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1EmaanA

Revert and Married to an unbeliever- Now what?

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Salaam Aleikum,

I have recently begun to study what Shia Islam, and I am married to someone who SAYS that he believes in One God, etc. However, he is not Muslim- not in the least. I do not live near a Masjid, so I am asking here. I have recently noticed that he insists on looking at forbidden things (all sorts of filthiness, nudity, and the like), and smoking weed. He seems to have something close to Rasta beliefs. I have prayed to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) about this marriage, yet lately, I have noticed that my feelings for my husband have waned. I detest living with someone who pretends to believe! Sometimes he sickens me so much that I can barely stand him. I know that a Muslimah is not supposed to be with someone of another faith- or worse yet- no faith at all. What now? Is there a time frame (other than the 3 monthly courses) that I should wait- in case he reverts also? What to do?

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3 hours ago, 1EmaanA said:

Salaam Aleikum,

I have recently begun to study what Shia Islam, and I am married to someone who SAYS that he believes in One God, etc. However, he is not Muslim- not in the least. I do not live near a Masjid, so I am asking here. I have recently noticed that he insists on looking at forbidden things (all sorts of filthiness, nudity, and the like), and smoking weed. He seems to have something close to Rasta beliefs. I have prayed to Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) about this marriage, yet lately, I have noticed that my feelings for my husband have waned. I detest living with someone who pretends to believe! Sometimes he sickens me so much that I can barely stand him. I know that a Muslimah is not supposed to be with someone of another faith- or worse yet- no faith at all. What now? Is there a time frame (other than the 3 monthly courses) that I should wait- in case he reverts also? What to do?

That is a very weird story. You would so swear that you two got married right after you met each other. It seems like you only getting to know each other now. and were you a Muslim when you got married? Like Sunni? Or what? there are too many gaps in what you have shared but this sounds like one of those hollywood marriages where two people get married after meeting on set after a month or so. Very humourous.

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I hope everyone will be a bit careful about what they say now. Its a matter of Islamic law not opinions.

@Sumerian

Do you know the ruling of seyyed Sistani about this? I think I remember reading something about this somewhere.

Edited by IbnSina

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Scenario 1: Apostasy

If your husband was once a Muslim thrn are you sure your husband has committed any clear kufr? Simply committing major sins, however great and much they are, short of kufr, does not make him a kafir, as long as he still believes in the shahadatayn. 

However, if he did become a kafir, this is the ruling to a woman whose husband apostated.

2458. If a man becomes a Fitri apostate after Nikah, his wife becomes haraam for him and she should observe Iddah of death in the manner which will be explained in the rules relating to 'divorce'.

Scenario 2: Wife becomes Muslim, husband was/is a kafir:

There are two different situations here:

1) there was no intercourse. If that was the case, the marriage is annulled  and void immediately.

2) there was intercourse. If that was the case, you treat him as divorced, and he has until the iddah to renew the contract. So he is a stranger man to you.

Edited by Sumerian

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19 minutes ago, Sumerian said:

Scenario 1: Apostasy

If your husband was once a Muslim thrn are you sure your husband has committed any clear kufr? Simply committing major sins, however great and much they are, short of kufr, does not make him a kafir, as long as he still believes in the shahadatayn. 

However, if he did become a kafir, this is the ruling to a woman whose husband apostated.

2458. If a man becomes a Fitri apostate after Nikah, his wife becomes haraam for him and she should observe Iddah of death in the manner which will be explained in the rules relating to 'divorce'.

Scenario 2: Wife becomes Muslim, husband was/is a kafir:

There are two different situations here:

1) there was no intercourse. If that was the case, the marriage is annulled  and void immediately.

2) there was intercourse. If that was the case, you treat him as divorced, and he has until the iddah to renew the contract. So he is a stranger man to you.

Thank you sum, love u ❤ ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Edited by laithAlIRAQI

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السَّلآمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ الله وبَرَكآتُه 

@Salsabeel @skyweb1987 @Ashvazdanghe

Brothers

I was always under an impression that marriage to non Muslims apart from Mushriks we could marry with Christian and Jews.

I am giving the references below of two ayahs.

But fellow brothers here are saying no. 

Request you to shed some light.

