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In the Name of God بسم الله
SeekingHeaven

Addicted to my sexual desires

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Salam, I have posted about this problem of mine before but it's only getting worse. I feel like I am addicted to masturbation because I am not happy in my personal life and I have lost the feeling of inner peace I once had that kept me close to God and I just have a lot of stress and no one that I can actually talk to and give me advice.

I Just want my suffering to end. I feel like I'll never be able to stop because I have tried tens of times before but I always go back to it within a matter of days and I have come to the mindset that there's no point in trying to fight it because I always end up going back. 

I HATE the person I have become because around 3 years back when I was just starting to get into religion I was so sure that I'll never become what I have become. 

I just want my suffering to end.

I want to be with God but I feel like I have done things that made him angry with me. Like praying and them a few moments later masturbate. Choosing that pleasure instead of his obedience continuously.

please pray for me also

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Dude, sometimes you have to consider the lesser of the two evils. 

In the meantime, try to find someone whom you are compatible with. 

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I had this problem many years ago too brother. And I unfortunately drifted away from the religion. I could not take it anymore. It just felt so unnatural and disrespectful to the religion itself. On top of that, doing excessive wudhu, ghusl, and washing sheets and clothes. Like, What the heck, what can I do to stop this behavior. The fact is that your only option is to get married or seeqa, or to stop praying for a while.

Just know that you are not alone. I hope that your situation gets better. And that you don't end up like me. 

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Omg, the same things has been happening to me. I'm feeling the exact same way. I masturbate daily. I have tried to get rid of this sinful habit for 6 months (I used to be very Jahil, and I didn't care about Islam prior to 6 months ago, hence why I'm addicted to masturbation). Thanks to my efforts and the will of Allah, I went 23 days without masturbating or looking at pornogrophy (I started on January 1st), but unfortunately I relapsed. :(((( I feel so awful. I was looking at something naughty out of curiosity, and now I am back to square one. All I can tell you is to not let this divert you from doing your 5 daily prayers. That is far more important.

I think school and stress also had a big impact on my relapse, but I was at school for 2 weeks before relapsing... so I guess it was just carelessness on my part. However, now I am super stressed with school, which means that I will masturbate, which means I will hate myself, which means I am even more stressed now, which means that I will masturbate again. It's a vicious cycle, and it is affecting my spirituality. It is making me further from Allah spiritually. 

By the way, I lower my gaze at school... Alhamdulillah this is not the issue.

------

Tips:

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim. A'udhu billahi minash shaytani r-rajim.

The first 7 days is the hardest part (almost impossible for me, I can barely go more than 1 day), after that it's easy, you just need to be extremely careful.

Some things that helped me achieve my 23 day streak:

1. Pre-amble. I got inspiration and encouragement on a subreddit. To be honest, I avoided it like the plague during those 23 days though, because even thinking of masturbation is a trigger for me.

2. I went on an all-inclusive vacation with my family for 7 days. Subhanallah. This helped immensely! No stress, limited internet access and limited  ellphone usage. So much fun and so much to do. Also, I was sharing a room with my family... so... yeah.

3. An app called "Muslim Central". This helped so much! It's an app full of Islamic Lectures/Podcasts. My favourite speaker is Mufti Menk, may Allah bless him and his loved ones. I love him for the sake of Allah. I downloaded and then listened to these lectures on the plane, and sometimes before bedtime. This really hyped me up and encouraged me to do Islamic things and put me into the Islamic mindset. I made so much dhikr and did so many sunnah acts during those seven days. Alhamdulillah.

4. I was super cautious. I made sure not to do anything that would even remotely lead me to masturbation. I made it clear in my mind that I always have to be alert, and despite that it might feel like I am completely over with masturbation, I'm not... Stay vigilant.

-----------

What I did wrong:

-School made me busy and stressed. I stopped listening to Islamic lectures, I stopped making as much dhikr, in general I wasn't feeling as close to Allah.

