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In the Name of God بسم الله
RepentantServant

My faith is diminishing.

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Salam everyone.

A few months ago in November, I wrote a forum about my stress and what I was going through. Fast forward to today, things have changed. Alhamdulillah I found a job, I've been saving money. Things have been going alright financially and what not. 

I just want to clarify that I'm 23 years old. I haven't missed a prayer for years. And I don't drink alcohol. 

In my previous post, I had said that my faith and relationship with Allah was strong. I talked to him a lot and He has done so much for me. I am aware of all this.

It was literally within the past 1-2 months where at times, I have been so high on spirituality and worship to Allah, where I was making sure I didn't sin one bit. All I did was listen to Qur'an and dua. I didn't even want to listen to music. I tried not to check out any girls either. I made sure to watch my tongue and not swear. You know what I mean? I was very mindful of even the smallest of things, for Allah's sake. Because the spirituality felt so good. I loved it. I wanted more. And I know that these little things would slowly diminish that.

Believe me, I've been there. I've felt spiritual highs before. It was only within the past 2 months, that I've had really high faith and high remembrance of Him.

But in the past few days, I've been so restless. My faith and spirituality is being attacked like never before. I don't know what's going on with me. I'm so lost. I'm all over the place. Like yesterday, I was in my room having a breakdown and I was very close to not praying. I started contemplating just stopping my worship and prayer all together. The whispers from Satan are just horrible. The most evil thoughts about my life and Allah were going through my head. 

Its so weird because it was literally last week where I was crying out to Allah after Ishaa prayer and begging for forgiveness etc. etc. & I was at a spiritual/blissful high. The past couple months I've prayed and cried out to Him & attained beautiful spiritual highs. But then in almost an instant, it all has turned upside down. I feel like I'm not finding what I'm looking for through Allah. Its just a repetitive cycle of crying out to Him, feeling good after for a bit, then a couple weeks later, back to being stressed again. This has happened many times in the past 3 or 4 months. & now it has gotten to the point where I have no more energy to fight it. I'm growing restless. I can't find tranquility. I can't find any peace in me. I'm too stressed for some reason. I don't know why I'm like this. This struggle I'm fighting is draining me.

Before when I used to have breakdowns, I can always come to Allah, speak my mind and ask for help. But now, there is this resistance in me. I've been contemplating just stopping my worship and prayer completely, and I know this is wrong. I know that. I know that it isn't the right way to think. I know that. But at the same time, I'm starting to not care anymore. I'm tearing apart inside. I'm so restless. Today after zuhr and asr prayers, it was so hard for me to make dua to Him. I don't know why. I've never felt like this before. I can't even believe that my faith has just turned upside down so quickly.  I don't know why I'm like this.

A few months ago I was broke, no job, with no direction of a future ahead of me. Then Alhamdulillah, I found a job, and I've been saving money. Things have been going well, and I thought that would be it. But no, for some reason, it isn't enough. Maybe I'm greedy. Maybe I just expect too much. Maybe I keep stressing about not being where I want to be in life. Maybe I'm stressing about my directionless future again. (I don't work any specialized high paying job, its just something to help me get by for now). Its human nature to want more and more. We're never satisfied. I don't know. I'm just torn apart right now. This struggle of mine, is tearing apart my faith. I'm literally hanging on by a thread sometimes. 

Maybe I'm being tested. Maybe its just me. I don't know. But if I'm being tested, then I'm failing this test for sure. I know I am. I even told Allah today after prayer that I was sorry. I told Him I'm sorry I'm failing this test or whatever it is that's happening. I have very little fight left in me. Its draining me. I'm running out of energy to fight it. I've become so restless. I can't keep my emotions in check. 

The messed up part is that I keep thinking to myself that if I can't find what I'm looking for through Allah, then I find myself thinking that I'll go through other means. I keep thinking to myself that I'll maybe stop praying and my worship. And I know this is wrong. I know its a very big sin to cut yourself off from the source of all goodness in this universe. I know all of this. Believe me, I do. But at the same time, I'm just so restless. I just don't care anymore. I can't seem to find what I'm looking for. 