Do not marry idolatresses (al mushrikāt) till they believe; and certainly a believing maid is better than an idolatress even though she would please you; and do not marry idolaters (al Mushrikīn) till they believe (hata yūminū), and certainly a believing slave is better than an idolater, even though he would please you. These invite to the Fire, and Allah invites to the Garden and to forgiveness by His grace, and makes clear His revelations to mankind so that they may remember.” Qur’an 2:221.

As to marriage, you are allowed to marry the chaste from among the believing women and the chaste from among those who have been given the Book before you (are lawful for you); provided that you have given them their dowries, and live with them in honor, not in fornication, nor taking them as secret concubines.” Qur’an (5:5).

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They say that if a woman converts to Islam, and her husband doesn't, their marriage is an exception. Therefore, her marriage isn't void since she converted to Islam after she got married. 

This is different than Muslim women who choose to marry nonbelievers. 

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14 hours ago, Gabenowa said:

That is a very weird story. You would so swear that you two got married right after you met each other. It seems like you only getting to know each other now. and were you a Muslim when you got married? Like Sunni? Or what? there are too many gaps in what you have shared but this sounds like one of those hollywood marriages where two people get married after meeting on set after a month or so. Very humourous.

With any due respect- what I stated is NOT weird or humorous in the least. Neither did we have a "hollywood" [sic] marriage or anything like that. So, all that speculation was insulting, pointless, and unnecessary. I am now a Muslim, and he is not, nor does he seem to have any interest in Islam. We knew each other for years, but married in mid-2017. I am a believer now, but was not Muslim when we married- it's really that simple. I am certain that I am not the only woman to go through this situation either.

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1 hour ago, Hassan- said:

According to shi’a fiqh, the moment you become Muslim your marriage with him becomes void, and you must go through iddah (a time period a women goes through where she cannot marry another man). If he converts to Islam while on your iddah, your marriage with him becomes valid again.

Thank you. This is also what my gut told me because according to Qur'an- I know that as a woman I am not to remain with a non-believer- nor do I wish to. Yes, I was in love with him, but now- Subhanallah! I have found a much greater love.

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1 hour ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

They say that if a woman converts to Islam, and her husband doesn't, their marriage is an exception. Therefore, her marriage isn't void since she converted to Islam after she got married. 

This is different than Muslim women who choose to marry nonbelievers. 

No, her marriage is treated as void unless he converts.

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On 1/25/2019 at 4:26 PM, Asghar Ali Karbalai said:

السَّلآمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ الله وبَرَكآتُه 

@Salsabeel @skyweb1987 @Ashvazdanghe

Brothers

I was always under an impression that marriage to non Muslims apart from Mushriks we could marry with Christian and Jews.

I am giving the references below of two ayahs.

But fellow brothers here are saying no. 

Request you to shed some light.

Do not marry idolatresses (al mushrikāt) till they believe; and certainly a believing maid is better than an idolatress even though she would please you; and do not marry idolaters (al Mushrikīn) till they believe (hata yūminū), and certainly a believing slave is better than an idolater, even though he would please you. These invite to the Fire, and Allah invites to the Garden and to forgiveness by His grace, and makes clear His revelations to mankind so that they may remember.” Qur’an 2:221.

As to marriage, you are allowed to marry the chaste from among the believing women and the chaste from among those who have been given the Book before you (are lawful for you); provided that you have given them their dowries, and live with them in honor, not in fornication, nor taking them as secret concubines.” Qur’an (5:5).

These Verses are about men marrying non-Muslim women, not about Muslim women marrying non-Muslim men. 

The O.P is a sister.

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8 minutes ago, Sumerian said:

No, her marriage is treated as void unless he converts.

No, Sistani says otherwise. I remember reading something about it.

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50 minutes ago, 1EmaanA said:

Thank you. This is also what my gut told me because according to Qur'an- I know that as a woman I am not to remain with a non-believer- nor do I wish to. Yes, I was in love with him, but now- Subhanallah! I have found a much greater love.

Contact a marja on this issue and don’t listen to people on the internet.

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1 hour ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

They say that if a woman converts to Islam, and her husband doesn't, their marriage is an exception. Therefore, her marriage isn't void since she converted to Islam after she got married. 

This is different than Muslim women who choose to marry nonbelievers. 