-I had easy access to the internet and my cellphone... which was fine for the first two weeks back (I was still acting cautiously), but the stress of school started to really kick in, so as soon as I stopped being vigilant, I relapsed.... But just a fair warning, getting rid of your phone won't help at all, as I will explain below. You just have to learn how to use technology responsibly.

-Wanting a wet dream... to be honest, the full reason I wanted a wet dream was because, during those 7 days, before bed I would think about God and thank Him for the world he created and thank Him for the vacation and the fun I was having and thank Him for our good health, etc., and I also asked God that "Inshallah (God willing... I.e. only if its what God wants for me), IF I have a wet dream, then that will be a blessing from Allah. Alhamdulillah. Allahuma bismika amutu wa akhiya. And when I woke up I would say Bismillah, and pray to Allah, thanking Him for being alive....See the difference in this way of asking Allah for something, as opposed to my entitled way of asking for a wet dream on day 23, which led to my demise...

-------

What I've been doing recently that has NOT been working:

Well it's basically what I was always doing beforw... I keep masturbating, seeking forgivness from Allah, truly believing that I won't do it again, and then disabling/uninstalling Chrome, Youtube, Reddit, etc. Yet I keep re-installing this stuff when I feel excited. All you can do is be vigilant... I know this contradicts one of my earlier points, but I'm tired, sorry.

Anyways, I hope this helped. Keep me in your prayers. I will keep you in my prayers. May Allah forgive you and reward you for seeking help. May Allah forgive all of us. Ameen.

Good night. I am tired and done with life and I have to do ghusl in the morning. Astaghfirullah. *cry*

Hope I was of help though. Sorry if this was kinda gross. 

Edited by Khadim uz Zahra

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This is a test brother,a test for patience

I myself had this problem for like 2 years now but you shouldn’t give up just because u know that u’ll go back to it,Everytime u feel depressed just remember and be grateful to Allah that you’re not addicted towards drugs or alcohol cuz they are much harder to quit,if you cannot completely stop it then try to reduce it,do it like once a week then try to do it once in two weeks then once in three weeks,until u marry or quit masterbation.

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Brother you have to understand the psychology of your brain. You're doing everything wrong by complaining. 

Habits can never be destroyed. You just have to replace your bad habit with a new one, and everything will follow inshallah.

Consider writing poems, drawing etc. You will feel at peace.

Edited by ali_fatheroforphans

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9 hours ago, SeekingHeaven said:

I feel like I am addicted to masturbation because I am not happy in my personal life and I have lost the feeling of inner peace

Please understand that until you get treated for your depression you addiction to Masturbation will not go away. The addiction (as well as any other type of addiction) is your mind's way of searching for anything that will provide you the pleasure that you are not feeling in your day to day life. For you its an addiction to masturbation, for other it is alcohol, for others yet is to inflict harm on others. The list is endless but until you get your Mental Health under control you will not be able to overcome this addiction.

9 hours ago, SeekingHeaven said:

I Just want my suffering to end. I feel like I'll never be able to stop because I have tried tens of times before but I always go back to it within a matter of days and I have come to the mindset that there's no point in trying to fight it because I always end up going back. 

Please see my comments above.

9 hours ago, SeekingHeaven said:

I HATE the person I have become because around 3 years back when I was just starting to get into religion I was so sure that I'll never become what I have become. 

Another layer of your depression is that you are now starting to manifest guilt upon yourself. In your heart you know that you do not want to masturbate due to your Islamic beliefs. Again, this is further proof that you need to seek help from a Mental Health Professional. The guilt you are placing on yourself is only making the matter worse by increasing your Depression. Once you get the Depression under control the rest of these problems will go away.

9 hours ago, SeekingHeaven said:

I just want my suffering to end.

There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. You just need to take the appropriate steps to make that happen.

9 hours ago, SeekingHeaven said:

I want to be with God but I feel like I have done things that made him angry with me. Like praying and them a few moments later masturbate. Choosing that pleasure instead of his obedience continuously.