I don't have much in this world and I haven't accomplished much. My faith is all I have. But this struggle of mine is diminishing my faith. I just keep going through this cycle of going through this stress, going to my prayer mat, crying out to Allah, feeling good after for a little bit, then back to the same thing all over again. It just keeps happening again and again. I'm growing restless. 

I was watching a lecture last night where the Sheikh said to turn your hardship into worship. This is something I've been doing for a while. But for some reason, the past few days, I haven't been doing that. Its been difficult for me to talk to Allah. Its been difficult for me to pull out my prayer mat, and cry out to Him. I used to always do this. Now I just have this resistance in me that has been preventing me from doing so.

I watched a lecture last week where the Sayed said that worshiping Allah and praying your Salat is something that will make Allah more likely to answer your dua. 

I've been praying for years now, I've been making dua for so long about what it is I'm looking for. I haven't had any of that. I just don't get it. And yes, I know that maybe I'm not ready, or it isn't the right time, or I won't be able to handle it and all that. I've heard it all.

But at the same time, I just don't understand what He's trying to tell me. I have yet to have any clarity or guidance. I just keep getting more and more restless. I'm not having any peace inside me. I'm honestly on the verge of stopping my worship altogether. I know its wrong, believe me, I do. But I'm at the point where I just don't care anymore. 

I'm hanging on by a thread. I just don't understand how my faith diminished so quickly. Like Alhamdulillah, sometimes I'm good. But I know it won't last long.

I don't know what my body or mind is trying to say. I don't know what's going on with me. I don't know why I am the way I am. I don't know why I'm thinking like this. I don't know why I'm so restless. I don't know why I can't find peace. Its getting really hard to fight these thoughts and evil whispers of Satan. If I'm being tested, then I'm failing and I know it. 

I remember this Sayed said a good dua to make it to ask Allah for problems that don't diminish your faith. Now again, I don't know if this struggle is from Allah, but this is the first time that I remember, where I'm going through a struggle that is directly attacking my faith. Its diminishing my faith. Its just horrible. I'm being so real with you guys right now, I have no peace in my heart whatsoever. I'm so restless. I'm extremely anxious. When I used to be like this, I'd cry out to Allah and I'd feel a bit better after. But now, I haven't even really cried out to Him like I used to... this is how I know its become bad. I don't know what to do. Me comming on here is like my last cry for help. 

And yes, I know there are millions of other people in this world who have it way harder, I get that. But at the same time, I just can't seem to get it together. 

I don't know why I can't seem to win this fight. I don't know why I'm letting Satan win. But I'm tired. I'm just so tired. I'm restless. I'm just so restless. I'm anxious. I'm just so anxious. I can't seem to find any inner peace.

My faith is diminishing. 

Edited by RepentantServant

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If you’re stressed, you’re probably dealing with underlying anxiety. Your post points to being anxious. 

You need to work on your mental health with a counselor. If you are having breakdowns, it’s due to anxiety and possibly depression. Once you get treatment, your faith will also rise again. 

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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24 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

If you’re stressed, you’re probably dealing with underlying anxiety. Your post points to being anxious. 

You need to work on your mental health with a counselor. If you are having breakdowns, it’s due to anxiety and possibly depression. Once you get treatment, your faith will also rise again. 

Shouldn't spirituality and prayer/worship/ibadaat help? 

If you watch this video, there is a Latino in here that says once he converted to Islam, all his depression went away. 

So if becoming close to Allah is the cure for his depression, then what makes me and him so different? Why is his depression cured and not mine?

Now I'm not saying it has to be like that, but I'm just trying to point out that there are people who's depression or anxiety is cured because of them comming close to Allah. 

With that being said, why am I left out? I don't expect you to have the answer at all. 

I'm just pointing out that I don't think that a counselor will help. What are they really going to do for me? They can't answer my spiritual questions. They can't fill that spiritual gap that I'm missing. They make money off patients comming in. So of course they're going to want to keep me around. I don't think I need a counselor. For me, its more of a spiritual need. My problems can be cured with spirituality. A counselor won't do that.

