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In the Name of God بسم الله
SeekingHeaven

Addicted to my sexual desires

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Dude, sometimes you have to consider the lesser of the two evils. 

In the meantime, try to find someone whom you are compatible with. 

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I had this problem many years ago too brother. And I unfortunately drifted away from the religion. I could not take it anymore. It just felt so unnatural and disrespectful to the religion itself. On top of that, doing excessive wudhu, ghusl, and washing sheets and clothes. Like, What the heck, what can I do to stop this behavior. The fact is that your only option is to get married or seeqa, or to stop praying for a while.

Just know that you are not alone. I hope that your situation gets better. And that you don't end up like me. 

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Omg, the same things has been happening to me. I'm feeling the exact same way. I masturbate daily. I have tried to get rid of this sinful habit for 6 months (I used to be very Jahil, and I didn't care about Islam prior to 6 months ago, hence why I'm addicted to masturbation). Thanks to my efforts and the will of Allah, I went 23 days without masturbating or looking at pornogrophy (I started on January 1st), but unfortunately I relapsed. :(((( I feel so awful. I was looking at something naughty out of curiosity, and now I am back to square one. All I can tell you is to not let this divert you from doing your 5 daily prayers. That is far more important.

I think school and stress also had a big impact on my relapse, but I was at school for 2 weeks before relapsing... so I guess it was just carelessness on my part. However, now I am super stressed with school, which means that I will masturbate, which means I will hate myself, which means I am even more stressed now, which means that I will masturbate again. It's a vicious cycle, and it is affecting my spirituality. It is making me further from Allah spiritually. 

By the way, I lower my gaze at school... Alhamdulillah this is not the issue.

------

Tips:

Bismillahi Rahmani Rahim. A'udhu billahi minash shaytani r-rajim.

The first 7 days is the hardest part (almost impossible for me, I can barely go more than 1 day), after that it's easy, you just need to be extremely careful.

Some things that helped me achieve my 23 day streak:

1. Pre-amble. I got inspiration and encouragement on a subreddit. To be honest, I avoided it like the plague during those 23 days though, because even thinking of masturbation is a trigger for me.

2. I went on an all-inclusive vacation with my family for 7 days. Subhanallah. This helped immensely! No stress, limited internet access and limited  ellphone usage. So much fun and so much to do. Also, I was sharing a room with my family... so... yeah.

3. An app called "Muslim Central". This helped so much! It's an app full of Islamic Lectures/Podcasts. My favourite speaker is Mufti Menk, may Allah bless him and his loved ones. I love him for the sake of Allah. I downloaded and then listened to these lectures on the plane, and sometimes before bedtime. This really hyped me up and encouraged me to do Islamic things and put me into the Islamic mindset. I made so much dhikr and did so many sunnah acts during those seven days. Alhamdulillah.

4. I was super cautious. I made sure not to do anything that would even remotely lead me to masturbation. I made it clear in my mind that I always have to be alert, and despite that it might feel like I am completely over with masturbation, I'm not... Stay vigilant.

-----------

What I did wrong:

-School made me busy and stressed. I stopped listening to Islamic lectures, I stopped making as much dhikr, in general I wasn't feeling as close to Allah.

-I had easy access to the internet and my cellphone... which was fine for the first two weeks back (I was still acting cautiously), but the stress of school started to really kick in, so as soon as I stopped being vigilant, I relapsed.... But just a fair warning, getting rid of your phone won't help at all, as I will explain below. You just have to learn how to use technology responsibly.

-Wanting a wet dream... to be honest, the full reason I wanted a wet dream was because, during those 7 days, before bed I would think about God and thank Him for the world he created and thank Him for the vacation and the fun I was having and thank Him for our good health, etc., and I also asked God that "Inshallah (God willing... I.e. only if its what God wants for me), IF I have a wet dream, then that will be a blessing from Allah. Alhamdulillah. Allahuma bismika amutu wa akhiya. And when I woke up I would say Bismillah, and pray to Allah, thanking Him for being alive....See the difference in this way of asking Allah for something, as opposed to my entitled way of asking for a wet dream on day 23, which led to my demise...

-------

What I've been doing recently that has NOT been working:

Well it's basically what I was always doing beforw... I keep masturbating, seeking forgivness from Allah, truly believing that I won't do it again, and then disabling/uninstalling Chrome, Youtube, Reddit, etc. Yet I keep re-installing this stuff when I feel excited. All you can do is be vigilant... I know this contradicts one of my earlier points, but I'm tired, sorry.