Could you please refer to the fatwas of which you speak of?

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On 1/25/2019 at 4:26 PM, Asghar Ali Karbalai said:

السَّلآمُ عَلَيْكُمْ وَرَحْمَةُ الله وبَرَكآتُه 

@Salsabeel @skyweb1987 @Ashvazdanghe

Brothers

I was always under an impression that marriage to non Muslims apart from Mushriks we could marry with Christian and Jews.

I am giving the references below of two ayahs.

But fellow brothers here are saying no. 

Request you to shed some light.

Do not marry idolatresses (al mushrikāt) till they believe; and certainly a believing maid is better than an idolatress even though she would please you; and do not marry idolaters (al Mushrikīn) till they believe (hata yūminū), and certainly a believing slave is better than an idolater, even though he would please you. These invite to the Fire, and Allah invites to the Garden and to forgiveness by His grace, and makes clear His revelations to mankind so that they may remember.” Qur’an 2:221.

As to marriage, you are allowed to marry the chaste from among the believing women and the chaste from among those who have been given the Book before you (are lawful for you); provided that you have given them their dowries, and live with them in honor, not in fornication, nor taking them as secret concubines.” Qur’an (5:5).

Ws Brother,

I suggest you make separate thread about this discussion that you are mentioning.

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14 minutes ago, IbnSina said:

Could you please refer to the fatwas of which you speak of?

I forget where (which sites) I read it, but I do know Sistani issued a ruling on this issue, that if a woman who converts to Islam and has a non-Muslim husband, their marriage is an exception since she converted to Islam and they were married prior. 

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On 1/25/2019 at 4:26 PM, Asghar Ali Karbalai said:

Do not marry idolatresses (al mushrikāt) till they believe; and certainly a believing maid is better than an idolatress even though she would please you; and do not marry idolaters (al Mushrikīn) till they believe (hata yūminū), and certainly a believing slave is better than an idolater, even though he would please you. These invite to the Fire, and Allah invites to the Garden and to forgiveness by His grace, and makes clear His revelations to mankind so that they may remember.” Qur’an 2:221.

As to marriage, you are allowed to marry the chaste from among the believing women and the chaste from among those who have been given the Book before you (are lawful for you); provided that you have given them their dowries, and live with them in honor, not in fornication, nor taking them as secret concubines.” Qur’an (5:5).

5. "Today (all) good things have been made lawful for you, and (also) the food of those who have been given the Book is lawful for you, and your food is lawful for them. And (so are) the chaste women from the believers and the chaste women from those who have been given the Book before you (are lawful for you) when you give them their dowries taking them in marriage, not fornicating, nor taking them for paramours in secret. And whoever denies the faith, his work indeed is vain, and he will be of the losers in the Hereafter."  https://www.al-Islam.org/enlightening-commentary-light-holy-Qur'an-vol-4/section-1-general-discipline#surah-al-maidah-verse-5  (more about this verse,)

221. "And do not many idolater women until they believe, and a believing maid is definitely preferable to an idolater (free) woman even though she may please you. Nor give (your women) in marriage to idolater men until they believe; and certainly a believing servant is preferable to an idolater (free man), though he may please you. Those invite to the Fire while Allah invites to paradise and forgiveness by His Will, and He makes clear His Signs to people, so that they may take heed." https://www.al-Islam.org/enlightening-commentary-light-holy-Qur'an-vol-2/section-27-questions-about-various-important-topics#surah-al-baqarah-verse-221 (more about this verse,)

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56 minutes ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

I forget where (which sites) I read it, but I do know Sistani issued a ruling on this issue, that if a woman who converts to Islam and has a non-Muslim husband, their marriage is an exception since she converted to Islam and they were married prior. 

That is not true at all dear sister. Perhaps you misread. There is no exception. If you would like I can post the Arabic to which where I got my information from - it is from Sistani's website.

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2 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

They say that if a woman converts to Islam, and her husband doesn't, their marriage is an exception. Therefore, her marriage isn't void since she converted to Islam after she got married. 

This is different than Muslim women who choose to marry nonbelievers. 

I know what you read, I think you misread it. He says if a guy is married to Muslim girl but then she coverts to Judaism or Christianity then the marriage is still valid, even though he doesn’t allow permanent marriage with the people of the book. 