I would much rather have a conversation with a Sheikh. But I don't want to talk to a Sheikh. I'd rather be private about all this. That's why I came on here.  

But thank you for your response. 

 

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4 hours ago, RepentantServant said:

If you watch this video, there is a Latino in here that says once he converted to Islam, all his depression went away. 

So if becoming close to Allah is the cure for his depression, then what makes me and him so different? Why is his depression cured and not mine?

 

Because depression is a mental illness. It’s a chemical imbalance. You can’t “pray” depression away. It’s only going to get worse if you don’t get treatment. Allah put treatment on Earth. It’s up to you to take it. Depression is not being away from Allah. 

The brain is an organ, and just like other parts of the body, it needs treatment, from time to time. You don’t tell someone with diabetes to stop taking their insulin. Or someone with heart problems to not take medication. 

I don’t believe anyone who says that their depression went away on their own just by praying. In fact, it’s a complete lie. Depression, if gone untreated, can last 2 or 3 or even 5 years AND you will have suicidal thoughts because depression will make you so low and will get so bad that suicidal ideation will be close to breaking you. 

Now, do you want therapy, get treatment, get healthy, spiritually, mentally, emotionally, or do you want to stay stuck in this black hole? Remember, you can’t take care of your spiritual health without taking care of your mental health.

Someone close to me has been depressed for years. She never got treatment, and never got therapy, and in the end, she left Islam. Now she’s finally getting treatment, but hasn’t turned back to Islam yet because shes still not quite healthy. Do you want that to happen to you? If you think it won’t, then you’re mistaken. You’re already at war with your deen, so you need professional help before it’s too late. If not, you will continue to suffer and may lose in the afterlife because you were too stubborn to help yourself. 

Edited by Islandsandmirrors

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@RepentantServant I don't know what previous stresses you were going through and if they are ongoing, but from your post it seems those issues have been resolved more or less and isn't much of a problem currently. So I will just try and focus on your spiritual issues. 

Spirituality for us falliable humans comes in ebbs and flows.We cannot be at a spiritual high all the time.Many a times(and this has been mentioned in various books about spirituality) when we try and indulge too much into religious practices(doing lots of ibadaats,trying to stay away from the makroohats) we get overwhelmed because our nafs isn't yet fully prepared for this burden and this can cause the person to either sink into depression, experience a burn out or much worse the person's heart becomes deviated. This is why it has been advised by Masoomen(عليه السلام) to go with the flow when it comes to recommended ibadaats and not continuously push ourselves. I don't know if what you are going through is something like this.You have to work this out yourself. (There are some really good books on al-Islam.org on spirituality that might help you)

Thus he may spend most of his time in prayer and lamentation, performing every rite and trying to learn something from everyone, taking mouthfuls out of every kind of spiritual nourishment. This kind of practice is not only not beneficial, it is harmful. Because, as it imposes a heavy schedule of worship on the lower soul (nafs), it suddenly reacts as a result of the pressure placed upon it and breaks down. As a result without having drawn any results the wayfarer is deprived of all activity, and he does not find any inclination in himself to perform even the smallest of supererogatory acts. (From the book Lub e lubab)

For now do not try to push yourself towards praying other than the obligatory salat.

Try and remain in wudhu all times, during the day and before going to bed.

See if you can find a knowledgeable person with whom you can discuss this. 

It would be good if you can find a Muslim psychologist to discuss this. He can also evaluate if you are suffering from depression and need to see a psychiatrist.

 

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5 hours ago, RepentantServant said:

I don't know what my body or mind is trying to say. I don't know what's going on with me. I don't know why I am the way I am. I don't know why I'm thinking like this.

Salam probably you did overpraying that causes hidden pride so you face hardship to stop over praying sometimes over praying causes depression & you must limit your prayer to just obligatory prayers for a while so that you can revive your energy again the best way to regain your energy if it’s possible for you is doing Ziarat & going to holy shrines .

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Salaam.

Glad you are in a better place than before.

I think brother @Ashvazdanghe could be right that you may be overdoing prayers.