Anyways, I hope this helped. Keep me in your prayers. I will keep you in my prayers. May Allah forgive you and reward you for seeking help. May Allah forgive all of us. Ameen.

Good night. I am tired and done with life and I have to do ghusl in the morning. Astaghfirullah. *cry*

Hope I was of help though. Sorry if this was kinda gross. 

Edited by Khadim uz Zahra

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This is a test brother,a test for patience

I myself had this problem for like 2 years now but you shouldn’t give up just because u know that u’ll go back to it,Everytime u feel depressed just remember and be grateful to Allah that you’re not addicted towards drugs or alcohol cuz they are much harder to quit,if you cannot completely stop it then try to reduce it,do it like once a week then try to do it once in two weeks then once in three weeks,until u marry or quit masterbation.

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9 hours ago, SeekingHeaven said:

I feel like I am addicted to masturbation because I am not happy in my personal life and I have lost the feeling of inner peace

Please understand that until you get treated for your depression you addiction to Masturbation will not go away. The addiction (as well as any other type of addiction) is your mind's way of searching for anything that will provide you the pleasure that you are not feeling in your day to day life. For you its an addiction to masturbation, for other it is alcohol, for others yet is to inflict harm on others. The list is endless but until you get your Mental Health under control you will not be able to overcome this addiction.

9 hours ago, SeekingHeaven said:

I Just want my suffering to end. I feel like I'll never be able to stop because I have tried tens of times before but I always go back to it within a matter of days and I have come to the mindset that there's no point in trying to fight it because I always end up going back. 

Please see my comments above.

9 hours ago, SeekingHeaven said:

I HATE the person I have become because around 3 years back when I was just starting to get into religion I was so sure that I'll never become what I have become. 

Another layer of your depression is that you are now starting to manifest guilt upon yourself. In your heart you know that you do not want to masturbate due to your Islamic beliefs. Again, this is further proof that you need to seek help from a Mental Health Professional. The guilt you are placing on yourself is only making the matter worse by increasing your Depression. Once you get the Depression under control the rest of these problems will go away.

9 hours ago, SeekingHeaven said:

I just want my suffering to end.

There's nothing wrong with feeling that way. You just need to take the appropriate steps to make that happen.

9 hours ago, SeekingHeaven said:

I want to be with God but I feel like I have done things that made him angry with me. Like praying and them a few moments later masturbate. Choosing that pleasure instead of his obedience continuously.

Allah in his infinite wisdom and mercy knows you better than you know yourself. He knows already what has caused you to fall into this addiction and has also through his love for you placed the solution(s) in front of you. He has also granted you the ability to find sincere repentence once you have overcome your struggles. In all seriousness, the anger you may think he has for you may have never even been there, the more you descend into the problem the more his love for you was why he was placing potential solutions in front of you but perhaps you weren't able to see and notice them.

9 hours ago, SeekingHeaven said:

please pray for me also

I will pray that you, and all who suffer from these symptoms, are cured and find all of the happiness that you deserve.

ShiaChat has a Mental Health Club which has links to many organizations and groups that are ready and willing to help people in your situation at little or no cost. Please visit that Club on here and click on the links there.

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13 hours ago, SeekingHeaven said:

Salam, I have posted about this problem of mine before but it's only getting worse. I feel like I am addicted to masturbation because I am not happy in my personal life and I have lost the feeling of inner peace I once had that kept me close to God and I just have a lot of stress and no one that I can actually talk to and give me advice.

I Just want my suffering to end. I feel like I'll never be able to stop because I have tried tens of times before but I always go back to it within a matter of days and I have come to the mindset that there's no point in trying to fight it because I always end up going back. 

I HATE the person I have become because around 3 years back when I was just starting to get into religion I was so sure that I'll never become what I have become. 

I just want my suffering to end.

I want to be with God but I feel like I have done things that made him angry with me. Like praying and them a few moments later masturbate. Choosing that pleasure instead of his obedience continuously.

please pray for me also

Most of your sadness is due to the fact that the image you have/had of your self (I.e. some saint that is somehow worthy of God's love) is slowly but surely turning out to be untrue and a mere fantasy.  You should, in fact, thank God that you are now learning that you are not who you think you are/were. 