Allah in his infinite wisdom and mercy knows you better than you know yourself. He knows already what has caused you to fall into this addiction and has also through his love for you placed the solution(s) in front of you. He has also granted you the ability to find sincere repentence once you have overcome your struggles. In all seriousness, the anger you may think he has for you may have never even been there, the more you descend into the problem the more his love for you was why he was placing potential solutions in front of you but perhaps you weren't able to see and notice them.

9 hours ago, SeekingHeaven said:

please pray for me also

I will pray that you, and all who suffer from these symptoms, are cured and find all of the happiness that you deserve.

ShiaChat has a Mental Health Club which has links to many organizations and groups that are ready and willing to help people in your situation at little or no cost. Please visit that Club on here and click on the links there.

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13 hours ago, SeekingHeaven said:

Salam, I have posted about this problem of mine before but it's only getting worse. I feel like I am addicted to masturbation because I am not happy in my personal life and I have lost the feeling of inner peace I once had that kept me close to God and I just have a lot of stress and no one that I can actually talk to and give me advice.

I Just want my suffering to end. I feel like I'll never be able to stop because I have tried tens of times before but I always go back to it within a matter of days and I have come to the mindset that there's no point in trying to fight it because I always end up going back. 

I HATE the person I have become because around 3 years back when I was just starting to get into religion I was so sure that I'll never become what I have become. 

I just want my suffering to end.

I want to be with God but I feel like I have done things that made him angry with me. Like praying and them a few moments later masturbate. Choosing that pleasure instead of his obedience continuously.

please pray for me also

Most of your sadness is due to the fact that the image you have/had of your self (I.e. some saint that is somehow worthy of God's love) is slowly but surely turning out to be untrue and a mere fantasy.  You should, in fact, thank God that you are now learning that you are not who you think you are/were. 

But instead of thanking God... you don't feel like praying? Shouldn't you pray to God even more?  Because He loves you and is showing you mercy despite being a shameless sinner.  But you don't think He is mercifully loving to you right?  You don't think He loves you because you feel unworthy.  Well, the fact of the matter is that no one is worthy of His love and no one will ever be worthy of His love.  His loving mercy is unconditional, and if you realize this you wouldn't be feeling sad and miserable.  Rather, you would be filled with confidence in Him, and happiness and love for Him. 

This whole show is not about you (that false image you have of yourself).  It is only about God.  It is His show alone.

Edited by eThErEaL

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13 hours ago, AStruggler said:

It’s WAJIB for you to get married. Get married.

Its easier said than done for some people when they don’t have any understanding of social values. Getting married requires social skills. 

2 hours ago, Mohammed-Mehdi said:

Everything you need, you got.

You can keep complaining but only you are capable of stopping yourself voluntarily. And be sure that time is rolling.

Please stop with these posts and think very well. 

 

2 hours ago, Mohammed-Mehdi said:

Dudes 

Stop sharing about your sins.

Islam commands you this.

For your problem: WILLPOWER
YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS ENOUGH TO WIN THIS WAR
RELY ON HIM

I totally agree with you. I couldn't agree more. 

Edited by Murtaza1

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@Haji 2003, @Hassan-, @Rezaor others:

Please consider the direct sharing of sins in this topic; comments beyond just looking for a solution to a serious problem. or change the comments like sometimes happens.

Just the obvious and useless, even harmful sharing of sins

We should only admit to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), only He is capable of restoring the respect of the individual as well.

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Make a vow that if next time you did it, you would get rid of your smartphone and switch to a basic feature phone for a whole year. If you still break your vow, then you would quit watching TV for the whole year, and like this keep upping the ante against your Nufs till you tame it. 

Basically either teach your Nafs to be strong against the bad manifestation of good desires (desire for sex is not bad, haram manifestation of it is bad) or your Nafs will be punished with its other toys taken away. 

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