Keep in mind spirituality does not equal prayers.

Spirituality helps increase prayers and worship which in turn increases spirituality.

Also, there is another thread (Discussion topic) where we discussed the purpose of prayers and spirituality. If you think prayers and spirituality are the end goal, then you may be thinking you've reached the pinnacle of the goal so it can only be downhill from that point.

Now if you use your faith to help others, then you will find a new level of spirituality and renewed faith the likes of which you will not have experienced before.

So my advice would be to spend a weekend volunteering to help the needy, visit an old people's home. Don't do it for the thawab (blessings) but simply feesabilillah (for the sake of Allah).

Hope this helps.

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As salaamun aleikum brother,

Warning: Really long post coming,lol..

I first want to offer you 2 narrations from Imam Ali(عليه السلام).

"There is enough light for those who want to see".

And...

"Your sickness is from you, but you do not perceive it, and your remedy is within you, but you do not sense it. You presume you are a small entity, but within you is enfolded the entire Universe. You are indeed the Evident Book, by whose alphabet the Hidden becomes Manifest. Therefore you have no need to look beyond yourself. What you seek is within you, if only you reflect "- Ali Ibn Abu Talib.

Just so you know, Ive been in your shoes many times. Few things I learned:

Meds for depression can help, but don’t make them a permanent part of your life unless its absolutely necessary, and make sure to ween off of them appropriately and carefully when its time. Many of them cause weight gain which can bring on a whole slough of new problems but if theyre necessary, theyre necessary.

For your anxiety, avoid prescription antianxiety meds if you can as they can cause addiction,dementia and alzheimers in later life due to the depletion of acetylcholine they cause during use. Before resorting to those, try a good L-Theanine supplement. Its an amino acid found in tea and works to take the edge off. Science has found it puts the brain waves into the state common in meditators who have been practicing meditation for YEARS. It also slightly lowers blood pressure. Ive found for myself, 200-300mg works very well. I use an online supplier and buy it bulk. Its MUCH cheaper than vitamin stores. L-Theanine is a really safe alternative, but consult your Dr.. if youre already on bloodpressure lowering meds or have naturally low bp. My average bp is between 102 and 112. Even at these low levels, L Theanine has been safe, but thats just me. Make informed decisions about what you put in your body:)

EXERCISE is a BIG one, and many people don’t get enough. For me, getting away from EVERYONE, going on long hikes and doing dhikr, making dua, learning new surahs, streaming Islamic lectures, etc. help to take the "worldly/dunya-I" aspect out of the activity and make it Allah-hi in nature. I found physical activity to be what is missing everytime I end up in your shoes....And it always helps to pull me out.  Mind you, im not talking about a short walk around the block. Get out there and take a SERIOUS, STRENUOUS hike, or mountain bike ride..like, a REAL one...This will help relieve your anxiousness and restlessness. Supplementing with weighlifting or even just calisthenics/resistance training at least every other day  will serve the same purpose, but you gotta push yourself. don’t just pick up some 5# dumbells for 10 mins and call it a day. Challenge yourself and REALLY work out. (Of course, take your current physical condition into consideration. If you are super out of shape, you should consult your Dr.. before doing anything. We want you to have a nice, long life devoted to serving Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى)and engaging here on Shia Chat:).

Many times when we experience restlessness, stress, anxiety, etc it's because our body is trying to tell us that it needs something that we are not giving it. Our human history has been one of physical activity and hard manual labor, and a sedentary lifestyle is a more recent phenomenon, which is causing many problems for people's health in pretty much every aspect.

If you are interested in seeking professional help, find an Islamic counselor, because they know and understand our trials, whereas secular psychologists just don’t. Theyre good for the basics of psychology, but in my experience, they do not understand the struggle, especially when it comes to religious obligations and things like that. There is a sheikh I know of who has a website, and he is the resident molauna at a local Masjid in my general area. I don't know where you're located, but this brother is located in Bay area of California. His name is Sheikh Hadi Yaseen. You can Google him if you want to go that route. I don't know what services he offers, maybe he does live stream, I don’t know, but I've heard really great things from people in my community about him.