But instead of thanking God... you don't feel like praying? Shouldn't you pray to God even more?  Because He loves you and is showing you mercy despite being a shameless sinner.  But you don't think He is mercifully loving to you right?  You don't think He loves you because you feel unworthy.  Well, the fact of the matter is that no one is worthy of His love and no one will ever be worthy of His love.  His loving mercy is unconditional, and if you realize this you wouldn't be feeling sad and miserable.  Rather, you would be filled with confidence in Him, and happiness and love for Him. 

This whole show is not about you (that false image you have of yourself).  It is only about God.  It is His show alone.

Edited by eThErEaL

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13 hours ago, AStruggler said:

It’s WAJIB for you to get married. Get married.

Its easier said than done for some people when they don’t have any understanding of social values. Getting married requires social skills. 

2 hours ago, Mohammed-Mehdi said:

Everything you need, you got.

You can keep complaining but only you are capable of stopping yourself voluntarily. And be sure that time is rolling.

Please stop with these posts and think very well. 

 

2 hours ago, Mohammed-Mehdi said:

Dudes 

Stop sharing about your sins.

Islam commands you this.

For your problem: WILLPOWER
YOU ARE NOT SERIOUS ENOUGH TO WIN THIS WAR
RELY ON HIM

I totally agree with you. I couldn't agree more. 

Edited by Murtaza1

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@Haji 2003, @Hassan-, @Rezaor others:

Please consider the direct sharing of sins in this topic; comments beyond just looking for a solution to a serious problem. or change the comments like sometimes happens.

Just the obvious and useless, even harmful sharing of sins

We should only admit to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى), only He is capable of restoring the respect of the individual as well.

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Make a vow that if next time you did it, you would get rid of your smartphone and switch to a basic feature phone for a whole year. If you still break your vow, then you would quit watching TV for the whole year, and like this keep upping the ante against your Nufs till you tame it. 

Basically either teach your Nafs to be strong against the bad manifestation of good desires (desire for sex is not bad, haram manifestation of it is bad) or your Nafs will be punished with its other toys taken away. 

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2 hours ago, Mohammed-Mehdi said:

@eThErEaL

I noticed you disagree with one of my previous comments.

I would love to hear what and why.

Firstly, this person is not revealing his true identity.

Secondly, he has no where else to go to ask for help.  

You want to shut that only avenue he may have?

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1 hour ago, eThErEaL said:

Secondly, he has no where else to go to ask for help.  

I find that hard to believe. It doesn't have to be a religious source but a local community counselling service that people can reach out to. Surely we are not living in the middle ages but if he is living somewhere where there is a war going on around him right now then I'm sure there are better things for him to worry about than that lol

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18 hours ago, SeekingHeaven said:

because I am not happy in my personal life and I have lost the feeling of inner peace I once had that kept me close to God and I just have a lot of stress and no one that I can actually talk to and give me advice.

I Just want my suffering to end

your suffering is from the sin itself biologically and spiritually. Just put the niya to stop sincerely and you will stop sinning inshallah.. some practical help would be to look away from stuff that would entice you and when your imagination starts quickly stop your thoughts and change them.. with practice and time you will control your urges.. another thing that can help is to educate yourself on the biological harm it does to you, watch some videos.. salam

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7 hours ago, eThErEaL said:

Firstly, this person is not revealing his true identity.

Secondly, he has no where else to go to ask for help.  

You want to shut that only avenue he may have?

1

No you see, I expected to some people misunderstand that comment.
 

In this section, not only by OP but also by someone else; we see clearly sharing of sins without adding value whatsoever. 
I have been doing this and that ooh I feel so bad

NO VALUE THERE.

I am not against seeking help against this problem.

Furthermore, OP and others can message others, they don't have to do it so publicly, leaving it in history for " ever ",
Let me remind them and others: There is a: " brothers club " or so


And also; you have to consider he is like:  " oh here I am again " I posted with the same problem earlier and complaining

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But once again, even with all those options, I am not the one to say they are not allowed to post about this in public.

But we have to make a difference, choose the right words and what we are exactly sharing.

Long descriptions of how I am sinning (while I know it is) and complaining (about it), for example, is not valuable but harmful and against Logic

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I really don't see how this harms anyone or himself to consider it a dangerous public share of sins.

It's just someone asking help to get rid of an addiction to masturbation, something that in my opinion should gain more visibility and people should be more conscious about it, how it develops and how it may end up affecting our lives and happiness.

Aa for the details you may not want to read, I can just advise you not to read them.