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6 minutes ago, Anonymous2144 said:

I know what you read, I think you misread it. He says if a guy is married to Muslim girl but then she coverts to Judaism or Christianity then the marriage is still valid, even though he doesn’t allow permanent marriage with the people of the book. 

Nope. That’s not what I read.

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23 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

I forget where (which sites) I read it, but I do know Sistani issued a ruling on this issue, that if a woman who converts to Islam and has a non-Muslim husband, their marriage is an exception since she converted to Islam and they were married prior. 

Ok, we have to find the fatwa otherwise the OP cannot rely on this. I also have some vague memory of reading something like that but my memory could fail me. I do not think the OP knows what a marja is yet.

@1EmaanA

My personal advise, since you say that you do not love this man anymore, would be to leave him either way. It is the father of your future children you are choosing after all and I don’t think someone who spends their time smoking weed and is not aware of Islam would be a very good father in the future.

Likewise you as a Muslim women have many rights that perhaps a non Muslim man will not respect, at least a Muslim man is bound by sharia to obey these rights.

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@IbnSina Thank you. I won't be having any more children, but suffice it to say that just by virtue of the fact that he isn't interested in Islam makes this a no-go for me. I appreciate your concern, and the concern of all those who took the time to attempt to help me find the answers. May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) reward you all. :)

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22 hours ago, Islandsandmirrors said:

I forget where (which sites) I read it, but I do know Sistani issued a ruling on this issue, that if a woman who converts to Islam and has a non-Muslim husband, their marriage is an exception since she converted to Islam and they were married prior. 

With all due respect, you are not in a position to be giving out rulings like this when you do not have proof to back you up, so please refrain from giving out false rulings to people. Saying you read it somewhere is not enough. The OP can contact a marja' if she likes, but why do that when her question is already answered by multiple marjas online, and they are very clear. Here is a fatwa by Imam Khamenei for instance:

From: "Istiftaa" istiftaa@wilayah.org
Subject: Regarding marital status of those who have converted to Islam while their spouse has not 7625e
Date:

Question: Dear brothers and sisters in Islam, dear Ulama in the office of His Eminence, as-salamu-alaikum. May Allah bless you for your valuable work and save our beloved Imam Khamene'I until the return of the 12th Imam. We have the great hope that he, ensha' Allah will announce the awaited return soon.

Our question today is with regard to a problematic situation, which several new Muslim sisters in Germany (and the West in general) have to pass. Often, a Christian woman, who was married to a Christian man (by an official church ceremony), later, decides to accept Islam and become a Muslima. Unfortunately in some cases, while the wife has converted, the husband does not. What is the ruling on the validity of their marriage? What shall the woman do in this case? Is it permissible for her to remain with her husband, if he does not object to her conversion to Islam (but still doesn't convert)? How should she behave towards her husband? What has to be done if there were children? We would be thankful if you could give us some detailed explanations about this difficult situation! May Allah bless you for your valuable work.

Answer: In the given question, if her conversion to Islam was before sexual intercourse, the marriage would be void at once. While if after sexual intercourse, then the marriage would be void after the end of the waiting period (`iddah) during which the husband and wife in this period should have been separated. In this case, if the husband, during this period, converted to Islam, the marriage will continue again I.e. they could return to each other. Wallahul`Alim (Allah knows best). With prayers for your success, wassalam (and peace unto you).

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@Hassan-

Im not giving out false rulings. I’m genuinely trying to help the OP. I also said she’d better contact a marja. What’s your beef with me? 

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Salaam alaykom,

The answer I believe has already been given and she alhumdulelah has accepted the fatwa on this. May Allah (سُبْحَانَهُ وَ تَعَالَى) help you dear sister and may He grant you much blessings for you very humble and obiedant position to this situation. 

A note to shiachat: maybe there is a way to restrict personal opinion, and if someone if to give advise that is in need of marja this must be given not mire opinion. I know this is harder to implement but it would stop all the arguments amoung the members and cause a unity in sha Allah then causing hurt feelings and disunity. And to end my 2 cents admins have done a good job in improving shiachat, keep up the excellent work!

Fee aman Allah 

Sr. Zaynab 

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