One more thing I want to mention is, it's very common for people of all faiths and beliefs to think that when we are experiencing the "high" in our spirituality, that that is the end goal and that's what we're trying to achieve and to "feel" all the time. The truth of the matter, and I only recently arrived at this through guidance and then reflection and finally experiencing it, is we have misinterpreted the goal and have created expectations of what we THINK our spiritual experience "should be". Spirituality is not about being on a continuous high and feeling good about our practice and what's going on inside us all the time. True spirituality is accepting that we have highs and lows and everything in between and experiencing them when they come, to be in appreciation for them when they happen (ALL of them, not just the good/positive moments.)Were not meant to always "feel it", if you know what I mean, and to expect that causes us to end up in a never ending cycle of "want/don’t want", meaning, we are constantly wanting to be on that spiritual High, and the rest of the time NOT  wanting to be experiencing the lows, and everything else in between. Rather we need to strive to recognize and accept whatever the experience is at that time and continue onward and forward, knowing that its just a feeling/experience and it too will pass.

The one thing we cannot do, is let our faith go when we're feeling down in the dumps. That's the time we have to press through, if we don’t, we will feel worse for NOT pressing through. I have many days where all I'm really able to do is the wajib requirements. Then, I have days where I am constantly in remembrance of Allah and His attributes and I feel great! THOSE are the times  scholars, ullema, arifs, what have you, encourage us to make  the best use of, whenever it comes, for however long it lasts. Offer those extra rakats, read those long supplications, extend your prostration, do salatal layle, etc. But don’t FORCE yourself to do those things when you are in a state of malaise and spiritually low.  When the "high" comes, roll with it, cuz the "other" days will come as well, as you know...For me, the "low" days are when I struggle to keep my mind off of the Dunya and its overwhelming problems and almost completly forget Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and my true identity.  It's just the nature and the reality of things. None of us are free from it, but we can learn to "work it" so it doesnt "work us".

Another thing I want to say, is try not to fall into the Trap of feeling guilty that just because you are not suffering in a war-torn country, that all your problems should be easy. Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) has placed each and every single one of us in our lives in the positions and situations we are in for reasons known only to Him, and our challenges are all different, butvwe WILL, all of us, be tried. It says in the Qur'an our striving is diverse. And that doesn't just mean that we all have different jobs, LOL. Each of our lives have our own individual challenges that we have to overcome, we just need to turn to Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) and ask Him for the strength, knowledge, skill, will, persistence, etc to persevere and that He grants us success.

Keep in  mind sometimes our success lies in what we perceive as failure, it just all depends on where our ultimate kheyr lies, so just because the brother in this video says  all his problems vanished when he became Muslim, be sure he's going to have other trials, you can count on it. My biggest trials didn't come until after I was Muslim four maybe five years, and THEN stuff started happening in my life that was really trying for me, and is STILL happening. Back in the beginning, I thought I had it all together, but the fact of the matter was, I hadnt really been being tried yet. The early part of my conversion was more a time of gathering information and learning about the deen, and then once I had enough to go on and work with, THATS  when my challenges came and that's when I had to put what I learned to work.

But that's just MY story. Each of our stories is different and for whatever the reason is, these are your trials. I know it sounds cliche to say "embrace them", but there really isn't any other way around it. You know in your heart of hearts leaving the religion is not the thing to do, so don't do it. Try and just accept the Ebb and the flow and be appreciative for them, and know that they won't last. Imam Ali says, there are two days we have--one is for you, but don't get too happy about it, and another is against you, but don't be too upset or depressed about it, as neither of them last. (Sorry, paraphrasing here, but you get my point.)

I pray Allah(سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) guides you to your peace, in sha Allah.

W/s

 

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17 hours ago, RepentantServant said:

Salam everyone.

A few months ago in November, I wrote a forum about my stress and what I was going through. Fast forward to today, things have changed. Alhamdulillah I found a job, I've been saving money. Things have been going alright financially and what not. 

I just want to clarify that I'm 23 years old. I haven't missed a prayer for years. And I don't drink alcohol. 

