akhlaq. My evil sister was exactly like him. Creating a big issue if I ever used her food or any other things. Later, she stole my husband, stole all my money and she doesn't even feel guilty for anything. Even now, she feels entitled to all my money. OP will become exactly like my evil sister. Someone needs to show him his real face, his holier than thou attitude is so annoying. 

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On 3/10/2019 at 10:45 AM, Kirmani said:

Sorry for this situation, but just to inquire and get more details:

1) How old are you?

2) What's your current status (student, working, unemployed? etc etc)

These will really help in answering and giving you the best advice etc

I am 23 years old, a part time student and part time employed. I cannot leave the house for some years.

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On 3/10/2019 at 4:54 PM, BlueInk said:

I am 23 years old, a part time student and part time employed. I cannot leave the house for some years.

Ok and sorry one more question, which country you preside in? (Or if don't want to be specific, just say Europe / North America or South Asia etc). Again this will help in giving you advice.

Quote

Since my salah is no longer accepted nor my other deeds, I am basically guaranteed hellfire.

What the hell am I supposed to do? Should I escalate it to physical violence? I am physically capable, but I don't want to get the police involved. I am tired of being disregarded, especially when I am the one who should be listened to! Or should I leave Islam altogether, since there is now no hope of attaining paradise.

This is a serious question. I hope an alim or scholar or somebody can provide me with a solid course of action. I am hotter than the sun right now. I am angry with Allah and want to know why He is forcing me to respect such worthless creatures!

The biggest sin in Islam is to completely lose hope and despair in Allah's Mercy, so step 1 DON'T do that, Allah's door is ALWAYS there for you, just keep patient. #2 and I don’t mean this condescendingly, but have you read the entire Qur'an? Because it will help you to see that ALL the Prophets went through some huge test (some with their wealth, some with their health, some in their marriages, and some with their PARENTS). Prophet's Musa (عليه السلام) and Ibrahim (عليه السلام) both grew up without their real fathers and were brought up by their kafir step-dads (from the age of babies, so in fact they were essentially like their real fathers), look at the tests and their conduct that they had to display in front of those tests. I myself had huge difficulty with my parents and am NOT JOKING almost similar conditions as you (disbelieving siblings who also ate the food I brought home, liberal/moderate parents who aren't even Shia who made fun of my practices/faith etc) but had to endure. And yes I know the frustrations as well, I myself was a late graduate, and due to certain conditions here and there couldn't afford to move out and live independently until my LATE TWENTIES (and for all those wondering why, there is always circumstances that happen with other people that you cannot comprehend, so do not judge, I suffered from health, family and job complications which I do not want to discuss now as it may derail from topic)

The bottom line is, despite my huge frustrations, there is one point that Ammar Nakshawani pointed out once that really got to me, it was the story of Musa (عليه السلام) and Firaun. When Musa (عليه السلام) is finally told to announce his Prophet hood and goto Firaun and declare to him Allah's Commandments, ONE LINE STICKS OUT FROM THE Qur'an: 'But speak; to him with gentle speech (20:44).

Imagine, here you have a Prophet of God, and on the other side Firawn, the most despised, one of the worst human beings in history who along with Yazid is purpoted to be the one deepest in the Hell Fire, the person who had the audacity to call himself a God (that even there is an incident reported that Shaytaan himself came to him to warn him not to do that), a person who mercilessly killed all the jewish newborns and tortured Aasiyah S.A to death (one of the 4 women of paradise along with Bibi Faatima S.A). Imagine even to a person like that Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) COMMANDS MUSA (عليه السلام) to speak to him gently, why? Because he grew up in the house of Firawn and was raised by him as a step son (I.e not even his real parent, but because he allowed Musa to be raised in his house, he was given this status). So imagine despite how wrongful one's parents may be how we are still obligated to behave towards them? Please keep that in mind. Eventually all bad things will pass, I am living proof of that, just keep patient and praying and have faith, and let us know whereabouts you preside so that we someone can let you know what resources are available. Salaam.

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I live in the United States. 

Everything you say is correct. But with people like this, it is only force and violence that they will understand. Their ignorance and incompetence is truly extraordinary. They are a laughingstock in their own community, their own relatives look down on them. They blame me for "turning out this way". It is their own failures and their own lack of self-responsibility and willingness to reflect on themselves that has dragged me into hell with them. They can roast and burn, but I will have nothing to do with them.

They can't even file their taxes properly, are constantly losing important documents, can't keep anything in decent working condition -- this is how disorganized and weak they are. They keep bringing sickness and disease everywhere they go, be it physical or in any other capacity. They are surely the most worthless people Allah has ever created. It is baffling that Allah would seal me in with them. Im not Jesus Christ. Since Allah is Wise, there must be a reason for all His actions. But for this--there is nothing but regret.

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On 3/11/2019 at 2:08 PM, BlueInk said:

I live in the United States. 

Everything you say is correct. But with people like this, it is only force and violence that they will understand. Their ignorance and incompetence is truly extraordinary. They are a laughingstock in their own community, their own relatives look down on them. They blame me for "turning out this way". It is their own failures and their own lack of self-responsibility and willingness to reflect on themselves that has dragged me into hell with them. They can roast and burn, but I will have nothing to do with them.

They can't even file their taxes properly, are constantly losing important documents, can't keep anything in decent working condition -- this is how disorganized and weak they are. They keep bringing sickness and disease everywhere they go, be it physical or in any other capacity. They are surely the most worthless people Allah has ever created. It is baffling that Allah would seal me in with them. Im not Jesus Christ. Since Allah is Wise, there must be a reason for all His actions. But for this--there is nothing but regret.

Okay, so speaking to you seriously and not condescendingly so as to fully help (remember me as someone who was able to move out after a lot of years as well due to various circumstances), what is preventing you from moving out right now if you are a) age 23 b) part time student c) part time employed? Are you a student of a full time college or community college? How much do you earn currently from part time employment? What are you studying? Reason I ask all this is that with student loans etc you may be able to fully able to move into your own apartment/place and fully support yourself and not have to live with the people you have many problems with.

(P.S I know a lot of these things are very personal and if you wish not to disclose this publicly you can inbox me privately!!!)

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7 hours ago, Kirmani said:

Okay, so speaking to you seriously and not condescendingly so as to fully help (remember me as someone who was able to move out after a lot of years as well due to various circumstances), what is preventing you from moving out right now if you are a) age 23 b) part time student c) part time employed? Are you a student of a full time college or community college? How much do you earn currently from part time employment? What are you studying? Reason I ask all this is that with student loans etc you may be able to fully able to move into your own apartment/place and fully support yourself and not have to live with the people you have many problems with.

(P.S I know a lot of these things are very personal and if you wish not to disclose this publicly you can inbox me privately!!!)

I have no issue discussing this privately, but I’m not allowed by the website to send PM’s.

my solution to the matter is to just eat my anger and tolerate them. I see no other choice in the near future. I am in community college, transferring to business school in 1-2 semesters.

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