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22 hours ago, Murtaza1 said:

I find that hard to believe. It doesn't have to be a religious source but a local community counselling service that people can reach out to. Surely we are not living in the middle ages but if he is living somewhere where there is a war going on around him right now then I'm sure there are better things for him to worry about than that lol

“A local community counseling service for masterbation”?

which Shia Muslim community are you from?

if this young man is saying that this vice has effected him so badly that he has even  stopped performing his daily prayers are you going to tell him to Stop asking for help here?  He might be very uncomfortable asking for help in a community that knows him personally.  I personally would be uncomfortable, I can speak for myself.  

Also, maybe one of us has a better idea of how to help than those from his community.  

And if he leaves his prayer because one of you has condescendingly told him to keep his sins to himself, then maybe God will hold you responsible for him on the day of resurrection.  

 

Edited by eThErEaL

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15 hours ago, Mohammed-Mehdi said:

But once again, even with all those options, I am not the one to say they are not allowed to post about this in public.

But we have to make a difference, choose the right words and what we are exactly sharing.

Long descriptions of how I am sinning (while I know it is) and complaining (about it), for example, is not valuable but harmful and against Logic

It isn’t a matter of logic.  This is not mathematics or philosophy.  We are dealing with a person’s psyche (we should show some compassion towards him).  And a psyche needs to be explained meticulously for it to be helped.  Someone psychologically mature need to be able to help him by first and foremost trying to understand what underlies his actions. 

Your statements are immature.  And I am sorry that I need to say this but they are.  

Edited by eThErEaL

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24 minutes ago, eThErEaL said:

"A local community counseling service for masterbation”?

which Shia Muslim community are you from?

Where I come from there are telephone helplines for self help too. Religion asks us to seek knowledge wherever we can. I am just pointing out suggestions to him. We also have to look outside scholars and Imams at times when intellectual help is available elsewhere in other places too which may be more beneficial because they may be trained in a capacity such as psychology which could benefit him more. 

Personaly I think he needs someone to give him that little push to become physically active to redirect that energy into something more valuable such as sports or phylosophy. At the moment too much of his energy is focused on the libido. 

Edited by Murtaza1

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9 minutes ago, Murtaza1 said:

Where I come from there are telephone helplines for self help too. Religion asks us to seek knowledge wherever we can. I am just pointing out suggestions to him. We also have to look outside scholars and Imams at times when intellectual help is available elsewhere in other places too which may be more beneficial because they may be trained in a capacity such as psychology which could benefit him more. 

Personaly I think he needs someone to give him that little push to become physically active to redirect that energy into something more valuable such as sports or phylosophy. At the moment too much of his energy is focused on the libido. 

Telephone helpline for masterbation?

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1 hour ago, eThErEaL said:

Telephone helpline for masterbation?

No just somebody to talk to about psychological mind issues and yes certain helplines do provide specialist help. Isn't this what he is expecting from here?

What advice would a molana give him?

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On 2/8/2019 at 2:48 PM, eThErEaL said:

It isn’t a matter of logic.  This is not mathematics or philosophy.  We are dealing with a person’s psyche (we should show some compassion towards him).  And a psyche needs to be explained meticulously for it to be helped.  Someone psychologically mature need to be able to help him by first and foremost trying to understand what underlies his actions. 

Your statements are immature.  And I am sorry that I need to say this but they are.  

Ok, forget everything that I said in regards to what I think about the problem etc. 

But I do want to know;
Do you agree that sharing of sins is against Islamic teachings or not?

If yes, then isn't that in this topic the case? 
One could ask for help in the right place; private or in the brothers club. But even they did talk about it publicly as this; could have it not been done better?
I am sure if one thinks better they can get the same or even better addressing of their issues without having to share what they do or do not daily.

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Quote

Habits can be broken, and people can change. Allah ST knows his creation best. When it appears to you that there is a contradiction in your physical or psychological needs and desires, and the will and command of Allah ST, the fault is not in the scientific facts, or the command of Allah, it is in your own rational thinking process, or comprehension of reality. To depend on Allah ST would suffice you to fix your problems. Don't ahadith from the Prophet SAWA and the Ahlul Bayt AS, indicate that fasting controls sexual desires, and that prayer, fasting, and sincere remembrance of Allah should suffice to overcome your desires and purify ourselves? Doesn’t the Qur'an, indicate us towards following the Rasul Allah SAWA, as well as its very own explicit commands on purification of the self.  How then, do you expect the creator to overlook the biological needs, or even just the psychology of his creation. Rather we do not comprehend the depth of the verses. But see now, even the non-Muslim neuroscientists are discovering the benefits of simple meditation in changing your mentality, see here:

 

The psychological benefits of setting intention:

Our traditions tell us that fasting is good for your memory, empty stomach increases knowledge, people used to disagree, now its quite the opposite:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XMZR2b6TFzg

full stomach causes you to lose memory, as well as being the root of illnesses, as per the ahadith. Who would have agreed with that years ago among the non-Muslims, and even Muslims lacking faith, now what has been discover is a condition called intestinal permeability, very easily brought on by western diet of overly rich foods, in excess amounts. This is described as causing the dramatic increase in ADHD, OCD, and other autoimmune illnesses, as well as inflammation throughout the body, generally speaking:

Technology is also affecting people’s brains in significant ways, it is so addicting, and it really messes with your psyche. It is, in fact, affecting our capacity to reflect, reason, and analyze:

https://mdhs.unimelb.edu.au/news-and-events/news-archive/how-does-technology-affect-our-brains

https://www.psychologytoday.com/ca/blog/the-power-prime/201212/how-technology-is-changing-the-way-children-think-and-focus

https://www.samuelmerritt.edu/news/2017/5-ways-technology-altering-our-brains

When you implement all these practices simultaneously, with the intention of qurbatan il Allah, as per Islamic teaching, then you are on your way to becoming a better slave of Allah, in mind, body, and spirit, undoing the corruption done to our bodies and psyche.

Subhan Allah, Islam covers everything, Islam is perfect, we just need to stop, think, analyze and investigate these little things that we don’t understand, connect the dots, so to speak, rather than gloss over them, and create a split in our psyche. Truth can not contradict truth. When you hold two contradicting beliefs does that not equate hypocrisy? Does that confusion not create chaos? When your obeying so many different desires, and neglecting the desire of the heart to connect with Allah, are we a reflecting the characteristics of Rasool Allah SAW and the Ahlul Bayt As, or the desires of society that we live in? People are losing control of the structure of society, and rather, the structure of society is moulding the people. That’s how weak willed we have become, myself included. With knowledge of how to change, and a little willpower to utilise that knowledge, we can change ourselves and those around us. We are all in this together, but instead of bringing each other down and telling each other it’s ok, we need to be sincere with ourselves and with each other, and pull each other up, because we are all drowning.

On the definition of intention; I would look at our teachings and how our most knowledgeable scholars define it first. 

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On 2/8/2019 at 12:07 PM, Bakir said:

I really don't see how this harms anyone or himself to consider it a dangerous public share of sins.

 It's just someone asking help to get rid of an addiction to masturbation, something that in my opinion should gain more visibility and people should be more conscious about it, how it develops and how it may end up affecting our lives and happiness.

 Aa for the details you may not want to read, I can just advise you not to read them.

You don't see, I see.
No, it is not just that. You don't seem to understand: sharing of sins is absolutely forbidden in Islam. If we get this conclusion then we should all oppose it if we believe in Islam, whether we understand some of the Wisdom behind it or not.

And for your last statement, it makes me question how serious you were when writing that. Are you serious or kididng? 
I should not read it when it is against Islamic teachings or it should not be written and after that not even be allowed to stay online?

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15 hours ago, Mohammed-Mehdi said:

You don't see, I see.
No, it is not just that. You don't seem to understand: sharing of sins is absolutely forbidden in Islam. If we get this conclusion then we should all oppose it if we believe in Islam, whether we understand some of the Wisdom behind it or not.

And for your last statement, it makes me question how serious you were when writing that. Are you serious or kididng? 
I should not read it when it is against Islamic teachings or it should not be written and after that not even be allowed to stay online?

Why would I joke about this issue?

We hold complete different views on the topic it seems, and there are no grounds for any debate where there is dogmatism.

For me the topic is crystal clear...

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Guest Umm Amira
On 2/6/2019 at 11:56 PM, SeekingHeaven said:

Salam, I have posted about this problem of mine before but it's only getting worse. I feel like I am addicted to masturbation because I am not happy in my personal life and I have lost the feeling of inner peace I once had that kept me close to God and I just have a lot of stress and no one that I can actually talk to and give me advice.

I Just want my suffering to end. I feel like I'll never be able to stop because I have tried tens of times before but I always go back to it within a matter of days and I have come to the mindset that there's no point in trying to fight it because I always end up going back. 