In my previous post, I had said that my faith and relationship with Allah was strong. I talked to him a lot and He has done so much for me. I am aware of all this.

It was literally within the past 1-2 months where at times, I have been so high on spirituality and worship to Allah, where I was making sure I didn't sin one bit. All I did was listen to Qur'an and dua. I didn't even want to listen to music. I tried not to check out any girls either. I made sure to watch my tongue and not swear. You know what I mean? I was very mindful of even the smallest of things, for Allah's sake. Because the spirituality felt so good. I loved it. I wanted more. And I know that these little things would slowly diminish that.

Believe me, I've been there. I've felt spiritual highs before. It was only within the past 2 months, that I've had really high faith and high remembrance of Him.

But in the past few days, I've been so restless. My faith and spirituality is being attacked like never before. I don't know what's going on with me. I'm so lost. I'm all over the place. Like yesterday, I was in my room having a breakdown and I was very close to not praying. I started contemplating just stopping my worship and prayer all together. The whispers from Satan are just horrible. The most evil thoughts about my life and Allah were going through my head. 

Its so weird because it was literally last week where I was crying out to Allah after Ishaa prayer and begging for forgiveness etc. etc. & I was at a spiritual/blissful high. The past couple months I've prayed and cried out to Him & attained beautiful spiritual highs. But then in almost an instant, it all has turned upside down. I feel like I'm not finding what I'm looking for through Allah. Its just a repetitive cycle of crying out to Him, feeling good after for a bit, then a couple weeks later, back to being stressed again. This has happened many times in the past 3 or 4 months. & now it has gotten to the point where I have no more energy to fight it. I'm growing restless. I can't find tranquility. I can't find any peace in me. I'm too stressed for some reason. I don't know why I'm like this. This struggle I'm fighting is draining me.

Before when I used to have breakdowns, I can always come to Allah, speak my mind and ask for help. But now, there is this resistance in me. I've been contemplating just stopping my worship and prayer completely, and I know this is wrong. I know that. I know that it isn't the right way to think. I know that. But at the same time, I'm starting to not care anymore. I'm tearing apart inside. I'm so restless. Today after zuhr and asr prayers, it was so hard for me to make dua to Him. I don't know why. I've never felt like this before. I can't even believe that my faith has just turned upside down so quickly.  I don't know why I'm like this.

A few months ago I was broke, no job, with no direction of a future ahead of me. Then Alhamdulillah, I found a job, and I've been saving money. Things have been going well, and I thought that would be it. But no, for some reason, it isn't enough. Maybe I'm greedy. Maybe I just expect too much. Maybe I keep stressing about not being where I want to be in life. Maybe I'm stressing about my directionless future again. (I don't work any specialized high paying job, its just something to help me get by for now). Its human nature to want more and more. We're never satisfied. I don't know. I'm just torn apart right now. This struggle of mine, is tearing apart my faith. I'm literally hanging on by a thread sometimes. 

Maybe I'm being tested. Maybe its just me. I don't know. But if I'm being tested, then I'm failing this test for sure. I know I am. I even told Allah today after prayer that I was sorry. I told Him I'm sorry I'm failing this test or whatever it is that's happening. I have very little fight left in me. Its draining me. I'm running out of energy to fight it. I've become so restless. I can't keep my emotions in check. 

The messed up part is that I keep thinking to myself that if I can't find what I'm looking for through Allah, then I find myself thinking that I'll go through other means. I keep thinking to myself that I'll maybe stop praying and my worship. And I know this is wrong. I know its a very big sin to cut yourself off from the source of all goodness in this universe. I know all of this. Believe me, I do. But at the same time, I'm just so restless. I just don't care anymore. I can't seem to find what I'm looking for. 

I don't have much in this world and I haven't accomplished much. My faith is all I have. But this struggle of mine is diminishing my faith. I just keep going through this cycle of going through this stress, going to my prayer mat, crying out to Allah, feeling good after for a little bit, then back to the same thing all over again. It just keeps happening again and again. I'm growing restless. 

I was watching a lecture last night where the Sheikh said to turn your hardship into worship. This is something I've been doing for a while. But for some reason, the past few days, I haven't been doing that. Its been difficult for me to talk to Allah. Its been difficult for me to pull out my prayer mat, and cry out to Him. I used to always do this. Now I just have this resistance in me that has been preventing me from doing so.

I watched a lecture last week where the Sayed said that worshiping Allah and praying your Salat is something that will make Allah more likely to answer your dua. 

I've been praying for years now, I've been making dua for so long about what it is I'm looking for. I haven't had any of that. I just don't get it. And yes, I know that maybe I'm not ready, or it isn't the right time, or I won't be able to handle it and all that. I've heard it all.

But at the same time, I just don't understand what He's trying to tell me. I have yet to have any clarity or guidance. I just keep getting more and more restless. I'm not having any peace inside me. I'm honestly on the verge of stopping my worship altogether. I know its wrong, believe me, I do. But I'm at the point where I just don't care anymore. 

I'm hanging on by a thread. I just don't understand how my faith diminished so quickly. Like Alhamdulillah, sometimes I'm good. But I know it won't last long.

I don't know what my body or mind is trying to say. I don't know what's going on with me. I don't know why I am the way I am. I don't know why I'm thinking like this. I don't know why I'm so restless. I don't know why I can't find peace. Its getting really hard to fight these thoughts and evil whispers of Satan. If I'm being tested, then I'm failing and I know it. 

I remember this Sayed said a good dua to make it to ask Allah for problems that don't diminish your faith. Now again, I don't know if this struggle is from Allah, but this is the first time that I remember, where I'm going through a struggle that is directly attacking my faith. Its diminishing my faith. Its just horrible. I'm being so real with you guys right now, I have no peace in my heart whatsoever. I'm so restless. I'm extremely anxious. When I used to be like this, I'd cry out to Allah and I'd feel a bit better after. But now, I haven't even really cried out to Him like I used to... this is how I know its become bad. I don't know what to do. Me comming on here is like my last cry for help. 

And yes, I know there are millions of other people in this world who have it way harder, I get that. But at the same time, I just can't seem to get it together. 

I don't know why I can't seem to win this fight. I don't know why I'm letting Satan win. But I'm tired. I'm just so tired. I'm restless. I'm just so restless. I'm anxious. I'm just so anxious. I can't seem to find any inner peace.

My faith is diminishing. 

You are judging yourself and taking yourself a way too seriously.  You don’t have to fight anything!  If there are whispers just let the whispers whisper (after all, do you have scontrol over it?).  Everything that appears is a creation of God.  Everything is perfectly as it ought to be.  The only thing you ought to do is to accept what God is doing to you and for you. You don’t need to “do” anything about it or change anything about the situation you are in.. all you have to do is accept your accept by simply being grateful to Him for what He has put you in.  Whether your mind/ego judges the situation to be “bad” or “good”, the fact of the matter is that the situation is neither good nor bad, it is simple beyond this duality... it is pure peace and bliss and happiness.  It is God and God alone.  God is showing himself to you in the current situation but your mind veils God through judging the situation.  When you judge you isolate, distinguish, and limit.  When you judge you veil yourself from Him.  Lift the veil by simply surrendering your judgements about everything (including yourself, God, the world).  Simply free yourself from the shackles of your thoughts and go beyond your the thoughts.

God is everywhere and He is with you wherever you are.  No need to go anywhere or do anything.  He is already Here (the question is, are you here as well?)

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@RepentantServant I think we all go through cycles like these. Honestly today I was having an episode where I felt restless and suffocating and then I realized I haven’t taken a multi vitamin in a while and I should increase my water intake.Yeah shytan is part of the problem too. As soon I feel restless and suffocating and annoyed I will open my notes to some selected verses and I swear as I read them out loud 85% of the suffocating anxious distressed feeling vanishes within minutes. The other 15% will go after I take care of my body nutrients and also I might journal or reflect on the hardships others go through and then I say tsbeeh alhamduillah and I relax and get normal again. They say after you are doing your best as Muslim, shytan will start trying to mess with you even more. So always be on your guard and always take care of your body nutrition.