I HATE the person I have become because around 3 years back when I was just starting to get into religion I was so sure that I'll never become what I have become. 

I just want my suffering to end.

I want to be with God but I feel like I have done things that made him angry with me. Like praying and them a few moments later masturbate. Choosing that pleasure instead of his obedience continuously.

please pray for me also

You shouldn't feel bad. I know of people who were way worse than you and they don't masturbate at all anymore. once in awhile they may accidentally touch their private parts but alhamdulliilah as soon as they do, they manage to put their hand away. This is my advice for you (sorry if some are things you've already tried) 

1. Don't go on any social media. No instagram, no snapchat, no facebook, no twitter, no reddit, no tumblr, etc.  I would advise against youtube but if that's too difficult be very careful about youtube. Delete your accounts and uninstall any social media apps you have. It's not enough just to log out. You have to be firm in this and only then it will work. Also no tv and no music at all, if you really want to stop. you have to give up tv, movies and music altogether because it's all fitna and it increases desires. Try to avoid marketplaces and places where women dress immodestly. If you have to go, lower your gaze, lower your gaze. (this will have the largest affect on decreasing desires) 

2. Don't talk to anyone of the opposite gender unnecessarily. 

3. Have faith in Allah and make a sincere niyyah (intention) that you will give up your habit once and all for Allah. If Allah see's his slave has a sincere desire, to give up something for His sake, he will grant you something better than it. For example, if you give it up, you may possibly find yourself getting married a few months later. Allah gives blessings to the ones who tries for his sake.  

4. Try and get married as soon as possible. If that's not possible, then whenever you have the temptation to do the act again, go and urinate (sometimes a full bladder can cause excess desire) and if your bladder is empty cross your arms (this is a defensive body language and for some reason it lessens the desire slightly) and listen to the Qu'ran or go occupy yourself with something that will take your mind off of it. 

5. Whenever the thought of masturbation comes to your mind say audhu billahi minash shaitan ar rajeem 

6. If you for whatever reason do end up masturbating, say astaghfaralladhee la illaha illalalahu hayyul qayyum wa athoobu ilay (istighfar dua) and say it 100 times. It says that whoever says this 100 times Allah will forgive his sins even if they were as much as the foam in the sea. This is very important. Shaitan gives you the urge to masturbate, so when Shaitan see's that whenever you do this act, you're doing dhikr and removing all your minor sins after, he will become displeased because his only goal is to lead you astray but him giving you the desire to do the act is only having the opposite effect because now your remembering Allah over and over, which he hates.  (this is the second most important thing that will help) 

7. If you do end up masturbating, make it a habit that you have to do some chores you hate doing. That way, if you go back to the habit, you know you have a lot of things you have to do to compensate for it. (lots of dhikr and chores) 

If you do all of the above in shaa Allah your desires will decrease drastically and you will have no wish to masturbate anymore. I wish you the best. 

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Qur'an: Chapter 24, Verse 30.

"Tell the believing men to lower their gaze and to guard their chastity -- That is purer for them. Allah is aware of what they do"

Brother, it takes practise, but do your best to not look at pictures that entice you and make you think of haram. It always begins with one bad thought or image you may spot on facebook, instagram, youtube etc. It's best to completely avoid all these sites until you have full control over yourself.

Also, I don't know if anyone mentioned it or not, but, fasting is the best medicine. Fast until you think you can take over the steering wheel.

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On 2/7/2019 at 1:56 PM, SeekingHeaven said:

Salam, I have posted about this problem of mine before but it's only getting worse. I feel like I am addicted to masturbation because I am not happy in my personal life and I have lost the feeling of inner peace I once had that kept me close to God and I just have a lot of stress and no one that I can actually talk to and give me advice.

I Just want my suffering to end. I feel like I'll never be able to stop because I have tried tens of times before but I always go back to it within a matter of days and I have come to the mindset that there's no point in trying to fight it because I always end up going back. 

I HATE the person I have become because around 3 years back when I was just starting to get into religion I was so sure that I'll never become what I have become. 

I just want my suffering to end.

I want to be with God but I feel like I have done things that made him angry with me. Like praying and them a few moments later masturbate. Choosing that pleasure instead of his obedience continuously.

please pray for me also

Salam

why don’t you just get married? I know sometimes it may not be easy to look for a good spouse nowadays, but just have faith in Allah, and inshallah it'll pass

The fact that you feel bad about it still makes you a good person,

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