 

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Salam,

You're overwhelming yourself and it's going to work against you. Try to find something about religion which you're passionate about and then look into it. For example,  if you're into akhlaq then maybe grab a few books on akhlaq. Also, take it easy, this is a life journey. Try to make religion fun for yourself, don't make it seem as if it's a burden. We don't have to be sitting on our prayer mat the whole day and raising our hand in dua. Maybe volunteer at your Husayniya, try to be part of Islamic projects and attend Islamic events, read poems.

The important point is that Islam is a very social religion. There is a lot of emphasis on social or collective wilayah - where all mu'min brothers and sisters get closer to the Ahlul Bayt (عليه السلام) and Allah together. It's not always about 'me', it's about 'us'. When we recite Surah al Fatiha, we say 'guide us to the straight path'. Islam encourages this spirit and that's when we'll truly grow.

Focus on how you treat others, your family, friends, neighbors and people in the community. When you serve others and genuinely care for them for the sake of Allah, your iman will grow.

 

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"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." --Jesus

- Matthew 11:28-30

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On 2/8/2019 at 11:49 AM, RepentantServant said:

Salam everyone.

And yes, I know there are millions of other people in this world who have it way harder, I get that. But at the same time, I just can't seem to get it together. 

I don't know why I can't seem to win this fight. I don't know why I'm letting Satan win. But I'm tired. I'm just so tired. I'm restless. I'm just so restless. I'm anxious. I'm just so anxious. I can't seem to find any inner peace.

My faith is diminishing. 

Salam, 

Those who are feeling high spiritually would love to maintain that stage forever.  But the stages in spiritual are many levels.  

All those who feel closed to Allahswt and feel the sweetness of that love WILL be tested.

Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will definately allow you be exposed to attacks by syaitans. This will happen whether we like it or not.  The attacks seem like none stop and Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) will not allow you feel the sweetness of spirituality during the test.

What to do?

Put in your heart the trust in Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) with these steps regardless if you don’t feel the sweetness of spirituality.  You know that it is a test.  Allahswt wants you to return to Him.

1.  To be sincere (ikhlas) to Him

2. To be sincere to Him

3. To be sincere to Him

4. To have yaqin (deep belief) toward Him 

5. To show jihad (continuous struggle) toward Him 

6. To have sabr (patience) in reaching Him

7. To make tawakkal (total submission of outcomes) toward the Wills Of Allahswt.

If these 7 things is in you, the spirituality will return regardless of how many tests. Sometimes fast and sometimes longer until you at the edge of falling from a cliff.

Everytime higher test comes, the answer will always be the same...it will be the trust in Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى).  And the 7 steps will start again with different magnitude.

Until yourself is so snergized (part of your nature) with the 7 steps, comes whatever tests...you will be successful to overcome it.  The sweetness spirituality is there to stay.

But one important reminder, you need also Prophet and Ahlul Bayt to assist at higher level spiriuality.

Because Rasul and Ulil Amri have control on your nafs and can bring the nafs to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) under their supervision.

Allah, the Mighty and Sublime says:

يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا أَطِيعُوا اللَّهَ وَأَطِيعُوا الرَّسُولَ وَأُولِي الْأَمْرِ مِنْكُمْ

“O you who believe! obey Allah and obey the Apostle and those in authority from among you.” (Qur’an, Surah Nisa 4:59)

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On 2/7/2019 at 11:33 PM, RepentantServant said:

If you watch this video, there is a Latino in here that says once he converted to Islam, all his depression went away. 

So if becoming close to Allah is the cure for his depression, then what makes me and him so different? Why is his depression cured and not mine?

Everyone has unique experiences, brother and we all on our own paths to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى). Don't dwell on the differences  between you and him. Hasad is a pretty devastating sin and whatever you're feeling right now will be potentially 100x times worse by the time jealousy wrecks you. I'm not accusing, implying or saying you are jealous but the highlighted is the seed of hasad. I hope your anguish and pain is resolved soon.

As for depression, it cannot be cured but it can be managed and Islam is a very good tool for managing depression.

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